January 31, 2007

Aloha 'Oe' My Wide Blue Seas?

The Palms of Wailoa Hilo Hawaii

My Blogging life is about to change, blogger beta is comming to eat me alive... And there is a risk that My Wide Blue Seas may disappere off the face of the Internet through no fault of my own. If that happens I will pick it up again at http://mywideblueseas.wordpress.com/

I cried all day yesterday... Its like yet another death, and it hurts alot. I have been reading the horror stories about missing blogs and missing entries and all of that and thought " Well, I am going to set up a new account and see how Blogger Beta works before I make any assumptions.

Its worse than my worst fears

None of my template work will make it over. I tested them all. most were takeoffs from designs by Mela of the blog, Diaphanety, she is a good code writer and these were some of her first, so Im sure that code use changes (heavens I dont know???)I dont understand why they dont work in Beta? I spent many many hours tweeking them and adding the artwork, and the links. The idea that I am going to lose all of this is very painful. But I dont have much choice do I?

So...it looks like I will have to start from scratch. I dont have a utility that will let me save the templates in a meaningful way, so I am looking for that. I also have only a small amount of the actual content saved. I am working on that today. It wont be transmittable into acrchives, But I will have it and should I want to use the materiel to write a book I will have it in a form that is useful.

The three smaller blogs Hokulea~Star of Gladness, Lux Aeterna, and Hawaii Calls!, are all on a 2 column format and will adapt well to the Beta templates,which, by the way are the most boring ugly things around, they stink... with some tweeking and changing of the fonts and adding a few pictures. None of that is possible right now, and they will be boring visually. Since the only three column template that I have found that said that it was compatible with Beta wasnt, MWBS and the Ohio photoblog, which may become a journal about my future exploits in the jewelry trade (starting with a return trip to Ohio and the Druhards school to brush up on what I learned when I was there last...)are really going to be downgraded. No links no pics and a really reduced content. Many of the web gadgets and buttons will not work and with a two column page will not fit... And Beta and Haloscan are not compatible. They have scrapped Bloggerbot in Hello, which I loved, and the photo upload with Blogger stinks just now. I hate it

I have watched the struggles of blogger friends with the transition. Smoothstone changes the template everyday it seems, trying to find a good fit and the content of that great blog is, while not reduced, is harder to find. Our friend Luz, of Doves and Pomegrantes has fallen off the face of blogger earth, because of a Beta error, with no recourse. I read on "Blogger Help" fourms, the dispair of people that are trying to get things straightened out to no avail, and feel their pain deeply.

My Blogs are a really important part of my life. I havent realized this until faced with losing them. While I have saved my content into a printable format, the photos along with that, the look and feel was important to me, just as my clothing is important to how I look. The reduction in circumstances for my blogs bothers me.

I fear losing everything, and will not make the move unless I must. I will be playing with the test blog in Beta so I can be ready when it happens and I can only hope that things go well.

Any sugestions?

January 28, 2007

Matthew 25:31-46~Serve the Lord By Serving Others

Iced Trees in our back yard. Bella Vista Arkansas

Matthew 25:31-46

(And Jesus continued to speak to the disciples...)

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne.

Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,

I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?

'And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?

'And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'

'And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

'Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.

'For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,

'I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.'

'Then they also will answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?'

'Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.'

And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

January 26, 2007

My Ordinary Days

The Road Home... The steep twisty road that leads up to our house, It reminds me of life everytime I climb up it to the house...Bella Vista Arkansas


The church is in Ordinary Time right now and I have slipped into Ordinary Days. No holidays until Memorial day means five days a week in unremitting toil at "thisplace", and a bit of monotony has set in...For a woman that unconciously preferes constant upset to a workable relationship, this calm creates a sense of unease. I pray against it every moment I feel it.

For this is a good thing, ruetine. It is going to be unsettled soon enough. My desk is going to change in the next two to four weeks. The account that I have been babysitting is moving on and my work will go with it. I will return to the dreaded "Talent Pool" which is run by my former bosslady, also a refugee for the downsizing of the major account that we worked on last summer.

"Pool People" end up stuck on accounts that need temporary help. To explain this more fully... Here at thisplace, the customer directly pays your salary. To be more specific, when a firm wants us to handle their transportation needs they negotiate a fee per unit ( and that can be anything from tonnage to volume, but is most often by truckload) and the salaries of the team that will be handling them. For example, my former account contracted for 22 people plus 2 operations managers and a general manager. I have worked with Contracted labor before so I understand the concept and in fact think its a smart way to handle labor. The account pays for me and I am paid by "thisplace". But this can be bad when, for example, it took 29 people, four operations mgrs. and a GM to run this account at full volume. Those costs must be absorbed by "thisplace" or the contracts must be renegotiated. I dont know how this was handled in this case, but as soon as the volumes started dropping the team was reduced in size. Some got positions on other teams by requesting them, some by involuntary transfer. I volunteered to relocate to a new team, and was given this one man account that is partially connected to my old team. I have enjoyed the heck out of it, and will be sad when it ends.

I have spent the last nearly three months doing mostly data entry, occasional troubleshooting, and handholding for a firm that took its business to another firm that does what we do. Thats why it will eventually go away. I am ok with this but I have never worked for a place where my job was just for a season, like temp work. My wages dont change from desk to desk so in a sense I dont care but deep down I want a job that I can commit to and that I can invest myself into. I have been told that wont happen and that the more nomadic you are willing to be the further you will go with the firm.

