September 02, 2009

The Journey Prayer

A Solitary Place, Gethsemeni Abbey, Loreto KY

Prayer from tonight's RCIA class

My Lord God.. I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing . I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone...

Thomas Merton "Thoughts in Solitude"

Labels: Kentucky, Prayers, RCIA

August 30, 2009

Psalm 37~ He Will Not Forsake Me

Misty Morning, The water hazzard on the 10th fairway, The Legends at Indian Springs, Springhurst, Louisville KY


He Will Not Forsake His Saints

Fret not yourself because of evildoers;
be not envious of wrongdoers!
For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.

The wicked plots against the righteous
and gnashes his teeth at him,
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he sees that his day is coming.

The wicked draw the sword and bend their bows
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose way is upright;
their sword shall enter their own heart,
and their bows shall be broken.

Better is the little that the righteous has
than the abundance of many wicked.
For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

The Lord knows the days of the blameless,
and their heritage will remain forever;
they are not put to shame in evil times;
in the days of famine they have abundance.

But the wicked will perish;
the enemies of the Lord are like the glory of the pastures;
they vanish—like smoke they vanish away.

The wicked borrows but does not pay back,
but the righteous is generous and gives;
for those blessed by the Lord shall inherit the land,
but those cursed by him shall be cut off.

The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.

I have been young, and now am old,
yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
or his children begging for bread.
He is ever lending generously,
and his children become a blessing.

Turn away from evil and do good;
so shall you dwell forever.
For the Lord loves justice;
he will not forsake his saints.
They are preserved forever,
but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.
The righteous shall inherit the land
and dwell upon it forever.

The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks justice.
The law of his God is in his heart;
his steps do not slip.

The wicked watches for the righteous
and seeks to put him to death.
The Lord will not abandon him to his power
or let him be condemned when he is brought to trial.

Wait for the Lord and keep his way,
and he will exalt you to inherit the land;
you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

I have seen a wicked, ruthless man,
spreading himself like a green laurel tree.
But he passed away, and behold, he was no more;
though I sought him, he could not be found.

Mark the blameless and behold the upright,
for there is a future for the man of peace.
But transgressors shall be altogether destroyed;
the future of the wicked shall be cut off.

The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in the time of trouble.
The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

Labels: Kentucky, Louisville, scripture

June 10, 2009

Prayer of a Common Man

Final resting place... Church of the Holy Cross, Holy Cross KY

Daddy put in his forty years,
got his gold watch,
and then they sent him home.
I never knew what a struggle was like
until I cried tears on his stone.
He was just a cog in their wheel
lived and died on the layaway plan.
But Lord hear the prayer of a Common Man.

Alleluia.
Is anybody out there?
Alleluia
Does anybody care?
Life takes its toll on the heart and soul,
but I’m doing the best I can.
Lord hear the prayer of a Common Man.

A little girl needed braces bad
and it cost a couple thousand bucks.
She has a beautiful smile
but it’ll be awhile on my new
used pickup truck.
This house of cards I built
is mortgaged to the hilt
and its sinking in the sand.
Lord hear the prayer of a Common Man.

Alleluia.
Is anybody out there?
Alleluia
Does anybody care?
Life takes its toll
on the heart and soul,
but I’m doing the best I can.
Lord hear the prayer of a Common Man.

I’m not looking for charity,
I just need some clarity.
I’ve got people counting on me.
And I’m tired that’s all
I’m up against the wall.
Lord hear me when I call.

Alleluia.
I know your up there.
Alleluia.
I know you care.
Life takes its toll
on the heart and soul,
but I’m doing the best I can.
Oh Lord hear the prayer of a Common Man.
Lord hear the prayer of this Common Man.
Phil Vassar

I am constantly reminded that I am not alone in my quest for stability, both personal and financial. The whole country seems to be in a mode of anxiety, and concern. I cannot remember the 70's being this crazy as the Recession and Inflation cycles made life so very difficult for many people then. There were plant closings and runaway inflation, high interest rates, and taxes... There were a lot of poor people, and even more now. Many of these people were the ones screaming for "Change".... Well we have change for the worst, and for so many like myself, where the funds are running low, the frustration level is enormous. I wonder if we will see the riots and upsets that go on in other countries... but perhaps I am off there. My friend Norma, at the blog Collecting my Thoughts has a great post on this subject... I try to limit my news watching and newspaper reading, because the spin doctors are working as hard as they can to ratchet up fear so that the Powers That Be can do as they will. For the life of me I cannot understand how the Governmentcan just buy and sell businesses, tell businesses how to run themselves and how without any oversight by lawmakers all of this takes place... I am not an expert in any of this. Frankly I don't think there are any experts in the house running things...

We are like those in the Old Testament, all doing whats right in our own eyes..., and we have for a long time,We stopped living as or forefathers did, in a Godly fashion and have taken for granted the blessings given to us by God. While things are good, this is thought to be OK, but now that things are not so good we want a King to rule over us, just as Israel did, years ago. Read....

Fist Samuel Chapter 8

Israel Demands a King
1When Samuel became old, he made his sons judges over Israel.2The name of his firstborn son was Joel, and the name of his second, Abijah; they were judges in Beersheba.3Yet his sons did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.

4Then all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah5and said to him, “Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations.”6But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, “Give us a king to judge us.” And Samuel prayed to the Lord.7And the Lord said to Samuel, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them.8According to all the deeds that they have done, from the day I brought them up out of Egypt even to this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are also doing to you.9Now then, obey their voice; only you shall solemnly warn them and show them the ways of the king who shall reign over them.”

Samuel's Warning Against Kings
10So Samuel told all the words of the Lord to the people who were asking for a king from him.11He said, “These will be the ways of the king who will reign over you: he will take your sons and appoint them to his chariots and to be his horsemen and to run before his chariots.12And he will appoint for himself commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and some to plow his ground and to reap his harvest, and to make his implements of war and the equipment of his chariots.13He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers.14He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive orchards and give them to his servants.15He will take the tenth of your grain and of your vineyards and give it to his officers and to his servants.16He will take your male servants and female servants and the best of your young men [fn1] and your donkeys, and put them to his work.17He will take the tenth of your flocks, and you shall be his slaves.18And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the Lord will not answer you in that day.”

