January 10, 2007

To Sleep, Perchance, To Dream

In the Wake of the Wind... my favorite dream, or so it seems, I see this view of sparkling Hilo Bay in my sleep...Hilo Bay Big Island of Hawaii

I am still recovering from last friday nights visit to the sleep lab. As I have said on previous posts I am suffering from Obstructive Sleep Apnea pretty badly. Woody says that he is unnerved by all of the times that I stop breathing at night. I am unnerved by all of the times I fall asleep during the workday ( I average 20 incidents of "micro sleep" as I sit at my desk on a given day)I am so weary from lack of sleep that I am at my wits end...

The results were back yesterday and the stunning news was that when I am fully asleep, I have an average of 92 episodes where I stop breathing or go out of a pattern of breathing per hour... God... why am I not dead yet? So I am going to have to go on a CPAP machine (sort of like a vacumn cleaner in reverse, it forces air into the airways to hold them open so I can breathe when sleeping.)When I test drove one, I found the thing tortureous and akin to drowning as I couldnt exhale against the wind... so to speak. The head gear used to hold the mask over my face was claustrophobic and painful.

But all of that being said, I am committed to trying to make this work. We dont get to pick our disabilitites. I may look like a Borg at night, (not that Woody cares, hes facing the other direction anyway most of the time) the little machine is quiet and likely the only caualties of this will be my morning hair, messy anyway, Makoa who is afraid when I have lipstick, or sunglasses or a hat on my head, and my vanity.... but if the thing can make me pretty on the inside insted of the raging cow I seem to be all of the time, that will be worth the effort.

The negative health effects of doing nothing are well documented and dreadful. Lack of oxygen is causing me to lose brain cells as though I were an alcoholic on a bender. It deprves me of the fuel needed to burn calories properly making it impossible for me to lose weight. Your system gets polluted with undelt with toxins your mind gets polluted with undreamed dreams. Diabetes, High Blood pressure, Heart and Liver enlargement, (thank God I am only fat at this point, other than that I am in very good shape) It is thought that OSA killed football star Reggie White, and is called the Silent Killer because it is often the common denominator in otherwise sudden deaths, including my friend Gail Gonzales who died rather suddenly in 1998 of a enlarged and worn out heart at age 49.

Time to put vanity aside and try to do something about it. It isnt as easy as it sounds. The science of fitting the airtight mask to your nose and not ruining the skin beneath is very primitive. I mean, look around you at the assortment of noses and faces just in your own home or workplace! I am hearing that it can take 3 to 5 attempts at different masks, which yes you are measured and fitted at the store, but the proof is using the thing and once you take it out of the package and use it no one will take it back. Average price on the internet was 100.00. Most insurance will only over the basic one that fits only 15 percent of the population.

So I go back on 1-19 for another test and we shall see how things go. When I was out in California, I spent a bit of time with the lady that lived next door to me while I was growing up. Now a vigorus 90 years young, Doris Hilte shared with me that she was praying that she will accept the nursing home when the time comes and thank God for it as one of His gifts and not see it as a prison as my Mother did. She spent a month in one after a bad fall, and said " she'd rather not go in again" but if she did, she said that she wanted to strive for a better attitude than the one she saw in my Mom and others.

And so it goes, I want to get back to normal again, whatever that is. Maybe this is the beginning... But there is a lot to overcome, and I can only hope that this can be accomplished, my life nay depend on it...