December 09, 2004

Do It Now...

photo rainbow over downtown Hilo

"There were so many things that I wanted to do..."

"I think of people that I needed to speak to and they are all dead now..."

"It hurts so much...regrets..."

These were some of the things that my Mom shared with me while I was visiting. I told her not to dwell on them for its done now and she cant change anything. Indeed, once the dead are dead, nothing can change...

One of the things I learned in my own struggles in life is that each day is important. Dont squander the day, or the relationships before you... You dont know how long that you will have that loved one, that friend.... To that end I have become a communicator, not a "social" person but rather someone that communicates ideas over a vast audience, many of whom become dear friends... You all are a part of this as are the 60+ penpals and email pals that I write to. Speaking to Woody daily when away is more important now to me, as is staying in touch with my friends.

I realized that I was not paying as much attention to my conversation with my God and will place more emphasis on my devotional life from this day forward.

I also want to practice the gentle art of listening more... to people, to my inner voice and to the Holy Spirit that dwells within me...

One thing that I learned about myself on this trip back to my home turf is how much I want to see the world... Hawaii is too small... Never thought that I would say this but I have out grown my beloved island. I want to see and be a part of the larger world before the time comes when I might not be able to do that. So I more firmly have embraced the adventure of moving, to whre ever that leads us.

This was lifted from a post I wrote in January 2004. I never grow tired of it and need the reminder of its truth.

...I remebered a poem that I saw in Dear Abbey a number of years ago. I went to my journals, and found it in volume 27 Jan 1998 to july 1998...I am going to write and request that she reprint this again as it is so good. At the time we were doing a lot of traveling and stuff and people said "wait till you retire and can enjoy it" People didnt want to deal with the fact that I could be dying...This was prior to 9-11 and all that means... We are all dying a bit everyday and we should never procrastinate in doing what is good and right today...

THE TIME IS NOW authour unknown

If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow
Love me now
While I am living.
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled into marble,
Sweet words on ice cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me
Please tell me now.
If you wait until I am sleeping
Never to awaken,
There will be death between us,
And I won't hear you then.
So, if you love me , even a little bit,
Let me know it while I am living
So I can treasure it.

Wise words... dont wait...tomorrow may be too late


later.... I went to put the clipping back into the journal page that I had removed it from, and read the entry. It froze me and sent me spinning back in time...It was the day in March 1998 that my dear friend Gail Gonzales died of a massive heart attack at age 49 leaving a pastor husband whom she had been with since they were teenagers, and a young son that they had adopted, who had never spent a day out of his mother's care. Dave was remmarried less than a year later to another friend of mine... Its been nearly 5 years and the pain is still fresh... Gail I miss you still...see you in heaven....

This post is dedicated to Smooth Stone and the passing of a beloved Father and Friend. I know that you made the most of your time together. Your Father is on a Great Journey now with God as his Companion. You are in our prayers and thoughts as you experience this first holiday without him. May God give you peace in this time of sorrow