The Lord Grants Israel's Request
19But the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel. And they said, “No! But there shall be a king over us,20that we also may be like all the nations, and that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.”21And when Samuel had heard all the words of the people, he repeated them in the ears of the Lord.22And the Lord said to Samuel, “Obey their voice and make them a king.” Samuel then said to the men of Israel, “Go every man to his city.”

We will be like all of the other nations, living in a Socialized, nationalized over taxed and nanny stated suffocation. We will be enslaved to the government in many ways. While I resent the excessive intrusion we have seen in recent days, I am a supporter of change in the healthcare system, and going to a flat consumption tax so that everyone pays a fair share. But I have a real problem with the nationalization of industry, the banking system and agriculture ( a reality since the farm subsidy programs were put into place back in the 30's) but it is not up to me, or to a single party... it is not something we can change without a radical change of thinking among all people in our country. The fruits of the labors of many Americans are not adequate to pay for basics of housing medical care and retirement costs. Solutions will have to be sought for those who work hard but are beggared by a medical emergency costs. A flat tax would bring in enough resouces to pay for the programs that will provide a safety net for those that are trying to take care of themselves.

I meet more and more people in this long strange journey that I am currently on. People that are really trying to be self sustaining and not taking advantage of the system. People like myself that are looking for work, but dont have unemployment due to loopholes in the rules, or other factors. People like me that need some assistance to keep gas in the tank and the phone on, so they can seek employment. Getting food from food pantries is a great blessing but I have an abundance of good food to eat, what I need is a stipend so I can keep my internet on. Many countries provide a small living allowence to everyone who needs it. I think we need that here in the US as well.

We need to start caring about the common man, not about corporate executives who ran their corporations into the ground, or bloated institutions that have long ceased caring for its customers, employees or shareholders...

On a positive note, the news ran stories about families taking in the chiildren of other church members so that the kids would stay out of foster care...and closer to home, families taking in out of work singles and couples to keep them off the streets. I have several people thinking about the logistics of this sort of situation for me. I have a number of promising leads working with regards to employment, sadly none of them will pay enough for me to keep the cottage even to rent it at the current price, let alone buy it.

I will take any job that I am offered. I know that whatever God provides for me will be enough for me...its up to me to find a way to live on that amount. It seems to be the way of the world these days...the way of the common man

Labels: Faith, Kentucky, Pear Tree Cottage, scripture, working

January 04, 2009

Isaiah 24:14-16~Give Glory to God

Stormfront over the greens at Indian Springs Louisville KY

Isaiah 24:14-16

They lift up their voices, they sing for joy;
over the majesty of the Lord they shout from the west.
Therefore in the east give glory to the Lord;
in the coastlands of the sea, give glory to the name of the Lord, the God of Israel.
From the ends of the earth we hear songs of praise,
of glory to the Righteous One.
But I say, “I waste away,
I waste away. Woe is me!
For the traitors have betrayed,
with betrayal the traitors have betrayed.”

Labels: Kentucky, Louisville, scripture

December 07, 2008

Isaiah 40~ Prepare The Way

Make His paths straight, the path to the meeting house Shaker Villiage at Pleasent Hill near London KY


Isaiah 40 Prepare The Way For Our Lord

"Comfort, yes, comfort My people!"
Says your God.
"Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her,
That her warfare is ended,
That her iniquity is pardoned;
For she has received from the Lord's hand
Double for all her sins."


The voice of one crying in the wilderness:
"Prepare the way of the Lord;
Make straight in the desert
A highway for our God.
Every valley shall be exalted
And every mountain and hill brought low;
The crooked places shall be made straight
And the rough places smooth;
The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
And all flesh shall see it together;
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."


The voice said, "Cry out!"
And he said, "What shall I cry?"


"All flesh is grass,
And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
Because the breath of the Lord blows upon it;
Surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
But the word of our God stands forever."


O Zion,
You who bring good tidings,
Get up into the high mountain;
O Jerusalem,
You who bring good tidings,
Lift up your voice with strength,
Lift it up, be not afraid;
Say to the cities of Judah, "Behold your God!"


Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand,
And His arm shall rule for Him;
Behold, His reward is with Him,
And His work before Him.
He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young.


Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand,
Measured heaven with a span
And calculated the dust of the earth in a measure?
Weighed the mountains in scales
And the hills in a balance?
Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord,
Or as His counselor has taught Him?
With whom did He take counsel, and who instructed Him,
And taught Him in the path of justice?
Who taught Him knowledge,
And showed Him the way of understanding?


Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket,
And are counted as the small dust on the scales;
Look, He lifts up the isles as a very little thing.
And Lebanon is not sufficient to burn,
Nor its beasts sufficient for a burnt offering.
All nations before Him are as nothing,
And they are counted by Him less than nothing and worthless.


To whom then will you liken God?
Or what likeness will you compare to Him?
The workman molds an image,
The goldsmith overspreads it with gold,
And the silversmith casts silver chains.
Whoever is too impoverished for such a contribution
Chooses a tree that will not rot;
He seeks for himself a skillful workman
To prepare a carved image that will not totter.


Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?
It is He who sits above the circle of the earth,
And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers,
Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.
He brings the princes to nothing;
He makes the judges of the earth useless.


Scarcely shall they be planted,
Scarcely shall they be sown,
Scarcely shall their stock take root in the earth,
When He will also blow on them,
And they will wither,
And the whirlwind will take them away like stubble.


"To whom then will you liken Me,
Or to whom shall I be equal?" says the Holy One.
Lift up your eyes on high,
And see who has created these things,
Who brings out their host by number;
He calls them all by name,
By the greatness of His might
And the strength of His power;
Not one is missing.


Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
"My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God"?
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Labels: Kentucky, scripture

November 16, 2008

Jeremiah 33:1-18~The Lord Promises Peace

pipe organ installed 1897 St Francis of Rome Catholic Church Clifton township Louisville KY


Jeremiah 33:1-18~

The Lord Promises Peace

The word of the Lord came to Jeremiah a second time, while he was still shut up in the court of the guard:"Thus says the Lord who made the earth, the Lord who formed it to establish it,the Lord is his name:Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.For thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, concerning the houses of this city and the houses of the kings of Judah that were torn down to make a defense against the siege mounds and against the sword:They are coming in to fight against the Chaldeans and to fill them with the dead bodies of men whom I shall strike down in my anger and my wrath, for I have hidden my face from this city because of all their evil.Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security.I will restore the fortunes of Judah and the fortunes of Israel, and rebuild them as they were at first.I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.And this city shall be to me a name of joy, a praise and a glory before all the nations of the earth who shall hear of all the good that I do for them. They shall fear and tremble because of all the good and all the prosperity I provide for it.

