July 12, 2006

Fitting In

The singing bridge Hilo Hawaii...It was a drizzly sort of day, misty and out of focus, like a dream

In my dream, in that fuzzy sort of way one has of seeing in a dream, I realized that I was too large to fit in my world, and that there was no place for me. Chairs were blocked, either by other furniture, or stuff that was piled up within...Rooms were chocked full of stuff and I could hardly get through the doors... I somehow knew that I could no longer fit in our cars and so,couldnt drive, couldnt go to work. But at work the elevator would have been too small for me... the offices chairs diminutive...the narrow hallways were stifling...

I walked into our bedroom and Woody was sleeping on a narrow bed that only he fit in. I tried to lay down and couldnt fit and Woody couldn't spare enough space to let me so he pushed me away,and I fell off my world, plunging downward

then I woke up

I woke up begging Woody to not push me off... He was crowding me and he knew it and moved over... But Life is crowding me too. Those things that make me feel most alive are pushed out by activities that are not life affirming..... And its going to get worse.

I have a strong sense that prior to starting my own business, I am to be doing something else. I think its another job or vocation but I am not rushing this but rather I am praying things through. Something is comming, and I am ready for it... I am being pushed out of my current state and into an exciting time