March 14, 2010
The Lenten Journey
Late Spring at Lake Norwood Bella Vista AR
Yes its been quite a while. I had a birthday while I was away and that went well. My friend Diane took me to dinner and to see the brilliant choral group Kapelle
she also gave me a nice gift of a car emergency kit, something I can really use with my 60 mile a day drive
I am sorry that I have neglected my blogs, but time escapes me... I am living life rather than writing about it, praying and preparing for my first Reconciliation which is this week. I only have to confess up to the point of my baptism in 1990. That leaves a multitude of sins I need to forget and a multitude that need confessing, so I shall do that on the 17th.
In between times of reflection there is work, which is going along well. I still have much to learn, I made a goal to learn three new procedures every week. I run around begging for help to get my work done, because the training program is non exist ant. But I choose to not let that stop me and I get through my evenings, and one day I will be as proficient as anyone else there...The men have been better about things and I will have another lady on the shift soon. Im very excited about this.
Working there is a daily test of my willingness to put into practice the things I have learned in Ala Non. Most importantly I am responsible for my feelings and how I react to things around me... And if I say something in all good faith and someone takes it wrong it is not my fault or worry that this other person feels bad. Or if these men misunderstand that as a woman I have feelings and stress might just make me cry once in a while.
Mostly I smile and type away all night. I am so happy to have this job...I fear that somehow like so many of the good things of my life's journey, it will suddenly be ripped away from me and all will be lost...So I work hard, I have a full work load now, and often I fall behind... I am not as fast a typist as the others, who have been there for a long time, but by the end of the day or night as it were I get caught up and all is well.
I am trying very very hard to live in the moment...to make every moment count, every financial decision count, spend money very wisely... To not think too far ahead. I try to just enjoy the day and not think about tomorrow for it may never come.
I heard from my lawyer, and can sign the bankruptcy papers and file within the week. I have prayed about this and while I feel terrible about the money, I see no other way. No one will work with me and the int rest has gone up so high that I can never hope to pay it all back. There is so much that I need from medical care to car repairs. I see no help for it...
I have also started my annulment from Woody with his blessing. What I thought would be a slam dunk due to the circumstances of my civil divorce. But it is going to be the same long process as the first one. I am discouraged about this but will submit myself and try this again. I don't know how this will turn out...I have no witnesses to offer support for my case I have neither family nor friend from the time I was married... I will start looking at people here but it will be difficult to say the least. I shall have to be creative. I want to get this done as soon as I can, because Woody is in a very unstable situation, and may disappear off the face of the earth
It must seem to some that read my blog that I am in the same position, but no, I shall be here for a good long time. NW Arkansas is my home. The beautiful snowy winter has been a trial but also a blessing as well, and has shown me the rightness of my decision to stay here and try to make a life here.... I know I have grown as a person. I am choosing to take along all that is good in my life and leaving behind all that hinders or is burden rather than a blessing... to that end....In the time that I have been away my comment generator has been replaced with a different system that is not really compatible with my elderly blogging platform. I am going to switch to Blogger commenting in the coming days. The loss of over 1700 comments on this blog is painful but I don't want a system that will allow the random posting of photos and videos on my blogs. I am hoping to get this upgrade in soon... And I am seriously considering ending my journal My Wide Blue Seas completely and moving to a new blogging home. The number of posts (over 1400) many with photos makes for a large blog. I also question the relevance of this blog to my new life and would a new blog allow for a fresh vision. Its an interesting idea and one that I am seriously looking at...
And so it goes. My Lenten journey with its reading, fasting, and deep prayers has been a good one and I look forward to seeing where God leads in coming days
Labels: Blogging, Catholic, faith working, working