April 04, 2010

The Greatest Gift

The Table of Our Lord, the Altar of St Francis of Rome Church Clifton, Louisville KY

The eternal spring is hidden
in this living bread for our life's sake,
although it is night.
It is here calling out to creatures;
and they satisfy their thirst,
although in darkness,
because it is night.
This living spring that I long for,
I see in this bread of life,
although it is night.
- St. John of the Cross


"The Bread that we need each day to grow in eternal life, makes of our will a docile instrument of the Divine Will; sets the Kingdom of God within us; gives us pure lips, and a pure heart with which to glorify his holy name, "
- Edith Stein

"Were it not for the constant presence of our divine Master in our humble chapel, I would not have found it possible to persevere in sharing the lot of the lepers in Molokai...The Eucharist is the bread that gives strength... It is at once the most eloquent proof of His love and the most powerful means of fostering His love in us. He gives Himself every day so that our hearts as burning coals may set afire the hearts of the faithful,"
- Blessed Fr. Damien, Apostle of the Lepers


"Let us go with confidence to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace,"
- (Heb. 4:16)

Father, now Saint Damien Molokai’i ae, is one of the two holy people that have gone before me, that I have selected to be my patrons. The other is Edith Stein, in religion Teresa Benedicta a Cruse, a Jewess who converted to Christianity then after ten years of teaching was received into the Carmelite Order. St. Damien died of leprosy contracted in conjunction with his ministry. St. Edith was murdered for simply being of a certain race. The communion of Saints has always been a reality for me. I never believed that those that die are not alive. They are living on another plane, another dimension. And that they are there for us

I have been asked by many “Why would you change your faith or your religion at this time of your life?...” “ What was it that drew you to this Church so full of controversies and contradictions…” A church that is daily reviled in the news, insulted in the press and scorned by many of my friends who left her angry confused and hurt… A church misunderstood, called stone age, irrelevant, woman hating, superstitious, filled with heresies, idolatry and untruth. None if this is true of course…

Was it the leading of John Michael Talbot, (who said to me recently that becoming a Roman Catholic made him a better Methodist. That by following Christ by studying the example of St. Francis of Assisi, he has become better conformed to Christ in the image of John Wesley…) or my Methodist minister friend,( who was supportive but I think perplexed…). Both have been called by one angry friend “false prophets” but they have had little to do with this journey. They have encouraged me but not pushed me in any direction.

Was it the long period of no church attendance, then the plunge into a liturgical experience over the past few years? Was it my own disgust at the way praise and worship has become top 40 songs that make Jesus sound like He is your girlfriend, and worship leaders treated like rock stars…or how the “Bible” church go-ers have become modern day Pharisees, judgmental overfed sheep that cant make their way out of the feedlot of their churches into the world that sorely needs what they have been so carefully taught!... Is it the incredible narrowness that I have seen in fundamentalist congregations or the outrageousness of some Pentecostal gatherings where people growled like dogs, and flopped on the floor in a crazed abandon, spouting nonsense.

"What Christ gives us is quite explicit if his own words are interpreted according to their Aramaic meaning. The expression 'This is my Body' means this is myself"
Karl Rahner

In fact it was the Calvary Chapels, the verse by verse exposition of the scriptures and the mantra of their founder Chuck Smith…”Read the Word-What does it say?” that propelled me in an all out search for the Truth. It was 10 years ago, as I was reading Kathleen Norris’s “ Amazing Grace, A Vocabulary of Faith” that I decided to look at what Catholics believed and why they are viewed differently than any other “brand” of Christianity. I read two passages of scripture below with “Catholic” eyes... That study totally rocked my theological worldview

John 6:48-69
I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”
The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not as the fathers ate and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” Jesus said these things in the synagogue, as he taught at Capernaum.
When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?” But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, “Do you take offense at this? Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.”
After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

James 5:14-16
Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

These scriptures are explicit in their clarity. I have read commentary and discussed these with a number of learned people and I am convinced that they are literal and to the point. That Jesus, was saying that He himself would become a Spiritual Food somehow…and that I was to confess to a human and that I would be forgiven…. I am no scholar no theologian, but what the Bible said was what the Church teaches and has taught since the earliest times and this is what convinced me that the fullness of Christian life is to be found in the Roman Catholic Church.