"Thus says the Lord: In this place of which you say, 'It is a waste without man or beast,' in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are desolate, without man or inhabitant or beast, there shall be heard again the voice of mirth and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voices of those who sing, as they bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord:

"'Give thanks to the Lord of hosts,
for the Lord is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!'

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as at first, says the Lord.

Thus says the Lord of hosts: In this place that is waste, without man or beast, and in all of its cities, there shall again be habitations of shepherds resting their flocks.In the cities of the hill country, in the cities of the Shephelah, and in the cities of the Negeb, in the land of Benjamin, the places about Jerusalem, and in the cities of Judah, flocks shall again pass under the hands of the one who counts them, says the Lord.


"Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David, and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land.In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will dwell securely. And this is the name by which it will be called: 'The Lord is our righteousness.'

"For thus says the Lord: David shall never lack a man to sit on the throne of the house of Israel,and the Levitical priests shall never lack a man in my presence to offer burnt offerings, to burn grain offerings, and to make sacrifices forever."

Labels: Kentucky, Louisville, Prayers, scripture

November 11, 2008

Home Ts Where The Heart Is

Locust Grove, built in the early 1800 by the sister of George Rogers Clark, founder of Louisville, and liberator of the Northwest Territories, Locust Grove park, Louisville Kentucky

Post started nov 8, 2008

I think its one of the most basic feelings that we have as human beings...the need to belong and have a place that is ours to say "this is my home". It doesn't always mean a roof over our heads as some tribes in the Amazon live in semi sheltered environments but they have a sense of place...from the Bedouin and his tent to the Roma woman and her wagon to the now nearly extinct Gypsy Trucker living out of his cab, the nomad has a sense of place. For most of us this means a roof and walls, heat and light, and something to rest our weary bodies upon after a long hard day. For those of us in the west we are the most blessed in this area with the poorest of us having luxurious shelters compared to most people in the world.

my little white shack reborn 6 years after I sold her. New paint roof and porch railing took what I had done a long way


I have been blessed to have lived in nicer homes than most...only once in what would be called "substandard" housing but that little wood framed house on Midway st. didn't stay "substandard" for long as I renovated it into a little doll house. "Midway 'round the Bend" I called it. Giving that name from the directions given to me to find it "Go down Flower to where it becomes Flora Vista then when you get to Chicago go left to Midway, as you go round the bend you will see it right away..."and so on It was also "midway" because I never had the money or the ability to finish the renovation and sold it as is before we moved to Hawaii in 2001. I made a killing on it as far as profit goes but it was mine...not Woody's and my place and since then I have felt or been made to feel as though I have been living in someone Else's home...

My castle in paradise Hale Puu Honua Pahoa Puna Big Island of Hawaii


We bought a lovely ranch house in Hawaiian Shores subdivision about 25 miles southeast of Hilo on the Big Island. I named that home "Hale Pu'u Hounua",(home a place of refuge). We arrived just after the 9-11 attacks and thought that we had perhaps come to a place of peace and safety. A place where we could start over and have a new life together...Aloha outside aloha inside...Unfortunatly home is always where you are at and the struggle that Woody and I had on the mainland didnt go away just because we changed zip codes. I struggled to make that home mine as I struggled to adapt and deal with life on the island. I never did quite get that house to feel like home, no matter what I did. I worked long hours at the store and didn't have the help I needed from Woody or anyone else to keep up with the kind of maintenance that is required in that wet hostile environment.It was all we could do to keep food on the table and the creditors at bay...The neighbors were hostile, the churches we tried unwelcomming... From mold to foot long venomous centipedes to the flying cockroaches it was a constant battle. I felt the house resisted my efforts at every level just as Hawaii resisted our becoming truly a part of her fabric of life there. I let go of that home and that life with few regrets other than the pain of losing the intimate touch one has with the spirit of Hawaii when you actually live there...if you are open to it. I joined the Hawaiian Diaspora and like so many others long for a day when I can return even to visit...

my dream house in the trees Hale Pau'Hana Huakai Bella Vista NW Arkansas


Coming to Arkansas was a prayer to God of "let me come home and settle, be a wife, join a church become a part of the fabric of life here and live happily everafter..."I thought that I had a commitment from Woody for that exact thing...that I could be a wife and homemaker. As we renovated the house I was ablle to incorporate details that I love ... It reflects a lot of my personality and my desire to make this house cosy, warm and hospitable. I had big dreams but they didnt last long. I have never completely unpacked from the voyage accross the seas. I took a job that I thought would inspire a similar effort from my husband, and as my readers know that has not been the case. The house I named Hale Pau'ana Huakai (home after the long journey)but the journey has not ended. I have struggled with my husband over expectations that while resonable, he can never meet. Because I am always working and have had little free time, I havent been able to really settle in and make this place my own. My home has not ceased to look like a moving and storage facility even though we have gone through nearly every box. When we chose to take separate bedrooms I moved all of my home office and library into the master bedroom creating a crowded cluttered space that screams "failure" everytime I walk into it. The bed is new and very comfortable but I get no rest. I feel like I am sleeping in the stacks of a library. Since returning home from Louisville I have developed an allergy to the cats that is severe and requires that they stay out of my space. I am effectively cut off from the rest of the house and live in my half for now.

The pile of apartments on the ninth green Legends of Indian Springs Louisville KY


I realized while I was in Louisville that by living in solitary less cluttered conditions I was more at peace and content. I knew that this would mean moving out on my own and leaving behind a large portion of my "things" I know this is the right thing to do for many reasons. first I lived quite happily without this stuff for seven months. That tells me a lot. Two I am ready to make a big change in style. I fell in love with a very modern sofa this week and realized that this is my chance to redecorate and do something new that fits my new outlook on life. On top of that Woody paid for 90 percent of our furniture and stuff so he should get to keep it.

I am looking at a lot of homes right now it is amazing to me how many are available with terms that are astounding to say the least. I started with a leasing company tha we first used when we arrived here. I contacted them on line and they ran my credit while in Louisville. I hope to find something in the next few weeks that will suit and I can get settled in soon. Woody is very supportive and has even gone out with me to look at properties and made sugestions. I find it strange that he would asist his runaway wife in finding a new nest but then I dont understand a lot of things about him and perhaps need to step back and think about this whole adventure of a life together. No blame attached. Just understanding.

