May 25, 2009

A Soldier's Prayer~A Memorial Day Tribute

Lest We Forget - American Cemetery Normandy
The American Battle Monuments Commission administers, operates, and maintains twenty-four permanent American burial grounds on foreign soil. Presently there are 124,917 U.S. War Dead interred at these cemeteries, 30,922 of World War I, 93,245 of World War II and 750 of the Mexican War.

The World War II Normandy American Cemetery and Memorial is situated on a cliff overlooking Omaha Beach and the English Channel in Colleville-sur Mer, France. It is just east of St. Laurent-sur-Mer and northwest of Bayeux about one hundred and seventy miles west of Paris.

The cemetery contains the graves of 9,387 American military Dead, most of whom gave their lives during the landings and ensuing operations of World War II.

An S.A.S. Soilder's Prayer

I bring this prayer to You, Lord,
For You alone can give
What one cannot demand from oneself

Give me, Lord,what You have left over
Give me what no one ever asks You for.

I dont ask You for rest,
Or quiet,
Whether of soul or body;
I dont ask You for wealth,
Nor for success,
Nor even health perhaps,
That sort of thing You get asked for so much
That You cant have any of it left...

Give me, Lord, what You have left over,
Give me what no one wants from You...

I want insecurity and strife
And I want You to give me these
Once and for all
So that I can be sure of having them always
Since I shall not always have the courage
To ask You for them

Give me Lord what You have left over
Give me what others want nothing to do with

But give me courage too...
And strenght and faith
For You alone can give
What one cannot demand from oneself.

Lieutenant Andre Zirnheld (d. 1941)

Lt. Zirnheld was a college philosophy professor before WWII, in which he served in the British S.A.S.. This prayer was found on his body when he was killed in action in Lybia in 1941

Labels: Catholic, Prayers, Quotable Quotes, Traveling

April 23, 2009

The Land Of The Springtime

A moment in time captured by my mother on a photo slide, then brought to life by her cousin Phillip Stack in pastels...one of my most treasured possessions

Oh yes, for this child of the desert, it was like I had stepped off of the airplane and into a dream. The blue-green sea water,and the pink sand beaches... yes pink from the shells that were crushed by the pounding waves. The bright blue sky turned golden in the evenings and billowing clouds brought blessed rain twice a day, The flowers and the green trees. The smell of fruits and the rustle of sugar cane leaves as the sea breezes blew... every day was nothing less than a miracle. I loved every aspect of my time there my life there in Majuagua, Learning Spanish, giving the missionary's children their school lessons, the evangelistic tent meetings we gave every Saturday night. Sometimes I strapped my accordion on and rode horseback to get to the little farming villages up in the hills, through the jungle, as there was no roadway, just a muddy dirt track. Oh, how they loved to sing the Christian songs... We lived in a house with a thatch roof on a farm... yes that is where the picture came from. My cousin Phillip drew it with pastels from a slide I took out the back door, of the drainage canal and the lovely palm trees. It was as much like heaven as I could dream of... Terra de la Primavera, the Land of the Springtime...

My mother never tired of talking about her time in Cuba as a missionary. Those years abroad shaped her and became the defining moments of her life. She said that she embraced the missionary call fully as a result of the death of the five missionaries that were killed during a first contact with a savagely primitive people, the Waodoni, once called the Acua, of Central Ecuador. The story was well told in the 2005 film "The End of the Spear" My hero and hers, Elisabeth Elliot, endured the loss of her beloved husband, and the seemingly wasteful end of a life's work there. Yes she and her daughter Valerie, and the sister of the pilot, Nate Saint, Rachel went and lived among these people and made an attempt to evangelize them, but they would tell you that the effort has had mixed success. I think that many of the young people that offered their lives up to the Call to fill the place of those martyrs might feel that way. I know my mother did as well.

I also think that mother found healing and purpose in the venture abroad. I do know that she had one romantic interest that didn't pan out. He has gone on to do very well for himself, as a pastor writer and professor at DTS. I dont know that time heals all wounds but her life would have been very different had different choices been made.


Cuba of the 1950's was a place in transition. Like so many countries in Latin America even now, its government was in the hands of a political dictatorship run by a strongman and his thugs at the behest of our own government here in the US. American business interests, along with organized crime flourished. Havana was fast becoming a hot spot in many ways both good and bad... The people finding themselves in the newly rising middle class lived well in the city, with those that were wealthy living very well.

In the countryside there was poverty but farmers owned there own land, earned a modest living. Their children received an elementary education at the village school. It was a typical Latin American country.

When Castro lead his armies south to north, his goal was not to become a satellite of the Soviet empire, it was to free the island of the foreign interests that control ed the islands food production, and to rid it of the Organized Crime bosses that were extorting large sums of money from people that were struggling. He was a Marxist, a socialist, and had ties to Che Guevara and the whole thing, but our history is slanted due to the events of the cold war. We interfered in Cuba's destiny from the day we wrested her from Spanish control. Like Porto Rico

I am no scholar about this subject I only know what I have been told by Americans that lived there prior to the revolution, and Cuban nationals I have met who lived there before and escaped after Castor overthrew the established government. I will not justify in any way what Castro has done... Even he would tell you... better yet I can repeat a story I was told years ago by Dan Wooding, founder of ASSIST ministries, an organization that was founded to assist the Underground/Oppressed church. He was a former journalist, who exposed the genocide in Uganda under Idi Amin to the world in 1978. Dan's credentials gave him access to El Presidente Castro, who invited him to Havana to discuss the revolution, the ending of the Cold War, Cuba's future and the future of the Church... True to form Dan brought the conversation to God and the Eternal Destiny of every person. He asked Mr. Castro about his early faith in God, and begged him to return to God, that he forgives and accepts everyone. They were driving south to Santiago, and there was a long silence. Castro sighed and thanked Dan for his concern and then said that "God and Jesus and His Holy Mother could never forgive him for the evil he had done..." Then he turned and there were tears running down his face. Grief or guilt remorse or repentance...we will never know

Castro had no hidden communist agenda. But he was a Marxist socialist. He nationalized the industries that were at one time control ed by foreign interests. He kicked the mafia out and those that were in bed with them. This angered American businessmen. The collectivisation of agriculture looked too much like Communism and no one in the US government would assist in any of these dealing. When Mr Kruschev and his henchmen came a calling, Cuba couldn't say no. And its been a marriage made in hell ever since. We slapped an embargo on the island, The USSR imported missiles, bombers and battalions along with the food and medical supplies.

