February 13, 2006

Letter To My Kitty Kids

mak and Nani watching the snow


Im sure you know by now that my popoki (Hawaiian for cats) are my hearts delight, but sometimes its exasperating. It seems like others have the same issues. I found this lovely cat blog Cat AddictionEternity's Writing is charming and her cats adorable. This is a take off of her post Letters to my Beloved Pets


Dear Beloved Popoki:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the kitchen is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Remember my sweet furry creatures, caring is sharing, just because one of you jumps in my lap desnt mean that the other has the right to jump up and push the first kitty off. If Mom is praying, you must not fight or bother her... and attacking her rosary beads and chewing on the crucifix is sacriligious and expressly forbidden

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think we will continue sleeping in the recliners to ensure your comfort.

And speaking of my recliner, you must end this practice of jumping into the recliner just as my rear is nearing the seat cushion. I weigh 20 times more than you and you will meet your untimely end if I sit on you.

Cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years by myself -- feline attendance is not mandatory.

The cabinets and closets are closed for a reason, to keep our unsightly mess out of sight and to keep you out of things that might hurt you...You do not have to investigate to see if everything is still there where it was two minutes ago when I let you go in there to see.

Makoa, I get hurt when you pull out a bathroom drawer or kitchen drawer and I fall over it in the dark. If its closed dont open it. KaNani you have a bed and do not require my underwear drawer as a bed, quit trying to get in there.


The proper order is kiss me, then go smell (or worse things lick) the other cats's butt. I cannot stress this enough! Also, your father would appreciate you not sitting on his face when he is trying to sleep.

To return the kindness of your obedience, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door so visitors to our home know what the rules are here:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy and walk on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially my cats.

5. Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car Only your mind crazy that is, don't hang out with-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!

Thanks dear we all had a good laugh