You can be a Christian and not be Catholic, you will go to heaven if you have faith in Jesus, but if you want the fullness of historic Christian tradition, you aren’t going to find it in the feel good mega churches or by staring at a tree in your back yard… You will find it in the depths of the mystery of the Church founded by Christ Himself

Yes… there are many other things that lead me to “Cross the Tiber… I love the pageantry, the theater of the Mass, the many readings of scripture and the comfort of knowing that you are going to get what you get every time you go…But the two things among the many, Two Sacraments of Seven…. They were the clincher. I have written on one of them, Reconciliation and Absolution. The other is the Eucharist… The Real Presence… The Holy Communion that can only be found in Holy Mother Church and her daughters of Orthodox traditions... Sadly it cannot exist in the churches of the separated brethren that I have known all of my life. I am convinced that only consecrated priests that can trace their ordininal lineage back to the Apostles have the authority to consecrate the elements. Anything else is only a symbol, a symbolic ceremony that anyone can perform and if it treated that way, I have no problem with this, but in churches like the Methodist church where only a handful of its ministers have this traceable authority (for example,if there are any women in the line of ordination that will disqualify you for starters) this is a huge issue. There has to be authority, if there isnt then my puppy could confect the sacrament… My friends, if the Holy Sacrament is merely symbolic why should we care…this has been a question that I have asked myself for a long long time

"The Bread of heaven puts an end to symbols."
- Office for the Feast of Corpus Christi

I have seen communion services treated like picnics or free for alls that leave a huge mess on the floor. Yes I have also seen reverence and dignity, but I have also seen it done carelessly and with no thought to what is being said by the foolishness, Worse was seeing it done by rote week in and week out with no explanation. I have been in churches that don’t have communion but once a year, and I have seen Open Tables which are a mockery of scripture in 1 Corinthians 11:27-32

Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.

The Eucharist is for Believers not Seekers. Being a seeker is great I have been one for many years. I went forward and was "blessed" by different priests in different settings. I was not in the least embarrassed to be different. I want what God wants and political correctness for the sake of inclusion has no place here. We really need to get over this...

"The Blessed Sacrament is indeed the stimulus for us all, for me as it should be for you, to forsake all worldly ambitions. Without the constant presence of our Divine Master upon the altar in my poor chapels, I never could have persevered casting my lot with the lepers of Molokai; the foreseen consequence of which begins now to appear on my skin, and is felt throughout the body. Holy Communion being the daily bread of a priest, I feel myself happy, well pleased, and resigned in the rather exceptional circumstances in which it has pleased Divine Providence to put me."
- Blessed Fr. Damien, Apostle of the Lepers

The Eucharist is a gift to us here on earth. It is the way Christ would cement the living stones of His church together… a building up…a unifying factor…and I desired this Oneness with Our Lord so much. I knew that and while it was hard to wait I wanted something in my life that wasnt tainted by rushing or choosing my own way. I am so glad that I waited and that I was able to have a first true holy communion...

"Neither theological knowledge nor social action alone is enough to keep us in love with Christ unless both are proceeded by a personal encounter with Him. Theological insights are gained not only from between two covers of a book, but from two bent knees before an altar. The Holy Hour becomes like an oxygen tank to revive the breath of the Holy Spirit in the midst of the foul and fetid atmosphere of the world,"
- Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen


And so I began this long journey, Three Churches, Four Catechists, 12 years and 10,000 miles of wandering later, I stood before Msgr Scott and the congregation at St. Steven Church and said more "I do's" than I repeated at my two marriage ceremonies combined. I felt my forehead being signed three times and the heavy sweet scented chrism oil crossed on my forehead and temples...the same kind of oil used to anoint priests and because they are the head of the Church of England, the Kings and Queens of England as well. I am an anointed princess and a priest...a true daughter of God, and of His Church...

Then I heard my new name "Teresa Damien Molokai ea" and there was a roar in my ears and the sound of the drums striking the last note of a Mele or chant and the ensuing silence. I think the roar was voices... and Father said later when I shared this that they were the voices of those forgotten ones, those sent to the fires at the death camps by the Nazis, those lepers tossed off the ships into the raging Pacific off the coast of Molokai'i, too weak and sick to swim they would drown in the heavy surf. My patron saints cared for these people and in turn I will be cared for as well... The struggle of this part of my journey has ended. The Word of prophecy I received last Fall, that before the summer came, my hard journey would end, has come to pass... The final drumbeat signaled a new song was beginning.

“Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed…”
The final words said by the priest prior to the serving of the Eucharist….

I went forward for the Host and when Father placed it in my mouth, I stood there in a sort of amazed shock..."I have God in my mouth..." was all I could think, but as I tasted the precious blood for the first time I realized that this was different from any experience of Our Lord I have ever known, a closeness and a sweetness that is unsurpassed. I was high, on a different plane than when I walked into the church.
For me and for others that have experienced this celebration, it is a life changing moment. You are never the same again. I am free to worship where I will but the table of Our Lord is now open to me in any church anywhere in the world. I now have 1 Billion brothers and Sisters. The next week as I worshiped I felt the same spine tingle when I received my Lord and my God. When Jesus said he would be with us forever he really meant it physically forever, within us. I never understood the power of that . Christ more than a intellectual expression, more than theology, worship and service… Actually in my hands in my mouth, under my heart. It is my hope that my faith will grow stronger now that I have this tangible reality in my life. It is the Greatest Gift I have ever been given.

With thanks to
http://www.therealpresence.org/index.html

Confirmed Hokulea and Mgsr Scott

Labels: Catholic, Church, Current Events, Edith Stein, John Michael Talbot, Personal Growth, Quotable Quotes, RCIA, scripture, St Damien of Molokai

September 25, 2009

A Light At The End Of This Tunnel

The light on the hill, St Stephen's Catholic Church, Bentonville AR

I love this group... Third Day was the sound track for my time in Louisville, seems like they are the local fave band and I know they do get a lot of airplay on the local Christian Top 40 stations... Daily as I have trudged uphill inwardly through all of this I hear this song in my ears... A MWBS first, my first YouTube embed



Well, I know that there are some of you that wondered what happened to me, trust me I was wondering if I would be able to get back to blogging. I guess I had just run out of things to say. I also frankly have begun to feel like there are lurkers that check in on my life this way but dont take the time to pick up the phone and talk to me... The silence encouraged contact...for those of you that didnt call that have my number... dont bother...

I am well. I actually have two posts started on the two incredible jobs I have had since Labor Day, and rather than write about them now I will save them for another day.

My silence started three weeks ago when I realized that I had come to an end... I had no money, I had run out of food, Abi was sick, my utilities were going to be turned off, my insurance was canceled I had no prospects for anything. I froze up, and found that I couldnt face the world, with my Jesus smile on my face... I couldnt fathom what I was going to do or what I should do... so I stayed home suddenly on a Sunday morning, stayed in my jammies with the doggie and prayed, read the Word and leaned on God, asking God to give me the strength to face whatever it was I needed to face. The future looked really bad...

I know the truth, the God takes care of us. We are required to meet Him where He wants to meet us, that is not necessarily half way, sometimes it is 1/100 th of the way, but we need to do whatever it is that He wants us to do. I didnt know what that was until the next day. I was walking in the rain working on finding leads for my insurance work. I was lightly dressed and had a jacket on and I felt like I did 30 years ago... before I was married to the Engineer...when I walked aimlessly in West LA with my gay friends through some pretty mean streets. Hopeless and pretty lost feeling... flash forward I was hungry and cold and wondering if this was my future... There are a lot Believers living that way right now...OK God I thought I can do this if I must, as long as You are with me...

I received a phone call about an hour later from a friend asking me to do him a favor... as it turned out it was going to cost money... Not a lot of money, not enough to even register in this person's mind that "Hey, maybe she cant afford to do this for me..." But I didnt have two bucks of change left in my ashtray to get a burger...but at that point I said nothing, I waited and got the object he wanted mailed to his friend ready to mail off... When evening came, I told him via email that I hadnt the money for the project...and my phone rang...how much did I need...and please tell him what the situation really was like... which I did. He gently told me that I would receive and envelope from a mutual friend at a small group meeting we both attended the next day and I was to use what I needed to mail off the package and put the rest in my gas tank... The envelope was discreetly passed to me the next morning and there was just enough to pay UPS for the package and fill up my van with much needed gas...

