April 12, 2004

Re thinking Hawaii

Had a wonderful time today with Claudia and Mike. I met Claudia last November at the store. She came in, selling advertising, and we hit it off wonderfully well. She and her husband have been wanting to get together with us and I am so glad that we did. I think that this friendship would be a wonderful addition to my life. There is only one problem...

Mike and Claudia have re-thought Hawaii, and are selling out and going back to the mainland... as soon as they find another place they want to move to....

Its sad for all of us as they have tried to find friends for the past four years and haven't been able to do that. They miss the culture of the Bay Area and like Woody and I, have not been able to make a sustainable living here. The most positive thing that has happened is that their investment in a beautiful home in a subdivision known as "Vacationland Hawaii" will be rewarding them 3 fold and they will be leaving here with as much money as they came with. It was a dream for them that has been an adventure but is not something they want to continue to pursue... For many reasons...

I look at Woody's sunburned face and arms, and wonder if its worth it for us either...

Hawaii was my dream. Woody wanted to move here too, but it wasn't as important to him as me. It was a life or death decision for me, and that reasoning has won out until now...

I am starting to be symptomatic again...Could be stress, the new shop and all the odors of the new flooring and paint, change of season, or my body and its "Severe environmental Allergy Syndrome" it at it again... It was a possibility that changing environments would help for a while and I would worsen again. That could be happening. I pray that it isn't... My constant use of nasal spray these days and my itching skin make me wonder...

There will be no reason for me to stay in Hawaii if I am ill here as well. Then we could go anywhere and I can struggle just as well there and Woody wont have to police the dump. There are no guarantees he wont have problems anywhere we go getting work with his weight and his age against him.

I have to trust God and wait. If I am shown that Hawaii is where God wants me to be then I must rethink my attitude and commit to life here, and be content. If I am shown that we are going to be moving on then I need to be ready to let go of my desires and wait and see what God has for us. Its a hard place to be.

I will wait.....