March 14, 2010

The Lenten Journey

Late Spring at Lake Norwood Bella Vista AR

Yes its been quite a while. I had a birthday while I was away and that went well. My friend Diane took me to dinner and to see the brilliant choral group Kapelle she also gave me a nice gift of a car emergency kit, something I can really use with my 60 mile a day drive

I am sorry that I have neglected my blogs, but time escapes me... I am living life rather than writing about it, praying and preparing for my first Reconciliation which is this week. I only have to confess up to the point of my baptism in 1990. That leaves a multitude of sins I need to forget and a multitude that need confessing, so I shall do that on the 17th.

In between times of reflection there is work, which is going along well. I still have much to learn, I made a goal to learn three new procedures every week. I run around begging for help to get my work done, because the training program is non exist ant. But I choose to not let that stop me and I get through my evenings, and one day I will be as proficient as anyone else there...The men have been better about things and I will have another lady on the shift soon. Im very excited about this.

Working there is a daily test of my willingness to put into practice the things I have learned in Ala Non. Most importantly I am responsible for my feelings and how I react to things around me... And if I say something in all good faith and someone takes it wrong it is not my fault or worry that this other person feels bad. Or if these men misunderstand that as a woman I have feelings and stress might just make me cry once in a while.

Mostly I smile and type away all night. I am so happy to have this job...I fear that somehow like so many of the good things of my life's journey, it will suddenly be ripped away from me and all will be lost...So I work hard, I have a full work load now, and often I fall behind... I am not as fast a typist as the others, who have been there for a long time, but by the end of the day or night as it were I get caught up and all is well.

I am trying very very hard to live in the moment...to make every moment count, every financial decision count, spend money very wisely... To not think too far ahead. I try to just enjoy the day and not think about tomorrow for it may never come.

I heard from my lawyer, and can sign the bankruptcy papers and file within the week. I have prayed about this and while I feel terrible about the money, I see no other way. No one will work with me and the int rest has gone up so high that I can never hope to pay it all back. There is so much that I need from medical care to car repairs. I see no help for it...

I have also started my annulment from Woody with his blessing. What I thought would be a slam dunk due to the circumstances of my civil divorce. But it is going to be the same long process as the first one. I am discouraged about this but will submit myself and try this again. I don't know how this will turn out...I have no witnesses to offer support for my case I have neither family nor friend from the time I was married... I will start looking at people here but it will be difficult to say the least. I shall have to be creative. I want to get this done as soon as I can, because Woody is in a very unstable situation, and may disappear off the face of the earth

It must seem to some that read my blog that I am in the same position, but no, I shall be here for a good long time. NW Arkansas is my home. The beautiful snowy winter has been a trial but also a blessing as well, and has shown me the rightness of my decision to stay here and try to make a life here.... I know I have grown as a person. I am choosing to take along all that is good in my life and leaving behind all that hinders or is burden rather than a blessing... to that end....In the time that I have been away my comment generator has been replaced with a different system that is not really compatible with my elderly blogging platform. I am going to switch to Blogger commenting in the coming days. The loss of over 1700 comments on this blog is painful but I don't want a system that will allow the random posting of photos and videos on my blogs. I am hoping to get this upgrade in soon... And I am seriously considering ending my journal My Wide Blue Seas completely and moving to a new blogging home. The number of posts (over 1400) many with photos makes for a large blog. I also question the relevance of this blog to my new life and would a new blog allow for a fresh vision. Its an interesting idea and one that I am seriously looking at...

And so it goes. My Lenten journey with its reading, fasting, and deep prayers has been a good one and I look forward to seeing where God leads in coming days

Labels: Blogging, Catholic, faith working, working

September 26, 2009

The Way Forward, A Blogaversary post

Diamond Head Dreams Waikiki Beach Honolulu Hawaii

The very God who seems to be tormenting us is the one who truly loves us, the one we can trust without reserve. The deeper we go into the dark night of the uncomprehended God and trust in him, the more we will discover him and will find the freedom and love that will carry us through any and every dark night.” Ratzinger (Pope Benedict XVI), God is Near Us, p.47

There have been many Dark nights in the six years since My Wide Blue Seas was born... First conceived as a rant blog against the huge issues we struggled against as Woody and I tried to cope with the culture, customs and predudices of our life in Hawaii. MWBS evolved into a personal/news blog then as we made the crossing to the Mainland, it changed again to a personal journal.