One of the things that I have had to do is to develope a list of goals for myself, that connect somehow to the corporate goals. I am stuck in the mire of how can I have goals when I dont know what I will be doing from one day to the next? Tis a puzzlement that when I tried to discuss it with management I was told to write down that I will do 10 percent more work and take a few training classes. Since I dont know what i will be doing and how much I will be able to take classes, I am not doing that. Why do I have to sign something commit to something that may not happen and I have no control over it. This is just the tip of the coporate iceberg, where there is a huge amount of double speak and wordy language to say "Hey, we did a lot of good stuff last year, but this year we need to cut the crap and get the financials under control. Are you "on the team" or not?"

Out of a thrity minute meeting I think I understood one talking point. I guess I was on the island to long....

Well, I have to say this, this few months I realized the power of my Ipod and its effect on my life. I have discovered podcasts. I have about 7 hours of listening time so I have a slew of Christian Podcasts that I download every week. They range from the catalog at EWTN, paticularly Father Benedict Grochell, to Charles Stanley, Chuck Swindoll and Joyce Meyer. For Expository teaching I have selected one Calvary Chapel pastor (many podcast and many of them bring to mind painful memories, so this required careful consideration. I selected Jon Courson and his "Searchlight" through the Bible course. I think he is our generations answer to the venerable J Vernon MaGee. If I know I am going to have a really quiet afternoon, and have the time to really chew on something, its the pastors and "worship/ missionary-intersessors at IHOP Kansas City. I listen to an hour of that and its all I can do to not just chuck it all and go into full time ministry. Its seductive in its intensity, and as a worship leader "on the shelf" it can create discontent over my orders from God "to wait and pray"(which has been firmly re inforced by the other pastors teaching I have heard lately..)
First thing in the morning I listen to Pray-As-You-Go, a lovely meditation produced by the Irish Jesuit Community, and in between all of these diverse teachers, I play a set of "Radiant Worship" The daily improptu worship set for pianist Richey Clarke of Conroe, Texas. He sounds like Sting singing about Jesus...amazing! He hangs at a site called "Gods Ipod". I havent had a chance to check it all out but it looks very interesting. I have a lot of other devotional material loaded into the little machine which has become my little friend and a link to a world that I understand. I have recharged a part of my life that really had been lacking. From the estrangement from the church in California, our inability to settle into a church in Hawaii, and the...well... I love our pastor here in Arkansas and he hits the spot, when he digs in a preaches but many sundays are devoted to things other...other than teaching and frankly I find that frustrating sometimes.

And so it goes. It isnt going to last long, new accounts are comming on and I know that I am going to be tapped for one of them. There will be little time for this once the phones start to ring. On my lunch hours I have started to work on my business plan for the repair business. I attended a seminar last night sponsord by the Arkansas Small Business Development Network, the organization that was so infuluential in helping me with my business in Hawaii.The talk was on starting a business in Arkansas, all of the law and the draconian tax code (they have a whole slew of taxes on stuff I never heard of...)and other general topics. I was advised by a counselor that I was well on the way and really need to decide how I want to do this, and look at obsticals to sucess, on of which is the seeming security of my well paying day job.

I received the fabled annual bonus for 2006 today, sort of a profit sharing. I equaled nearly 10 percent of last years gross. People at " thisplace" live for this check. I looked at it and was glad, but wonder at the price. It will help me to my goal, but I need to keep the goal in mind, and not let the money distract me... Life is more than money. I need to be in a place that makes sense to me, where I dont feel like I am watching a play where all of those around me are on the stage and I am the only one in the audience, watching and not understanding. I need to come into my own and know I will in due season.

January 22, 2007

The Un-Choice

Double Delight Descanso Gardens

The pain was incredible, more than I had thought that it would be. I had prolonged this needed trip to the emergency room too long. The nearly four months that I had been pregnant were filled with never ending sickness, never ending stress and anxiety. Our lifestyle choices had led us to this situation, a pregnancy that was not planned, inexplicable in the face of the Engineer's inability to have children, the suspected father would never claim this life as his own, and I was not mentally or emotionally in a state to deal with it... I had not had medical care and we had a major problem at this moment.

I had told the Engineer, my husband at the time, only recently, that I was expecting and even with the paternity complication, while not delighted, was accepting, but deep down I knew there would be major issues later on. But it looked like there was not going to be a later on, not with this pain and the bleeding that had been going on for days.

I had contemplated an abortion, but had neither the money nor the stomach for it. I had had friends that had had them, and the stories were frightening to me, but it seemed that I was going to go through the horror anyway.

The ensuing miscarrage was as painful as it was damaging. By the time I sought medical attention it was too late and the proceedures that were undertaken to deal with the situation, the infection and dead baby were as bad as any abortion. I found out that my husband had asked if they knew what sex the child was, and he was told that it was male, they thought. The "products of conception" didnt rate a burial but were thrown in the trash.

My husband was different after that, I was different after that as well.We continued on with our lives as though nothing had happened...

But something had had happened, I had conceived a son, who would be 23 today. My life would have been radically different, maybe not better or worse but different. It is a loss, something that cannot be replaced, an experience for which there is no subsitute, literally shoes that cannot be filled...

