May 27, 2004
Snappy Comebacks
Thank you Jeff Soyer at
Alphecca the sister blog to
Tarazet for this bit of sharp edged humor.I have worked in some ruthless offices where this stuff would have come in handy... and I did amature stand up comedy prior to becomming a Christian...(I have to give up most of my material...all that was left were divorce jokes, fat jokes and political jokes.)So I thought that this was funny. Some were edited for content, after all MWBS is a PG rated blog, and I try to keep the cussing to a minimum and cuss only at newstime... #1 had to be compleatly removed. Sensoring it for broadcast compleatly removed the context and made it nonsensical...
Snappy Comebacks
Because sometimes you just need that perfect phrase to get rid of an annoyance. From an email that made the rounds at work yesterday:
1. Deleated....
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!
16. Back off!! You're standing in my area.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like !@#$. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. Bad Hair doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If jackasses could fly, this place would be an airport.
over and out... Hey I cant always be so serious, you guys wont read me if I dont lighten up once in a while!
Aloha and Hana Hou!