In the same way I heard from a friend at church who is in management there, she was concerned that I was sick with no one to look after me... Well I told her the truth...that I just couldnt face it anymore... I am battle weary and worn out, and needed a day to just stop... She said that she didnt know how I had managed to stand up and face my situation day in and day out the way I have... and stay sane... I told her that sanity is debatable but I am still here, but... I was really in trouble and not sure what to do next. I told her my situation...There are services that can help me but they are very limited, and families are served first because the limited amount of aid goes to help more people. I shared with her that I swore I would never ask the church for help, but I didnt have anyone else to ask, my family has impossible conditions for me to meet, I have been unsuccessful in getting any sort of public assistance...

So the church got my power,phone water and car insurance caught up. I also have done some clean up work for several events held there that has brought in much needed income, that helped me pay the rent. They provided a gift card for a local market. Another friend sent me 100.00, which I have used to keep my van filled with gas. I received a bag of food for Abi...how did they know I was out of food for her? A Food Package was purchased in my name and given to me last week, things feel a bit easier..

Humbling myself before the church seems to be a key that has unlocked a huge door. I got two weeks work at a local water company... payment posting mostly but a wonderful small office with down to earth people that were just plain encouraging to be around day in and out. Then out of the the clear blue sky, a man with a local consulting firm called me. He had a 10 week plus assignment with Wal Mart.com, in fraud prevention. I have fininshed my first week and feel like this may be it, the permanant job I have been praying for. I feel very at home here and while this is very entry level and the pay reflects that, I know that God has guided me into this, and He will provide, I need to just trust Him and do my very best every day. There is the possibility they will need me after the Holidays, or that I will be able to get into another department. Walmart is not hiring here in the Home Office just now but seasonal work often leads into full time if there are openings...

Another tunnel that seems to have a light is my quest to join the Catholic Church. I had two horrid weeks at St Bernards, in their RCIA. These folks mean well but are not educated, and were not gifted in the teaching dept. It was about as interesting as watching grass grow... So a friend invited me to her church in Bentonville. They have a new priest who is a delightful man, very learned and teaches the classes himself. He is willing to work with me.. do anything needed to facilitate my entrance into the Church, and is very supportive of my continuing to minister at FUMCBV..."after all" Msgr Scott said..."its not a big leap, is it?" No its not... especially with St Stephens being what can only be described as very Contemporary with Praise and Worship music in the services, a crucifix with Jesus alive and in a posture of worship, arms raised, and a "read your Bible and witness to others" message at the Eucharist... Are we in a Baptist Church or what? Seriously, I sense a warmth of spirit and a potential for fellowship that hasnt been present before.. This is also a younger church full of young families and single people... who knows maybe I will meet Mr. Wonderful there... we never know... I just know that I have found a home there and perhaps this is the start of something big in my life...

And so there is a bit of light. I am not holding my breath, but walking forward in hope One Day at a Time, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus the souce of my faith and provision..

The Tower at Twilight StStephen's Church Bentonville AR

Labels: Catholic, Friends, Personal Growth, Praise and Worship, RCIA, UMC, YouTube

September 02, 2009

The Journey Prayer

A Solitary Place, Gethsemeni Abbey, Loreto KY

Prayer from tonight's RCIA class

My Lord God.. I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing . I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone...

Thomas Merton "Thoughts in Solitude"

Labels: Kentucky, Prayers, RCIA

February 04, 2008

Ordinary Time

The Table of Rememberance is set...Calvary Chapel of Long Beach California

Ordinary Time is a season of the Christian (especially the Catholic) liturgical calendar. The name corresponds to the Latin term Tempus per annum (literally "time through the year"). Ordinary Time comprises the two periods — one following Epiphany, the other following Pentecost — which do not fall under the "strong seasons" of Advent, Christmas, Lent, or Easter.