I tell this story, because I dont to be perceived as a person who has no experience with a crisis pregnancy. I have, and as I look back, and as I have lived my life I have come to regret, not just the sins that brought that life into the world, but my rage and hard heartedness that wounded me and those around me.

I have also learned that abortion is not the first choice of most women who have the proceedure. The truth of the matter is that most women would chose anything else other than have an abortion. Some surveys say that up to 2/3 of all abotions are cohersed . The organization Unfair Choice lists these facts on their site

1. Coerced. 64% felt pressured. Coercion can be intense, even violent.*

2. Unwanted. Up to 83% of abortions are unwanted. Most would have had the baby if they'd had support.*

3. Not told about options. 79% not informed about available alternatives.*

4. Not fully informed. 84% not given enough information to make an informed choice.*

5. Women and general public not warned about risks. 31% suffer health complications. 10% suffer immediate complications, one-fifth of which are life-threatening.*

6. Clinical depression. 65% higher risk of clinical depression.*

7. Trauma. 65% suffer multiple symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.*

8. Death rates. Death rates from all causes 3.5 times higher compared to women who give birth.*

9. Suicide. Suicide rates are 6-7 times higher compared to women who give birth.*

10. Heartbreak. 60% said "part of me died."*



8 Reasons Why Abortion is Bad for Women

by Georgette Forney

Co-founder of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign
President of Anglicans for Life

Women from the National Organization of Women scoffed at me as I held my homemade sign that said "I Regret Choosing Abortion." As I walked away I thought of all the people who had contacted me, seeking help for the pain, shame and guilt they felt for having abortions.

That's when the seed for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign was planted. Since that day, Priests for Life and Anglicans for Life have worked to raise awareness about the devastating effect abortion has on women and men. We want to expose the secrecy and silence surrounding abortion and heal the pain. I've learned that personal experience outweighs theories discussed by policy makers and judges. I've also identified the top 8 reasons why abortion is harmful to women.

1. Abortion is bad for women because personal experience shows it creates more problems than it solves.

After an abortion many women find themselves dealing with increased use of drugs and or alcohol to deaden their pain, reoccurring insomnia and nightmares, eating disorders, suicidal feelings, and many even attempt suicide. Difficulty in maintaining or developing relationships. Loneliness, isolation, anger, fears of the unknown, indecisive and a sense of self-hatred. Since 2001, 15 studies focused on the psychological affects of abortion have been done. These studies underscore the fact that evidence-based medicine does not support the conjecture that abortion will protect women from 'serious danger' to their mental health. It indicates the opposite!

a. For instance, Kathy had a saline abortion. A saline solution was injected into her fetus's body, poisoning him to death. Kathy never grieved her abortion, and when she had children she began to experience intrusive thoughts about poisoning them. Very gentle and soft spoken, Kathy was terrified. She sought counseling, and identified the root; her saline abortion. Her mourning over her abortion had mutated into these intrusive thoughts as a way to re live her emotional experience. They stopped once she admitted her pain, and grieved her abortion.(i) Though most women who have abortions do not act upon these intrusive thoughts, their torment affects their mental health and their relationship with the living children.

b. Consider Cathie, she said, "I was 14 yrs old when I was coerced into having an abortion, the doctor lied to me at Planned Parenthood and told me my 2nd trimester baby was just a mass of flesh floating around my womb and they were going to stick a vacuum up me and suck the baby out! The doctors should also have to tell the patient the method used in the abortion from start to finish. They did not tell me that my baby would feel pain, or that the baby would first be cut up into pieces before the doctor sucks it out. I found this out after the abortion from looking at an abortion booth at the fair. I could not look at myself in the mirror. I had self loathing after this knowledge. I was addicted to heroin, alcohol and other drugs for the past 30 years. Trying to mask what I had done to my baby. I am clean and sober now, but my life has been hell since that awful abortion ruined my entire life. I cannot have children; I had to have my fallopian tubes removed because of infections caused from the abortion."

2. Abortion is bad for women because it creates physical problems. Abortion advocates frequently assert that carrying an unintended pregnancy to term is more harmful to women than abortion. But all the research and women's personal experience says something else.

a. In the US, over 140,000 women a year have immediate medical complications from abortion.[ii] This includes problems such as: infection, uterine perforation, hemorrhaging, cervical trauma, and failed abortion/ongoing pregnancy.[iii] Consider that in 1998, Denise Doe (not her real name) left a Louisiana clinic with a 2 inch gash across her cervix and an infection so severe it sent her into a coma for 14 days. For the next six months, she could not even use the bathroom she had to rely on a colostomy bag. An emergency hysterectomy at a nearby hospital ultimately saved her life. And in 2000, a woman in Bucks County, PA went home from clinic in pain called back because painful bleeding and the doctor never responded. She went to the ER and had surgery to remove the fetus from the fallopian tube.

b. Long term health risks include an increased risk of cervical and ovarian cancer.[iv] And a 30% increased chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer.[v] Abortion can also lead to infertility due to hysterectomies, pelvis inflammatory disease and miscarriage. Finally, abortion can lead to complications in future pregnancies including; premature birth, placenta previa, and ectopic pregnancy.[vi]

3. Abortion is bad for women because we are still dying from it. Death from abortion also proves that it is not safer than childbirth.