Cuba under this intolerable situation has lived with grit and determination so typical of island folk. they can boast of the highest literacy rate in the hemisphere, with a medical establishment that is one of the best that can be found under the circumstances. The people, even the farming people are well read and well versed in cultural classics. It is a nation waiting to be reborn.

My mother's work was not in vain, for in the wake of the Revolution, people remembered the words of the missionaries, the pastors and the priests, and clung to their faith. In 1998 Pope John Paul II came and spend a week there and led masses that attracted thousands. I believe he hoped that his visit would encourage the US to ease up on restrictions on trade and travel, and the government to release prisoners of conscience, and ease the pressures against religious practice. It had little effect, at least on the surface...who knows what effect it had on people's hearts

Truth is that the Embargo has done little to effect change in the government, it has only hurt the little people, the children and family of expatriate Cubans in America. The lifting of trade and travel restrictions will only improve the living conditions of the people, and the fact is, that meeting real Americans is often the turning point towards liberation from totalitarianism. It certainly shows a reality that is far different from government propoganda and "reality" TV shows...

Cuba may never have the type of government that we think she should have... but I sense with the events of the past weeks that a thaw in relations is in the offing. I have been approached by family members to consider making the journey to retrace my mother's steps. I want to do that with all of my heart. Perhaps one day I too will be enchanted by the Land of the Springtime, and perhaps the long winter of Cuba's isolation from her neighbor to the north will come to an end

Labels: Current Events, Dreams, Family History, Traveling

February 26, 2009

In The Company of Strangers

My suitcase at the door of the Larkin residence... Pelham Alabama

Post begun in Birmingham Alabama 2-25-09

It’s late and everyone has gone to their appointed beds. I am in this palatial home in the Pelham District of Birmingham, and under the care of the lovely Luedean Larkin, a local real estate broker. She handled the relocation of my new friends, Ray and Linda to Northwest Arkansas home, when Ray was hired by Wal-Mart. Dispite the latest round of layoffs that relocation seems to have been a very positive one.Fortunately the guy has managed to miss the lay off bullet. No doubt our prayers helped.

I was thinking about making this trip before the passing of Annabelle. She was not ill, but I wasn’t sure where I was going to leave her , that question became moot that morning. I called Linda, who waited till I had gotten the chance to make arrangements for the disposal of the remains, and I had a very important job interview that morning,which I had to go to. Woody was coming over to stay with Bella and chose to drive me to Dr Rose's office, where our cats are cared for. She has service for either cremation or burial or outright disposal...Bella is being cremated and her ashes are going into a tiny box. I have her beautiful Pom Pom for remembrance. Dr Rose is Dr Eric's partner. He was in Little Rock where he had driven in the wee hours of the morning to attend a conference. Did this affect Bella's care. I wondered till I spoke to her breeder who confirms she must have had a Corona (Parvo) type virus which is nearly always fatal and if its not can leave a dog disabled and/or debilitated. I am glad she is not reduced to the status of invalid but is free in whatever doggy heaven God provides to them. She deserves to run free, clean and perfectly groomed under the trees in the grass like she did in Louisville when we lived there jumping into angelic golf carts looking for love and treats. She is smiling down at me and wants me to go on. These ladies I have been surrounded with have loved on me with words of comfort like this, my pastor has contacted me... my cousin and a number of friends have been wonderful.

Woody went in and cleaned up the bloody bathroom, took out her crate, clothes,blankies, toys, beds, threw away her chews and dumped bowls and such, I will run everything that can be kept through an sanitizing wash. I will have the carpets cleaned and such. He said the smell of death (like a meat market after Katrina)permeated the house and now it is aired out. I am grateful to him for doing that. He said the worst moment was going to the trash and seeing the waste and all of the pads that were soiled, "how did she live even as long as she did?" he wondered. I know she was brave to the end, and fought like a trooper.

The job interview went very well and I have a lot of hope that I will get that job. I had really sold myself to the HR lady and she seemed pleased at me, I was interviewed by a VP and three team leaders. Maybe I will get this one. I will have a long drive, nearly 40 miles one way, but I dont care, life must go on and the going takes employment. The people seemed very nice.

Linda and I left for Birmingham about noon its 600 miles... from there to here...I missed the tiny furry traveler that had made the last journeys of this magnitude with me. Linda is a saint, she let me cry on and off, and we shared stories and dreams. She is a survive like myself. Has been through a lot of stuff, she has... She comes from a similar place, and understood the difficult place I find myself in. She says that she doesn't understand how I am still standing up. I don't know either, only God knows

Our journey ended in Leudean's home, where she had food for me and a bed. The next day was a day of work. Linda and Leudean spent the morning going over the contract for the sale of Linda's house. In the afternoon Linda and I went and inspected the house to make sure it was ready for the new owners and then we had an appointment for the closing at Leudeans office.

With some time to kill we had ice cream at Greenwood Drugstore's soda fountain and lunch counter. This was a blast from the past and the ice cream was great too.

Then it was off to the closing. I sat at the far end of the table, and read the days devotions and wrote a long entry in my hand written journal regarding Annabelle's passing. I needed to get it all out and everyday I feel better and better about things. The closing was very sucessful, these people are buying the house and Linda and her husband are financing it, so like my own situation its a win win if you can make the payments.

The next two nights were to be spent at the daughter and son in law of Linda's but because Linda's business was an all day event, it was mutually agreed that we would stay with Leudean another night. After hearing about all of the difficulties Linda has had with her daughter and Grandchildren, I was glad to not have the confrontation. I sank gratefully into that wonderful bed, grateful to God and Leudean for the gift of hospitality. And fell soundly to sleep, amidst the antiques and charcoal portraits of her family.

We journeyed after a leisurely getting up and preparing for the day. Linda has shared with me that her relationship with her daughter has been strained in the past and the conversations she was having on the phone gave me the impression that this was still the case. We got to the daughters home and the kids were fine and things seemed to be going really well... we had a bit of lunch and visited.

But frankly the kids were growing more and more "comfortable" with me, and the situation was deteriorating. I went for a walk and the 5 year old girl "had" to go with me. I didnt mind, but wondered at the wisdom of a mother allowing her daughter to walk all over the neighborhood with a stranger? The little girl was chatty and a bit bossy. Frankly it was wearing. The little boy was a toddler, typical but he threw his bottle at me several times and hit their little dog while he was sitting in my lap and just showed behavior that was demonstrative of a child jealous of attention and wanting his own way.

