March 31, 2005

My Wide Blue Seas....

But like the passing of the tumultuous rain, I stopped my crying and realized that this is not real life. If I were an air plant, and all that I needed to do was to absorb this view, I could live here. If I were an Opihi (limpet) and could live off the sea waters bounty then I could stay but I am not I am a human and cannot stay in a place where I have no respect... no place...

And So It Goes and I go down the Red Road, not red just now as its not been cindered lately . Off to new adventures and to see those that are a sure cure for the blues

The Popoki Lani the baby kitties in their 8x6 cell... I mean apartment at the kennels... Nani girl...

And the bashful Makoa

Look at that smiling mug hes a happy camper!

The Great Load

Awaphui or Red Ginger

I have been trying to load photos of the moving packing thing so you will all sympathise with me but there seems to be a really seriously bad problem with blogger so I dont know how this will post or not.

The guys that have been packing have been great and I think that all will be well. However as is all things Hawaiian, we have a late start, lots of talk story and the younger of the two men has spotted the wild fighting game cock and his band of lovelies and offspring, and wants to trap the buzzard. he spent his lunch break trying to get his majesty (he is a glorious bird, and smart as well)into a trap and it was nothing doing. But you can see that packing me up wasnt the top prioirity.

Glad I booked three full days...

Its amazing to see your life you foibles and eccentricities as manifested by your stuff laid bare for all to see. My total failing as a home maker comes shining through with the dust and mildew on everything Its gross...i also think that we have totally underestimated all of the stuff that we have. Its going to take a 40 footer I think and the guys aren't interested in listening to me oh well we tried as best we can to divest

I am going to try to do some advanced posting like I did when I went to California, but I may not have time. Blogging on my Treo 650 has been a failure so far, but I may be able to try doing it by email when I can find a place. no photos that way but I will have plenty for you come May when I have my system again.

If it seems like a long time dont worry, I will miss posting, but will try to get into a internet cafe somewhere...

Until then Aloha

March 29, 2005

Let The Games Begin!

Nani and mak going to the cat hotel, The migration has begun

This is Mak and Nani in their travel carriers. They were sleeping in them prior to this. I had placed a towel fresh out of the dryer (they love a pile of warm laundry to snuggle in) in each to entice them to go in and felt somewhat like a traitor when I latched them in...

I cant help it. I feel badly that I am removing them from their homeland but as Woody said at 3 am when they woke us up for some snuggle time..."Their place is with us, we are their people and home is where we are." I think that is true. They were little troopers in the car, and came out of their carriers when we got to the boarding place and scooted into a hiding place in the "suite" they were assigned, a 6x8 foot enclosure equiped with a chair for visiting Mum and Dad, a huge cat tree, which I hope they learn to like as we will be getting them one for their new place. We re-set up the carriers as cabanas for sleeping tying the doors open. The owner lady thought it a good idea to get them thinking that they are places of safety and comfort, so that the 10 hour plus plane trip is not so horrid for them. Toys and scratching posts as well as all of the left over food was brought... We miss them terribly, but what to do???

The movers are to be here at 10. We have a lot of things done already and we know the drill. The rain seems to have let up a bit and we hoet that it clears up for long enough that our things go into the can dry. A dry can improves the good transport of belongings that are humidity sensitive. We have suffered a lot of damage of treasured valuables due to mildew and humidity that we didnt think would be quite so bad as this. The photos were the worst, the Walmart developing process turns into sticky goo on paper, I will never do the paper photos again now that I have digital.

All that is left will be going. The weeding out process is done, as much as we can and I feel ok about it. We did well and its all going to be fine.

I have these vague feelings of terror... and find myself taunting Woody..."Why do you think its going to be any better any where else?" He cant answer really and I know it I am just being mean as I know hes scared too. Finally he said, "Look at the freaking rain. Three Easters in a row the rain pours down. Any place but this place. Hoku they were on the radio bitching about how they cant fill the county jobs, but I have applied for them and do they call me? No! I want back on the top of the food chain, and you are comming with me, whereever that happens to be... no more about it.... and besides you will like it." He's right and I need to no worry... I like how he has taken on pidgin, I think its halarious. People think hes from a foreign country, I cant wait to hear him with a southern accent.

Tried to call my Mom again, and then the nursing home who wont give me info. I was removed from the "list" I know that her friend was furious that she wasnt notified that Mom was hospitalized but...I am her daughter... Oh well. I am not in a position to fight this out. Dont have the time energy or paitence to sit on the phone and try to hash it out. I need to be there and I feel like I have sort of abandonded her and that feels really yucky.

More later...

March 28, 2005

Easter Monday

Sea and Sky

Well... Easter was a quiet and very wet. It has rained torrentially for the last 24 hours. Churches that had sunrise services locally would have had a very hard time getting things set up and having the service in the strong winds and pelting rain. It was cold too got down into the 50's which next to the tropical seas is downright frigid.

It was a day to pet kitties. Both Mak and Nani know that there is something big in the offing and have been attentive and cuddly. Unless there is a diversion such as a flock of wild chickens and their dozen chicks outside to watch. The chickens, in a rather severe downpour, flattened themselves up against the lanai screen and practically in Nanis face. The poor cat was delighted and terrified at the same time. Nani also spent the day watching a gecko that was inside the lanai up high on the ceiling area. She would sit and watch him swishing her tail and meowing in tiny delicte meows that seem to translate..."come down and play with me then after a while we can do lunch together"... We know who would be having "lunch" and who would be "lunch". Ms Gecko was not impressed by these arrangements at all and stayed put. Mak spent the day altunating between a chair at the computer table and in my lap out on the lanai lounger. Being near a warm petting human is his ideal of nirvana!