The term Ordinary does not mean common or plain, but is derived from the term ordinal or "numbered." The weeks in ordinary time are numbered, although several Sundays are named for the feast they commemorate, such as Trinity Sunday (first Sunday after Pentecost) and the Feast of Christ the King (last Sunday in OT), and for American Catholics, the Feast of Corpus Christi (second Sunday after Pentecost).From Wikipedia read more

I am is a sort of Ordinary time, a counting of weeks and a period of time between great seasons of my life. We are entering Lent this week and counting down towards Easter and what I had hoped would be my full reception into the Roman Church and a new spiritual time in my life...I am in the last six weeks or so of my time here on my job at thisplace, with my future schooling and new career just over the horizon...

Waiting holding my breath.

But it looks like my spritual quest is on hold. I am stuck in a beaurcratic situation that I hadnt counted on. My Chatechist and his wife who were my sponsors had a falling out with the church and left the parish. That was sad and unfortunate for me as I loved these folks and wanted to make them a deeper part of my life. Now that may not be the case. To make matters worse, my new chatechist believes that no matter if you are a new convert or a Christian wanting to be a Catholic you must go the whole way with a full on Catachetic experience, which means months of classes.... never mind that I would be bored to tears by it.

Then there is the Annulment...Both Woody and I need one. Its a huge process of soul searching questions and then contacting people to bear witness to what you have said. I have no such people in my life that can do this and frankly I fear digging this stuff...this person up. Let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. Father Andy assures me that my location will be kept secret but then, whatabout the Engineer? Its been 20 years now. What if he has a new life and his significant other has no idea of a past of any sort. Do I have the right to ruin a life by plunking a thick envelope full of searching questions on his doorstep? I think not, and I think Jesus wouldnt mind if I took the sacrament either. But that is for others to decide.

Ordinary time ends today, Mardi Gras, and I begin a Lent that will be filled with pennance, but less joy and hope. I am waitng at a crossroads of sorts, one of obedience and sacrifice, and one that I hope will be as rewarding as it can be and that my streach into Order will become a realized quest.

Labels: Catholic, Faith, Family History, Marriage, RCIA, Woody

November 22, 2007

Cultivate A Heart Of Gratitude

American Bandstand, Belleville OH

Now thank we all our God,
with heart and hands and voices,
Who wondrous things has done,
in Whom this world rejoices;
Who from our mothers’ arms
has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love,
and still is ours today.

O may this bounteous God
through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts
and blessèd peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace,
and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills,
in this world and the next!

All praise and thanks to God
the Father now be given;
The Son and Him Who reigns
with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God,
whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now,
and shall be evermore.

This is one of my favorite hymns, and I love it that our church uses it often in services year round much more than the ususal once or twice a year at this time in the calander.

I love Thanksgiving and all of the warm fuzzies that go along with it even if we here in our house skipped the cooking and went to Mimi's Had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with Woody. He is sleeping it off, I came home and took Annabelle out for a breezy walk in her new pink quilted coat with a faux fur trimed hood. Yesterday it was a burgundy sweater... she endures all of this without one complaint. Woody complains that Annabelle is neither my little baby nor a doll to dress. I just want her warm... Now hair acessories are another thing all together!

I miss the family social thing but after traveling last week I am so glad I wasnt going anywhere this weekend. Just enjoying the quiet if a bit chilly house has been lovely.

I have a little plaque that sits on our table that reads "Be Grateful" Its so easy to forget how much we have, not just materially, but just the basics like food shelter and freedom from fear. How many people in this world have none of those things... Quite a few.

I have to admit though, my conciousness has been raised somewhat in the past few months. I have not been a big giver... Sadly, in my heart there has been a hardness toward the poor ("Just pick yourself up...I did..." ect)for much of my life. I see a lot of these people as hand out seekers and "gimmee" people. As I have been more and more exposed to a Catholic mindset and a real understanding of how Jesus viewed the Poor, I have felt a giving over. That has lead to having a more grateful nature.

I am thankful for many many things, people and situations in my life. I try to count my blessings at least once a day. I have been encouraged to pray the "Morning Offering" prayer. But I find that I would rather pray and just thank God for getting me to this new day and thinking of ten things that I am thankful for. That helps me put on a happy morning face rather than a grumpy one. Although I must say that getting miss Annabelle out of her bed and to her bathroom, being licked for joy all the way has a wonderful effect on my mental outlook. How can you be grumpy when your doggy just wants to love you...