It has been a huge wonderful vehicle for self expression. I have made many new friends, and gained a wider perspective on the world and learned a lot about many things...The numbers dont matter much but I still think its amazing that nearly 80,000 people have stopped by, that I have written more than 1500 posts, intersected with countless lives...I am awed and amazed. Thanks for stopping by, for reading my posts and posting your kind comments. You bless my life continually

Labels: Blogging, Hawaii

September 26, 2008

From Sea to Shining Sea~A Blogaversary post

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Shining Seas North Shore Oahu Hawaii

I have seen my wide blue sea in many moods and in many places in this world. The vastness and everchanging nature of the ocean never ceases to facinate and amaze me. The vast ocean of human experience is like this too and I am constantly amazed at how wonderful and varied humans and the human condition is


.Sea of Dreams near San Destin Florida

I discovered the Internet and bloging in 2003 and found a whole new vista a whole different world and dived right in.Blogging became my passion. I loved sharing my Hawaii and my life with others and making friends along the way. It gives me joy to see a response to a post or to get an email for a more personal message. You have followed my Journey and shared my life and your kind words touch my heart
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California Dreaming Surfs up at Seal Beach Orange County CAlifornia

And so I begin my sixth year of blogging with a hearty thanks to all who take the time to read these humble scriblings. It is my hope that they give you as much pleasure to read as I get from writing them

God Bless you!


The burning sea Sunset over the Gulf of Mexico Port St. Joe Florida

Labels: Blogging, California, Florida, Hawaii, Traveling

March 28, 2008

The End of the Drought

Quiet Sugar Creek, Bentonville AR. It hasnt been like this in weeks and much of my favorite walking trail is innudated and bridges are out. Hopefully they will be fixed when I return in the fall...


I woke this morning early to the sound of hail hitting our roof. I can tell the difference from rain now, the soft ping-ping of rain on the hood of the heat pump is like music, the sound of hail like buckshot blasting down from heaven causes alarm. It hailed so hard and long last evening that it looked like it had snowed in Haiwasse amd Gravette, the next towns over from us. It had been so warm during the day that our hail, the size of water softener salt, melted very quickly. Annabelle and I had just come in from walking and we sat and watched the lightning and the wind whipped clouds until the storm passed. She didnt seem afraid. I make a point to not be afraid with her. I dont want her to become one of those poor pets that cries at every bolt of lightning. She would be a mental case if that were to happen. I would say "Its ok, and she would lick me as if to say "Dont worry Mom, I'm an Okie from Muskogee, land of twisters and hail the size of golfballs... This is nuttin..." and so she is very brave...

The Ozarks were in a state of long standing drought when we arrived in 2005. Lakes streams and reservoirs were way down and fell futher untill this winter. Its been cold and wet, now torrentially wet. We are not in the flood zone like those east of us on the White river. Sadly we are a part of the souce of their misery and as I see the spillways of our lakes flood into Big Sugar creek, a feeder stream for the White River that should crest today. 34 counties here in Arkansas are slated as disaster areas including Benton county where I live. Bella Vista, for the most part, is built on the hills and the water drains into lakes and sreams away from the buildings, Parks, golf courses and fishing lakes fill the valley floors and absorb what runoff the streams dont take to Big Sugar Creek. I count myself very fortunate.

I am nearly ready to leave for New Albany/Louisville and my apprenticeship/training with Charles Conner. My apartment is ready, furniture is in and utilites on. The Ohio River crested this week with no damage to the school which is only a few blocks away, and all seems well for the cross country trip this week. I have nearly everything packed up that I am taking. I likely have ten time more than I need but frankly, I dont want to buy anything that I can hual down there. I have plenty of room in the van. We pulled out the passenger seats, and realized a huge amount of extra space. I will need this on the return trip as I will be hualing back supplies and equipment for the shop

After exhaustive vetting, bids, ect. I finally have a General Contractor selected, and SHE, yes a local gal that came highly reccomended, will start by painting and getting that yucky mustard color (why, people, is this color so in vogue, as well as the swamp mud brown that seems to be on the walls of every spec home in the area? It looks like poop!)Karina will be getting that done now so the smell can have a chance to disapate a bit. Im glad of that.

Since leaving my former employer, I have had a chance to relax and let go of some of the things that were troubling me about staying on there. Now that I am no longer on the payroll I can talk about some of the things that were going on. The company allowed a lot of things to go on that in no way should go on in this day and age and frankly I needed to leave as I was not in a position (nor did it affect me directly as my bosses were fantastic gentlemen and were nothing but respectful and kind to me) But eventually that was going to change, as I was going to have to return to day shift and start dealing with the rampant sexual harassment and well "fishing in one's own pond" a climate of infedelity that was treated as ok. I saw myself as possibly becoming entangled in at least one person's life and perhaps in one other's and I needed to bail. I would be working for new managers and who knows how that would go. That is one reason I would have nothing to say on my blog about work, I was prohibited from writing anything that might get back to the company or pop up on the internet, and even now I wont say who I was working for...it doesnt matter.