a. Women are also still dying from the abortion procedure itself. In February 2002, 25 year-old Diana Lopez died at a Los Angeles clinic because the staff failed to follow established protocols before and after the abortion. If they had followed protocols, they would have realized she was not a good candidate for abortion because of blood pressure problems, and afterwards when her uterus was punctured during the abortion they should have called for an ambulance. And In January 2004, a 15 year old girl died in Southfield MI from "uterine infarction with sepsis due to a second trimester abortion." The Coroner, Dr. Hlavaty told Ann Norton, who is also a nurse, that the "girl's death was normal." The doctor explained: "I rule it normal because these complications are expected with this type of abortion."

b. Women with abortion history have increased risk of dying from a variety of causes after abortion. A study done in Finland shows that 94% of maternal deaths associated with abortion are not identifiable from death certificates alone. Proper tracking of pregnancy associated deaths requires linking the death certificates to the deceased women's medical records. Therefore with proper identification of pregnancy history, the research revealed that the death rate associated with abortion is actually three times higher than that of childbirth. The study was published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology Another study of 173,000 women's health records in California, women who had abortions were almost twice as likely to die in the following two years and that the elevated mortality rate of aborting women persisted over at least 8 years. This study was published in the Southern Medical Journal.

4. Abortion is bad for women because it opens the door for subtle pressure and coercion by family, friends, employers, institutions of learning, sexual predators and the culture.

a. Jennifer O’Neill, the celebrity spokeswoman for the Silent No More Awareness Campaign, and well-known actress, who starred in the movie "Summer of '42," was forced by her fiance to abort the baby she wanted. He told her that he would sue for custody of her older daughter if she didn't abort their child.

b. In some cases, parents threaten to kick the girl out of the home, boyfriends and husbands threaten to leave, or women are told by well meaning friends that having a baby will ruin their lives and they simply have to have an abortion. For a woman who is already facing a crisis situation, this kind of manipulation, intimidation and pressure is subtle coercion; it can be the final push towards making a decision that she would not have chosen if someone had offered her support in her pregnancy. One Elliot Institute survey found that more than half of women suffering from post abortion trauma said they were pressured to abort. Their experiences are haunting

A homeless woman was denied shelter until she submitted to an unwanted abortion . . .
a teen was ridiculed by a school counselor and bussed to the abortion clinic . . .
a daughter was pushed into an abortion clinic at gunpoint by her mother . . .
a girlfriend was injected with an abortifacient outside a parking garage . . .
a 13-year old was returned to her molester after her abortion . . .
three sisters were raped repeatedly by their father and forced into abortions for nearly a decade . . .
a wife miscarried after her husband jumped on her stomach to force an abortion . . .
a waitress was fired after refusing to have an abortion.

Many of these women say they would have carried to term if they had been given support by someone close to them.

5. Abortion is bad for women because it negatively affects future relationships.

a. When we have abortions, we struggle with issues of trust afterwards. Especially when those around us pressure us. How can someone love us and then make us go through this painful, violent procedure. I struggled to trust my husband for years.

b. It affects how we relate to children we have in the future. Sometimes we can’t bond with them or we over protect them. I was an over-protector.

c. Abortion is a secret we’ve kept from spouses, children, or parents; if we do want to seek healing, we must tell them. Telling others creates another set of problems and concerns. For instance explaining to my 8 year old that I aborted a baby when I was 16 was the most awful thing I ever had to do.

6. Abortion is bad for women because it has become a band-aid that allows society to abandon women.

a. Our culture has come to depend upon abortion so that individuals and churches don’t have to get involved in caring for today’s widows and orphans. It also frees many men from taking responsibility for their sexual promiscuity.

b. Abortion stops being one choice among many and becomes the only choice because all the emotional and financial support dries up. Friends default to endorsing abortion so they don’t have to be bothered. Pregnancy support should be emphasized instead of handing a girl $300 and telling her to take care of her problem.

7. Abortion is bad for women because it is a form of racism against poor and ethnic women –

a. Margaret Sanger (founder of Planned Parenthood) said in 1922, "All our problems are the result of over breeding among the working classes." (the IFPA is a member of the IPPF (International Planned Parenthood Federation)) Today Planned Parenthood identifies its core clients as young women, low-income women and women of color. Black and Hispanic women represent only a quarter of American women of child-bearing age, yet account for more than half of all abortions in the US. Alveda King, Niece of MLK quotes her uncle who said’ "The negro cannot win as long as he is willing to sacrifice the lives of his children for comfort and safety." Today Alveda asks, "How can the ‘Dream’ survive if we murder our children?"

b. Legalized abortion doesn’t help poor women, after their abortion they are still poor.

8. Abortion is bad for women because it has led to increase violence against pregnant women.

According to one study of battered women, the target of battery during their pregnancies shifted from their face and breasts to their pregnant abdomens, which suggests hostility toward the women’s fertility. Women are literally being killed for refusing to abort. The leading cause of death during pregnancy is homicide. In one study of violent deaths among pregnant women, three out of every four were killed during their first 20 weeks of pregnancy.

Truly, how far do we have to look to see that this is true, From Scott Peterson, to the latest murder of a young woman by her boyfriend, you know the story, the baby is comming and we dont want to deal with it. Abuse of women and children has skyrocketed because we are seen as disposable, like klenex, to be the recepticals of a man's urges and discarded. The sacredness of family, revered by in large by the nation, until the latter half of the last century has fallen further and futher into distain with every blow to life. Starting with mass availability of oral contraception, abortion on demand and now the incredible array of genetic proceedures that result in the death of a child all in the name of progress...yes some of these things are in an of themselves good, but often are twisted into a way to satisfy our selfish desire to gain pleasure, healing or self gratifacation at the expense of the woman an her unborn child.

