October 05, 2003

When No Fruit is on the Vine.....

Today's title is from a song that means a lot to me...Though I've not had a chance to sing it much lately. It was written by a guy named Duane ClarkeI knew him in California, once upon a time I too was a Worship Leader in the Calvary Chapel movement, but that was a long time ago and in a life far far away from where I am now...It makes me sad that its this way and I wish it was different. The why of it is a long story which I will save for another days blogging.
I was thinking of this song yesterday. Its been glorious weather wise in Hilo, there have been three cruise ships in this week. We have not had one sale. Only one or two lookers. Its very discouraging. We had two young couples in yesterday. They were desperately searching for something like a charm, that said "Hawaii" on it. I have such a thing in my own collection, an antique, but nothing for sale. They are nearing the end of their Hawaiian journey. I gave each of the gals one of our ring boxes. They are navy Blue sateen with a velvet top over laid with a sateen bow. Inside is white satin and Azure Seas Jewelry, Hilo Hawaii USA in gold letters. They said it was the nicest box they had ever seen in a jewelry store. I know that they will keep it, that was the intent. I also gave them a brochure with our web address on it. The boxes are expensive, I was hoping that this would encourage the guys to fill the box with something. It didn't happen. Woody who watched me do this said it was the best attempt at a sale he'd ever seen. I know it.

I know that I have done all that I can to make this business a success. I know that I have the best product, for the best prices, for this market. I have good advertising, good presence in the community, and even the residents of the Cunningham have been peaceful and left us along since the "Miss Bike" episode. It was a lovely day yesterday and the day before. No reason at all that things should have been so quiet...

I know You can do all things...
You have been Faithful and True...
You are my Sovereign Lord and King...
I will not fear what man can do...

When no fruit is on the vine,
I will trust in You, I will trust in You.
This life is no longer mine,
I will trust in You , I will trust in You.

I have not said much about my faith in Jesus in this Blog. There hasn't been a lot of time yet. I am a Born Again Believer in Jesus. I have been through a lot in "church" and have yet to find a place to call home here in Hawaii. It is not easy.

I have seen so many of my dreams die on that empty vine. Even to the branch (me) nearly dying on the Vine (Jesus)... It is the most painfilled thing in the world to suffer in the silence of having to believe and not being able to know for sure that what you are doing or have done is right. I have watched friends abandon me, family desert me, husband be absurdly not a husband, a barren womb, yet here I am trying to blindly trust...knowing that He can do all things...I need to wait for that day.

I am running out of money...Its very frightening. I have a huge amount of inventory that is not moving. I have no experience in running a business. I have little help in anything I do.

I have health issues, that stress make worse. Again another day of blogging for that. I cant go with out rest. And so being open more hours is not an answer.

I feel like I am not appreciated by Woody and not needed by him. I feel like his Mother not his wife. If only he would hug me once in a while, or tell me he believes in me. Instead I feel like if I fail I will be the villain instead of a hero for trying...

When no fruit is on the vine....

The emptiness of that statement. Farmers planting a crop, to have a drought burn it up, a tornado rip it up, a flood wash it out, or a market glutted with it to the point you cant afford to harvest so you plow it up yourself. I've known people that have done that. And not just farmers either.

I've known people who have cannibalized their own businesses to keep their lives going. My first husband did that to our business....I think that is what Woody planned to do. So I bought inventory in advance. Used up my reserves. So he will have to get a job. It was a bold move and it angered him, that's why my theory has validity.

Please God, one good sale. I find myself praying for it all the time. So hard to trust and just do my best when given a chance. Its really hard.

I will trust in You, I will trust in You.
This life is no longer mine
I will trust in You, I will trust in You....


Sunday 10-12 I have been informed that Kevin Green wrote this lovely song...been too long away from praise and worship... Sorry Duane and Kevin wil try to be more careful next time.