On the home front Woody and I have been cordial and getting along. He took great exception to the post I wrote back in February regarding manners Saying that I took HUGE liberties with the truth and that it wasnt a big deal. Well it was to me and I felt that I wrote that and didnt exagerate the truth. He says he reads my blog to get a feel for how I feel because "I dont tell him" No, he doesnt listen to me doesnt hear me and I feel right now as if I will explode I have so much to say... But to express it will only cause trouble here at home. Maybe he should just talk to me directly

I predict that there will be a lot of changes in the comming months... the time alone will be good for me. It is my hope that be releasing myself from the surroundings of pain, disappointment and frustration I will find that my personal drought will have ended and that in the quiet of my near solitude after a day of learning a new thing that maybe I will have something to say and I can feel good about saying it. I wont have to listen to critical voices telling me how wrong I am. Im sick of it. I hope to one day find a place in this world where I fit in. I am willing to work for it, create it for myself.A friend shared with me that he felt that "there was life here." I think he thinks for Woody and me, but I dont think so. I think I must try to reframe my relationship with him, but the "life" will come from elsewhere. I am gestating life within me, a new life for myself. It is only a matter of time

Labels: Annabelle, Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Bella Vista, Blogging, Business start up, Conner School, Dreams, Louisville, Marriage, New Albany, Scenic Arkansas, Traveling, weather, Woody, working

August 06, 2007

Posts to Ponder

A Community of Cows Near Garfield Arkansas

I love Blogging and count a number of my fellow bloggers as my friends, and on occasion I like to point out some of their great blogs and posts that are just wonderful and deserve and extra look by people that might not normally give them a looksee...

My dear friend Smooth of Smoothstone writes tirelessly on Israel and issues surrounding the Holy Lands and there was a post recently that was so interesting that it inspired me to do this post. For those of you who are Bible readers or are interested in history this post on the historicity of the story of Samson was wonderful Smooth also posts on current events and the War on Terror.

Norma at Collecting My Thoughts Always has something thought provoking to say, and I love her writing style

John Bailey and his partner Graham have become a part of my family as I read John's Blog, The Journal of a Writing Man John has shown me a quiet peice of British life that I so enjoy. Like Woody and I these two have been on a journey of relocating to a home they hoped they could stay in and now they are moving again...the adventure continues

I laughed out loud at this post from Cowtown Pattie at her blog Texas Trifles Not being a fan of the theory of global warming... (From a historical perspective a lot of hogwash and a way for some folks to push their ideas off onto you by government mandate...) The ideas in this post will make you smile

Do you love cats kittens and all of their antics? I found Lizzie's delightful blog, 922 Cats, and nearly daily tune in to hear the goings on in the household of Banshee, Lucy, Petunia, Buddy, Cyrano, Cloud, Angel,and AreToo. Now I am going to have to shop for a doggy blog for Annabelle.

And lastly, last year my neighbor and friend Ginger went to Africa on the adventure of a lifetime. She wrote about her journey to Kenya and her continuing journies, now back to Africa for a two week trip to the interior of Mali on her Blog, Kajabe and Back

Blogging has been a sanity saver and a way for me to tell my story to the world. As I near the 4 year anniversary of My Wide Blue Seas, I want to thank you the reader for your intrest in my world. I relish the stories of others that I have met along this way. I ponder their thoughts and find my life the richer for them

Labels: Blog Recomends, Blogging

April 26, 2007

Going to Carolina

Peaceful Bench near Hawasee, AR

We leave today for Charleston, South Carolina. We are staying at the Fairfield Ocean Ridge resort on Edisto Island. We will probably spend several days in Charleston proper as well.

I have decided to lighten our load and not take the computer this time. I understand that there are computers available at the resort for us to use and while in Charleston, I may find a Cyber Cafe, but I need to rest from the computer for a bit and just enjoy this trip.

I have started on nights at work and Im loving it. I am getting more sleep and feel pretty good, but finding that rearranging my schedule is the toughest challenge. I need to work on managing this new found time a lot better. I know that it will come in time.

I have made a point to tell Woody that my being home in no way should get in the way of his housework. I think this has motivated him to look for work more aggressively and it looks like he might have a real job upon his return. What do you know about that I am thrilled.

I will be thinking about you all while I am gone, Take care and I will be back in a week or so!

Labels: Blogging, Traveling