About 4 pm I lost it. The 15 year old had come home from school and was stimulating the younger kids. Linda was sitting on the couch with me, the kids were pressing around and the 15 year old was acting like one of the little ones, When he made a move to jump on me I had enough. I abruptly got up and left the house and stood outside. I "monsooned" cried my eyes out which I needed to do. I stopped crying and tried to go in. They had locked the door so I couldnt go back inside. The little girl was mad that I didnt giver her money for the ice cream truck. Linda came out and calmed me down and I tried to pull myself together.

I went back inside and sat in the living room with the kids. The kids were watching this hideois cartoon. I had Moe the doggie in my lap and that as OK. His little squeals of pleasure hurt but I stroked him. I over heard Linda and her daughter argueing and it was bout me and the sleeping arrangements. Seems the woman thought that yesterdays efforts were something I controled, not my friend, and that some how I had kept her mother away from visiting her...Sick at heart I got my purse and was headed outside when Linda came down the stairs. I told her it was OK and I would go someplace for the night. Linda graciously took me to a motel and I have a nice little suite for the evening quiet and calm. I am sorry that I couldnt handle it. Like Linda said, "my plate runneth over..." and the timing was bad

We go home in the morning, even with this difficulty today I am so glad to have come here. I have gotten to know Linda better. I have been in a strange situation, that will help me the next time I travel in the company of strangers. I will do better accepting hospitality, and being a gracious guest, which is something I long to do in this age of living room couch sleepovers, and couch surfing travelers...


the inviting entryway

Labels: Annabelle, Friends, Traveling

February 25, 2009

Poem~ Lenten Penance...a lament

The Baby Girl the day we first met


Lenten Penance 2009
Or
A Lament for Annabelle


I woke with a start
My Heart
My Beautiful Grace
In a strange place
Looking to bring you out of your bed
Into the day…

But here it is, Ash Wednesday
And you left this world but yesterday
In the midst of Mardi Gras

Today, I am traveling
In the company of strangers
Doing business that is not my own
Dreaming of you,
While sleeping in a kind stranger’s bed

I listen for you still
Even in this unfamiliar place
Longing to hear your tiny calling for me
Never pushing or willful
A still small voice of yearning and love for me
In the quiet hours

My tears are for your suffering
And for the losses of my lifetime
Even as I gave you up to God
My heart said…

“No, No! Not fair!, My loss is already so great
In this season of my life!”

But as hands…Strong and gentle
Tending you in a futile effort
Greater Hands than mine
Were lifting you to a Better Place

You looked at us with trust and love
As your life ebbed slowly away
You kissed each of us goodbye
And spent
Your last breath
In the safety of the bed
You always loved

I shall never forget you
Firstborn of this new heart of mine
My fast this Lent
Shall be of your presence

I need no greater penance than this

Labels: Annabelle, Current Events, Traveling

September 26, 2008

From Sea to Shining Sea~A Blogaversary post

z
Shining Seas North Shore Oahu Hawaii

I have seen my wide blue sea in many moods and in many places in this world. The vastness and everchanging nature of the ocean never ceases to facinate and amaze me. The vast ocean of human experience is like this too and I am constantly amazed at how wonderful and varied humans and the human condition is


.Sea of Dreams near San Destin Florida

I discovered the Internet and bloging in 2003 and found a whole new vista a whole different world and dived right in.Blogging became my passion. I loved sharing my Hawaii and my life with others and making friends along the way. It gives me joy to see a response to a post or to get an email for a more personal message. You have followed my Journey and shared my life and your kind words touch my heart
z


California Dreaming Surfs up at Seal Beach Orange County CAlifornia

And so I begin my sixth year of blogging with a hearty thanks to all who take the time to read these humble scriblings. It is my hope that they give you as much pleasure to read as I get from writing them

God Bless you!


The burning sea Sunset over the Gulf of Mexico Port St. Joe Florida

Labels: Blogging, California, Florida, Hawaii, Traveling

July 06, 2008

Psalm 46~ The River of Gladness

Peaceful Southern Summertime Stream. The Ashley River...Magnolia Plantationon the Ashley near Charleston SC


God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Labels: scripture, Traveling

July 04, 2008

Let Freedom Ring- An Independence Day Poem

The Inner Battery at Fort Sumpter, site of the first shots fired in the War Between the States Charleston South Carolina

Today we make our own again,
The hope which Christ, our life, has sown
In fertile fields and streets of stone
Let freedom ring!

Where Justice works amid the weed
Of rampant want and choking greed
To loose the voice of human need
Let freedom ring!

Where Mercy's fingers, slashed and torn
Untange love fromtwisted thorn
Of anger disbelief and scorn
Let freedom ring!

Where heart's imprisoned toil and weep,
Our founders' dreams still trouble sleep
With harvests we have yet to reap
Let freedom ring!

In Christ, we tend what God has planned,
With justice mercy truth in hand
Till joy sings out throughout the land
Let freedom ring!

Sr. Geneveive Glen OSB


An original cannon used in the Civil War in its emplacement, Fort Sumpter South Carolina

Labels: Poem, Traveling

April 04, 2008

Skating Away On The Thin Ice Of A New Day

Peaceful Ohio River Near Albany Indiana.

3am departure from the house in Arkansas, Woody at the wheel and Annabelle in her travel crate. The van only partially filled but filled never the less with those things that I think will aid me during this period of my life.

As we pulled out I thought about an old Jethro Tull tune... Not big on the first verse but the second and the third seemed very appropriate

Skating away ---
skating away ---
skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

So as you push off from the shore,
won't you turn your head once more --- and make your peace with everyone?
For those who choose to stay,
will live just one more day ---
to do the things they should have done.
And as you cross the wilderness, spinning in your emptiness:
you feel you have to pray.
Looking for a sign
that the Universal Mind... has written you into the Passion Play.

Skating away ---
skating away ---
skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

And as you cross the circle line, the ice-wall creaks behind ---
you're a rabbit on the run.
And the silver splinters fly in the corner of your eye ---
shining in the setting sun.
Well, do you ever get the feeling that the story's
too damn real and in the present tense?
Or that everybody's on the stage, and it seems like
you're the only person sitting in the audience?

Skating away ---
skating away ---
skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.

