August 21, 2009

Surprise Decision

The Mill spillway for War Eagle Mill War Eagle AR


I was stunned when I got the call from the agency that sent me to the job last week. I was not to return, the company was going in a "different direction", and they expressed concerns regarding my typing skills. So I went into the agencies office and discussed this whole thing. It turns out that my boss who had been out much of the week came back to see that I was not very well trained and was not compleating the work in a "timely manner" so it must be my typing skills. He was viewing a "stroke counter" a program that tells the viewer what a person has typed. Its a way to monitor the use of the computer and the internet. It doesnt take into account the time I spent in gathering the information that was place into the fields, not does it take into the account the fact that the company system was very counter intuative a required memorization of every operation... When the agency called it turned out that the gal that was training me showed me only part of what was expected so I didnt meet expectations. There is no turning back. I feel a bit like I have been sabataged. This must have been a sudden decision as they has assigned me a desk and gave me keys to the building the same afternoon. It makes no sense to me or to the agency. My gal at the agency went to the office saw the desk and the few things that I had left there,and brought them to me. She says its all very odd, very strange all around.

I am feeling very let down but yet, it was going to be a hard climb there. All of the operations positions there above what I was doing are treated like brokerage positions. This means you are paid on comission, and have a quota. I was really surprised at that, because you have to cover all of the loads on all of the lanes and you can choose which ones you work but if loads on lanes that lose money arent covered the department is in trouble. One of the girls was complaining that she was the only one doing this dirty work and she was losing money... I found myself dreading the dog eat doggedness of that situation.

I know that there are friends of mine that will say..."see see you were too negative and lacked gratitude and God didnt bless this." I have a number of friends that believe in the "Law of Attraction" ie The Secret and the Course In Miracles. However, I think that this was the wrong job for me. I can only pray for better. The gal at the agency said I was the third person they have sent in and only one has done ok not great but ok. He works the 6 pm to 6am shift, and that is what they were going to ask me to do and I physically cant do that night work. I think that and the fact that I am not a person that will stay content as a data entry clerk for very long were the real issues.

I told the lady at the agency that I was very willing to do that job for as long as I needed to... that being faithful in the small things was very important to me and that it was unfortunate that my trainer barreled into my new boss and told him how experienced I was and that I should move up right away...(I cautioned the gal to stop doing that...yikes...)She had issues and perhaps I didnt get the training I should have but I had no way to know that. Who was in charge? the supervisor sat next to us...if I wasnt doing well why did he tell me that he thought I was doing a good job, and why didnt he correct my trainer... I arrived on time, didnt abuse break or lunch times and did the work assigned to me. Where I come from that is what you do the first week on a job. There was no orientation, no tour and no meeting the other employees... I just feel like this was screwed up...

I wonder if those around me think I dont try hard enough. I do try, and have been willing to do a lot of things to turn a buck. I am feeling a bit confused and demoralized, but Monday is the start of a new week and I will look at the bright side. I was able to attend a great AA meeting this morning. The weather was lovely for the day out...Yesterday it was like we needed to get an ark built, it was raining so hard!

I am not in control of others I am only in control of myself. I feel that I did my very best, I can only hope that I can get settled soon. I am putting the ideas I am working on in my sessions and from Al Anon, and choosing to not make any decision making until I really need to make those choices. That is putting the idea of One Day At A Time into practice to me...

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