Mark my counselor in Louisville asked me to look for small things that tell me about Woody and how he feels. I see them, from his brilliant attempt to clean up to his heroic drive to get me home from Louisville and trying this past week to be sweet and good as I try to find my bearings here in Bella Vista. I am constantly reminded that home is where the heart is... I need to find my heart...somewhere I lost it in all of this moving around

Labels: Bella Vista, Family History, Hawaii, Kentucky, Louisville, Marriage

October 26, 2008

Psalm 16~In Your Presence Is Fullness of Joy

Summertime Pastures Shelby County Kentucky


You Will Not Abandon My Soul


Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you."

As for the saints in the land,
they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after
another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood
I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand,
I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad,
and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Labels: Kentucky, scripture

October 24, 2008

The Retreat

The nave of the Arch abbey church of St. Meinrads Arch Abbey St. Mienrad Indiana. The hub of Benedictine spirituality in the United States, this combination monastery and seminary is a 150 year old experiment in community living. The Abbey Church with its splendid mural of Jesus the Pan creator is stunning. I have enjoyed coming here for the day and participating in the noon worship services here

From Conjectures of A Guilty Bystander, By Thomas Merton,OCSO (1966):

In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. Not that I question the reality of my vocation, or of my monastic life: but the conception of "separation from the world" that we have in the monastery too easily presents itself as a complete illusion: the illusion that by making vows we become a different species of being, pseudo-angels, "spiritual men," men of interior life, what have you.

Certainly these traditional values are very real, but their reality is not of an order outside everyday existence in a contingent world, nor does it entitle one to despise the secular: though "out of the world," we are in the same world as everybody else, the world of the bomb, the world of race hatred, the world of technology, the world of mass media, big business, revolution, and all the rest. We take a different attitude to all these things, for we belong to God. Yet so does everybody else belong to God. We just happen to be conscious of it, and to make a profession out of this consciousness. But does that entitle us to consider ourselves different, or even better, than others? The whole idea is preposterous.

This sense of liberation from an illusory difference was such a relief and such a joy to me that I almost laughed out loud. And I suppose my happiness could have taken form in the words: "Thank God, thank God that I am like other men, that I am only a man among others." To think that for sixteen or seventeen years I have been taking seriously this pure illusion that is implicit in so much of our monastic thinking.

It is a glorious destiny to be a member of the human race, though it is a race dedicated to many absurdities and one which makes many terrible mistakes: yet, with all that, God Himself gloried in becoming a member of the human race. A member of the human race! To think that such a commonplace realization should suddenly seem like news that one holds the winning ticket in a cosmic sweepstakes.

I have the immense joy of being man, a member of a race in which God Himself became incarnate. As if the sorrows and stupidities of the human condition could overwhelm me, now that I realize what we all are. And if only everybody could realize this! But it cannot be explained. There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun.


This changes nothing in the sense and value of my solitude, for it is in fact the function of solitude to make one realize such things with a clarity that would be impossible to anyone completely immersed in the other cares, the other illusions, and all the automatism's of a tightly collective existence. My solitude, however, is not my own, for I see now how much it belongs to them—and that I have a responsibility for it in their regard, not just in my own. It is because I am one with them that I owe it to them to be alone, and when I am alone, they are not "they" but my own self. There are no strangers!

Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed…I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. But this cannot be seen, only believed and "understood" by a peculiar gift.

Again, that expression, le point vierge, (I cannot translate it) comes in here. At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us. It is, so to speak, His name written in us, as our poverty, as our indigence, as our dependence, as our sonship. It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely…. I have no program for this seeing. It is only given. But the gate of heaven is everywhere. **



** Conjectures of A Guilty Bystander. Garden City, New York: Doubleday & Company, Inc., 1966. 140-142. Reprinted with permission of the publisher and of the Merton
Legacy Trust.

This changes nothing in the sense and value of my solitude, for it is in fact the function of solitude to make one realize such things with a clarity that would be impossible to anyone completely immersed in the other cares, the other illusions, and all the automatisms of a tightly collective existence. My solitude, however, is not my own, for I see now how much it belongs to them—and that I have a responsibility for it in their regard, not just in my own. It is because I am one with them that I owe it to them to be alone, and when I am alone, they are not "they" but my own self. There are no strangers!

This paragraph from Merton's "Louisville Epiphany" likely the most famous piece written about the city, struck me firmly... I feel this way about this city that has taken me into its self. I have made friends here and connected here in ways that have not happened in any other place I have ever lived... They don't call this the "City of Hospitality" for nothing. I have met so many people and without exception they have been wonderfully cordial and gracious. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend the city as a great place to visit for vacation or to relocate

My greatest regret is not spending enough time in the city its self. I was downtown with a friend from Watkins church last Saturday...she had free tickets to the Imax there in the Science Museum then had lunch at the very cool Lynn's Paradise Cafe...(I think we saw Bobby Flay there but Im not sure). I didnt make a huge effort truthfully because I was so taken with the countryside and loved my country drives and I was being careful socially.... It wouldnt do for me to meet someone that I couldnt live without... Maybe someday I can come back for an extended visit and I can explore more of the city

I have been hugely busy working at home on the business, there are hours of listening to David Geller on how his programs work, I have been packing and am nearly done. I have left out what I will need for the next week but soon it will all be whisked into a carton and onward home to the Ozarks.

I have been amazed at how things have sort of pulled together in the last two weeks. My time with my therapist has yielded some interesting fruit with regard to my issues with anger. I have spent a lot of time praying about my relationship with Woody and how I can better cope with the irrational behaviour that seems to make me sink into irrationality. Woody does things that make no sense to me and that have very large implications for my future. Woody doesnt understand this of course and even as we were planning his arrival here a situation came up that was a real problem for me and he did get that it was a problem after a while but it was a stretch for him. I cant turn off my feelings and his lack of concern for consequences of his actions make it unlikely that anything will change...

The stress that I felt at this potentially damaging issue and my inability to have any control over what happened stressed me out to the point of misery. I am unable to just let it go. I have had a life time of people taking advantage of me and my situation and I am fed up and not going to allow it anymore. Yes some things are unavoidable, and yes to be concerned over every little detail of life is a touch over the top... but for some one who became self directed only 20 years ago...( I was so mentally ill I couldnt plan a menu or make a grocery list and follow it through) every time I can take care of myself in the face of someone that wants my life to be crazy is a triumph...


