August 16, 2008

Operation: ReEntry

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Horse country afternoon Oldham Co. Kentucky

Atmospheric reentry refers to the movement of human-made or natural objects as they enter the atmosphere of a planet from outer space, in the case of Earth from an altitude above the "edge of space." This article primarily addresses the process of controlled reentry of vehicles which are intended to reach the planetary surface intact, but the topic also includes uncontrolled (or minimally controlled) cases, such as the intentionally or circumstantially occurring, destructive deorbiting of satellites and the falling back to the planet of "space junk" due to orbital decay.

Vehicles that typically undergo this process include ones returning from orbit (spacecraft) and ones on exo-orbital (suborbital) trajectories (ICBM reentry vehicles, some spacecraft.) Typically this process requires special methods to protect against aerodynamic heating. Various advanced technologies have been developed to enable atmospheric reentry and flight at extreme velocities.

Mars Exploration Rover (MER) aeroshell, artistic rendition.

When I think of the words "Re Entry" I think of the stories of incredible courage that my Father would tell me of the astronauts and the literal "moments of truth" as each mission would undergo "Reentry" through the earths atmosphere. As the earth rotates there are areas of thinning in the outer atmosphere called "windows" Timing is critical as the vehicle must reenter the atmosphere within one of those windows in precise position or face un endurable heat and burn up or bounce off of the atmospheric veil like a stone being skipped on the surface of a lake. Because of magnetic
interference all radio and computer contact between the vehicle and ground control is cut off for 15 to 25 minutes, so its hold your breath and wait and see if all of your hopes and dreams work out and there is a good landing...

Like the astronauts I too am preparing to make reentry. I have been living alone, moving to my own rhythm and living my own life. Life in the city moves faster than in the Ozarks but I have cocooned myself in my castle on the greens and move slower than the city and slower certainly than I was when working at Transplace. I take long walks with my yipper, spend time in the pool and the gym and shop at the myriad of opportunities...to my own hurt financially, I have spent way too much and need to be more careful from here on out. I have no one to think of or care about and like it that way.

After nearly six months of living in the bluegrass I can say that I have had the time of my life and its not over yet. Its not been easy and there were a lot of very hard times, but this past week I came to the realization that while I love it here and if I was without connections anywhere else I would find a cheaper apartment and find a way to stay here permanently. I have become a different person and the result is that I can see the issues in Arkansas with new eyes. I need to not only face the challenge of embarking on the career that I have trained for these past 6 months but deal with the issues regarding my marriage and these last 13 years of difficulty in relating to my husband.

River City Downtown Louisville as seen from Riverfront Harbor and Park overlooking the Great Lawn that is a public gathering space that is large enough to handle 500,000 people


I was still struggling just a week ago with what I was going to do regarding my future here. I have been hired by a local craft store. Its at a wage that I havent earned in 20 years and not nearly enough to pay for my apartment or even a cheap life here in this not terrible expensive city but more expensive than NW Arkansas.

I have come to the realization that I am not going to get a jewelers job here. Not because I am new, and inexperienced...I am well received and called a jeweler and have even been shown around some stores. The lady at the store that is letting me practice is ok with having me around but it is security,... I am sure that is the issue in general. I dont blame anyone. After giving it a lot of thought I would be the same way with the stranger without connections to the community that wants at my million dollar inventory and to have access to my customer's family heirlooms. I wouldnt hire me and cant blame others.

A couple of things have influenced my decision to prepare to return to the Ozarks. I have been reading Dr. Henry Cloud's great book "The Secret Things of God" this past two weeks. I read a chapter a day in the morning. Its not meant to critique Rhonda Byrne's book but takes us on a journey of how God works in our lives if we let Him. I have become more and more convicted that I need to return and at least tie up loose ends.

The other was a email that I received from a dear friend that in true Calvary Chapel fashion prejudged my situation and demanded that I return to the side of my husband where I belong and how could I disregard my marriage vows like I have... brother...
We have since discussed this and perhaps worked things out, but I found it sad that after twenty years my motives should be judged like that. I had to disclose things that I wish I hadnt, but frankly no one who knows the whole story judges me for anything that I do to try to cope

So I have done what I do in a really life changing situation. When I know that things are really really going to change I go for help. I prayed for a few days then hit the phone book and sure enough a Christian Therapy group is nearby and they had a spot with a young man who is serving his practicum... in other words he is a intern. The price is much less than a licensed pro, and I have found over the years that you get a double dose of help as the intern has an overseer to review the case and help out.

Our first session went very well. When I got there I saw Mark get out of his car and the evil little voice in my head said "He's young enough to be your son what can he possible say to help you..." I smiled to myself. That told me that the enemy of my soul was trying to get me and I laughed it off. After all God can speak in the still of the night, in a rock and roll song, in the writings of a fool and the mouth of a donkey. How much more so from the heart of a young man sold out to God?

And speak He did. He challenge me to think about what I need from Woody to stay married and living with him. Better communication? Caring about the future? Caring about himself? Caring about me?... All of the above. Too much water under the bridge, I dont think enough can be done by either of us to make this work anymore the way it should... I feel that the relationship needs to be reframed and looked at in a more familial ie brother /sister relationship that allows for freedom of expression while honoring our vows to God. This will be done best while living separately I think.

So I was encouraged at least to pray about it. I also began to look for housing for myself a house to buy with what money I have left, and there might be some creative rental/leasing situations to be looked at. I can only do this if I go home on time.

I have many fears... Leaving this place of light and healing and returning to a dark cold cave... the confronting of rejection... and risking losing the devotion of Annabelle which has become simply amazing. I am totally jealous of her and dont want to see her fawn over Woody and ignore me like she does when hes around. I dont know if I can stand being ignored and rejected by the ones I love.

I have a lot of risks in this return. No encouragement from Woody in a loving way, I know he enjoys his freedom and perhaps would rather I didnt come back. It would prolong this separation that seems to have done us both good. It will be interesting to see what preparations he makes as far as my return.

Operation: Reentry is underway may God be with us

Labels: Annabelle, Breaking News, Family History, Kentucky, Louisville, Marriage, Woody