We have a LOT of stuff we should be doing but we have come to the place that we just cant do it anymore. I think the greyness and the whole thing has me bummed. Realized that I am letting go of a lot of material stuff and a lot of emotional security. For the first time in my life I will be

Homeless(sort of)
Carless (sold my beloved car saturday, Ive not been without a car since I was 15)
stuffless(in transit 6-10 weeks uggh more if we go to florida which we may have to if the house doesnt sell, no one is showing house in the crappy weather we have had most days in the past two weeks)
Catless (sort of, they will be away from me in boarding)
and horrors Computerless! what shall I do???

Woody just guffawed as he walked by..." Your carpal tunnel will ease up thats what" and of course he is right.

I am also bummed because I have not had contact with my Mom in over a week. I was beginning to wonder if she was in the hospital as she hasnt answered her phone when I call. Well I called Jeanine, her friend that is helping her and she said that she is healthy and at the home but her voice is no weak that when she thinks she cant speak she wont answer her phone, which is most of the time now. Knowing that she is a perfectionist and wont abide a halfway effort likely she ought to have the thing pulled out and spare herself the cost. I just think that she isnt turned to the right direction and cant get to it.....

I am washing and packing my casual Hawaii outfits and a second bag of warmer clothing that we will pick up when we return in mid April This way I dont have to lug all of this around Maui and Oahu and concentrate on...having fun... what a concept! and of course taking great pics for the edification and enjoyment of my readers.


Coffee Coffee and maybe I can get something done today!

He Is Not Here...He is Risen!

Sunset over the Saddle between Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa

The Gospel of Matthew Chapter 28:5-6

Mat 28:5 The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified.
Mat 28:6 "He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying.

The Gospel of Mark Chapter 16:1-7

Mar 16:1 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the {mother} of James, and Salome, bought spices, so that they might come and anoint Him.
Mar 16:2 Very early on the first day of the week, they *came to the tomb when the sun had risen.
Mar 16:3 They were saying to one another, "Who will roll away the stone for us from the entrance of the tomb?"
Mar 16:4 Looking up, they *saw that the stone had been rolled away, although it was extremely large.
Mar 16:5 Entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting at the right, wearing a white robe; and they were amazed.
Mar 16:6 And he *said to them, "Do not be amazed; you are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who has been crucified. He has risen; He is not here; behold, {here is} the place where they laid Him.
Mar 16:7 "But go, tell His disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see Him, just as He told you.' "

The Gospel of Luke Chapter 24:1-8


Luk 24:1 But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they came to the tomb bringing the spices which they had prepared.
Luk 24:2 And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb,
Luk 24:3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.
Luk 24:4 While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men suddenly stood near them in dazzling clothing;
Luk 24:5 and as {the women} were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground, {the men} said to them, "Why do you seek the living One among the dead?
Luk 24:6 "He is not here, but He has risen. Remember how He spoke to you while He was still in Galilee,
Luk 24:7 saying that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again."
Luk 24:8 And they remembered His words,


Today being Resurrection Sunday I asked myself this... How many times do I think about this..."He is not here..." statement... dwell on it...give thanks for it...for it is a profound mystery. Many people from many faiths would like to know this about their god, prophet, teacher. In a world of wannabe gods and man made faiths this is a bold statement and the hope of the world...

We have seen in our lifetimes the rise and fall of dictators that would be god. They proclaim themselves god, demand to be worshipped, write a bible of sorts, set up a kingdom on earth...but die either naturally or unnaturally. You can visit their graves... the bodies are still there. So much for immortality.

Ramses, Nebucannezzer, Alexander, The Ceasers, Gengus Kahn, Henry VIII, Phillip II of Spain, Napoleon... in our own century...Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Ho Chi Min, Kim Il Sung, Khomeni, Pol Pot... to name a few... they all have this in common... they are men that wanted to be God... and they are dead, still in the grave to this day. Many of these graves are open to the public and you can visit them.

Then there is Jesus... God who wanted to be man. His grave is empty and is visited by tourists to see its emptiness.

This of course has been hotly debated over the course of 2000 years. I give you Pauls response to the skeptics out of first Corinthians 15, (Living Translation)

The Resurrection of Christ
Now let me remind you, dear brothers and sisters,* of the Good News I preached to you before. You welcomed it then and still do now, for your faith is built on this wonderful message. 2 And it is this Good News that saves you if you firmly believe it-unless, of course, you believed something that was never true in the first place.
3 I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me-that Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said. 4 He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, as the Scriptures said. 5 He was seen by Peter* and then by the twelve apostles. 6 After that, he was seen by more than five hundred of his followers* at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have died by now. 7 Then he was seen by James and later by all the apostles. 8 Last of all, I saw him, too, long after the others, as though I had been born at the wrong time. 9 For I am the least of all the apostles, and I am not worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted the church of God.
10 But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me-and not without results. For I have worked harder than all the other apostles, yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace. 11 So it makes no difference whether I preach or they preach. The important thing is that you believed what we preached to you.


The Resurrection of the Dead
12 But tell me this-since we preach that Christ rose from the dead, why are some of you saying there will be no resurrection of the dead? 13 For if there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ has not been raised either. 14 And if Christ was not raised, then all our preaching is useless, and your trust in God is useless. 15 And we apostles would all be lying about God, for we have said that God raised Christ from the grave, but that can't be true if there is no resurrection of the dead. 16 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ has not been raised. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, then your faith is useless, and you are still under condemnation for your sins. 18 In that case, all who have died believing in Christ have perished! 19 And if we have hope in Christ only for this life, we are the most miserable people in the world.
20 But the fact is that Christ has been raised from the dead. He has become the first of a great harvest of those who will be raised to life again.
21 So you see, just as death came into the world through a man, Adam, now the resurrection from the dead has begun through another man, Christ. 22 Everyone dies because all of us are related to Adam, the first man. But all who are related to Christ, the other man, will be given new life. 23 But there is an order to this resurrection: Christ was raised first; then when Christ comes back, all his people will be raised.
24 After that the end will come, when he will turn the Kingdom over to God the Father, having put down all enemies of every kind.* 25 For Christ must reign until he humbles all his enemies beneath his feet. 26 And the last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For the Scriptures say, "God has given him authority over all things."* (Of course, when it says "authority over all things," it does not include God himself, who gave Christ his authority.) 28 Then, when he has conquered all things, the Son will present himself to God, so that God, who gave his Son authority over all things, will be utterly supreme over everything everywhere.
29 If the dead will not be raised, then what point is there in people being baptized for those who are dead? Why do it unless the dead will someday rise again?
30 And why should we ourselves be continually risking our lives, facing death hour by hour? 31 For I swear, dear brothers and sisters, I face death daily. This is as certain as my pride in what the Lord Jesus Christ has done in you. 32 And what value was there in fighting wild beasts-those men of Ephesus*-if there will be no resurrection from the dead? If there is no resurrection,

This gives me great hope. I dont serve a dead dogma, dictator, or dead man. I serve a Living Saviour.