Mark asked me to watch out for the smallest thing that shows me that Woody wants to change and grow...I will watch... and try to keep an open mind...

I drove up to St. Meinrads a few days ago...and I have spent a lot of time these past few months looking inward. This has been a sort of retreat, a rather extended one for sure. I know that I learned a lot of things about myself many things not recorded here. I was profoundly effected by being self directed self contained and leaning on God for direction and not having to dwell to much on the needs of another. This sadly shows me that I have failed in community living and hope to work on being positive and work towards my own goals.

I will never have enough positives to say about the people that I interacted with and befriended during this time. Even the neighbors in the development gave me food for thought. I will miss the peace and quiet and the sound of my own soul. I fear that I will lose myself again once I go home. I pray rather that this personal retreat will extend its self.

Labels: Dreams, Kentucky, Louisville, Woody

October 18, 2008

...Its Way Past Midnight....

Aloha, the state of mind that surrounds you when you are in love with your best friend. My kitties...maybe now Woody's kitties Makoa and KaNani sweetly sleeping...

a journal entry...

...there is a stillness in the apartment that amazes me considering I am surrounded by 50 other humans living in this building.I never hear anyone else... One of the joys of living here is the profound respect they all have for each other's space. I am free to listen to music or to silence... to play with Bella, cuddle her in my lap...Take her for long walks on sidewalks and golfcart paths...It kills me that I am doing things here that I love and likely wont be able to do at home. I am leaving this light bright and airy space for a cold dirty cramped house that I will be sharing with two cats and a human that will not want me there.

I am feeling very lonely and sad tonight. Leaving Louisville is surrounding me like a suffocating blanket. I went to church tonight and realized in 15 days I wont ever see these people again. It kills me. I have made more real friends at the church here that want more than to just converse on sunday...felt more accepted. One of the reasons I think is not having Woody around, not that hes unfriendly but I think I hang with a younger crowd when hes not with me... I dont know

I have been mulling over today's counseling appointment. My counselor has been trying to get me to see a couple of points. 1. that God is for me..(Zephhaniah 3:17)
2. my anger over my life is unproductive and sinful.(more scripture than I am able to list...) I havent been able to deal with it in a way that seems pleasing to God, my life has suffered because of this. I know that he is right about this in the sense that according to the Bible I havent been able to handle the pain of this relationship in the most Godly fashion...but I have run out of...I have nothing left to give. Woody knows this... that is why hed rather that I didnt come home.

Im not sure if anyone wants me home. I have had a few contacts from people over these past seven months. My neigbors stopped calling me. Its been 6 months since I have heard from anyone at Methodist Church... The RCIA director called once from St Bernards and I have been in communication with my Cannon Lawyer...my annulment of my marriage to The Engineer is progressing. By the time its done I will likely need to get one for my marriage to Woody... I will never get to the altar for the sacrament at this rate I will spend the rest of my natural life in Magisterial Purgatory...

My partner from the Nightshift at Thisplace has done very well since my departure we had a long conversation the other night... and I have gotten email from her. My landlord called wanting to know when I was starting up as he has a pile of jewelry he wants fixed...

Soon I will have to leave my Haven on the Green and return to the real world where some huge challenges await me... Im going to have to "Bring It" on a lot of levels...the prospect leaves me in a cold sweat...

Labels: Annabelle, Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Business start up, Catholic, Kentucky, Louisville, Marriage, Pen Pals

October 12, 2008

Isaiah 58- True and False Righteousness

How far to Bethlehem? The First United Methodist Church, Bethlehem Ky

Isaiah 58

True and False Righteousness

"Cry aloud; do not hold back;
lift up your voice like a trumpet;
declare to my people their transgression,
to the house of Jacob their sins.
Yet they seek me daily
and delight to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that did righteousness
and did not forsake the judgment of their God;
they ask of me righteous judgments;
they delight to draw near to God.
'Why have we fasted, and you see it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?'
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure,
and oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight
and to hit with a wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day
will not make your voice to be heard on high.
Is such the fast that I choose,
a day for a person to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a reed,
and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast,
and a day acceptable to the Lord?

"Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in."

"If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath,
from doing your pleasure on my holy day,
and call the Sabbath a delight
and the holy day of the Lord honorable;
if you honor it, not going your own ways,
or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly;
then you shall take delight in the Lord,
and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth;
I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father,
for the mouth of the Lord has spoken."



The hills a fire Trees just starting to turn. Kentucky River State Park near Owenton KY

Labels: Kentucky, scripture, UMC

October 11, 2008

Highways and Byways

Horse Fences and Sailboats, the sweet life in Prospect KY

I had a hard time titling this post. I have had another week of incredible sweetness tempered by the bitterness of the loses financial and personal, but only material things these are. I am constantly reminded that God is good and my intrests are at the forefront of His heart. This is a very hard thing for me to focus on as for most yea all of my life it has been the others in my life that have received much of the good and I the short end of the stick. this past seven months has been while not an easy time for me, a time to sit back and enjoy a respite and feel like the good is pouring into my life I shall ever be grateful for it.

Fields of Gold, fallow pasture and an abandoned tobacco barn or shed... near Owenton KY


I have been working hard on the business making calls and re thinking the whole thing. I redid the layout incorporating the many sugestions that I received from various sources and now have something that more resembles a jewelry store. With the huge hits that retirees have taken this week on their portfolios there have been questions about if I should open up at all. One of Woody's stockbroker friends said that if I opened today I would be shut down and out of money in six months. He could be right. If I was only dependent on the retirees patronage,

Bella vista is not all seinors anymore, of the total population 78 percent still work and 65 percent are under the age of 55. So I think that the pensioner issue isnt as important. I had yet again another lady from the area tell me that she has work for me to do, will I be open for Christmas? I hope so.

I have figured out what the barest minimum amount of buildout I would need to be functional, it only takes half of the money that I have left. Squeeking by I can do this, but barely, its going to be hard.


Autumn Pastures, Trimble County KY


I took Annabelle for a playdate at her groomer this week. she loves little dog day...A day when the groomer has only toy dogs for boarding and grooming. Margerite calls me and I run her over there. She also gets a "fluff and fold" and this time one of the girls painted her nails a pretty racy red...

