June 18, 2005

All Hawaii All The Time

The Wild Shores of Kau, Waves beating the Pahoehoe at Punalu'u Beach Park Kau Big Island

This all happened in one afternoon/evening...

While standing at Hanks's Furniture we overhear a guy say to a group of people hes with "hey, those folks over there lived in Hawaii, lets go ask them about that... " Which they did and we had a 30 minute Q&A on life on the islands...

While sitting in La Fajita's in Bentonville at the table next to us, a group was talking about going to a luau on an up comming Hawaiian vacation and one of the guys leaned over to Woody and says "hey there you look like you just came back from Hawaii did you go to a luau while you were there? " Woody looks at me, and says "Im buying new clothes", hes generally in aloha wear as that is all hes got . I said "what island?" The blank look told me that they didnt know where they were going, so I said "Big Island, The King Kam , Oahu, Polynesian Cultural center, best show of all, Kauaii the Drums of Paradise. , and on Maui there are too many good ones...They were sitting with mouthes open. We went on eating...

I am in Lowes picking out lighting and the YOUNG (maybe 19) man helping me said, with a dreamy look, "my wife and I were just married and honeymooned there on Maui and we talk about just packing it up and going there and living on the beach... I took him by the arm and said "Dear, let me tell you how things really are... and we sat down at the desk aand I told him the horrors of blue tarp living for those that just show up and expect to live off of the land..."Save up and vacation there you will be a lot happier here in Arkansas."

Braums Broiler and Grocery store... Two waitresses chatter..."I am going to Hawaii to live on the beach and meet some hot looking guy... yeah just to go there, can you imagine living there?" Their breathless wonder and starstruck looks appalled me...Woody and I just look each other and order up an additional scoop of fabulous ice cream, to soothe our wounded souls by its wonderfulness and the fact that two huge scoops are only 1.85.

The long drive from Siloam Springs in the country. Beautiful country, a dream for city folks longing for clean air and rolling hills and dense forests. I found myself thinking about the social outing we went to last night. Woody played golf with the neighbors, and we got together for pizza at Lake Avalon Park and as I looked at the people there I thought " Gee, I am the youngest person in theis group... I am the youngest person living in this subdivision...What in the world am I doing here? I am here because of Woody who is thriving here..."


Sit down in front of the TV, and who should be on but Lelo and Stitch. Go beyond the silly alien story and look at the dysfuntional hurting orphaned sisters that lost parents and brother in an accident, the acting out by 7 year old Lelo and 18 year old Nani's struggle to make a living working the three minimun wage jobs required to survive. The struggle to juggle it all and the fact that no one in authority helps you, the system just beats you down when it finds you at all. I began to cry when I heard the mele (chant) at the opening, and again when Nani, at the end of her rope says to Lelo "sometimes things dont work out no matter how hard you try and perhaps its for the best..." Because I am living that out daily here.

Yes Ohana means "family, and no one gets left behind, or left out..." as the movie explains, but it also means that if you are "Ohana" that means you have to be some how born into the Ohana...

Woody came out, say me crying and said, "what is the matter with you? I said "you wouldnt understand ...you have never loved anything in your whole life..." He shrugged and went into the other room. Hes lucky that we are sleeping in separate rooms, or he would know of the dreams of the Hamakua and last nights nightmare that the sale of our house was a mistake and waking to tearful raving over this. Im not sure that I could bear the mocking I would receive over this. Woody has already shown no capacity for compassion on this issue.

I love Hawaii. It is in me, a part of me, and its language and culture are a part of my spirit. I cannot change it. Somehow I was born into the Ohana, and there is no changing that... Just like a divorce doesnt "unmarry" you, leaving Hawaii didnt remove me from the Ohana. The Mana (spirit of the culture) resides in me, I believe by God's will. The pain of the loss is really just begining and I dont see a avenue for closure... We are marked by the realization of what seems to be humanities dream..., the Hawaii adventure, and our journey before those nearly four years, and our journey now.

I feel like I am lost...