(Jesus) who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, {and} being made in the likeness of men.
Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,
so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Phillipians 2:6-11

Be Blessed today...

March 27, 2005

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

double rainbow over hwy 130 Keaau Puna big Island


I know that my Redeemer lives;
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, He lives, who once was dead
He lives, my ever living Head.

He lives to bless me with His love,
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed,
He lives to help in time of need.

He lives triumphant from the grave,
He lives eternally to save,
He lives all glorious in the sky,
He lives exalted there on high.

He lives to grant me rich supply,
He lives to guide me with His eye,
He lives to comfort me when faint,
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears,
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart,
He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly Friend,
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while He lives, I'll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death:
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to His Name!
He lives, my Jesus, still the same.
Oh, the sweet joy this sentence gives,
I know that my Redeemer lives!

Samuel Medley 1775

March 26, 2005

Creation In All of Its Diversity

Star lilies Lilioukalani Gardens Hilo Hawaii...


Hawaii has been a place for me to sit back and stare mouth a gape in wonder of God's amazing creative capability. God managed with a word to speak into existence the full spectrum of the biosphere, onto this 4300 square mile island. From glaciered snow bound peaks, to the barest volcanic deserts, from grassland to rainforest and all that can be conceived its here for us to enjoy... a visible symbol of that oft used and seldom understood word

Diversity...

As we have watched the tragic unfolding of the Terri Schiavo case, there is something that has bothered me. Something that I haven't seen much written about but its been talked about in my presence between Woody and I. For we are a family that has seen its share of "disabled" people within its grouping. From obvious physical disabilities to the not so obvious, to the really misunderstood mental and emotional issues that have been the scourge of both sides of the family. We are a "diverse" group of there ever was one... But at a time when "diversity " is celebrated. I have wondered this week if the world really understands that diversity is more than...

The color of your skin...
The size of your body...
The place where your Grandparents were born...
The faith that you profess...
or the sexual preference you embrace...

Diversity can include...

weather you have two eyes or not
weather you can hear or not
If you have two arms or legs
and do they work in the "normal" way

Diversity is about celebrating the differences in the way we

Look
Love
Think
and express ourselves

and it cannot exclude anything that you might think is different...

Or so I have been taught....so let me get this straight...a woman that does not think walk speak or eat the way I do should be starved to death? I dont get it.

Neither did David Shuster of MSN. Now I laugh at the "paid to blog" media bloggers as I think that this isnt what blogging is about and so much for my diversity training, but this guy finally turned the mike over to the people to whom this is a CRITICAL issue... a representative of disabled people in America, to get their views on this. I will post the interview in its intirety for archival purposes and include the link

HERE

Disability groups on Schiavo (David Shuster)


This week, we've all been following the twists and turns in the Terri Schiavo dispute as well as the effort by Congress to change the outcome in federal court. My previous blogs make it quite clear what I think of the horrifying political opportunism displayed by our lawmakers.

However, one can disagree with what Congress did and still believe that Terri Schiavo should be protected. To that end, I'd like to turn over the rest of this blog to a group of people who deal with these issues every day. "The Arc of the United States" is a leading advocacy group for disabled americans. Steve Eidelman is their executive director and has submitted an op-ed to newspapers across the country. He writes, in part:

"For people with disabilities and their families, the Schiavo case represents a slippery slope and raises the possibility that the right to life of people with significant intellectual and or physical disabilities might one day be questioned...

"... Today, there are thousands of people with various physical and cognitive disabilities who use feeding tubes as their normal means of getting food and water. For these people, a feeding tube is not life support or heroic intervention. It is a simple way of getting hydration and nourishment. When they are hospitalized for any reason, however minor, they risk having their normal means of eating and drinking be classified as as "extraordinary treatment" or "life support."

"...The disability community has grappled with these issues in the past and has come to the conclusion that in such cases, it is best to assume that life is preferable over death. Is that not what the Schiavo case is all about? Laws governing surrogate decision-making vary among states and are often the result of well-funded advocacy from a narrow group of professionals. In most cases, disability organizations were not included in changes of statutes on the state level, and the drafters of those statues did not take into account the views of those with disabilities..."

"...Our society must stop using the term "persistent vegetative state." Too many people with significant disabilities have been called "vegetables," and this must stop. It is beyond demeaning; it is dehumanizing. In fact, some of the people who use the term most freely are doctors, and what comes next is a discussion of the death or warehousing of the individual labeled that way."

"...When a person has serious disabilities, the debate should not be about whether or not they are going to "get better" some day. For millions of Americans, disability is a fact of life,every day of our lives. People with disabilities have wonderful lives. And some have lousy lives. In that way, they are just like other Americans. Just because a person has a significant disability does not mean that they do not love their life. It does not mean that they should be assumed to be better off dead."

"...It is time for a call to conscience to both the Right and the Left. Guardianship should not be a "Death ship". People like Terri Schiavo are persons under the law, and they deserve constitutional protection."