With the baby looked after,I then took a long drive down Hwy 22 to Owenton, KY. Its a beautiful rural area full of horse farms and tobacco fields. We had gotten some much needed rainfall earlier in the week and the moisture washed the air making it feel smooth and less dusty. Because it was so nice, horses; mares and their foals were turned out into newly greened pastures and were playing racing around. I would stop and take photos of the leaves turning brilliant red, of the green fields contrasting with the black tobacco barns, and the golden leaves curing inside. I hate the way this plant kills people, but nothing is sweeter smelling than a cart of the freshly cut leaves that have been bundled up and are being trundled up out of the fields pulled behind a tractor or in the case of the Amish farms I passed, a pair of Belgian draft horses as golden blonde as the harvest they were hauling up to the rows of curing barns...

Tobacco Barn Henry County KY

The sun has a mystical quality about it at this time of year. It sheds a golden glow on the earth as it passes in the hours of the day. Green seems greener and blue seems even brighter blue. The Ohio River placid and low was a serene blue reflecting the few little clouds as they passed by... The sunlight cause the wavelets turned up by a passing barge to sparkle as thought they had been sprinkled with a glittering dash of starlight. Its as magical as a place and time get. Perhaps its my romantic soul saving up moments against the future that might not be so pleasent.

I have taken drives nearly every day this week which has slowed down the process a bit as far as working on the shop, but it has been so fun to find places that I havent seen up till now.

One bit of drama. I had left my ring that I cast at Conners with JC Inc the people that I met with last week that will be coming along side to help me. This ring I had carved and cast in 14kt clean scrap (yes you can use scrap gold for casting a new peice with the use of a bit of fresh karat gold and some chemicals with a high enough heat, I didnt know this until I did it myself...) I struggled with setting the stone that I set because the setting head was crooked and the stone was way out of make. Charlie offered no help as the oval was not in his program and he was bugged that I often went on with what I felt I needed to do regardless of his lack of teaching. Sadly I needed to learn this to prepare to take the JA test, and my poor showing on this was one of the reasons that I didnt press on with this program

Anyway I destroyed the old head that I had cast in the ring trying to get the slightly too large stone into a space that was higher on one side than the other. I have a lot of work to get this right but in the mean time I needed to give JC a chance to show me how they worked so I left the ring to be set with a new head that I had bought and a lovely white spinel that sparkles like a diamond.

When I didnt see the package by tuesday I was a bit concerned, but weds and thursday I was a bit distracted. By friday I was frantic. I got the UPS tracking and found out that the package had been delivered to a wrong address with in the development and the drive had put the managers name down as the signee and she wasnt even in that day. We had a mad scramble in the managers office turning the place upside down, still nothing.

I filed a report with UPS and spent a night wondering if I would be happy with a remade ring. No What really worryed me was that the people that I thought would save me with my shop had let me down on the first go round. How would I deal with my clients if this was their precious thing... I got sick in the bathroom and answered an ad on a online job site for a new call center in Bentonville fearing that all was lost...

Well in a bin of mail to be returned was the UPS package. It had been mis-adressed and my name was not on the label, so no one knew who to give the little box to. As I pulled the ring out of the wrapping tissue I felt not only a huge sense of relief that the lost was found but that the folks at JC hadnt let me down. I may still need to take that job for a bit, we shall see how things are in Arkansas with the economy, but I know that I will get my shop open eventually...

In the mean time I have this little reminder that I can do it...with a little help from my friends...

The symbol of a new future, The lost and found ring...

Labels: Annabelle, Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Bella Vista, Business start up, Conner School, Kentucky, Louisville

October 05, 2008

Psalm 73~Who Have I But You

The Parsons Cornfield...taken on the grounds of the parsonage of the First Baptist Church, Paint Lick Kentucky

Psalm 73

Truly God is good to Israel,
To such as are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
My steps had nearly slipped.
For I was envious of the boastful,
When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.


For there are no pangs in their death,
But their strength is firm.
They are not in trouble as other men,
Nor are they plagued like other men.
Therefore pride serves as their necklace;
Violence covers them like a garment.
Their eyes bulge with abundance;
They have more than heart could wish.
They scoff and speak wickedly concerning oppression;
They speak loftily.
They set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue walks through the earth.


Therefore his people return here,
And waters of a full cup are drained by them.
And they say, "How does God know?
And is there knowledge in the Most High?"
Behold, these are the ungodly,
Who are always at ease;
They increase in riches.
Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain,
And washed my hands in innocence.
For all day long I have been plagued,
And chastened every morning.


If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children.
When I thought how to understand this,
It was too painful for me--
Until I went into the sanctuary of God;
Then I understood their end.


Surely You set them in slippery places;
You cast them down to destruction.
Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment!
They are utterly consumed with terrors.
As a dream when one awakes,
So, Lord, when You awake,
You shall despise their image.


Thus my heart was grieved,
And I was vexed in my mind.
I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.


Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.


For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish;
You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
But it is good for me to draw near to God;
I have put my trust in the Lord God,
That I may declare all Your works.

Labels: Kentucky, scripture

October 03, 2008

The Bend In The River

The bend in the mighty Ohio near Warsaw KY

The weather doesnt get much better than it has been these last few days. Brilliant blue skies and cool nights with warm sunny days. My walks with Annabelle in the mid mornings are the higlight of my days. I will be able to walk her at home but there are not the blocks and block of sidewalks and the golf cart paths that surround Indian Springs. I will have a hilly gravel strew road that is more difficult and the least bit of wet weather makes them impossible for me and my long coated little friend. But this is the way we need to go at least for now.

I have been working on my business plan several hours a day. My new computer is great and I ordered my accounting softwear from industry business guru David Geller. He asked me a lot of very pointed questions one of them being, what was I going to do about all of the various types of work that I am not able to do on my own...such as work in platinum a highly specialized side of the trade that requires a compleatly separate set up, or unusual antiques that require knowlegable handling. David directed me to a firm located near Cincinatti. I drove up there this week.

I was warmly received by the CEO of what may be the largest Trade Shop I have ever heard of. Over 100 jewelers and related trades people doing work for jewelry stores from accross the country. I saw detailed security measures and an operation that seemed to me to be efficient and very very professional. I should have no misgivings about sending them any work I cant handle on my own.

I told the new accounts rep that "if I looked like a woman that has been given her life back... I am." Truth is my dream was headed for a brick wall. The people I met with said that I was a bold person to continue with my quest in the face of the Conner's debacle and the fact that no one with so little experience could be expected to do what I want to do well at this point in their carrer. It would be like having a first year piano student play Beethoven's Piano Concerto with the LA Philharmonic Orchestra. Its not my fault that I am where I am I just need to practice and expand my abilities, this will allow me to do that while opening my business and starting the cash flow forward.

