June 24, 2005

Scattered Thoughts

Pink and Red Torch ginger in a swath of wild sugar cane... Hilo Bay front in the background...near Lilioukalani Park Hilo Hawaii


I have too much time on my hands. I need to do something... yet I feel the malaise of the lost... I am applying for jobs and have the postal exam on the 29th...the dishwasher to clean out and I could cook a fabulous meal. I have a two month back log of mail to answer and need to start to think about sending out change of address cards...

Insted I sit and think.

I think about where we are... the wind was blowing and it made me think of Hawaii. It is very warm almost oppressively so... The kitties sititng in a sun beam more content by the day... They accept our will in this matter being forcebly removed from their natal place...Why cant I accept the Will of a Higher Authority that has brought me here... I dont know...

Its hard for me to focus... I think of the future in the new house how I will get things organized and ready. We will have our first house guests in September... I am not sure if things will fit ect...

This sense of "not fitting" things being out of balance is very uncomfortable for me, who grew up in a home where things were somewhat regulated there sre no surprises of a positive nature...

I had nightmares about Mak getting out here. As we came in tonight he was more wanting to greet than wanting to escape from us as I angrily shooed him away from the entrance. Its nerves...as he has never bolted for the door ever in his life... Fortunatly he is the most good natured cat I have ever had and he just continued to meow as if to say "Oh Mummy, dont get your hair in a knot!"

Do you ever think that you create problems just because... Woody and I think we do this just to make trouble for ourselves a sort of self sabatage... will be praying about that. We think that we did this with the car issue, now that we are several days beyond our silly adventure of trying to get two cars for the price of one, we realized that was a lot of heartburn for nothing. Better to look for a ride for Woody in the papaer and just not make a huge deal out of it. Right now all we need is the one car.

Years ago I made a commitment to live everyday as though it were my last on earth. I feel restless as though I am wasting time. I remember how it was in Waikoloa in 2001. I stedfastly refused to spend my days in front of the TV watching the towers being blown to bits again and again, it was brutally hot as that area of the Big Island is with a desert wind, so all you can do is stay in. I must admit I am much better served now. I have a computer...and the kitties to play with and a greater sense of life... I just need to grab on some how...

So I am redeeming the time. Woody and I realized that it would be really easy to go through more of the cash from the sale of the house than we need to by laziness so he challenged me to figure out a better investment than his stock port folio he inherited from his sister... I say real estate and so we are looking at possibly buying another property here in Bella Vista to rent out like the place we are currently living in. Huge demand for this sort ofunit... not enough rentals in this area so its a interesting idea.

Another interesting idea is getting a job... one of the neighbors sugessted I start my own business... I laughed and told him I needed a pay check not a baby to look after... He didnt get it... I know that you do...

I am trying to spend some of the excess time in spiritual reading, and regret that all of my Bibles got packed and I have only my travel edition that is too smal a print for leisurly reading. I found a Bible here in the unit and with a book that forwarded in the mail, I ordered it months ago, I am enjoying this extra hour with God. The book is on Gurtrude of Helfta, a 13th century German nun whose writings are a tretise on a Spirit filled life. For many Evangelical Christians they dont know or understand the great riches of these writers of the earlier days of our church and miss out on a great treasure.

I also have some blog projects to work on including a 2005 addendum to my writings on the World Trade Center Bombings on my blog Lux Aeterna For those of you that have not looked at this blog this was or rather is a personal look at the events of 9-11 based on the liturgy of the Lux Aeterna memorial mass. I hope to write a additional section to update the continual recovery effort by myself and our nation on an annual basis. We shall see.

I need to think about it... no wait I already think too much...maybe I will take a nap insted. Com'on kitties....

speaking of kitties, our wickedly funny friend Mr. Simon at his This Blog is Full of Crap, is hosting the 144th Carnival of Vanities. I am not a big plugger of these blogging events as I am such small potatoes that I dont feel qualified... but his cats are the cat's meow. Queen Edloe hosts the carnival and the photos and commentary are a scream, plus you are introduced to some really great writers on a lot of subjects.. take a read...