I have spent the last four weeks "making peace" with everyone...that I could. I wish that I had been able to spend more time with people that matter to me that I wont see for months, but what was done is done and now we are on this new road.

We stopped only for the briefest rest stops. I was able to take Annabelle walking. She did a great job traveling and even though she has found herself in a vortex of change. There is not one thing the same about her life from this week to the last, but she is flexible and good hearted and has been a big help in my ajustment to the new surroundings

It seems that a doogy kiss or a good walk around the block cures everything...

The drive out while long was uneventful. I have had the flu for nearly a week and was feeling pretty bad as we loaded the van and took off. Between sleep apnea and double dipping on cold medicines, I dropped off constantly, so Woody did most of the driving. I was very grateful. Without him I coulndnt have done this.

We arrived in Louisville and our apartment was ready. We were grateful for a bed and a location with over 300 eating opportunities with in a short distance so we could fine refreshment. The Springhurst district has some of the finest shopping and dining opportunities in the city. I can walk accross the street to the mall or the Meijer store, and drive to an additional 200 stores and resturants. They also have a "spa" for Annabelle with doggy daycare and overnight.

Im crashing until monday when I start my training at the Conner School. They have really improved the classroom area and have opened a retail studio next door. There is only one student currently, and joy of joy, it seems that Charles has stayed off the smoking. My lungs will be eternally grateful

4-5-08

We have had two days of heavy heavy rain here. Flooding in a number of areas and even in this area of high ground, the gournd is soggy like a wet sponge. My rooms overlook the first green and today was the first sunny day and there were plenty of golfers cursing the SLOOOOW sloppy break into the cup.

Woody and I have had a good week here. He has done everything he can to help me get settled in. I think he likes it here, There is less of eveything and it feels like a vacation home rather than our house. Its given me the idea that getting rid of about half of my stuff it likely the best thing that I can do for us at home...

Annabelle loves the things that are missing... The kitties! She is free to do what she wants to do and we dont have to worry about Makkie chasing her or Annabelle getting into the litter box or the cats food both are very bad for her to be involved in. We are having some struggle with the bathroom. I should be so lucky really. She has no desire to go on her peepad but will hold it forever until I can take her outside. With the pouring rain this was not possible, so with paitence, treats and some prayer she is starting to understand that she HAS to go when I put her in her bathroom and that going out is a treat. I will try to get her out twice a day when I can.But with more bad weather on the way this is going to be tough.

I really like the situation, I am so grateful for every little comfort that has been accorded to me and am ready for this next phase of my life. I will be putting Woody on a plane sunday evening for NW Arkansas, and his new life. He hasnt lived alone much in his life and this will be an interesting experience for him

Labels: Annabelle, Conner School, Louisville, Traveling, weather

March 28, 2008

The End of the Drought

Quiet Sugar Creek, Bentonville AR. It hasnt been like this in weeks and much of my favorite walking trail is innudated and bridges are out. Hopefully they will be fixed when I return in the fall...


I woke this morning early to the sound of hail hitting our roof. I can tell the difference from rain now, the soft ping-ping of rain on the hood of the heat pump is like music, the sound of hail like buckshot blasting down from heaven causes alarm. It hailed so hard and long last evening that it looked like it had snowed in Haiwasse amd Gravette, the next towns over from us. It had been so warm during the day that our hail, the size of water softener salt, melted very quickly. Annabelle and I had just come in from walking and we sat and watched the lightning and the wind whipped clouds until the storm passed. She didnt seem afraid. I make a point to not be afraid with her. I dont want her to become one of those poor pets that cries at every bolt of lightning. She would be a mental case if that were to happen. I would say "Its ok, and she would lick me as if to say "Dont worry Mom, I'm an Okie from Muskogee, land of twisters and hail the size of golfballs... This is nuttin..." and so she is very brave...

The Ozarks were in a state of long standing drought when we arrived in 2005. Lakes streams and reservoirs were way down and fell futher untill this winter. Its been cold and wet, now torrentially wet. We are not in the flood zone like those east of us on the White river. Sadly we are a part of the souce of their misery and as I see the spillways of our lakes flood into Big Sugar creek, a feeder stream for the White River that should crest today. 34 counties here in Arkansas are slated as disaster areas including Benton county where I live. Bella Vista, for the most part, is built on the hills and the water drains into lakes and sreams away from the buildings, Parks, golf courses and fishing lakes fill the valley floors and absorb what runoff the streams dont take to Big Sugar Creek. I count myself very fortunate.

I am nearly ready to leave for New Albany/Louisville and my apprenticeship/training with Charles Conner. My apartment is ready, furniture is in and utilites on. The Ohio River crested this week with no damage to the school which is only a few blocks away, and all seems well for the cross country trip this week. I have nearly everything packed up that I am taking. I likely have ten time more than I need but frankly, I dont want to buy anything that I can hual down there. I have plenty of room in the van. We pulled out the passenger seats, and realized a huge amount of extra space. I will need this on the return trip as I will be hualing back supplies and equipment for the shop

After exhaustive vetting, bids, ect. I finally have a General Contractor selected, and SHE, yes a local gal that came highly reccomended, will start by painting and getting that yucky mustard color (why, people, is this color so in vogue, as well as the swamp mud brown that seems to be on the walls of every spec home in the area? It looks like poop!)Karina will be getting that done now so the smell can have a chance to disapate a bit. Im glad of that.

Since leaving my former employer, I have had a chance to relax and let go of some of the things that were troubling me about staying on there. Now that I am no longer on the payroll I can talk about some of the things that were going on. The company allowed a lot of things to go on that in no way should go on in this day and age and frankly I needed to leave as I was not in a position (nor did it affect me directly as my bosses were fantastic gentlemen and were nothing but respectful and kind to me) But eventually that was going to change, as I was going to have to return to day shift and start dealing with the rampant sexual harassment and well "fishing in one's own pond" a climate of infedelity that was treated as ok. I saw myself as possibly becoming entangled in at least one person's life and perhaps in one other's and I needed to bail. I would be working for new managers and who knows how that would go. That is one reason I would have nothing to say on my blog about work, I was prohibited from writing anything that might get back to the company or pop up on the internet, and even now I wont say who I was working for...it doesnt matter.

