September 08, 2005

Another Postponement of Destruction

my ever innocent Nani, I hear a crash, and she comes skittering out with that terrified look...." but I was only playing!"

Another Postponement of Destruction

Banging out the kitchen door, I kicked
before I saw it a thick glass baking dish
I'd set outside for dogs the night before.
It skidded to the top step, teetered, tipped
into an undulating slide from step
to step, almost stopped halfway down, then lunged
on toward concrete, and I froze to watch it
splinter when it hit. Instead, it kissed
the concrete like a skipping stone, and rang
to rest in frost-stiffened grass. Retrieving it,
I suddenly felt my neck-cords letting go
of something like a mask of tragedy.
I washed the dish and put it in its place,
then launched myself into a rescued day.

"Another Postponement of Destruction," by Henry Taylor, from Understanding Fiction © Louisiana State University Press..

I am the one kicking things. I am finding the frustrations of life hard to handle right now. The kicking causes unforseen damage, and more hardship. Its bad enough we have the accidental and the inccdental damage to deal with.

The night before we heard a terrible crash and jumped out of bed to find the heavy box with the framed pastel of my Mother's home in Cuba keeled over on the floor, underneath, crushed, was the small plastic ball that Nani likes to chase. We have not had the courage to open the box yet, and are glad that my tiny playful kitty wasnt squashed by the box she likely just bumped.

Her brother though was a really bad kitty the next night when he ran and jumpped on the forbidden top of my dresser. He was aiming for the high window and hasnt learned that the windows here have no sills for the cats to perch on (or me to clean or put clutter on) so he fell dragging the dresser scarf and everything on the top of the dresser. Yes it could have been a lot worse, I have only started unpacking my treasures, but a lovely set of footed porcelan dishes that I bought on our road trip in 2001 were lost. All four exploded on impact. Shards of pottery everywhere and in our and Mak's feet as we scrambled in the dark space. No serious injuries, but I was so mad I chased the little beast around like a mad woman and now he wont come near me. I cried much of the night and wanted to get on the next plane to anywhere, just to escape.

I lost the plates and my cat's trust. But the destruction is more internal for me... I feel terribly sad when I lose control like that. I feel like I am digressing rather than progressing.

We are all weary and somewhat lost right now. We all have "less" space in ways we are not used to. Woody and I for logistical reasons have had separate rooms through much of the journey. Sharing a bedroom again is sort of like starting over, snoring and all. Your truly is the queen, with the decible level reaching operatic at times.

The cats have less access to viewing the outdoors, as the windows are high and sill-less. They are used to spending their days out on the screened porch, but we need to restrict them tojust being out there when we are out there, as we have loads of cartons and stuff out there and being out on the screened porch at night particularly is not a good idea. There are too many creatures that see kitty as a item on the menu, and could come right through the screen.

I have far less space than I thought that I did and putting stuff away has been a huge challenge. Many of the cabinets in the kitchen the shelves do not ajust so It hard to figure out when to put things. I am convinced that the people that were here before us cooked very little, and had one or two glasses and plates. Its just amazing. I had more storage in my tiny farmhouse in California. I got so frustrated that I whacked a drawer, now it doesnt work right and I earned the ire of my husband for being stupid and reckless. "One of these days, you are really going to hurt your self," Woody retorted... He's right.

Yet, it will all work out. I got a better nights sleep by not having the cats loose last night, and we are going to do this for a bit until sanity returns to the household... I turned down an opportunity from Woody to pack it in and go back to Hawaii for a bit. Id still have to come back here eventually, better to be more rational about it and try to fininsh up things here. We still have the hot water thing hanging and I need to get myself sorted out. It is unfolding little by little and I know that its a matter of time and paitence. After all, we didnt get this far in a day, The Journey is a living process to be lived out one day at a time.