But seriously...I am asking God to remind me more and more as time passes and the world is changing and I think, going to become a very hard place to live in... Just to remind me of how good I have it and how I need to just be happy and not worry so much. To be thankful and to care about the things that matter and let go of the things that dont matter. To be open to God's best and let the rest fall away like the dead leaves that fell off the trees last week.

I love todays "blog of note" Attitude of Gratitude In nearly evey post Scott W, a man recovering from addiction, lists things he's grateful for. Like my morning prayer. I found many of the things mentioned on his lists touching. As many isues as I had in my past, chemical addictions were not among them. Another thing to be grateful about...When thinking about this, I realized that I could make a list of my own...

Woody, exsaperating and misunderstood as he is, he champions me and supports me not in everyway but in more ways than most.

My life situation here in NW Arkansas. I am constantly surprised at how life has turned around. While there are hard days and I often feel very alone, I have met more straight up people... I certainly work with more straight up people, than I I ever have before. My home, my job, my health, my future, is brighter and better than at any time in my life...Im grateful for that.

Im grateful for the people that are supporting my spiritual journey, from my cousin Lyn, to my Methodist Pastor, to those that are a part of RICA at St Bernards parish, to the folks at Little Protion and John Michael Talbot...even those that are trying to disuade me right now from "crossing the Tiber" are a blessing as they get me to thinking about what I am doing. I want to be Catholic for right reasons, not just emotions or impulses

For my beautiful kitties and my sweet doggy...For the wildlife that comes up close to us and the beauty of this lovely place we call home...

For opportunity, health and well being, for enough of everything overflowing into excess. May God forgive our over indulgence, our selfish greed.

As I sit on the lanai looking out over the forest full of leafless trees... the freezing grey of a late autumn evening...snow flurries likely...me and my Annabelle, I am so glad that I have you my readers and friends on the journey as well. I love you all and so very glad that you have joined me on the journey over My Wide Blue Seas...

Labels: Catholic, Faith, Family History, Prayers, RCIA, scripture, Thanksgiving

September 30, 2007

Psalm 30~ Joy Comes In The Morning

Majestic Clouds over the Gulf of Mexico near Panama City Beach FL

Psalm 30

Joy Comes in the Morning

A Psalm of David. A song at the dedication of the temple.

I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

As for me, I said in my prosperity,
“I shall never be moved.”
By your favor, O Lord,
you made my mountain stand strong;
you hid your face;
I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I cry,
and to the Lord I plead for mercy:
“What profit is there in my death,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me!
O Lord, be my helper!”

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

Yesterday marked the 19th anniversary of my conversion as a Christian, and today was the beginning of my Catechumenate period and was celebrated at St. Bernards Church this morning. Praise be to God for His never failing us as we make the journey of faith.

Labels: Faith, RCIA, scripture

September 04, 2007

Summer Twilight

Let's Have A Picnic, Tanyard Creek Park Bella Vista Arkansas

Its officially the end of summer, here in the Ozarks. Kids have been back to school now for several weeks and there is the occasional cooler day. The leaves have started to turn and the rain comes a touch more frequently...I am glad to see it. It has not been an easy summer for me, filled with change and some uncertainty as Woody and I try to mend a few fences...

For him, he feels like we have come a long way. We "share" the bills and he feels, the responsibilities. That has been true in many respects and others...well, the house is a shambles ( a friend from California originally called her home a "wreck in the clearing stages" for those of you familiar with the terms used regarding the freeways in CAli-speak you know what that means...describes our home to a Tee)Not much help there.With the advent of Annabelle, I have less time to devote to anything else as she does require more attention that I thought that she would.Woody has been great about assisting with her care, but to me falls the bulk of it, and at times it is a touch overwelming

For me life is more difficult. The Mid Life Crisis vehicle sits in the drivewy day in and out (Woody drives the 10 year old beat up Avalon more than the snazzy Crossfire. The perversity of males is beyond me)and is a reminder of the huge lie he told me and the whole money thing in general.That purchase, which he hid from me for a month, is as bad as cheating with another woman as far as I am concerned...The separate lives... The separate bedrooms, the monthly bill for the new beds and the cartons that continue to sit un sorted and piled in my room are a testiment to me of the compleate and utter failure of our relationship. To wounds that will not heal and that I will be alone... in truth... forever. A great man once said that "True lonliness is a permanant condition, one is born alone and dies alone..." He was speaking of inner lonliness...for me the outer is just as painful and devestating. I dont know how to fix it. I just know that I have to continue to keep moving forward on my journey, regardless of what he does