On the home front Woody and I have been cordial and getting along. He took great exception to the post I wrote back in February regarding manners Saying that I took HUGE liberties with the truth and that it wasnt a big deal. Well it was to me and I felt that I wrote that and didnt exagerate the truth. He says he reads my blog to get a feel for how I feel because "I dont tell him" No, he doesnt listen to me doesnt hear me and I feel right now as if I will explode I have so much to say... But to express it will only cause trouble here at home. Maybe he should just talk to me directly

I predict that there will be a lot of changes in the comming months... the time alone will be good for me. It is my hope that be releasing myself from the surroundings of pain, disappointment and frustration I will find that my personal drought will have ended and that in the quiet of my near solitude after a day of learning a new thing that maybe I will have something to say and I can feel good about saying it. I wont have to listen to critical voices telling me how wrong I am. Im sick of it. I hope to one day find a place in this world where I fit in. I am willing to work for it, create it for myself.A friend shared with me that he felt that "there was life here." I think he thinks for Woody and me, but I dont think so. I think I must try to reframe my relationship with him, but the "life" will come from elsewhere. I am gestating life within me, a new life for myself. It is only a matter of time

Labels: Annabelle, Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Bella Vista, Blogging, Business start up, Conner School, Dreams, Louisville, Marriage, New Albany, Scenic Arkansas, Traveling, weather, Woody, working

February 08, 2008

Familiar Places

Main Steet Bellflower CA. The City that was my home before we left on The Journey to Hawaii. The shopping district is in the process of redevelopement, Johnsons Jewelers my mentors and friends have been here since 1947 and is the business longest in one location in the city. The Downtown area is dominated by the 1920 Art Deco theater that runs the entire city block and seats 1500 people. Closed in 1970, it was purchased at tax auction in 1983 by a native son and restored to its roaring twenties splendor. In 1985 it reopened as the home of Hosanna Calvary Chapel, and that native son is still its seinor pastor. It was my spiritual "West Point" and a place where I fufilled my dreams of becoming a working professional vocalist



This week is a time for me to really put the past to rest. It all started with a call from my Aunt Jean months ago that showed us that we needed to take the time before I started school in Louisville, and go to California to see Aunt Jean. She is 88 and in poor health, but doing OK and I am glad of it. She is frail but sharp, and full of stories to tell. But this is the story she seems to need to tell me the most

“Let me tell you about your Father, Hoku…I loved Bobby, he was like my kid brother. My parents were evil people, and were very unkind to both of us. But I must say we had good food and we were dressed beautifully, and went to school. But they were hateful, and did it out of duty and not love. That was the sad thing. You father only wanted to be loved and respected. That’s what we all want I think… He loved your mother and he loved you. I know because he told me so and don’t you forget it…"

Woody and I have been spending a lot of time with her, but also attempting get in touch with friends we haven’t seen in ages. We went to church with Ed and Helen, the folks that encouraged us to move to Arkansas. John has all of his golfing/school friends and I have places I needed to go and see.

Waiting to worship, Calvary Chapel Long Beach CA


When we went to Calvary Chapel Long Beach last year the pastor there made a point to ask me for forgiveness, in the name of all of the Calvary Chapel Churches, for all of the wrongs committed against me by the church. This practice is becoming more common as there is recognition that people have been hurt by the dictatorial decisions made by a few people that had issues of their own, usually the pastors. Since then, I have felt a steady sense of healing. I can sing the old songs again with gladness, We often sing Pastor Chuck Smith’s theme song “Spirit Song” as a Gathering Song at the Methodist Church we attend. I often see Pastor David’s compassionate face looking at me as we sing….

Oh, let the Son of God enfold you, in the Spirit of His Love
Let Him fill you heart and satisfy your soul
Oh, let Him have the things that hold you, and His Spirit, like a dove
Will descend upon your life and make you whole

Jesus, Oh Jesus, come and fill Your lambs
Jesus, Oh Jesus, come and fill Your lambs

I no longer feel the knife twist of pain in my heart for lost friends lost dreams lost relationships

The front lobby of Hosanna Chapel, Coffee shop next door and Marquee above. The interior lobby has space for about 350 people to visit easily, The coffee shop known as the Java Oasis, was one of the first that we know of in a church and was installed in 1989. The tower in the back ground is the structure that rises above the stage and would have supported the use of curtains, projection screens, and backdrops. We had a shell permanantly installed for sound projection.


I couldn’t do it last time but this time I went to Hosanna Chapel, the Calvary Chapel that did me wrong and sat before the huge converted theatre in the heart of Bellflower, and tried to feel…something…I don’t feel much else but loss and as sort of “dried up” feeling. I owe them a lot. I wouldn’t be here today if it were not for them. Like my parents who did a lot of things that weren’t so hot, this body of believers was a loving home for me for many years, and nurtured me into a strong well taught Christian.

I have moved on. And I am very glad. I no longer dwell on that past that so hurt me and I feel so very good about it.

My Little House that owned prior to my move to Hawaii, looking very spiffy in a fresh coat of paint porch rails and a new and muchly needed roof! I noticed that they have coverted the shed that was as big as the house into a separate dwelling.


I found that true as I drove past the homes that I used to own and saw places that I frequented, and stopped and ate at resturants that were fixtures in my life. Places like Johnson’s Jewelers, where I was given the family welcome and discussed the opening of my new trade shop. They were very excited for us and want to be there as cunsultants and guides as we set up and get started… Some of the people that I thought to look up I said to myself… “No let them go, you have a new life a new faith…never more apparent than today Ash Wednesday , with the holy mark on my forehead that I wore proudly all day. I failed to try to call on my brother, or anyone else from the past but Ed and Helen. Woody was not able to see anyone but his friend Al and his wife Yolie. I looked into faces and at the surroundings and more than once felt like the seven years that have passed since I lived here, were a dream and that as the evenings wore on that I would drive into Bellflower and up the drive to my tiny clapboard house that I cherished and found a home in. Woody found himself thinking a lot about his mother and a life lived well. He says he has no regrets moving to Arkansas and is looking to the future now rather than towards the past

One day the streets of Rogers, Springdale and Fayetteville will be as familiar to me as Buena Park, Whittier and Los Angeles. While I miss some of the places we visited this week like Descanso Gardens, Little India and Seal Beach very much. I too have no regrets as I am steadily surely heading towards a new future with more adventures straight ahead

The Place of my spiritual birth Seal Beach California

Labels: California, Faith, Family History, Traveling

February 07, 2008

May Perpetual Light Shine On Them

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust...Me pouring handfulls of soil into my Mother's grave. Fir Lawn, Rose Hills, Whittier California

…O loving God…I pray You welcome my deceased parents into heaven. Forgive them their sins, and reward them Your goodness, provided by Your grace alone. Grant that I may be with them again in Your Peaceful presence, Amen….