"...The disability community is grateful that so many in Congress supported Terri Schiavo's right to live, even though we are concerned about the precedent they set. We would like to see them follow up with the same level of concern for making sure we can provide care and support for the millions of Americans with disabilities by supporting Medicaid Community Attendant Services and Supports Act, which would allow people receiving Medicaid funding to have a life, not just stay to alive. We call on them to ensure continued appropriate funding of Medicaid and other programs that people need..."

"...Terri Schiavo's case is every family's nightmare. Disability doesn't have to be a nightmare. Even if our nation disagrees on how we define compassion, we must certainly agree that all lives are equal under the law."

Amen. Thank you Steve Eidelman from "Arc of the United States" for your group's articulate and thought provoking op-ed.

Comments, questions, questions for the hardball blog cast: DShuster@MSNBC.com

Friends, as the daughter of disabled people, the god daughter of a disabled woman, and as a person that has, up until its absolutly has to be, chosen to not call her "thorns in the flesh" disabilities, but certainly this will likly be the case one day... this thing scares me. I fear the Life at any Cost people for I know that sometimes death is pereferable, and I fear the Quaility of Life people for who the heck are they to choose for me and mine what is quality or not. With the Schiavo's, where there has been so much argument, there can be no peaceful resolution. The fight will carry beyond Terri's blessed grave, Im sure...

Let us each and everyone prepare for this sort of event. I propose that just as young men have to register for selective service that we all file a living will with the state. I hate to get the state involved with one more thing but by heaven they will get their fingers into the pie if you dont have you wishes and intentions in writing! On our Drivers licence we notify the state regarding organ donation, it would be a simple matter to dictate a few directives. We as a nation as a people need to deal with this issue.

As Mr Edelman stated in the interview, we must respect those in our community that are challenged by a disability. They are people and deserve our respect for getting through the day and living. I think we all understand how difficult life can be let alone having a major difficulty that complicates matters.

Embrace diversity. All sorts of diversity. One day, as you look at life from the bounds of a medical appliance, you'll be glad that you did.

March 25, 2005

Stricken Smitten and Afflicted, a hymn for Good Friday

Kilauea Dawning Red glow from lava flowing to the seas HVNP/HVO Photo

Stricken, smitten, and afflicted,
See Him dying on the tree!
'Tis the Christ by man rejected.
Yes, my soul, 'tis He, 'tis He!
'Tis the long expected prophet,
David's Son, yet David's Lord:
Proofs I see sufficient of it;
'Tis a true and faithful Word.

Tell me, ye who hear Him groaning,
Was there ever grief like His?
Friends through fear His cause disowning,
Foes insulting his distress:
Many hands were raised to wound Him,
None would interpose to save;
But the deepest stroke that pierced Him
Was the stroke that Justice gave.

Ye who think of sin but lightly,
Nor suppose the evil great,
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.
Mark the Sacrifice appointed!
See Who bears the awful load!
'Tis the Word, the Lord's Anointed,
Son of Man, and Son of God.

Here we have a firm foundation,
Here the refuge of the lost.
Christ the Rock of our salvation,
Christ the Name of which we boast.
Lamb of God for sinners wounded!
Sacrifice to cancel guilt!
None shall ever be confounded
Who on Him their hope have built.

David Kelly 1801

March 24, 2005

A Beautiful Noise

A beautiful winter day, on Hilo Bay

There is a peaceful stillness here that we havent had on the block in a while. Its Easter Break (Three weeks long for the year round schoolers here) and the boys next door are running a full blown auto salvage yard in the front area and their friends are painting cars in their driveway down the way...(I kid you not... the stench is un believeable, I dont know how they cure it....) So we will be filing complaints once we are out, but today, they arent around and we have...

Peace.

We showed the house to some folks from Seattle who liked it really well and maybe maybe maybe... I dont hold my breath. Woody brought up the possibility of renting the place out and I think that is a good alternative... The renters might want to buy and its a way to garantee my right of return to Hawaii. There is no investment that will perform like real estate here so I think that other than the volcano inundating it with lava it a possibility...

I am writing penpals with a forwarding address and thinking about how I will pack for the great escape. I went to the garage for more trips down memory land but gave that up, I am pretty much done and Woody out getting a haircut said not to till he was here. Nice of him.

We have a strong breeze off the water and it makes my wind chimes sing and the small bronze bell that I have hung outside rings with the stongest gusts. I feel like I am typing this while sitting on the deck of a ship all that is missing is the lapping of the waves on the hull... perhaps the distant sounds of boom box cars will suffice...

We have had loads of wild life around today, I have bread and seeds out leftovers from meals that attract the mongoose. These golden rodents were introduced to "kill rats" but really prefere bird chicks and eggs and so do a lot of damage to the ecology, however they are the only preditor against the wild fighting chickens that roam about so they have a niche in the ecosystem here. Mak and Nani go wild when the creatures come to play and like the squirel, are full of mischeif and very inquizitive. Many type of birds some that I didnt recognize were about today. We have two pairs of bright Northern Cardinals nesting nearby I love to hear them sing....

The evenings here when there is less human noise are how I always envisioned the nights in the tropical jungles. The sky becomes a kalidescope of colors, pink and blue predominate. No sinking sun, we are east of the sun and the massive bulk of Mauna Kea prevents viewing sunset, but you occasionally get "Angel Fire" The brilliant glow that gives one the impression that the hills are burning with an unquechable flame... The clouds are a water color canvas of bright blue suffused with pink that turns orange and grey then purple then just befor dusk, bright blue and white. I watched this spectacle with the eyes of a soon departing visitor... it makes one ache the splendor of it.

There are the birds, Mynahs and Cardinals the cooing Zebra Doves which to me epitomize the sounds of Hawaii...

There are the Geckos. They churrup in a sort of happy laughing way. No wonder the Hawaiians think they are lucky and say that having one in your house is good luck. Perhaps that was our problem. Everytime "luck" came to our house, the furry four footed vermin patrol would catch and eat the luck....oh well....

