March 02, 2006

Hollow Underneath

The Great King, Kamehameha I. Considered to be a great man by certain Hawaiians, the truth is that he was a maurading terrorist that used the weapons he gained from the English to subdue the rest of the Hawaiian Islands, by ruse or by force. A pagan, he ordered the giant Pu'u Kohola Hieau built to honor the war god Ku. At the end of the 3 years it took to build, the dedication was celebrated by the human sacrifice of over twenty thousand hawaiians many of whom were impressed into service to build the structure. Reveired as a god, he is nothing of a god, he is like this hollow bronze statue, gilded with gold but underneath a common criminal...

Every year at about this time, I think about how, as a boy, in rural Jackson, TN, Every year at this time each class in our school, would be taken, by grade to go to the JR High to see a traveling drama group that staged plays and puppet shows. He was enchanted by the fairy tales that came to life and added color to this very sensitive and imagintive child's life. I so looked forward to this event year after year untill I was 10 when I was invited to go "behind the scenes" and see how the productions were put together. I was intrigued and disapointed at the same time. The life like puppets were controled by strings, and the beautiful castle where the princess lived was a hollow shell, only paper nache' and glitter and the front half...

This can be the way life can be for many people in the church. We need to be concerened about how things look and how we seem to others... and be hollow on the inside... better to be a bit less perfect and full and genuine. Let us be wary of being hypocrites and concerened with apperences, and be open to what God is getting us ready to do...and forgive those that may have inadvertantly deceived and disapointed others...

Exerpts of the Ash Wedensday message given last night by Rev David Fleming FUMSBV

Last night at the service, we all received paper that we could write down things that we wanted to repent of or just leave behind in this Lenten Season... I wrote down many of the things that have haunted me as far as the church is concerened... particularly how the church I served in 10 years ago still haunts me to this day with the profound hypocracy and abuse that it allowed to continue...Things I was unaware of until it blew up in my face. Once I heard this story... the pathos of this man that I have come to adore as a brother in the faith and trust more than I thought I could trust a clergyman... I scratched line after line off that page...I cannot let it go, cannot forget and cannot seem to truly forgive..

Which makes my religion as hollow as Pastor David's puppet stage of so long ago...

One day I must give this up, but as Woody and I made the rounds of Doctors appointments today, I heard his voice shake as he described the pain of watching my life come unraveled before his very eyes and he could do nothing to stop it. As friends fought over who was right, and wrong...and our firm conviction that the catalyst for this churches meltdown was a crime against a teen in the youth ministry. Now ten years later, every family that was in a position of leadership, every friend that we knew then, this seemingly strong family is scattered to the four directions, most not praticing their faith our their gift, children in rebellion and a swath of disasters in the wake of a disasterous decision to cover up a mans sin as to maintain the organizations image.

This sort of thing is the worst that can happen. My name was dragged in the mud by people that I loved and thought loved me... and that situation even followed us to Hawaii where a friend we made there, knew what went on at that church. Sad... and as painful and obvious to the victim as a amputation.

I am sure that this is the place in my life where this will end for me. I may have to go and deal with this in a clinical setting, or maybe discuss this with one of the several pastors at our church. I dont know. I feel that God is preparing me for a return to the ministry, but that wont happen untill I can lay this painful past down and let this go. I pray for this day, and dont want to go on with this much longer. As long as I carry it, it keeps me from being as full and whole as I need to be and I will reamin a front only castle, pretty to look at, but hollow underneath...