Today was a day that I have longed for and dreaded. For a person that is used to constant upset rather than a workable relationship, this day is a milestone, a period, and ending that signals a new beginning….

In November I received a call from the mortuary that handled my mother’s arrangements when she died in September of 2006. The lady said that a dreadful mistake had happened and that my mother’s cremated remains were never interred. They had been sitting on a shelf in a stock room all of this time. This was due to a number of issues, that involved some missing documentation, my brother’s unwillingness to return phone calls or contact me, and the unfortunate sale and resale of the firm that was handling or rather not handling this situation. A wonderful young lady took the bull by the horns and called me. Throwing herself and her company (mortuaries have been sued for less than this) on my mercy they told me the story. I agreed that a lawyer was not the answer but rather getting to the bottom of the situation was. The mortuary rolled out the red carpet, setting up the internment and covering all of the expenses for that.

One of the issues was that my mother was to be placed in the same grave that my father is in but no documentation was signed to this affect. I got that all cleared up. Legally my brother should have some say on this but after again trying to contact him,. I was awarded sole rights to have her buried according to my dictates, and I signed all of the documentation. I arranged to have a committal service for myself and Woody and the lady that assisted me through this process three months ago. I also said I would tell no one in the family and didn’t. I didn’t want anyone to feel badly or think that they should have followed up ect…

I also wanted to handle her committal myself. I called no clergy and asked no one’s advice. I wrote a short prayer service based on the Lux Aeterna prayers adding some scripture readings and prayers that I wrote that would end a Holy Souls Novena that I had been praying for 8 days. Woody and Delaine followed along and the Latino workmen who came to assist said the responses in accented English which I thought was a wonderful counterpoint and reminder of my mother’s love for the people of Latin America, and the Spanish language. After a series of prayers, the Lords prayer (in English and Spanish) a prayer asking for help from my new mother Mary, and my new sister Edith Stein, I prayed the Lux Aeterna

Eternal Rest grant unto them , O Lord
And let Perpetual Light shine upon them

And closed with

Incline thine ear, O Lord, unto our prayers
Wherein we humbly pray Thee to show
Thy mercy unto Thy servant Catherine
whom Thou hast commanded to pass out of this world
That Thou wouldst place her in the region of peace and light
And bid her be partaker with Thy Saints
Through Christ Our Lord
Amen

The young men asked me if I wanted to pour some soil into the small hole where the gilded container was being placed. The box of ashes was sealed inside and secure. I stood upon my father's grave and looked down into our mutual future...I poured handful after handful in and it felt like I was pouring my old self into that hole. All of the hurt and misunderstanding is in there. The flesh and its pain filled journey is now ended. I am alone in truth and answer to God and to Woody .


That done and over with , I have decided that I will now do my best to forgive and forget. Woody and I agreed that our parents are gone and all of that pain is best forgiven and forgotten. Life goes on and we need to focus on new challenges presenting themselves.

There was a bank account that I was not able to get closed up and it was a nousense thing too. But it is all worked out. The account had about 650.00 in it and I gave the money to Woody, he’s paid for nearly the whole trip. I know that he was glad to get it. I am sorry that I was not able to give it to the lady that helped my mother so much, but we used money we really didn’t have to get out here to get the account closed. I am just glad that is over and done with.

My parents are at rest now. My nearly 46 years of life and dealing with them are done. Again it’s a matter of turning the page, and being willing to forgive them, other members of my misguided family and mostly myself.

Have mercy on me
Dearest Lord,
Your Holy Face
Is my desire
Grant me peace
And my loved ones
Perpetual rest in You
For they loved You
In their own way.
Help me to move forward
Into a new and better understanding
For you are my Father
Your Son is my Brother
Mary the mother of Your Son,
Is now my only Mother…


Place of Rest Rose Hills Memorial Park Whittier CA

Labels: California, Faith, Family History, Traveling

February 05, 2008

Ranch of Rest

Shaded pathways, Descanso Gardens LaCanada Flintridge California


This is a place in Los Angeles that I dream about...From the time I could drive this patch of heaven on earth has been a part of my home just slightly detached from the rest. I would come and enter a different world, one filled with peace and life. The smell of the city would fade away and be replaced with the green smells of cedars and green plants. Often I would go early in the day and the little valley would be filled with mist that would burn off by noon into glorious sunshine.

water garden in the summer this smells of lotus flowers that grow in abundance


El Rancho del Descanso, the Ranch of Rest has a very interesting history, read here Manchester Boddy came to California with hardly any money, and a young growing family to support. He began to write for a local paper eventually founding his own highly sucessful daily paper. A survivor of the gassings of WWI he was a pacifist and outspoken supporter of the isolationist ideal during the 20's and 30's. His Newspaper the heavely read Los Angeles Daily News was the liberal journal of its day, and Boddy was its outspoken editor for nearly 30 years.

His home in the San Gabriel Foothills, on 150 acres of virgin California Black oaks was a haven against the social and political swirl of the day. He built a 22 room Mansion above the oak forest with sweeping views of the wooded vally below. It became a place of renown as Boddy and his gracious wife entertained the elite of the LA Political Scene, during the city's golden age. Movie Stars and Business Tycoons flocked to the Ranch of Rest, for the hospitality and serene atmosphere.

An Amature botinist and plant breeder, Boddy's championship rose gardens were exceptional. He hired noted plant breeders to work for him, and a number of famous roses (Chrysler Imperial, Mr. Lincoln and Tropicana among others) were bred there.


Spanish Oaks Descanso Gardenso


But Descanso is most famous for its camellia forest. Boddy himself was a camellia fancier and breeder and worked with a number of Japanese nurserymen in the 1930's. The enviroment under the shade of the oak trees combined with the soils nurished by the oaks decaying leaves provides the perfect enviroment to grow exceptional camellias. Boddy planted thousands of varieties. Later as the Japanese Internment was inforced, Boddy bought his friends nursery stock and had more acerage planted, so that currently Descanso Gardens has the largest Camellia specimine gardens outside of Asia. Today, the late winter forest comes alive with color as the camellia's bloom again. It is a fantastic sight.

