April 27, 2004

March Madness

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Middle Age a poem


The child you think you don't want
is the one who will make you laugh.
She will break your heart
when she loses the sight in one eye
and tells the doctor she wants to be
an apple tree when she grows up.

It will be this child who forgives you
again and again
for believing you don't want her to be born,
for resisting the rising tide of your body,
for wishing for the red flow of her dismissal.
She will even forgive you for all the breakfasts
you failed to make exceptional.

Someday this child will sit beside you.
When you are old and too tired of war
to want to watch the evening news,
she will tell you stories
like the one about her teenaged brother,
your son, and his friends
taking her out in a canoe when she was
five years old. How they left her alone
on an island in the river
while they jumped off the railroad bridge.

by Pat Schneider, from "The Patience of Ordinary Things". © Amherst Writers and Artists Press.

I told myself that Iwasn't going to write or say anything about "The March" in Washington DC yesterday... People have heard both sides of this till they are black and blue mentally and cant take anymore...

But I want to tell you... the march didnt get much air time in Hawaii... not that we are not liberal politically we are as a group... if not me personally. two column inches in monday's paper and almost nothing in the radio news... Why? Well I think that its cultural.
First, among the Polynesian people, out of wedlock births are accepted and abortions are not. "Dont go killing my grandchild!" parents say... They help raise the Kekei (children). You see a lot of 15 year olds with babies. I am glad that the kids are alive but am sorry that so many children have children so soon. It makes a huge difference in the future quality of life of that young person.

My desire is that all children are born to families, a mom and a dad, tutu's too (grandparents are called "tutu" here) I was fortunate... My Mother and Father "had to get married..." I wasnt aborted and thrown into a trash bin, but could have been. My Father wanted me and so did my Mom. The situation that resulted in my conception was a terrible one, we'd call it "date rape" today, and I would have been subject to the open ended clause of most abortion legeslation " illegal except in case of rape, incest and the health of the mother..." The child seen as victimizer of the mother, when that child didnt ask to be conceived...

The answer is simple. We should be educating that it is ok for a young woman to say and mean "No" to not having unprotected sex, or any sex for that matter. And we need to teach our young men, that they need to wait untill they are mature enough to deal with the consequences of sex and ALL that that means...

Lest you think I am some Bible thumping prude who is not in touch, let me explain where I am coming from. I think education is vital because as a 14 year old, I was so ignorant that I was sexually assaulted and didnt know what was happening to me until a girl friend explained the facts of life to me two weeks later. Years later when discussing this with my parents, they felt that by telling me about "female stuff" that was all I needed to know until... who knows when, and my parents, particularly my Dad felt they were enlightened in going that far and maybe they were in their minds...

Since statistics tell us that the average woman having an abortion is white, single and 25-35, not some poor black teenager, we need to deal with the first issue. As I tell people I am pro-choice. I think women need to have the ultimate right to choose... and that choice is to not have their futures violated by premature sex in a relationship... that its ok to say no and ok to not have sex till you are ready to deal with all aspects of that choice. Its about Self Respect....WE can chose to respect ourselves and not hand out our bodies to any guy that thinks he wants it from you, and often lies to get it...a whole other topic in itself. Again I speak as a woman that chose not to be physically involved in that way between marriages and gave up casual dating to insure that would be the case. If you dont believe that is possible... well, I went from married and 5 times a week to ZERO. Yah, it was hell, but you get over it and find that you really are a lot freer to deal with things that are way more important in life.

I had a ring made that symbolized that promise to myself that after living a promiscuous life I would commit to the respecting of myself and not just hand out my body to whoever wanted it. When I would think about chucking my self respect for a brief roll in the hay, it reminded me of a higher purpose... It was a joy to be able to have kept faith to that commitment on my wedding day. Im still wearing that ring, these days it, and the promise connected to it is more important to me than ever...

In answer to critics that speak of unwanted children, I must say that I have met more people that wanted to adopt babies than those that said,"having this kid was the worst mistake of my life..." As a childless woman I speak from my heart when I say that the empty arms of the barren would more than adequatly be filled by the loving gift of a life to them from those that are pregnant which a child that is going to be a burden. 20,000 couples are going to China to get children this year. If more women were brave enough to have their babies and the government would get their noses out of the adoption business, abortion would not have to be a forgone conclusion that it is for so many.

To those that have had an abortion and regret it, I am sorry that you felt forced into that decision and my heart goes out to you. I believe that this act of killing a child kills a part of the mother that is forever in pain. My prayers are for you today that healing and closure will come.

To those who read this and get angry, laugh at the notion, or see this as some conservative rant that gets in the face of their rights... fine, thats ok. I have a right to speak and I have lived a life that has been in the gutter and therefore am qualified to speak on the subject. You have a right to feel the way you do I respect that. See to it that you respect the rights of everyone while you're at it, including that tiny person yet unborn... Just like in the poem... it could change your life....