I wonder when we will see? since 1973 we have killed over 47 million children. The eldest of these would be 33. Perhaps they would have been scientists, diplomats, and Joe and Jane average. Maybe they would have solved the great problems facing our generation, but we will never know.

As I was watching TV, I caught a rally with a Rev Clenard Childress speaking. He reminded his audience that in 1973 we didnt know that life really started at conception. But today... today, we know a lot more. We know that abortions are not safe, cause more problems down the line and are not the solution. "Back then you could say, yes have an abortion, we dont know who this child is... but today we know that the results of abortion effect all of us. America, the DNA test is back, and the baby is ours, these children are all of our responsibility. America, this is your baby!" and its true...

"Well, Hoku, what are you doing about it?" one could ask... well this blog post is one thing, and also speaking out and voting for people who give voice to those who cant speak. "What about all of those adoptabile children that are never adopted in this country? If we didnt have abortion and only adoption look at how many more lives would be ruined?" I dont know if the Average American knows how hard it is to adopt a child born in this country. The rules are draconian and the system allows for the children to be removed and gven back to the birth parents nearly indefinately. Little wonder that people are paying 25,000.00 for a Chinese baby or 28,000.00 for a baby from Vietnam. In the end those cost pale in comparison to the financial and emotional costs to try to fight for a child born here in this country. Frankly, if we had more adoptions, more adoptions would be made.

And as a final thought, we as women need to take back something that we gave up in a grab for what we thought was freedom but is really a curse. There was a time not so long ago, when a good man wouldnt demand sex outside of marriage, or demand that a woman give up a child he had helped to conceive. We need to take back our dignity as women. We need to teach our daughters that they truly have control of their bodies and that they dont have to give up that control to recieve love and attention. We need to teach our sons that the true measure of a man isnt how many girls he has sex with, but rather the self control he demonstrates over his bodily desires. Abstanance is the only sure protection against unplanned pregnancy, as well as the death sentence of HIV-AIDS, and HPV forms of STD.This behavior was the norm once. We respected each other, and respected life. Would that we could find that within ourselves again.


Because, in the end there is no excuse for murder, is there?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[i] Burke and Reardon www.afterabortion.org/PAR/V6/n1/ChildAbuseReenactment.htm

[ii]

This is based on a complication rate of 11% and assuming the yearly abortion rate is 1.3 million US women a year. Most abortion advocates claim the complication rate is only 1%, but this is inaccurate when the data is analyzed. According to the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in the UK, the immediate physical complication rate from abortions is at least 11%, primarily infections that can lead to a host of other problems including pain and infertility. The UK statistics have been recently published in January of 2001. See: Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (UK). The care of women requesting induced abortion: 4. Information for women. 2000. You can quickly find the data at: www.rcog.org.uk/guidelines.asp?PageID=108&GuidelinesID=31 On the web page click on Induced Abortion—Care of Women.*This number is probaby greater because complications are underreported, but due to the magnitude of abortions in the US many women suffer.

[iii]

These are included in the web site for n. 2, but for an extended list of research studies documenting these health risks and many others, please see Detrimental Effects of Abortion: An Annotated Bibliography With Commentary Ed. Thomas W. Strahan, published by Acorn Books, Springfield IL, © 2001.

[iv]

La Vecchia C, Negri E, Franceschi S, Parazzini F. Long-term impact of reproductive factors on cancer risk, International Journal of Cancer 1993 January 21;53(2):215-9, p. 217.

Albrektsen G, Heuch I, Tretli S, Kvale G. Is the risk of cancer of the corpus uteri reduced by a recent pregnancy? A prospective study of 765,756 Norwegian women. International Journal of Cancer 1995 May 16;61(4):485-90, p.485.*

Kvale G, Heuch I. Is the incidence of colorectal cancer related to reproduction? A prospective study of 63,000 women. International Journal of Cancer 1991 February 1;47(3):390-5, p. 392.*

[v]

Brind J, Chinchilli VM, Severs WB, Summy-Long J. Induced abortion as an independent risk factor for breast cancer: a comprehensive review and meta-analysis. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health 1996 Oct; 50(5):481-496. *

It is important to note that abortion advocates completely deny these findings, this includes many researchers in the U.S. medical community. But a careful study of international literature indicates a strong correlation between abortion and breast cancer. Much like tobacco companies in the past have simply denied that cigarettes endanger the health of their customers, abortion advocates simply deny any research that indicates that abortion is harmful to women’s health and increases their risk for breast cancer.

[vi]

Barrett JM, Boehm FH, Killam AP. Induced abortion: a risk factor for placenta previa. American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 1981 December 1;141(7):769-72.*

Rose GL, Chapman MG. Aetiological factors in placenta praevia—a case controlled study. British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology 1986 June;93(6):586-8.*

Taylor VM, Kramer MD, Vaughan TL, Peacock S. Placenta previa in relation to induced and spontaneous abortion: a population-based study. Obstetrics and Gynecology 1993 July;82(10:88-91; p. 91.*

Michalas S, Minaretzis D, Tsionou C, Maos G, Kioses E, Aravantinos D. Pelvic surgery, reproductive factors and risk of ectopic pregnancy: A case controlled study. International Journal of Gynecology and Obstetrics 1992 June;38(2):101-5, pp.101, 103.*

Luke B. Every Pregnant Woman’s Guide to Preventing Premature Birth. 1995 [foreword by Emile Papiernik], New York: Times Books; p.32.*




links to ponder

Rachel's Vineyard
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Priests for Life

January 21, 2007

Psalm 51~Have Mercy On Us, O Lord....