Camellia Blossom


Years later the property was sold to the county and many improvements made. Many Thousands come every year to relax learn and just be free of the hassles of life. It is one of the gems of Los Angeles County and place I will visit everytime I come back to California

The sundial garden, where Woody proposed for the umpteenth time and I accepted under the pair of gingko trees in the foreground. This place is filled with my young life's memories


This week Woody and I needed this rest. We were only able to spend a few hours there, as we had other commitments. But we had lunch in the cafe at the garden gate, and took a walk among the beautiful trees and plants. The air is sweet filled with the scents of plants and the sharp smell of decaying oak leaves


Formal garden at the Main House Descanso Gardens La Canada Flintridge California

Labels: California, Family History, flowers, Traveling, Woody

February 02, 2008

A City In Motion

The ultimate in fuel economy and "green"driving. A smart car! Gets 100 miles to the gallon but is a bit short on comfort, and forget about shopping trips. Bellflower CA


Written from the Peacock Suites
Anaheim California
Feb 2 2008

I have not spoken of this trip I am making this week to any of my family or my blogs. It is complicated and I will share more as the week progresses. I have literally returned to the place of my birth, the hospital where I was born is only a block down the street. I sit and the lights of Disneyland’s Magic Kingdom flash in my window, the sounds of thousands of people break into my stillness. The worst is the roar of the traffic, the hum of the wheels of the greatest concentration of vehicles in the nation assaults my hearing

I have arrived back in the Southland, Southern California and was greeted by my usual welcoming committee of nausea due to the smell of burning jet fuel, and the incredible din of traffic.

We landed at LAX about 1630 on a Saturday. Should be the quietest time of day and really the non stop flight was fine half full. I didn’t have to share a seat, and Woody did what he often does, he found a friend in a crowd of strangers. As we sat in the airport a man approached Woody and the two of them were shaking hands and patting each other on the back .

Darryl had just come out to care for his very aged father, who passed away while he was here. Darryl is 67 so this man was quite old. He’d not been ill and I was told it was a peaceful end to a long and well lived life. Would that we all could say that . Woody has know this man most of his adult life and has worked with him on and off over a 30 year span, in the forklift parts and sales business. Darryl is a native son whose parents moved to California for work back in the 1940’s and when retirement came, his folks moved back to the old home place, a small frame house on a city lot in the old part of Lowell, the same city where I work. He and his brother intend to sell, and I am sure that it will.

Darryl was on his way back to LA, to his job and grandchildren. He provided Woody excellent company for the flight. I sat alone a few rows up, without a seatmate thank goodness. The woman assigned to sit with me gave me this look of loathing when she saw me. I hate it and yes I do take up more than my share of space but don’t punish me for it. That doesn’t normally happen, people have been very nice the past few trips we have taken. That is why we fly on Saturdays at off times.

The skies were clear and I had wonderful views of the desert landscape as we flew over route forty, crossing sinuous rivers, and checkerboard farmscapes. The piles of majestic Cumulous Nimbus we sailed though were amazing. Really I love flying, I just hate TSA, the strip searches, tiny seats, damaged and lost luggage and no service whatsoever. I read my devotional, and journaled about my expectations of the week, and tried to ignore the obnoxious brats in the seat behind me, and the nearly constant running to the back of the plane by one couple who were having bathroom issues I guess. I felt bad for them.

We disembark and are immediately reminded of a fact that I have been imbued with since childhood, you are nothing and nowhere in LA without a set of wheels, the chatter around me is “What kinda car are we getting Daddy?” My immediate concern is managing the jetway and did all of our bags make it on this flight.. I don’t want to come back here this week.

Getting off the plane and getting our gear together and getting to the rental car agency is quite an adventure. We are not ones to pack lightly. Travel confirms to Woody that I am a throwback to my great grandmother Georgianne, and her Victorian mode of travel which was to “pack it all and my little dog too…” We have two big cases, two travel bags for gate check, one for my pillow and night things and the other is for our shoes. We NEVER check a bag with shoes in it. That is the number one clothing item stolen by TSA. I wear a men’s 10 ½ . I had three pairs of expensive athletic shoes in there, I am not stupid. Woody wears an 8, a bit small but he has very expensive tastes in shoes. We figure we had at least 1000.00 replacement value in that bag. Why so picky about shoes. When you are big like we are, you need that support, and a poorly made shoe will breakdown quickly. Since my accident I have been living in Nike trainers and cant wear any of my dress shoes for much longer than a church service. Need the support and the protection from the cold as it makes my foot hurt like a burning cigarette is being applied to the break. Uggh

Unlike the children I know what kind of wheels we are getting. A 2008 Chrysler Grand Caravan touring model.I no longer care what the thing looks like I want to see what is going on around me and never so much as in “the devil take it, get out of my way!” driving arena that is the SoCal freeway system. Its comfortable, and holds all of our gear. My only regret is that it is a V-6 and is a slug when you stick your foot into it.

Woody and I load our stuff and set out like the Natives that we are. People drive like they are the only ones on the road and every savage for themselves is the rule of law. We were not out there on the Inglewood streets 10 minutes but we saw two police chases and said, we are getting on the freeway, even if we get stomped, we are getting out of this bad part of town. I am the Navigator and know most of LA county like I have a road map burned into my brain, I get us on the freeway… or as Woody said into the free for all, and we join in the mad dash for everywhere that most of the 2 million people seem to be making at any given place in the city at any given moment…

LA thrives on motion like no other place I have ever known. People drive for everything, you cant hardly walk to anyplace you need to be and the words “Public Transportation” spell LOSER, because you cant get to where you need to go on the dangerous dirty bus system, or the silly electric train that was obsolete before it was built and was only built because the money was earmarked by Congress. I have never worked a job where the hours were stable enough that I could carpool or take Public Transportation. On top of that the culture of the city demands immediate transport, and that means cars.

People in Arkansas laugh at Woody and I for eating out twice a day on the weekends. This might mean two trips into town, at 30 miles round trip. To us this is nothing even with three dollar a gallon gas. As we are driving this week we see why we feel this way. We have decided that to the Angeleno, one of the most personal expressions of freedom in this city is freedom of movement. We drive for sport, for pleasure, and for the thrill of driving itself. Driving and the cars we drive are a statement of who we are. I know so many people (Woody included) who “drive to impress” just as some “dress for success”. We treat our vehicles as extensions of our homes and equip them with state of the art audio/visual set ups. I see people here watching DVD’s in rush hour, let alone chatting on a cel phone. Putting on makeup and shaving is a matter of course as is eating and having that latte at 65 miles per hour. Life here moves at the speed of traffic, and that traffic is slowing down growing more congested and concentrated as the days go by. Yet more and more people find their way to LA and join in on this incredible parade. It is amazing.

