March 31, 2009

Burn The Ships

Sloop at Anchor, near Cape San Blas, Florida

In the spring of 1519
a Spanish fleet set sail
Cortez told his sailors
this mission must not fail
On the eastern shore of Mexico
they landed with great dreams
But the hardships of the new world
made them restless and weak
Quietly they whispered,
"Let's sail back to the life we knew"
But the one who led them there was saying


Burn the ships, we're here to stay
There's no way we could go back
Now that we've come this far by faith
Burn the ships,
we've passed the point of no return
Our life is here
So let the ships burn

In the spring of new beginnings
a searching heart set sail
Looking for a new life
and a love that would not fail
On the shores of grace and mercy
we landed with great joy
But an enemy was waiting
to steal, kill, and destroy
Quietly he whispers,
"Go back to the life you know"
But the one who led us here is saying

Burn the ships, we're here to stay
There's no way we could go back
Now that we've come this far by faith
Burn the ships,
we've passed the point of no return
Our life is here
So let the ships burn


Nobody said it would be easy
But the one who brought us here
Is never gonna leave us alone

Burn the ships,
we're here to stay
There's no way we could go back
Now that we've come this far by faith
Burn the ships,
we've passed the point of no return
Our life is here
So let the ships burn

Steven Curtis Chapman

It is with great regret that the staff-parish relations committee notifies this congregation that Rev David F.... will be transfered to a new parish in Pine Bluff AR effective July 1 and Pastor Sarah________, an elder and District Superintendent and her retired husband will be transferred here to pastor this church in Bella Vista...

With the lady's words the last little threads of my mooring's here in NW Arkansas were hacked away and I am now adrift in the seas of life... My three reasons for returning here from Louisville, were to open or deal with the business situation, to finish my relationship with Woody and tie up those loose ends, and to return to a church that I have come to love

Its not just that my beloved pastor and his wife and son whom I adore are being sent all the way across the state, but they are sending a retirement aged woman to replace him... and I fear ... condemning the new work we have begun to a slow painful death. Nothing on the new pastor, I don't know her, I cant make an assumption about what she will or wont do. I am certain of one thing, We really need a young family man, full of energy and enthusiasm at the helm. Someone like David, with a vested interest in continuing the course already laid out, for the sake of his own children. Not a retiree interested in golf rounds and daytime events that the working people cant participate in... And true to form, the stereotype of Bella Vista being only a retirement community has won out and this church will be the loser. Twenty years ago, there were only Seniors here. Now Bella Vista is home to the most populous grade school in the state of Arkansas,over 500 children and it only goes to the four grade! In one year of starting a Contemporary service, we have gone from 4 kids to fifty kids and we are having our first confirmation class...150 people in Contemporary worship from zero a year ago...

This is important to me because I have been a part of this work from its inception nearly four years ago, and have nourished it prayed and been a part of it all along. There has not been time to raise up a new leader, or train people to come along side, we don't have enough people to fill all of the positions anyway, typical of a new work in any church.

Our Worship leader left us a month ago, to pursue a job in Cleveland, that left a place for me to sing on Sunday's and that has been wonderful... It was my hope to become even more involved. While my quest to become a Roman Catholic is on hold for now, I was very willing to invest myself in this congregation...

The United Methodist Church ordains women. I don't have a problem with that. I don't have a problem with women marrying, burying, teaching at various levels, being an assisting pastor or pastor in charge of youth, music or seniors. We have a lovely Senior lady, a retired pastor that has been great for our church and a big help for our pastor, as she supervises the Children's ministry and does visitation.

But I do have a problem with having a woman as a Senior Pastor, in the primary leadership role. It is not Biblical, and it is not found in Tradition. It is not something that I can go along with. Its is a cruel blow to me, as it will effectively end my relationship with the church, and that finishes off any support system that I have in the area. It kills me.

I have spent my last 24 hours in a sort of numb shock...right after service yesterday I came home and Woody met me and we took Abigal out to Oklahoma to the Breeders where she is going to be with her Mum and sibs for at least a month to gain maturity and to work on house manners. While driving Woody and I talked about his future. He will probably be returning to the West Coast once our home has sold, regardless of our marital status. If he does this I am going to ask him to file for a divorce in CA, which will be easier to get, and less hastle

More endings, more reasons to look elsewhere to settle. I have no job, I do not own this house and likely I wont because I am spending the down payment. I have no family here, and no social life, and now no church.

There are a lot of churches here and Im sure I could find one very easily that I would fit into. I would look specifically for ministry to my age group and single adults. It also needs to be close.