And there are frogs. The noisy invader frogs are hated by everyone but me it seems. I think about not having them to sing me to sleep at night makes me a bit sad. I hope where ever we go there will be night noise and not the sounds of traffic and TV's uggh! I just love the little Georgia green house frogs that trill like a song bird. Not limited to evening I hear some enterprising young male frogs calling in the afternoon or anytime a cloud passes by... He'll get a prom date by sheer effort on his part as for me I enjoy his song. If there was too much noise of other sorts I would never hear them.

Woody agrees. He is somewhat hard of hearing, not sure why other than a lot of niose during his military service and he had mastoid removal as a child so there may have been hearing loss then. He says he is glad that he is not as sensitive to noise as I am but he knows that I hear... Well its like a lone guitar player vs a symphony orchestra, he and I. I tell him what I hear the good and the bad. And it is good.

The roar of the oncomming rains, and the silence that sometimes is freaky... like at two am the frogs sort of give up and go to sleep...(we laughingly say that the bar is closed fellas go on home! and they do..) It is my hope that for this child of the city raised near freeways and had the sound of trains cars and airplanes as background noise all of her life that I will have the beautiful noise of natures quiet sounds wherever God takes us...

Even Now

Tide Pool Reflections Punalu'u beach Park Kau

Woody and I have been going through boxes and boxes of memorabelia much of which is going to the Hilo landfill.

"Hoku, what is in all of these boxes in the corner...they are all crushed and falling apart, they need to be repacked or the stuff just dumped."

"Woody, I'll go through it later..."

"No more later. Now. I'll help you." He really has been a huge help.

I knew this day would come... Confronting the past can be very unpleasent especially if it is well documented. I have photos, boxes of them sitting in the garage waiting for the "proper time" to go through them make a mature decision about their future and hauling them around and disposing of them and a link to a past best forgotten...

or is it...

There is nothing in these boxes that a schoolchild couldnt see, no porno or anything like that. Just two people, sometimes three people genuinely happy... for the moment, at least the moment in the photo... Photo Albums carefully arranged. Pictures of holidays and birthday celebrations. Days at Descanso Gardens and at the beach, or nights in Hollywood... on the Blvd and in the clubs in West Hollywood.

Ten years of memories of another life, with another husband, and a extra boyfriend or two often both in the same photo. It was an interesting, highly emotionally charged exsistance, that was not healthy for anyone involved but I must say it was never boring. In the emotional department my life is pretty boring now. One of the reasons people go back to destructive behaviors, is that being good can seem to be pretty dull when contrasted to the risk of antisocial, or dangerous behaviors... I get it...I really do...

My former husband, a engineer with a taste for a life a bit less straight laced than a white shirt and tie and I lived a double life. I look at those photos and can,t believe how happy I was on the outside, when I know that inside I was a divided soul that had so many emotional problems that I could write for days about it. The sort of compartimentalization I practiced leads to the worst sorts of nuerosis, and often suicide. So life wasnt good honestly, I just thought that it was at the time as I didnt know what a normal healthy life was. (Thank You Jesus for your deliverence)

There were a number of extra people in our life, people that were more than friends that we were emotionally and otherwise involved with. What surprised me was the casual nature of this arrangement again documented on film. There was one friend that was along for most of the ride and I can safely say that he was the great love of my life, but not the marrying type, so was the third in a love triangle that was doomed from the start, as both of the guys were somewhat posessive...

The Three Amigos...

Woody has looked through the photos of a lot of my life. But I've tried not to show him too many of these, not because I am ashamed of my unsaved messedup self of the time. But because I didnt want him to know what I look like when I am in love... crazy in love...I didnt want to hurt his feelings one more time.

I dont think I have ever looked at him the way I looked at the Engineer and the Pianist... The three of us arms locked around each other on Topanga Beach or in the house we shared, before God shook it to peices in the Whittier Earthquake of 1987.

In 1994 very early in our relationship, Woody met the "Pianist" who casually showed up after my not hearing from him for several years. (I think it was the Devil trying to mess Woody and I up...) After the three of us spending the day together, Woody casually challanged the Pianist to "make a go of it with me or to get the hell out of my life as he would NOT tolerate his bouncing in and out of our life and ALL that had gone on before." Woody left. Then the Pianist left. I was alone... I did marry Woody, and I have not seen the Pianist since, other than a letter inquiring if he could borrow money which I burned.

I took one of those photos into the bathroom and held it up to the mirror... 18 years, 100lbs and grey hair notwithstanding, that permanant frown on my face is telling...Ye Gods and little fishes what have I become?

I cried for the good tossed outwith the evil. The relationship failed, the guys went their own ways, angry with me because my loyalties were divided. My love and adoration was required, in total,and by that time, God had gotten ahold of me and that totallity of devotion was never to be found in me again... but the love was not wrong...I dont think its wrong to love someone, acting on it is another matter...


This magic moment today in the bathroom reminded me of a song by Barry Manilow...

People make jokes about Mr. Manilow, but the guy can write great songs, songs that stick in your brian. He made his first fortune while married to his first wife on Madison Avenue writing commercials ... are you old enough to remember?

Id like to teach the world to sing
in perfect harmony.....

name that product... many of you can. Thats a great song.

But Barry wrote things more stickable as a performer and this is one of them. Written one night, in the dark, at his piano after a confrontation with himself his memories and his love for his new wife...an experience such as I had today, with Woody watching.


Even Now

Even now
When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's waiting just for me
Even now I think about you as I'm climbing up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so he won't see
That even now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found a better life than what we had
Even now I wakeup crying in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same
And the pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now

They know...For we all believed what my Father told us all one night in our living room... we were still in High School and one of our friends asked him if the women in his life still ment something to him and Dad said "yes" "If you truly loved someone and you think about them then they and their love for you and your love for them never dies"...

Some how....

Even now...

March 23, 2005

Yesterdays Adventure in Pictures

Hilo Bay Lookout... this was the beginning of our adventures yesterday. The RCCL Raidiance of the Seas is the cruise ship there in port and it was a perfect day.