Winter Forest


Psalm 51~Have Mercy On Us, O Lord....

Have mercy on me,* O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right* spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
then will you delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

January 16, 2007

The Big Chill

Frozen Dogwood Buds

10PM It is so cold for the area. I cannot imagine what it must be like for the nearly a million people without power this night. Only a few miles from my door, the blackout streaches accross hundreds of miles deep into Oklahoma, one of my co workers has 15 extra family members in his house after their power went out, then last night the power lines failed to his place. Fortunatly his giant wood stove heats the house and he can cook on it too. He told me this morning that his camping coffee pot and thermal sleeping bag he uses for hunting are his best friends.
Glistening Oaks

I stayed home today and worked my desk from here. There were over one hundred fallen trees in our community, some which fell on the roads nearby. I set out for work at six am and felt that it was too risky to go before sun up, and even then it was snowing and sleeting. So staying home was the best thing....12PM 1-16

As it turned out there were trees at both ends of my access routes out of the subdivision, which were cleared by mid morning. Woody went into work but they closed the lot early. It faces the wind and with the wind chill it was below zero, No time to be out trying to sell a car.

The Oaks in our park dangerously coated with ice some of them have had a lot of breakage....

Bella Vista is in a sort of "brown out", they are cutting back power as lines are being repaired to take strain off of the grids. All around our house there are cars, refugees from homes without power in neighboring towns, Our prayer is that the juice stays flowing untill some of these folks get their power back on, because there is no where to go if we all lose power.

I am very thankful that we were spared the worst of this. Co workers that live south of Fayetteville were flooded out, others that are west of here were iced out, we are just cold and amazed at it all. The Kitties walk around all fluffed out and last night they couldnt wait for us to climb into bed so they could get in with us, do happy paws and snuggle up. We listened, the four of us, to the brittle rustle of icy branches with the occasional explosive pop of a ice coated tree limb snapping off and crashing to the ground. It sounds like a war zone, and it is of sorts. A struggle between the cosmic forces of nature, living vs icy death, winter vs summer, cold vs heat... Fortunatly the warm will return and release us from the Big Chill of 2007 very soon...


Crape Myrtles Glazed with Ice

January 14, 2007

1 John 3:11-12

Fan Palm Oahu Hawaii

Love One Another


For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.Do not be surprised, brothers,* that the world hates you.We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death.Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us.Whoever keeps his commandments abides in him, and he in them. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.

January 13, 2007

The Ice Storm

The Crystal Forest Bella Vista Arkansas

01-13-2007 10:00 PM

I woke this morning to a wonderland of our neighborhood the morning after an ice storm. The sunlight gleeming through the trees was stunning, I wandered around the back and took some photos. I scurried back into the house quickly as the frozen fog chilled me to the bone.

We have been hearing about this storm system for nearly a week, I found it quite intimidating, looking at the blue and gastly pink juxtaposed against the familliar greens and yellows that mean heavy rain on a doppler radar tracking map. The line between the frozen polar air and the warm air pushing up from the Gulf of Mexico, runs right through our area as the Ozarks keep the worst of winter's wrath from pillaging the South. Our town sits on the edge of the Arakansas Ozarks, bearing the brunt of this meterological conflict

Woody went into the carlot today, while I stayed home, I prepared some food that we could eat without cooking and prepared in case we lost power. Woody stopped by Walmart and bought the last D batteries in the tri state area, as well as restocking our emergency water bread and cat food

Church is closed, so we will be home and should we still have power(...nearby towns close to the Oklahoma border have been without power all day, and the lights are flickering as I type....) watching EWTN and bracing for the worst that is supposed to come mid day sunday and into monday. I am already planning to be home from work on monday as is Woody. The ice is to give way to snow, no driving around until they get things plowed...thats fine with me, we are snug in our little house. I just hope we can stay warm enough....

Ice on our trees

January 10, 2007

To Sleep, Perchance, To Dream

In the Wake of the Wind... my favorite dream, or so it seems, I see this view of sparkling Hilo Bay in my sleep...Hilo Bay Big Island of Hawaii

I am still recovering from last friday nights visit to the sleep lab. As I have said on previous posts I am suffering from Obstructive Sleep Apnea pretty badly. Woody says that he is unnerved by all of the times that I stop breathing at night. I am unnerved by all of the times I fall asleep during the workday ( I average 20 incidents of "micro sleep" as I sit at my desk on a given day)I am so weary from lack of sleep that I am at my wits end...

The results were back yesterday and the stunning news was that when I am fully asleep, I have an average of 92 episodes where I stop breathing or go out of a pattern of breathing per hour... God... why am I not dead yet? So I am going to have to go on a CPAP machine (sort of like a vacumn cleaner in reverse, it forces air into the airways to hold them open so I can breathe when sleeping.)When I test drove one, I found the thing tortureous and akin to drowning as I couldnt exhale against the wind... so to speak. The head gear used to hold the mask over my face was claustrophobic and painful.

