August 16, 2005

Walking into the Unknown Country

Hwy 187 near Beaver AR

Written August 15 at 11:30 pm

A huge storm is breaking over me as I write tonight. The past two days have brought us intermittent rain here in NW Arkansas. We are in a severe drought condition so this means help is on the way for the farmers and ranchers in this area. I saw a slight greening on my dead lawn when I went to have a plumber look at the remaining items left on the do and re-do list. It showered on us as we stood in my backyard, the heat and the shattered sunlight reminded me of my Hawaii on any given sunny afternoon when the rain would fall with out a cloud in the sky.

I'm glad for the rain. Like those poor cows that I would see standing in the treeless pastures, sweltering in the 100 degree sun, I was starting to tire of the merciless heat. I have never in my life lived in a place that had air conditioning like this, 24/7 for heaven knows how long...Partially because I have never lived in a place equipped with such a unit to heat and cool my home. Seems that all homes here even this little apartment, and the rundown trailers have central air...What a blessing it is too.

The day was a day of beginnings and endings for us. Woody's job came to an end today. I have somewhat expected it. He had a lot of return business, people would shop compare and try to do the deals but he just couldn't convince people that they needed this particular car...And didn't have enough sales as a result to make his quota. He is taking it well, a little chagrined and humbled. I find myself bewildered when he is not working even such a sad sack job as the one that he just lost. To me the divine order is in place when he has a place to go and try to earn a living... I would rather not be the bread winner.

I had a first today, one that I have planned for but took the plunge at the spur of the moment. I attended Mass for the first time today. I enjoyed it very much, and look forward to going again. Woody is supportive of my spiritual explorations even to the point that if I was to join this church he would be ok with it. "Afterall" he said, "don't we worship this same Jesus?" Yes I think so, but I know that there are many many people in my circle that will think I have gone off my rocker....Should my Mother hear about it, she will have a stroke and that will be the end... But I need to find that which fills my soul and I really like and admire much about this branch of Christianity.

I went today because I wanted to remember the day I first went. Today is the feast of the Assumption of Mary into heaven...a dogma that is controversial to say the least. I was welcomed by people, a lot of people were there Id say 200 or more showed up. I thought that telling.

There was much to think about with the service and much to question. But I feel that after 6 years of casual study, I am ready to do more than reflect on this, I need to actively pursue this, test it and see if this is the path for me...

This is a walk into an unknown country. For a lifetime I have been told all sorts of untruths about the Catholic church that I know now to be false. My study of history has taught me gratitude for this faith that was the lifeboat of our civilization. More recently my exposure to teaching by leading Catholic teachers via EWTN has debunked a lot of the false teaching I have received, and has allowed me to come to my own conclusions.

There is much more exploration to come, I need to spend time thinking and praying about this before I take any drastic steps. My faith is very strong and my assurance that my God is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him, propels me onward to the unknown country. Like all of my journeys, this one has been well planned, yet there is much that is unknown...That's when the faith comes, and the trust that my God will supply every need and protection to me in these days. It is my best and only hope.