The Peepeekeo Sugar Mill. This was a working sugar processing facility until the early 90's then was converted to a coal fired electrical generation plant that was working until the end of 2004, when it was taken off line. The long horizontal structure is the conveyer that once took the sugar cane on its journey from the field to those little paper packets on your table

Woody worked here as a security guard for a few months and wanted me to see the place. It was very interesting this rusting hulk of Hawaii history. Many of his watches were at night and he said the place creaked and graned like a sailing ship in a storm. We had one or two big storms while he was there and it was sort of scary...this from a guy that doesnt do horror anything. The main job was to keep squatters out and man the gate which was always wide open anyway. Window dressing mostly. But it was nice to listen to the ocean and be at peace.

Plantation house. This is a very typical 500square ft single walled plantation workers house. Community cook house, bath houses and out houses were separate from this "living area" We know many people that were part of large familys that were raised in such structures.

The wild land is reclaiming mans invasion of the land. Here a stream runs wild through the mill site and pours out near the loading dock. Woody said it could get to be a lot more than that trickle when it rained out here

Woody would get a chair and sit on the loading platform and read or just listen to this roaring surf while on guard duty and this plunge was only 10 ft away. Here we are on a solid concrete structure. I still had him hang on to me while I extended my arm to get this shot

Can you believe they would pull barges in here to load sugar? The water just beyond those rock plunges 100s of feet deep.

Loading ramp. You can still see the rust lines on the concrete where the railspur ended. Here sugar was loaded onto a conveyer system and went down to the deep water docks just below this about 30-40 ft down the cliffs

Tranquility Bay. This is the Peepeekeo inlet. There are sea caves and a lot of unofficial "camping" is done here. Where I was standing to shoot this was in a squatters taro patch. I was careful to verbally acknowledge that out loud and not step on any baby plants.

No guard rails here on the Hamakua, this is not Disneyland. You can see how the thin soil layer has erroded and only this giant ironwood is holding thing together. Woody held my hand as I extended my arm out for this shot

I can look at this and look at it and never grow weary of it.

Woody in the jungle. We were standing newar the loading area where the sugar was loaded onto converyors that lead to waiting ships below. Much of the evidence of this activity has been overwelmed by encroching jungle 

Looking out over the Wide Blue Seas through the Ironwoods the shore line was VERY soft and these trees were the only thing holding it down. I stayed well away from the edge 

Green Pastures. This is some of the last remaing undeveloped sugar land left on the North (Hamakua) Coast and sadly I saw staking pins every where. The next time I come here there will be houses here 

View from the deck of the Tres Hombres Cantina Home of the BEST Fish Tacos I have ever had looking out over the break waters at Kawaihae 

Peaceful Harbor Kawaihaw Harbor Kohala Big Island 

This sunset beckoned me and I had to stay and watch it to the end 

A lone paddler comming into the harbor Kawaihae Big Island 

Sun sinking lower till its gone... another lovely day in paradise 

Today's Adventures

Wide Green Fields, with wild sugar in the foreground Hamakua Coast near Ninole

We went on an adventure today, perhaps the last one we will have here on the Big Island as the next few days will be jammed packed with packing and moving fun. I will post photos tomorrow as part of tomorrows post.

Woody and I were awakened by the unofficial auto shop going full blast next door. and now there is a new one two doors down the other way. Radios blasting and just a mess. Lovely... there goes the neighborhood. Will be reporting them next week to the association once we leave reprocussions wont matter. The house is insured.

Woody said a lot of things today that were telling... and I realized that he really needs to get off of this island. He hates it here and can only understand my facination with the beauty of it. I dont think he has assimilated the culture in his heart only his head. He speaks pidgin like a native and say "yah" after every phrase. People are sure he is a foreigner.

He took me over to a work site where he stood guard at the now defunct Hilo Coast Power Station. Sitting on the site of the old Peepeekeo Sugar Plantaion Mill it was a facinating old structure. He said guarding it at night in the black dark with the wind and rain and the pounding surf 50 ft away then another 50 ft DOWN a sheer cliff was like being on an old sailing ship creaking and groaning in the storms. It was lovely to see the seas.

We hiked down a trail and through Plantation Mill ruins. You can see the staking for new homes. If we come back this will all be gone and that will be sad.

Drove from there to Kaiwaihae Harbor for Fish Taco and the sunset which I got great pics of... Was a lovely day all around...but as its near midnight....more tomarrow.

Ps keep praying for Terri Schiavo. I cannot believe the way this is going but I trust that God will do His will in this. She is nearly out of time.

March 22, 2005

Pressing Forward

Tropical Stariway to the top of Rainbow falls lookout Rain Bow Falls State Park Hilo Hawaii

We are pressing forward. It is starting to get on our nerves this moving thing. I had a night mare last night that the movers showed up and all they wanted to do was load the stuff not to pack it up. I woke up crying over it all.

Woody has turned into Wood and says nothing. Sometimes gets angry..."didnt you make the arrangements so why do you doubt it now?" Well cause this is Hawaii and for no good reason nothing ever seems to turn out the way its supposed to...

Well loose ends are comming together. From finally delivering the computer desk that was paid for last month and the guys have been dithering over it, to finding a buyer for my car and figuring our how we are going to have transportation the last week we are in residence. The biggest tourist week of the year will be in full swing and there are no hotel rooms and no rental cars available and its been booked up for months. I have a few more boxes to go through and a ton of shredding to do. I found things that I was sure didnt make it here so the mates are in consignment

We are considering buying 028 in Sarasota. The price has been agreed upon but there are a bunch of hoops to go through. Acceptance by the Community Council, Credit Approval (thats a joke they want us to show income of 4 times the space rent...like we dont have jobs people. Cash we got, but no income...) Then we have two cats and they say we can only have one. People in the park have a dozen but being the truthful people that we are we are telling the truth, and this could get us blackballed... no we wont do it if we cant have both Mak and Nani they are our lovebugs and stay together. This is the meaning of the Hawaiian word "Ohana" "Family" or "no one gets left behind"... The final hurdle is... you have to 55 and I am only 43. Woody is 56. I could get blackballed by a bunch of women who dont want a younger women in their midst. They should just say yes and know that I will have to wait 7 years to wear a red hat in the Red Hat Society, and have to wear a pink one the only one in the room...sigh.... I guess I will just have to "grow up" into it... and let that be my punishment...