But all of that being said, I am committed to trying to make this work. We dont get to pick our disabilitites. I may look like a Borg at night, (not that Woody cares, hes facing the other direction anyway most of the time) the little machine is quiet and likely the only caualties of this will be my morning hair, messy anyway, Makoa who is afraid when I have lipstick, or sunglasses or a hat on my head, and my vanity.... but if the thing can make me pretty on the inside insted of the raging cow I seem to be all of the time, that will be worth the effort.

The negative health effects of doing nothing are well documented and dreadful. Lack of oxygen is causing me to lose brain cells as though I were an alcoholic on a bender. It deprves me of the fuel needed to burn calories properly making it impossible for me to lose weight. Your system gets polluted with undelt with toxins your mind gets polluted with undreamed dreams. Diabetes, High Blood pressure, Heart and Liver enlargement, (thank God I am only fat at this point, other than that I am in very good shape) It is thought that OSA killed football star Reggie White, and is called the Silent Killer because it is often the common denominator in otherwise sudden deaths, including my friend Gail Gonzales who died rather suddenly in 1998 of a enlarged and worn out heart at age 49.

Time to put vanity aside and try to do something about it. It isnt as easy as it sounds. The science of fitting the airtight mask to your nose and not ruining the skin beneath is very primitive. I mean, look around you at the assortment of noses and faces just in your own home or workplace! I am hearing that it can take 3 to 5 attempts at different masks, which yes you are measured and fitted at the store, but the proof is using the thing and once you take it out of the package and use it no one will take it back. Average price on the internet was 100.00. Most insurance will only over the basic one that fits only 15 percent of the population.

So I go back on 1-19 for another test and we shall see how things go. When I was out in California, I spent a bit of time with the lady that lived next door to me while I was growing up. Now a vigorus 90 years young, Doris Hilte shared with me that she was praying that she will accept the nursing home when the time comes and thank God for it as one of His gifts and not see it as a prison as my Mother did. She spent a month in one after a bad fall, and said " she'd rather not go in again" but if she did, she said that she wanted to strive for a better attitude than the one she saw in my Mom and others.

And so it goes, I want to get back to normal again, whatever that is. Maybe this is the beginning... But there is a lot to overcome, and I can only hope that this can be accomplished, my life nay depend on it...

January 07, 2007

Psalm 112~ Our God Blesses the Upright

Winter scene

Psalm 112

*Praise the Lord!

Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
who greatly delights in his commandments!

His offspring will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.

Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.

Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.

It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
who conducts his affairs with justice.

For the righteous will never be moved;
he will be remembered forever.

He is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever;
his horn is exalted in honor.

The wicked man sees it and is angry;
he gnashes his teeth and melts away;
the desire of the wicked will perish!

January 06, 2007

Eastward Leading, Still Proceeding

Banyan Sunrise Wailoa State Park Hilo Hawaii

Today is Epiphany Sunday...Epiphany literally means "to show" and is set aside as the day to celebrate the mysterious apperance of the Magi to worship the Divine Child Jesus. I wrote a long peice about this called Follow the Star of Gladness a tribute to this 2nd favorite of all of the Christmas carols, and one that celebrates my love of the Old Testament and how it relates to the events of the New.


Can you imagine being in Jerusalem on the day of their arrival. I personally doubt that there were only three Magi present to worship the Divine Child. Such august personages would have traveled with a large number of servants, enterage, and household guards. To have this army decend upon Jerusalem, let alone Bethlehem must have been a shock, and a full on stampeede.

Imagine Mary and Joseph? The adulation over their Infant, must have been both gratifying and disturbing... then the gratitude as they fled the town ahead of Herrod's thugs with the precious child. The goods given as gifts would have provided for their travel expenses and for life in a new land.

We know nothing about that time..their thoughts, all we see are the actions of people that totally relied on God for direction. They didnt just pray and hope they would be delivered, they stepped out and sought deliverence

Would that I would follow their lead... Eastward leading, still proceeding, Lord guide me to Thy perfect light

January 04, 2007

A New Years Resolution

My Winter Dream... Wailoa Park With Snow Capped Mauna Kea in the background. Hilo Hawaii

We rearranged the "Media Room" over the week end. I dont think I mentioned the incredible debacle I created when I ordered new furniture for this room. The measurements in the catalog were not correct so the peices were all too big. I compounded the issue by trying to get a good deal and bought more stuff than I really needed and ended up returning a bunch of it at my expense (that ment Woody and I had to rent a truck and take it back ourselves. Rental yard was 50 miles away but near the store where I bought the stuff, so 100 mile round trip and truck rental about 100 bucks, add that to the shipping charges for the stuff I returned, it was a chunk of change I left on the table...

But by rearranging this room we both have good access to the computer and we now have a place to file our papers and perhaps we can find important papers...like the other day when Woody needed to renew his driver's license and the woman at the DMV wanted more documentation than his old license and his expired passport. He couldnt find his mothers birth certificate so we rushed a renew on his passport. He is now officially an Arkansan... And I knew we had to fix our document control problem.

There are a lot of things like this in my life. I am so busy just trying to survive my job that the rest of my life is falling apart. Every time I would think about doing something about it I would freeze up... "Woody's job sucks and I need this job for the money, insurance, blah blah blah..." Meanwhile, yours truly has zip life. I am a cash cow, struggling with prostitution of the mind...and in fact somewhat faking it through my job because I dont have all of the qualifications that are really needed.

