November 06, 2003
Malama e Kapuna (caring for the elders)
I have a lot to blog about, a lot is happening, but the biggest news is that my Mom is going to a nursing home for full time care. Its a very sad day for her and for all that are involved. Mom is 71 and while that isn't old at all...(funny how are one gets older, you start thinking "well that isn't so old." when you were 20, 40 was "old" then 50, then 60...Im 41 so 70 isn't so old...) she has advancing aggressive Parkinson's. She's now at the place where she is having trouble taking care of her basic daily tasks like bathing dressing and meal prep. So,now its time. She could likely go into "assisted living" but its so expensive that we cant afford to help her on her modest Social Security income of 800.00 a month. So its a medical facility and the choices are not very good. Two to a room, no personal stuff and frankly a completely regimented life. I would go crazy and want to die if I had to be in that situation today. However I am not, and I know that he quality of life has really gone down hill. So she seems resigned to this and I am ok about it. My aunt Ima and my cousin (another aunt's son) Clarke, are flying out to help get her stuff sorted out and get her ensconced. My hapless brother has not been answering the phone at all or coming to the door when the building manager would walk over to see him. For Petes sake, my brother lives next door to Mom and hasn't seen her in nearly a year. Is that a crime or what? I think that it is.
My going out there is nearly impossible. I have no money, and I really don't want to go there now with the air pollution at its worst and frankly I have a business that I have to run or it will die right now. I actually have thought that I should just close the store today for good and be done with it as its likely to fail and I have this new kink in the works with Mom and all, but the advice that I have gotten in the last few days is to not be as concerned with this and let Steve and Mom handle this. I don't need to rescue anyone but myself right now. You know what, they are right...
I had the three days off and I feel a lot better about the store and things are a lot better today and yesterday. We have had the banging gate fixed and it is such a relief that both residents, the manager, and the business tenant next door have thanked me profusely. The acupuncturist next door must be glad ( she thanked me). The gate would bang so loud that it would startle her patients...Can you imagine getting needles stuck in you while a steel gate is banging off the hinges? It sounded like a bomb was going off... I would have fixed that thing a long time ago cost be damned. I am to get reimbursed, but if not that was the best 192.60 I have spent in a long while. I have had few problems with the gals above me mostly the silly radio being too loud. I just call the Super and he handles it and all is well.
As usual I have spent way too much time thinking about the situation with Mom. I would die with out my books, music, and silence. I would rather die and would arrange that perhaps... I don't know. I wouldn't want to live this way. I value my freedom too highly to give up...
Everything in her life will be changing. There is not one thing that will be the same. She has this idea that she can take a lot of her things when she will be able to take very little. She doesn't realize that she will never be allowed to be alone, not even to use the bathroom. The things that she likes to do, sew, play the piano, play her stereo, or TV will be limited or not available. She will have no money of her own, the state will take it all. The whole thing is wretched. I don't think she understands this and a month from now she will call me and be very upset but what can I do?
Nothing....
Kathy Hammes from the Small Business Development Center will be here today to do a site visit. Mostly as I cant be at her office. I am always glad to see her.
