December 10, 2004

12 Woody and I have spent a lot of time here, on this particular bench. This botanical garden has been a part of my life since I could drive and I jokingly would tell people that this was a part of my home slightly detached from the rest (by about 40 miles) I have found more healing here from more hurts than nearly anyplace else on this earth, which of course is why I spent a good part of a day here in the rain walking the paths and thinking about life...

I wrote the captions long before I wrote the posts so if they duplicate Im sorry. I cannot understate the importance of this place to Woody and I as we had some significant moments here.

I sat here and thought about that what gives us purpose and meaning? For those of us that have a spiritual base we can look to that for formation and guidance. But we also need to seek to daily do something that is for the greater good, and not for self.

I learned in the ministry that its easy to say that what you are doing for God is for Him,. But really when you pick it apart, its for self aggrandizment. I know that is true as so many people fall by the wayside and are broken by it. I fear that this is true of the nearly 60 years of service that Mom gave to the church. Much of it was at the expense of her family and her natural development of herself... I feel badly for this as once you lose the ability to do that one thing you feel useless, and that you have no purpose in this world...

Ed Atkinson asked me..."Don't you miss leading worship? All the new music and singing and all?" I told him "Yes, of course, but I have a new venue to serve God and be creative, via my weblogs and by being a part of a greater community..." I feel that only associating with people of my own faith is so limiting. Getting to know people of other cultures, other faiths and beliefs is so enriching. The church we were associated with when we worked together frowned on this and I was a narrower person for that. Im glad to be free to serve God as I am called to do.

The other thing... Those that I visited with saw that my being without a "church Home" had had very little impact on my faith. I do miss the community of faith you can find in a church and look forward to perhaps finding that once we move. But I am so glad that the freedom that I have enjoyed has given me a wider vision of what service and " Gods Will" is for our lives. May we all let God out of the box and enjoy the blessing of freedom in Him