I have been on a track to nowhere, making money saving money and running up bills. The more that do this the more enslaved to this life I become. As I sat at home for this past holiday week I realized that I have been living in the macro, worried about everything else everyone else but myself.

Why must I stay enslaved to a job I hate? Because Woody stood guard on a dump in Paradise, while I ran our dream ie the jewelry store? I know that was a horrid thing but he was supporting himself as well as me.Well I gave it up so he wouldnt have to do that anymore. Now he can support us a lot easier, if he chooses to, but if I stand up and am the hero, he has no incentive to keep fighting.

The first thing I did was repent of wanton spending, and not thinking about what I have been doing, For not caring about the future, and for pathetic martyrdom.

I had decided that for a Lenten Pledge this year I would forgo shopping and spending money and I would have all of my personal debt paid off by Easter. Well Im starting now January 1, as I am so in over my head its gonna take this long just to get the job done. But the borrower is the lenders slave and I am done with it

I am also willing to put another cherished dream on the line to improve my lot now... the desire to go back into leadership at our church. We are preparing to launch what will be a "church with in a church" in our church. I am finally worshipping in a venue that would freely welcome me to any role I chose to do. So I have prayed and waited and you know... thats my role... to perhaps mentor future leaders, but I feel that this is passing me by as well . Let it go now before I hurt myself with misplaced expectations.

Why make this change... I was approached by a very large trucking company to work the weekends 10 am to 10 pm. saturday and sunday. Very hectic and crazy but I can do two days a week standing on my head. I would have 5 days a week to myself to pursue other intrests... Im sure you can see the point, I can get into a whole lot of trouble home alone like that and have a lot of fun. I prayed about it, talked to Woody about losing half of my salary and insurance, and applied. We shall see.

On top of this I received word that the first position in the new International division has opened for auditions. When I read the job description, I was pretty amazed, it was a sweeping description that would cover nearly every position in the account that I just left. Including travel and 24/7 access no matter when... I guess I have to marry the company.Am I crazy to not want to do that? I am also applying for this in case I am wrong or that this is a temporary issue until the group gets large enough to pass the work around... I like the guys that run the division and worked with the VP in charge years ago in California, but I dont want to be in bondage to a job anymore. So this creates a conundrum to my Resolution...

In anycase the ship is moving forward. I feel good about it and hope that the momentem can continue.

Any resolutions anyone? I would love to hear them

January 01, 2007

New Years Reflections- A Meme

I borrowed this wonderful reflective list from Smoothstone back in September... and you thought that I just post away, yes I plan many posts far in advance!

Here are some questions to think about on New Years Day, consolidated by Rabbi Kalman Packouz. I decided to set this up as a meme. Please email me back if you choose to do this I would love to read your answers.....

1. When do I most feel that my life is meaningful?
When I am involved in something and aware that it is a way for me to worship God
2. How often do I express my feelings to those who mean the most to me?
More often than is the norm for my family

3. Are there any ideals I would be willing to die for?
Yes, I believe that I would die for my faith and values

4. If I could live my life over, would I change anything?
Yes, I would have done a lot of things differently

5. What would bring me more happiness than anything else in the world?
Having the time and the resources to be involved in ministry

6. What are my three most significant achievements since last New Year?
Stayed on current job
Had Vision Restored
endured my Mother's death

7. What are the three biggest mistakes I've made since last New Year?
Spent too much money needlessly
Not pursued my goals effectively
Not taken as good a care of myself as I could

8. What project or goal, if left undone, will I most regret next ?
Developing a 5 year plan for my future career
Ditto a Retirement plan

9. If I knew I couldn't fail, what would I undertake to accomplish in my life?
develop and open a jewelry repair business
Go into full time ordained ministry...(its the 5-7 years of education I find daunting)

10. What are my three major goals in life?
redevelop and perhaps redefine my spiritual life
Find meaningful work that I can do that will support me
No matter what, be true to myself

10b What am I doing to achieve them?
I am spending 5 weekends in spiritual retreat in 2007
I am actively pursuing a new perhaps "part time" day job so I can explore other options
I am no longer living in the Macro, what is good for Woody , the household ect. If I continue to do that I will spend the rest of what is left of my life pushing buttons and saying "what if?"

10c What practical steps can I take in the next two months toward these goals?
I have committed to reducing my need for the income level I am generating. I am taking my savings and paying off all of my personal debt.

11. If I could give my children only three pieces of advice, what would they be?
Love God and serve Him with all that is within you. That is true happiness

12. What is the most important decision I need to make this year?
What can I do to make the second half of my life really count?

13. What important decision did I avoid making last year?
Going forward with my business plan

14. What did I do last year that gave me the strongest feeling of self-respect?
Showing up at my Mother's funeral, in the face of a hostile crowd

15. When do I feel closest to God?
When I am singing

16. Do I have a vision of where I want to be one, three and five years from now? Sort of

17. What are the most important relationships in my life??
Woody and a few members of my family

Over the last year did those relationships become closer and deeper or was there a sense of stagnation and drifting?Both

What can I do to nurture those relationships this year?I will try to make a greater effort to stay in closer contact. I will try to make more time for Woody

18. If I could change only one thing about myself, what would that be?
150 pounds

19. If I could change one thing about my spiritual life, what would it be?
I wish I could accept the sovereignty of God more thoroughly


take the New Years Meme Challenge and let me know if you do this one.