One church that comes to mind is Gracepoint Church dot com I have some familiarity with this body, friends go there and I visited with their Pastor a few weeks ago when I was feeling low down. When Walmart sacked all of those people a few weeks ago, they brainstormed and set up a ongoing ministry called HOPE - NWA I am going there tonight to the monthly meeting for HOPE-NWA. Maybe I can get some help on finding a job.

March 31

What a difference a day makes. I considered erasing this whole post because of the meeting I had today with Pastor David. With out saying anything to him about why I wanted to meet with him, he laid out the reasons why the Conference Board made this decision. This move will affect a number of churches and by moving David, it will facilitate the moving of another man that really needs to move to a body that has been having a really hard time. It makes sense to a degree when he explains it. But it doesnt lessen the pain or the fact that when he is not there, the energy level drops to zero in that building. I am scared and in this hour of disruption and pain in my life this was the LAST thing I needed.

While he served me coffee, another thing about him, his graciousness as a host and a servant-leader...I had a chance to meet Pastor Sarah... boy that is alien on my toungue. I saw a photo...I wouldnt have guessed this lady was 62 by the look of her... David had a letter she had written to him...beautiful in wording, almost a poem,...He said he'd give a lot to be able to write like that. He had a message on his phone that Sarah left, she seemed so loving and kind, knowing that this is a brutal separation, a certainly unexpected one... encouraging him. I really liked that. It told me a lot about her.

I was assured that she cares about the work, that she has the energy to maintain the level of passion necessary to push us to the next level. Many people who have been around awhile know her already and love her.

I felt a bit reduced. I had prejudged Sarah in a lot of areas. But nothing said changed the theological truth about a woman as a seinor pastor. David asked me to consider all of the reasons why Methodism allows this practice.Even joking with me that this posting had really allowed him to get in touch with his "feminine side", and that I had sat under a man who "wore a dress" every sunday for four years... an allusion to the clerical gown and the european style cassock he wore early on that he gave up due to peer pressure about the roman collar atached to it... "Be all things to all men, he said quoting Paul... All of those reasons, to me, allow for ministry but negate the Pauline injunctions about headship. Only in extreemis shoud a woman be in charge like this. Maybe there is no one else... we never got to that point...

Without asking me to stay on, he did ask me to stay on, but pointing out the changes that are about to occur in the Team, let alone this move... and that if I wanted to honor him, would I be willing to be there to see that the work we have begun be lasting and effective...to endure. I have found that thought to be compelling.

The loss of my friend is really painful. This is the first person I have met in many years that just connected at points that seemed just amazing to me. He wasnt afraid to reach out to me and to take an intrest in my life. Carla his wife and his son always were inclusive and I felt connected to them... They changed my feelings about church, and about Pastors, and pastor's families. I had a chance to really see into a mans life that has helped me make choices regarding abandoning my unhealthy marriage and being open to a healthy relationship in the future. He didnt always understand, but accepts my faith journey as it comes, helping me to do the same. And, as a Wounded Healer, he has encouraged me to continue to seek healing in my own life. Its huge....

He stated a fact, the church is not the pastor. I come from a place (Calvary Chapel) where that view is the opposite. Certainly the Catholic Church doesnt support this view, and one of the reasons the Methodist church moves its pastors around is exactly this reason. I need to change my heart attutde, and not be so angry and upset... I saw all of these people today in the office that I would miss terribly if I left, compounding my losses even more, adding grief upon grief...

I gave serious consideration that I might follow David and Carla to Pine Bluff. If there was a position in the church, or there were jobs I would certainly consider it. My hero in the faith Anne Hutchinson followed the Puritan teacher, John Cotton to the new world... I know people in the Calvary Chapels that followed pastors from location to location... but truthfully today, I realized that this is not God's plan for me. I looked into his face as we had coffee, I saw pain and weariness that my anxiety didnt help... and I realized that the ultimate way I can be a friend is to let go, be strong and to what I can to help make the transition smooth, and be available and supportive.

I do need to Burn the Ships. the ships of the Past. I asked God to teach me to trust Him, with every blow, every loss and every day of accute insecurity, I can only draw closer to Him, and not cling to anyone or anything. I need to trust in God's will and not be overly upset and anxious about anything that happens.

After today I am looking forward to meeting this lady, I may not agree with the politics of the denomination, or how this comes about. But God knows that, and He will lead me on, there is no turning back.

Labels: Catholic, Faith, Ministry, Personal Growth, UMC