This has changed the direction of my business plan. Rather than focus on just repair and not take custom work,I am going to focus on custom orders, and to do that I need to build out and make the shop look good so people will have confidence in spending their hard won money there. My casting finishing and setting skills are good so I feel good about the plan. I can buy waxes very cheaply and if the customer brings their own gold or silver I can do a special order rather inexpensively for the customer yet have a generous margin to support myself... I wont get rich, but I will be independent and that is what I am looking for.

Many people have asked me if I though that with the recent economic turmoil did I think that this was really the time to start a business. I think its the best time. With business down vendors are more willing to come down on prices and work hard to earn my business and my trust. My future customers want to fix their precious things because buying new is too expensive. Also when times are hard sentiment becomes more important. Grandma's wedding ring becomes the ring given to her grandson's new bride, or family jewelry or watches are refirbished and become cherished gifts.

What many people dont realize is that jewelers and jewelry stores thrived during the Great Depression and WWII. Oh, things were not as extravigant as perhaps things are now. But the bread and butter of any shop is the same today as it was 75 years ago. Nice gifts, that celebrated special occasions... milestones in peoples lives. Wedding jewelry, Anniversary gifts and up until the advent of the specialty/Big Box/Discounter, "Table Top" China, Silver, and Crystalware... My mother told me of what an event it was in her family when she as a high school seinor went to the local jewelry store and registered her patterns and had lunch with her mother. A rite of passage we dont have today. She never got one of those peices, but I still have the tiny silver serving spoon pin she received as a gift....

Many of the super jewelers of today got their start as small family shops founded prior or just after WWII. Talk about a struggle! Every store that I have had the privilege to spend a lot of time in has a story that tells of risk taking and courage... and yes a bit of sacrifice for the family, but it was worth it and I am willing to take on the challenge, to gain the independence that I feel I need to be the person God means me to be.

There will be bends in the river...places where I cant see the way before me. I am trying to learn to trust God every step of the way. He makes a way for me everytime, just in time in ways I never expect.




The Great Stream The Ohio River near Warsaw KY

Labels: Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Business start up, IN, Kentucky, Louisville

September 15, 2008

The Dirty Side Of The Storm

Sunrise over East Louisville notice the trees are already bending with the wind blowing. As the day heated up the wind would blow harder

The "dirty" side of a hurricane is the eastern side of the storm. Here, winds from the south, full of moisture, wrap into the storm causing heavy rain, storm surge, and tornadoes. As the storm moves inland it interacts with other weather systems. The area between the eastern side of the hurricane and the other weather front can be subject to hurricane force winds even though the hurricane itself has subsiding wind speeds.

Its as though the air is being squeezed in between two powerful wheels spinning in opposing directions. The wind heats and creates tornado like conditions. Add a deep broad valley like the Ohio River Valley and that cyclonic wind ripped though here like the Hurricane driving it

I woke to the winds, the whistling sound reminded me of the Pacific Tradewinds that blow across the Hawaiian Islands. Getting up at 5 am to make it to Beargrass by 7:30 is hard but has its rewards. This sunrise was beautiful. It did so remind me of Kauaii when Woody and I visited there.



Roofing ripped off of the buildings here at Indian Springs.

Finished the service at Beargrass and headed over to Watkins at 10 am. Wind blowing harder and harder. As we started the service at 11 am the power went out and it was all acoustic from there on in. Looking out the windows you could see branches whipping around and pine cones flying off at dizzying speeds pelting windows and cars in the parking lot. Then there was a huge crash and the building shook. People were starting to get up when the pastor stood up and said "Nobody leaves this building, if that is a tornado out there, we are safer in here. The children are safe in their building..." I saw ushers go to the doors. He was right and people calmed down instantly. I was really glad when we did go out in an hour or so and saw the devastation in and around the building, including a giant pine tree that had crashed against the side of the fellowship hall



Like our Church, the complex had a lot of damage from falling and flying trees and their branches. This apartment has a hole in the living room ceiling and the people are moving out today into a temporary unit

I got home at 1 pm and there were shingles flying off the roof and a chimney from an adjacent unit in the drive that had been torn off. I pulled my van into a more sheltered area in between the buildings and tried to get out. The wind was pushing against the door so hard I couldn't for the life of me get the door open. In between gusts I got out and up the stairs... Just as I got in I looked out the window and saw trees being ripped out of the ground and laid out on the first green...I backed away from the windows facing the trees and had my lunch in the back bedroom. Annabelle and I then took a long nap. We did lose power briefly but here in northeast Louisville we have had power pretty much continuously



Many of the homes in the subdivision where Annabelle and I walk had siding and shingles ripped off and many many trees are down.

11:00 pm

I didnt see much in the national news but I did see this report according to the tv news 215,000 people are still without power. Because this storm was a freak, people were not prepared. Gas lines were long and fights broke out when gas was rationed out. Our Governor declaired a state of emergency last week over the price of fuel. Kentucky has had an investigation over the way the fuel has gone up in price and gauoging is being reported and people have been arrested over it . Because of the heat and spoilage people are looking for food at resturants. Markets are closed, as are schools and many businesses.

One big concern is the condition of the course at Valhalla about 5 miles from here. The Ryder Cup is being played here starting tomorrow. Louisville was all geared up for the world looking in on the city and the clean up was done today in hopes that all will go well with this long planned event. There is nothing Louisville loves more than a grand sports event and I doubt this will slow things down too much

a favorite resting spot for me and Annabelle

I am still really amazed at how much damage and disruption this has caused. But thankfully we didnt have flooding rain nor did the winds last beyond the few hours. Things are ragged but at least we can clean up and arent suffering like those on the Gulf coast. I have been saying prayers of thanksgiving for that.

Labels: Breaking News, Current Events, Kentucky, Louisville, weather

August 24, 2008

Psalm 138 ~ Give Thanks To The Lord

Tall Cana and summer flowers Riverfront Park Botanical Gardens Downtown Louisville Kentucky

Give Thanks to the Lord
Of David.

I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.

All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
for great is the glory of the Lord.
For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly,
but the haughty he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Labels: Kentucky, Louisville, scripture

August 17, 2008

Psalm 84 ~ A Day In Your House Is Better Than a Thousand Elsewhere

Warming up the Worship Community of Watkins United Methodist Church, Springhurst Village Louisville Kentucky

Psalm 84

How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.

Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise! Selah

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion. [fn2]
As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!

For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!

In praise and thanks to God for His Blessing of ministry to others
in raising me up to serve in the worship misnistry for the first time
in nearly 10 years today.

Labels: Kentucky, Ministry, Praise and Worship, scripture

August 16, 2008

Operation: ReEntry

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Horse country afternoon Oldham Co. Kentucky

Atmospheric reentry refers to the movement of human-made or natural objects as they enter the atmosphere of a planet from outer space, in the case of Earth from an altitude above the "edge of space." This article primarily addresses the process of controlled reentry of vehicles which are intended to reach the planetary surface intact, but the topic also includes uncontrolled (or minimally controlled) cases, such as the intentionally or circumstantially occurring, destructive deorbiting of satellites and the falling back to the planet of "space junk" due to orbital decay.

Vehicles that typically undergo this process include ones returning from orbit (spacecraft) and ones on exo-orbital (suborbital) trajectories (ICBM reentry vehicles, some spacecraft.) Typically this process requires special methods to protect against aerodynamic heating. Various advanced technologies have been developed to enable atmospheric reentry and flight at extreme velocities.

Mars Exploration Rover (MER) aeroshell, artistic rendition.

When I think of the words "Re Entry" I think of the stories of incredible courage that my Father would tell me of the astronauts and the literal "moments of truth" as each mission would undergo "Reentry" through the earths atmosphere. As the earth rotates there are areas of thinning in the outer atmosphere called "windows" Timing is critical as the vehicle must reenter the atmosphere within one of those windows in precise position or face un endurable heat and burn up or bounce off of the atmospheric veil like a stone being skipped on the surface of a lake. Because of magnetic
interference all radio and computer contact between the vehicle and ground control is cut off for 15 to 25 minutes, so its hold your breath and wait and see if all of your hopes and dreams work out and there is a good landing...

Like the astronauts I too am preparing to make reentry. I have been living alone, moving to my own rhythm and living my own life. Life in the city moves faster than in the Ozarks but I have cocooned myself in my castle on the greens and move slower than the city and slower certainly than I was when working at Transplace. I take long walks with my yipper, spend time in the pool and the gym and shop at the myriad of opportunities...to my own hurt financially, I have spent way too much and need to be more careful from here on out. I have no one to think of or care about and like it that way.

After nearly six months of living in the bluegrass I can say that I have had the time of my life and its not over yet. Its not been easy and there were a lot of very hard times, but this past week I came to the realization that while I love it here and if I was without connections anywhere else I would find a cheaper apartment and find a way to stay here permanently. I have become a different person and the result is that I can see the issues in Arkansas with new eyes. I need to not only face the challenge of embarking on the career that I have trained for these past 6 months but deal with the issues regarding my marriage and these last 13 years of difficulty in relating to my husband.

River City Downtown Louisville as seen from Riverfront Harbor and Park overlooking the Great Lawn that is a public gathering space that is large enough to handle 500,000 people


I was still struggling just a week ago with what I was going to do regarding my future here. I have been hired by a local craft store. Its at a wage that I havent earned in 20 years and not nearly enough to pay for my apartment or even a cheap life here in this not terrible expensive city but more expensive than NW Arkansas.

I have come to the realization that I am not going to get a jewelers job here. Not because I am new, and inexperienced...I am well received and called a jeweler and have even been shown around some stores. The lady at the store that is letting me practice is ok with having me around but it is security,... I am sure that is the issue in general. I dont blame anyone. After giving it a lot of thought I would be the same way with the stranger without connections to the community that wants at my million dollar inventory and to have access to my customer's family heirlooms. I wouldnt hire me and cant blame others.

A couple of things have influenced my decision to prepare to return to the Ozarks. I have been reading Dr. Henry Cloud's great book "The Secret Things of God" this past two weeks. I read a chapter a day in the morning. Its not meant to critique Rhonda Byrne's book but takes us on a journey of how God works in our lives if we let Him. I have become more and more convicted that I need to return and at least tie up loose ends.

The other was a email that I received from a dear friend that in true Calvary Chapel fashion prejudged my situation and demanded that I return to the side of my husband where I belong and how could I disregard my marriage vows like I have... brother...
We have since discussed this and perhaps worked things out, but I found it sad that after twenty years my motives should be judged like that. I had to disclose things that I wish I hadnt, but frankly no one who knows the whole story judges me for anything that I do to try to cope

So I have done what I do in a really life changing situation. When I know that things are really really going to change I go for help. I prayed for a few days then hit the phone book and sure enough a Christian Therapy group is nearby and they had a spot with a young man who is serving his practicum... in other words he is a intern. The price is much less than a licensed pro, and I have found over the years that you get a double dose of help as the intern has an overseer to review the case and help out.

Our first session went very well. When I got there I saw Mark get out of his car and the evil little voice in my head said "He's young enough to be your son what can he possible say to help you..." I smiled to myself. That told me that the enemy of my soul was trying to get me and I laughed it off. After all God can speak in the still of the night, in a rock and roll song, in the writings of a fool and the mouth of a donkey. How much more so from the heart of a young man sold out to God?

And speak He did. He challenge me to think about what I need from Woody to stay married and living with him. Better communication? Caring about the future? Caring about himself? Caring about me?... All of the above. Too much water under the bridge, I dont think enough can be done by either of us to make this work anymore the way it should... I feel that the relationship needs to be reframed and looked at in a more familial ie brother /sister relationship that allows for freedom of expression while honoring our vows to God. This will be done best while living separately I think.

So I was encouraged at least to pray about it. I also began to look for housing for myself a house to buy with what money I have left, and there might be some creative rental/leasing situations to be looked at. I can only do this if I go home on time.

I have many fears... Leaving this place of light and healing and returning to a dark cold cave... the confronting of rejection... and risking losing the devotion of Annabelle which has become simply amazing. I am totally jealous of her and dont want to see her fawn over Woody and ignore me like she does when hes around. I dont know if I can stand being ignored and rejected by the ones I love.

I have a lot of risks in this return. No encouragement from Woody in a loving way, I know he enjoys his freedom and perhaps would rather I didnt come back. It would prolong this separation that seems to have done us both good. It will be interesting to see what preparations he makes as far as my return.

Operation: Reentry is underway may God be with us

Labels: Annabelle, Breaking News, Family History, Kentucky, Louisville, Marriage, Woody