August 08, 2008

Gaining Confidence

Accross the pond,view from the walking path accross the ninth fairway and the units facing...Legends of Indian Springs, Springhurst, Louisville KY

Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a terrible storm came up, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went to him and woke him up, shouting, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"
And Jesus answered, "Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!" Then he stood up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly all was calm. The disciples just sat there in awe. "Who is this?" they asked themselves. "Even the wind and waves obey him!"

"I dont know what you did for four months at Charlie's but he failed to teach you anything.You obviously dont know the basics by what you say to me... You are doing things wrong and using techniques that are outdated. Here let me show you how to do it." With that my bench test ended and I was humiliated by this woman in front of her daughter and employees. I had not even begun to do the simple size up she wanted. My explanation of the process alone was enough to disqualify me in her eyes"

I set out this week to find some sort of jewelry work. After the miserable disapointment at the Friends Shop, I was eager to pound the pavement just to prove something to myself..."Yes I Can..." if you know what I mean.

People were friendly, many had kind words to say about Charlie and the school. Other's were concerned about his being robbed (again...seems that he was robbed a few years ago as well) And a few, just a few felt that I had wasted my time and that I should have gone to GIA or the American School in Florida. They dont understand that I looked into all of those situations and Conner's was logistically and financially the best option. I did my homework and worked really hard to do the best that I could. Its not my fault that the teacher gave up teaching but took my money anyway. He really should have been more honest with me about where he was in his life.. That is not on me by any means.

One of the nay sayers is the owner manager of a trio of jewelery stores here in the area. She learned the trade from her now ex husband, the founder of this enterprise, a Russian. By the way, there seem to be a lot of Eastern Europeans here fresh from the old country and a lot of them are into rackets that are marginally legal. This man sounds like one of them.

She is a Latina, sharp of mind and of toungue. Bitter, a workaholic single mom who's school livley age daughter has been forced to camp here for days on end and seems to be a master at self entertainment. She knows a lot of students and people that have taken classes from Charlie's, and basically pooh poohed the whole thing . He thing is that her ex wanted to open his own school, but didnt for whatever reasons. It sounded like a lot of sour grapes...

But she is willing to "teach" me. The bench she had me test in was empty, she uses tools that are not familiar, and hummphed when ever I said something. I refrained from making small talk as it seemed that she had not a positive thing to say.

I worked for three hours. She let me use tools off the bench next to my not set up one. They were not what I was used to, and I felt odd at having to try to do a bang up job using inappropriate tools. I did manage to stumble through the two sizings I did later in the afternoon, but she didnt like anything about my technique

I was a shaking mess by 6 pm (I had taken a three hour break mid afternoon to go home eat and play with Annabelle) I was sick from the stress and second guessing, and still am ill today. What little confidence I had mustered up has gone out the window. I cried on and off throughout the evening.

I am not scheduled to go back untill next week. She made a lot of noise about having to sit and train me and flat out stated I wont be working on her merchindise or repairs. I could come and practice (be tortured) on her scrap and get trained in time for the holidays. I think this was her goal anyway. She has a man that comes in once a week but she seems to hate him (and every other man, sounds like abuse)and wants to get rid of him. However he works in platinum and I have no training in that so he will have his hours for a while yet.

8-9-2008

This morning I was reading my devotions and the passage above was given. Today is also the feast of my patron saint Edith Stein. I meditated on what life was like for her a woman in what was very much a mans world, in a man's work... a Jew that converted to Christianity and how her life was a struggle for acceptance.

I have two paths. I can take the path of rage like my new "mentor" (shes not my boss nor my friend nor my teacher really). She is angry over everything in life... By the way wonderful with the customers, but the help is fair game for cutting comments and abuse. I was told by her "to develope thick skin I needed it in this business." That is total crap. When someone tells you that what they are saying is "I am going to abuse you so you'd better get used to it." I hate that and correct anyone who has the nerve to say that to me. Both of my parents told me that constantly as I was growing up and it is so wrong. There is nothing wrong with sensitivity and having feelings

Or I can take the path of St Edith. Much of her philosphical writings dealt with empathy...in fact I believe that the empathy that God showed by sending His Son to be with us was a key motivator in her conversion and resultant writings. To walk in her path requires me to remain kind and loving in the face of adversity. To not withdraw, which I did at Charlie's to my hurt. To try to be as Christlike as possible towards this woman and her daughter...who reminds me of me at her age by the way, I think its her wit and long red brown hair...

I am going to keep looking for another venue to work on my skills as well. Christmas is coming and jewelers are going to be looking for help. One issue is trust. I think that is what freaked out the Friends people. I have no contacts here nothing to keep me and a crazy story...I own nothing and could skip town with the goods tomorrow if I wanted to. So not everyone is going to let me into their stores and have unrestricted access to gold jewelery. If I cant find someplace else to work I will need to return home so I can work at my own shop. I can buy my own scrap to work on if I need to. One way or another I need to regain my nerve my self confidence that has taken such a beating these past few months.

I know that I can do it. I also know that it takes years to develope the skills to be really good at this. I know that I want this and I am willing to work at it and to put up with the eccentricities of raving artists and the like to reach my goal. I are one myself, thats why I want to work for myself be on my own. Its the right thing for me and with a little confidence and faith I can see it through to final vision. I have done it before and with God's help I can do it again

The Princess gypsy set into a ring made for an oval stone. A literal square peg into a oval hole. This showed that I understood construction and positioning of a stone in a rough mounting not made for it. One of my projects that I did while at Conner's, and shown here nearly compleated.

Labels: Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Business start up, Conner School, Edith Stein, Kentucky