We are still fired up though about other opportunities. Things are slowed by the lack of a SOLD sign on our house. We showed it twice and we have feed back one one, the couple from Kauaii that were "dissapointed in the size of the master bath" and concerned "about that rental with all of the cars next door" Yes Mom and Dad Bandpeople strike again with yet another way to make our Hawaiian dream a nightmare. Now that they see the sign they are taking great pains to be obnoxious as ever and frankly next week I am filing a complaint on them. Just as soon as I move out, as retribution has been promised should I do anything.

I know that it will all come together eventually... March 31 no matter what!

I havent figured out how to blog from my mobile device. Still working on it. I know this works but I am just not doing something right.

March 20, 2005

When Morning Gilds the Skies

Lava into the dawning seas with sunrise clouds HVNP Photo

When morning gilds the skies my heart awaking cries
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Alike at work and prayer, to Jesus I repair
May Jesus Christ be praised!

When you begin the day, O never fail to say,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
And at your work rejoice, to sing with heart and voice,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Whene'er the sweet church bell peals over hill and dell,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
O hark to what it sings, as joyously it rings,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

My tongue shall never tire of chanting with the choir,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
This song of sacred joy, it never seems to cloy,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Does sadness fill my mind? A solace here I find,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Or fades my earthly bliss? My comfort still is this,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

To God, the Word, on high, the host of angels cry,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Let mortals, too, upraise their voice in hymns of praise,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Be this at meals your grace, in every time and place;
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Be this, when day is past, of all your thoughts the last
May Jesus Christ be praised!

When mirth for music longs, this is my song of songs
May Jesus Christ be praised!
When evening shadows fall, this rings my curfew call,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

When sleep her balm denies, my silent spirit sighs,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
When evil thoughts molest, with this I shield my breast,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

The night becomes as day when from the heart we say
May Jesus Christ be praised!
The powers of darkness fear when this sweet chant they hear
May Jesus Christ be praised!

No lovelier antiphon in all high Heav'n is known
Than, Jesus Christ be praised!
There to the eternal Word the eternal psalm is heard
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Let all the earth around ring joyous with the sound
May Jesus Christ be praised!
In Heaven's eternal bliss the loveliest strain is this
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Sing, suns and stars of space, sing, ye that see His face,
Sing, Jesus Christ be praised!
God's whole creation o'er, for aye and evermore
Shall Jesus Christ be praised!

In Heav'n's eternal bliss the loveliest strain is this,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Let earth, and sea and sky from depth to height reply,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Be this, while life is mine, my canticle divine
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Sing this eternal song through all the ages long
May Jesus Christ be praised!

Edward Caswall

We Must Not Pray Enough

Seas under an Evening Sky near Pohiki


If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

God Speaking to the King Solomon in The first book of Cronicles of the Kings of Israel Chapter 7 Verse 14


WE must not pray enough...all of us for such calamity to befall our land...

We as a nation are standing around watching a disabled woman being starved to death by court order. If that doesnt shake you up, it should. It could be my own mother next, except that it would serve no purpose except to get her off the SSA/Medical rolls, which in the light of the current state of SSA, should scare us the hell, one and all, as denial of treatment and rationed healthcare is our inheritance from this generation of over spending...

But I digress

My Mom, who, due to Parkinsons, has not the breath in her body to say more than one or two words at a whisper at a time... Who chokes on her food and often vomits it up because Parkinsons has robbed her of the ability to control chewing, swallowing and digestion. She is not far beyond Terri Schiavo in helplessness, but no one is trying to kill my Mom...

'Cause unlike Terri, she has no money to bequeith... Nor does she have a two timing, abusive husband who would thank his god (Mammon) fasting to see her die.

My Mom has a team of loving people who will weep their hearts out to see the day she needs a feeding tube put in for it will mean that the time is short. By her own wish there will be no appliance for the giving of food and nourishment. Only IV hydration, and that to prevent the pain that dehydration will cause. Diabetes will render her comatose and she will die that way.

Unlike Terri who was condemded to a hideous painfilled execution...without hydration IV, or drugs...her only crime was not dying in the first place when she sickened...

She is not a vegatable.

According to reports in World Net Daily, when told of the tube removal Terri cried out and wept. That sounds to me like a thinking being and not a vegetable... look at this quote...

Weller essentially told Terri Schiavo, "You had better say you want to live or they will kill you. Just say you want to live."

Schiavo responded with a drawn out, "IIIIII," then screamed out "waaaaaaaa" so loudly that a police officer stationed outside the room came in.

The officer then ordered Weller removed from the room, according to Terry.

The event was witnessed by Terri Schiavo's sister Suzanne Vitadamo and Suzanne's husband Michael.

"I talked to Suzy and Michael, and they both said it was unbelievable," Terry said. "It was very articulate, for Terri, but they also say this is normal [for her to communicate]."

Terry explained the family says Schiavo often is talkative, though similar to a 10-month-old.

"The words usually are not discernable, but she's responsive to commands, uses slow diction and her voice lilts to show emotion and context," he said.

Weller teared up after hearing Schiavo respond today, Terry said, and indicated Schiavo was crying.