In this summer of change there have been good things, the two retreats with John Michale Talbot were enlightening and opened my mind to new thinking both faith wise and daily living wise. I have started to really take a hard look at how I live. Do I put God first in all that I think say or do? Do I make the best use of my resources? Do I live for the Kingdom or just for myself? This has caused me to think twice about doing some things that might have been fun and given me pleasure, but in the long run were they worth the price both financially and otherwise.

Am I obedient to God? Do I really understand what I believe today and where am I at in this process of life. To that end I have begun studying privately with a tutor and preparing to enter the Catholic Church. I know that a lot of my friends wont understand and perhaps will have harsh words for me, but I see it as a path that I must take... When asked by a friend "Why be Catholic?" I ask "Why Not?" "If someone offered you "More" of Jesus would you not want that? I do. I see it as a "adding to" not taking away from anything that I am or am involved in. I will not be changing church affiliations nor giving up going to church with Woody to the Methodist church we are attending together. I hope to continue to be involved with developing the new contemporary service they are working on.

I find my "classes" facinating. I have a wonderful tutor who has his PHd, but I have been able to stump him a few times, and he said at our last meeting that this setting was the right one for me as I have had a wonderful formation as a Christian, and know the Bible as well as he did, perhaps better in some areas, but I do not "think" like a Catholic. For example, Protestant theology is based in reason, as it was born out of the Enlightenment period of human history... " To read is to understand." While Catholics are taught based on Augustine's priciple "To believe is to understand" in other words, faith first, then reason. There is a lot more that I could write about, but suffice it to say, I study the materiels for the RCIA (rites of Christian Initation for Adults)then we meet during the day for an hour or so and go at it on such questions as "Why did God create the world?" "What was most important, Jesus message or His death?" "Did Jesus know his whole life that he had to die, or only at the last?" "Did Jesus know everything or did he have to learn everything like we do, and did he learn as he went along teaching and preaching?" These topics are on topic but way ahead of the other 40 or so people taking this class. My tutor said that I would have been bored stiff.

I have been a part of churches that teach the Bible at the Semanary level, but we women were told that even if we were able to learn like the men that really would be the end of it. Here both in the Methodist Church and in the Catholic Church, Women teaching and learning along with the men is entirely acceptable. In fact women can do any non ordained function (they cant be priests or deacons)in the Catholic church but are allowed to teach at all other levels and there are a number of Lay Ministers that are well known nationally. In the Methodist Church 20-25 percent of the ordained clergy are women. I feel like I am now in churches where my talents and knowledge are appreciated. I also feel that once I am done with this nearly year long process, I will be better prepared to teach if I am called upon to do so in the future. And I see that comming.

Then there is Annabelle. My little bundle of fuzz has more engergy than the Energizer Bunny and is a slave driver on our walks together. Her personality is forming... in otherwards she is getting willful and demanding. I have found that scruffing her slows that down and bathing her has an extrodinary effect on her attitude. She is reduced to a guniea pig sized little creature that only wants love. She gets that in full measure. I spend a lot of my morning hours with her and try to have part of that time be lap time where she is brushed and handled and told over and over how pretty she is. She still wants things her way all the way but we are finding a middle path and I see this working out really well.

The kitties are getting used to her and this weekend we were able to let everyone be together, supervised of course. We let the cats set the pace, and try to keep Annabelle from barking chasing and otherwise creating a hostile enviroment for the feline members of the household. I know that eventually there will be an altercation, but hopefully all will be well once the pecking order is established

The evening is cooler and a thunderstorm has rolled through bringing even more releif to this parched and heat weary land. I love every season here and have enjoyed the summer very much, however I have looked forward to the end of the season and the fall colors with great anticipation. The end of the summer is the beginning of Autumn and a new season. I pray for the new things in my life and for the healing of the old, and for a new day after the twilight of the old.

Labels: Bella Vista, Breaking News, Dreams, Faith, John Michael Talbot, Praise and Worship, RCIA, Scenic Arkansas, Woody