December 23, 2006
In The Bleak Mid Winter
Silent Sunlit Snow
The presents are bought, and the holiday treats are in the fridge... The fireplace is going and we have snow flurries in the forecast. I cant belive the year is nearly over. Woody and I are ensconced at home for the weekend at last. Our tree softly glows fades away and then glows again with the new colored lights that I purchased for it this year. I like it so much better than "blink blink" lights that I had on there for years and years...
It hasnt been easy getting ready for the holidays. Time has been in short supply notso much because of work or social commitments, but by the time I get home, I have so little energy left I just colapse into a chair and watch the fireplace, or worse the TV.
I am still in a sort of funk, but really think a lot of my problem is my poor sleep. I have days when I feel like if I close my eyes I will fade away immediatly, or if I laid down on the carpet under my desk I would fall asleep before I could take my next breath. I am looking forward to the new year and getting this sorted out.
But the grief process seems to be moving forward. Writing cards this year seemed to be easier than I thought, I didnt get them all done but tears didnt slow me down, just volume and lack of time.
I have been following the discussions about saying Merry Christmas rather than "Happy Holidays". Since I work in about the most politically correct company imaginable, they have a ittybitty holiday lunch and whince at every gift exchange and Merry Christmas. Most departments ignore the eye rolling and have holiday gatherings, and Secret Santa gift exchanges. One of the larger groups sponsored a gift tree for disadvantaged kids and there were dozens of cartons of items shipped to the troops in Iraq... The few Muslim and other religions seem to take it all in stride and display no ill will, as long as we invite them to the party, which we do of course.
This past four weeks there have been a lot of activities at the church, from a carolling party at a local nursing home, to a special "Blue Christmas" service, sponsored by the Grief Recovery Group that I was a part of this fall. This was a service in which a persons feelings of grief could be shared in light of the holidays I found out that this was a nationwide event, and felt that it was quite helpful.
In the morning Woody and I are taking part of the opening of the service, lighting the Advent Candles and reading. Finding that many in our church are struggling with lonliness and disconnection, we as a body have really tried to make a place for everyone to feel welcome.
I feel some of the strangness of Christmas Past hover around me like Marley's Ghost, but for the most part, I know that like everything in life Christmas is what you make of it. The truth is, in giving, you receive, and it helps to ease the pain of past disapointments. I know too, that focusing on the real meaning of the season and realizing that all of the "stuff" that has been piled on this time of, what should be, a renewal of our spiritual commitment, is ment to drive you into a guilt trip so you will go out and try to fill that void with the false promise of "if I could just have THAT, I would be happy". No material thing will ultimately do that, and perhaps that is the biggest lesson for us living in the third millenium. We need to sit back and take a long look at that poor family in Bethlehem and realize that relationship to God and to each other is the true gift. And in that we can go on.
In the bleak midwinter,
frost wind made moan,
earth stood hard as iron,
water like a stone;
snow had fallen,
snow on snow, snow on snow,
in the bleak midwinter,
long ago.
Our God, heaven cannot hold him,
nor earth sustain;
heaven and earth shall flee away
when he comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter
a stable place sufficed
the Lord God Almighty,
Jesus Christ.
Angels and archangels
may have gathered there,
cherubim and seraphim
thronged the air;
but his mother only,
in her maiden bliss,
worshiped the beloved with a kiss.
What can I give him,
poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd,
I would bring a lamb;
if I were a Wise Man,
I would do my part;
yet what I can I give him:
give my heart.
That is my longing and my hearts true desire...
holiday brightness
