January 30, 2006

Time Is In Short Supply

Red Ginger taken at Wailoa Park Hilo Hawaii

Life is not easy here, but we are doing ok. Woody and I car getting along but more and more I feel trapped in a situation that will lead to my undoing. Already I am showing symptoms of immune system upheaval that I suffered with 8-10 years ago, Its very scary. The issue is that I get no rest. Life has become a 7 day a week push and Woody doesn't seem to understand that he has to start doing stuff, I cant do it all.

Things are crazy busy for us but the business is slowly coming along. Shipments are coming in and we are setting up. Hopefully Woody will finish the booth up today and we can get the product that we have received up on the shelf. I worry that we will have to give up for lack of funds before the "fruit has a chance to ripen". It takes time to develop a retail business. The saddest thing about giving up on my store in Hawaii was that it was just about to turn the corner. Had I been able to live there and stay with it....We 20-20 hindsight I guess.

I think I have a "situation" on my job. A permanant slot came up in the work group that I am a part of and they gave it with much fanfare to another "floater" I do have a desk and I am a fully benefited employee so I am not very concerned and a part of me wants to just get fired anyway so I can stay home and plant roses and bake cookies. I'm not asking questions...

Its not the quality of my work, its the fact that I fall asleep in the middle of meetings and at my desk from sheer exhaustion. I get to sleep at a decent hour but get no rest at night. Often I wake up more weary than when I went to bed. WE are sure I have sleep apnea, but its going to take some time to get the doctor to give me the sleep test. I will be seeing the same doctor that treated me over the summer for that hideous staph infection that I had.

Not that I am not using my new health insurance, The evenings this week are taken up with doctors. Keep me in your prayers as I have two spots on my arms that came out of nowhere and look like cancer to me. The Dematologist is testing to make sure its not an infestion, but the meds arent touching it so its a scrape and burn fest Add this to the long awaited Dentist and Eye Doctor (I am having an exam and exploring Lasik, any comments on your experiences, bring them on I need to know...) I have a full slate of medical exams. Woody saw a doctor, and had a good report that his blood pressure and weight are way down. He's lost 30 pounds in the last two months.Im very happy for him.

We hae been working on reviving our old computer system, and took the monitor and hard drive to Fayettville to see the boys at Geek Squad. They got them running. The Drive is not in good shape with all but one usb port none funtional. I am cleaning up the drive and I will be pulling off the things that need to be saved, like my photos, and the master copy of my stores inventory. The thing can die if it must after that. I bought a backup drive and will start to use that so I will have no more data losses.

I feel like my creative energies are at a very low ebb right now. Its a lack of private time and a feeling of isolation from the things that energize me. I dont know how to fix it right now. I need to do something. Woody is going to have me murdered if I continue to be such a hag at home. I pray a lot. I know that God will restore to me what He is witholding from me. It may take a while but I will wait. He hasnt failed me yet...