Read this whole story here

If I seem a bit emotional about this its because its so close to home. You have to struggle to get care for anyone that is infirm in this country then you have to fight to keep them going... I know that I havent been writing much about this here but I have been writing in a lot of blogs and news sites that get more readers, telling my story and why we need to defeat this barbaric act. For it is the crack in the door to bigger things... as I wrote in the comments of SmoothStone today

Terri's response in any fashion shows that she is capable of understanding. She is not a vegetable... MyGD in heaven help us. In a MSN poll two days ago 75% of those polled said she should die? What does this say about our nation? It must be true what was said in 1973 that abortion paves the way for killing anyone that does not fit the societal norm of "functionality" Where does the nation think this will lead to...." oh Mr. and Mrs Brown, your 6 year old is not doing well enough in school so we have euthenized him..." Oh Mr Jaurez your daughter is too fat and has not lost enough weight to conform with the BMI of her peers and thus is taking up too much space and resouces so we have locked her in a room with no food and water untill she slims down or dies which ever is first..." Do you think this is absurd? 50 years ago if you told people that one in five babies conceived in this country were going to be aborted or that we would be having a national debate about if we should help a woman eat that cant swallow or talk...(by the way my Mother fits this catagory as I write this...) people would be outraged... but not in this wonderful functioncentric GD hating world we have created for ourselves...

We need to fall on our faces we GD fearers and pray. We must not do it enough for our GD promises in His Word

1st Chronicles 7:14 if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

May God and Terri forgive us...

In 1930's Hitler's Germany the Nazi's took the infirm, the retarded out of loving homes "for their and the caregiver's own good" and euthenized them while telling the family that they were being taken care of until "they caught a virus or something and died..." Then it became easier to remove the unacceptable, the unloved, and unwashed... The Different, the Gypsy, the Homosexual, The Jew... Where does this stop? Your child or grandchild... your mother or father...YOU?

Look into Terri Schiavo's face and imagine a loved one in her place and say to them with a straight face..." I love you and want the best for you so I am going to starve you to death"... Thats what this amounts to...

You cant... and we as a people should not legeslate or judiciate euthenasia...

Period...

March 18, 2005

Head of Stone-Heart of Stone

stone carving in Hilo Farmers market 

I feel like that carving just now. I am caught up in the fight for Terri Schiavo, and have been spending my blogging time on other sites writing in support of the disabled. Blogger, being somewat disabled these days hasnt helped me much as its been down more than up for me...

Moving countdown continues, some news to pass on in the next report

March 17, 2005

The Wearing of The Red

Peaceful Greens. The Greens at Sea Mountain ... The Villas at Sea Mountain Colony , Pahala Kau


This area of the Big Island reminds one of Old Ireland with its rolling hills and pastures...racing to the wide blue seas... But it also reminds you of the other side, The centuries of bloody tribal warfare that scarred this land... Then the Invaders came... and we united too late to defeat them and had an alien religion thrust upon us... Im not talking about the White Man... Im talking about other Polynesians that came, conquered then treated the locals like slaves...

But... that isnt what I wanted to write about. I am re running the post I ran last year that was widely commented on then and now that I have a passle of new readers I would say this same thing again, with an added paragraph for an update. ... Its so important, on this day when the worst of people tends to come out...Poor St Patrick a rolling over in his grave...


The Wearing of the Red


Today is St. Patricks Day. I admire Patrick. The legend is that Patrick was a young Roman aristocrat that was captured by the wild Irish tribes and hauled away as a slave. He escaped a few years later, and returned to his family. Some time later he converted to Christianity. Burdened for his fellow captives and his captors he returned to Ireland and preached, and was well received. So well that the island was converted to Christianity in a generation. His work may have well saved Western Civilization as the monasteries that were established there were central in the preservation of learning and history in the early part of the Middle Ages.

But I am not wearing Green today. Not because Im not Irish, I likely am. One has only to look at my fair green eyed Mother, or my family tree of Southerners, cotton growing, share cropping, hard scrabble farmers all. Likely Scots Irish Ulstermen that came to this country in the early 1800s for a better life...

And not because Im not Catholic. Im not wearing Protestant Orange, nor do I follow in that mindset. I feel that England abused the Irish, just as we have abused the Hawaiians and stolen their lands, but there is no turning back the clock. Its done now. Fighting, bombing and other violence wont change the hearts hardened by hatred.

I am not wearing green today because it has become the color of fanatic religious fundementalism. It is the color of the flags of the militant islamists that would destroy the very Nation that I love and the freedoms that give purpose and meaning.. human dignity and worth... that are the God given birthright of every man woman and child on this earth.

Im wearing Red today. Red for the blood of martyrs. Those that died for what they believed in. Those that were murdered for what they believed in. Solders that die in service for their country right or wrong the cause... Duty and sacrifice are always noble.

Red... The color of the blood of Heros...

Im wearing Red today for the innocents... Children killed by adults, children killed in war as bystanders and as solders themselves... Bystanders caught up in events that were not of their making... On trains, on planes, in office buildings, sleeping in barracks, Olympic compounds and cruise ships. People in their homes and in the market. Young people in night clubs and riding on buses... Misguided children with bombs strapped to their bodies, thinking this is a sure way to god, to fame, out of poverty and shame....

Im Wearing Red today... For the Underground Church, for the Women living under Islam, for every child that goes to bed sick and hungry in a world that is so full of food and stuff that should we ever put or differences aside we could all be fed and healthy.

Im Wearing Red today, because it is the color of the Blood of The One, the only one that has the power to set to rights the evils of human affairs and make this world the place it was meant to be....

The Travelers Returns

The Travelers Returns. The Manatee River near Elington FL...Woody said he didnt take too many of these sorts of shots as we need to maintain an open mind. In other words... he doesnt want me to change from a "kama'aina" to a "parrothead"... Fans of Mr. Buffett will know what I mean 


Woody is very tired... It was a long week...

But he did very well between the camera not working very well and his not really sure about what he wanted to accomplish. He did do a lot of advance scouting and I think mission accomplished is a very good way to think about it.

He did love the area that is for sure. He said that he is sure I will love it too and that the sort of things we like to do are a major part of the culture of the places that he visited. No one thinks it odd that we want to eliminate hassle and try a different sort of life. In fact he said that he felt very welcome and that is a good sign.