2-5-08

We drove to Descanso Gardens today, a 125 mile round trip from Orange County. The freeways are in our blood and with one of us driving and the other navagating we flew down Diamond/HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle or carpool) lanes and averted collision, sig-a-lert ( traffic incedent that takes 30 minutes or less to clear off the road)and worse incedents thanks to KNX 1070, the combined knowledge of two people that have driven for a living in Metro LA. Woody was great, as he managed our lumbering van in and out of tight spots like he was wearing the thing.We spent a lovely few hours there then went back to Orange county to pick up my Aunt Jean and take her to the doctor. She is doing fine and is well

I am finishing this post at nearly midnight. The whining of radial tires on the Golden State Freeway just a block from the hotel is growing fainter and less frequent, traffic on Harbor Blvd has quieted at Disney land is closing at 7pm this week due to the wet cold weather. We have driven over 450 miles in time we have been here and expect to put 1000 miles on the van ... I love it. For us, as much as we love this City in Motion, and taking advantage of the opportunity to go and do this week in a place we both love but can live in anymore. We will be glad to get back on the plane at the end of the week and return to a quieter place that while it depends on the car just as much, it chooses to not make such a big deal about it.

Labels: Traveling, Woody

November 17, 2007

Kekaimalu or "The Calm Sea"

The gleaming shore, Panama City Beach Florida

Written at The Summit,
Panama City Beach, Florida November 11, 2007

The Summit


I am surrounded by Kekaimalu. The Calm Seas... The waters of the Gulf of Mexico are the resplendent shades of the tourmaline. There is an offshore breeze and so the soft "shuff shuff" sounds of the surf are subdued... almost subliminal... If you cant tell by now, I love it here...





We came to this strech of sugar sand beach in 2005, recovering from The Huakai or the Journey from Hawaii to Arkansas. We drove down through the Katrina ravaged Gulf coast to find this town still recovering from Hurricane Ivan the season prior. I enjoyed our time here so much that Woody bought me a week of timeshare here so I can always come at this quiet time. I was to buy an ajacent week a few months later so we can come at this time every year for two weeks during Thanksgiving time. When I have my business I will be able to do that. Currently "thisplace" only allows you to take a week of vacation time at a time, unless it is unusual circustances ie, when I was considering going with John Michael Talbot to Ireland in October. They were going to give me the time off simply because it was such a rare opportunity. I am SOOOO glad I chose not to do that as I can hardly walk 30 minutes now let alone a whole day of sightseeing, up and down stairs

Our journey yesterday was even more simple than the flight to Charleston was last spring. We boarded our flight at XNA, which is near "thisplace" and flew to Atlanta, had just enough time to change planes...had a deplaning delay even on saturday, I try to avoid Atlanta and OHare for that reason, but Woody booked this flight. Our only worry was Ms. Annabelle, who was spayed the day before and will be boarding with Dr. Eric, her vet, for the time we are away. She was bedraggled and not feeling very well when we left but assured that we would be called if there was a problem. When we went to Louisville she was well cared for so I have no doubts about her care now, but we are nervious parents...

We ate at Captain Anderson's a local Icon of a resturant. We missed them last time as they close for the holiday season and reopen in early spring. The place was packed and we dropped a c note for dinner...the place is making a killing...was it worth it...absolutley..


Poolside at the Summit



11-13

We have spent two full days here and while our quarters are a lot smaller than we are used to, (about 350 sq ft)there is plenty of space and amenities that we need, like a King sized bed and a washer dryer. Knowing that we could launder stuff allowed me to pack only half of what I would normally pack and I had a plesent surprise when the luggage was weighed. Woody's was overweight by 6 lbs and mine was just 40 lbs. Pretty good considering how heavy the bags are empty, you put a few clothes in there and you get screaming counter people and overweight fees

11-14 The weather has been spectacular, so we have spent our days driving around to different points of intrest. Yours truly is not as agile as she thought she would be so my picture taking has suffered. However the view off out 14th floor balcony is spectacular at sunset and I got some great shots the other night.

sunset


Woody have not talked much. I think he and I have so much on our minds. The situation with going to Louisville and the new business is never far from my mind...Then there is RCIA, where Ed challenged me with one paragraph in the Catachesim..."this is the summation, the rest is commentary" I will be writing more on this at a later time as I want to post on why I am making this huge decision...

11-17

The rest of the trip was wonderful. I got down to the waters edge a number of times but not as much as I would have liked. I was really concerned about putting stress on the newely formed joints in the break in my foot. The tendon is healing and reattached but its going to remain fragile for some time. The sand felt good to walk on as long as it was somewhat stable and level. I wore a sand shoe on the dry sand and that was more stable than athletic shoes.


Woody walking the beach



The water had already turned cold, and the cold burned the broken place but it was delicious to have my feet in the ocean. Walking along the shore, seeing the life in the sand as the sea creatures would work to keep themselves burried as the waves washed over and over the sand, seeing dolphins and loggerhead turtles sticking their heads up to look at us. They were the only other people on the deserted beaches

Other than the night club next door to the resort that cranked up the band all night on the weekends...I hear it everynight during the busy season, how the residents stand it is beyond me... It was a beautiful quiet time
A pool day, poolside at The Summit, Panama City Beach FL

Labels: Florida, Traveling, Woody

November 05, 2007

The Turning Leaves

The turning of the leaves,Lake Avalon, Bella Vista AR.

Its seemed to be a overnight occurrence, but with a few near freezing nights this past week, the leaves seemed to "pop" into glorious colors.Our back yard and forest area is ablaze with glorious golds and reds. The air is chilly and the breeze kicks up sending leaves out in cascades off of the trees. The cats still hate this as stand at the window and hiss at the leaves... I took Annabelle out for a walk yesterday, and she flung herself into the piles of fallen leaves with great abandon.Taking a long walk is a treat of sorts as she gets plenty of exercise running about in the house. She is still under tight supervision, not just because of house breaking, she is pretty good about that business, in fact almost prissy about it. However the cats are both wanting to have their way with her, and the outcome is not likely to be good for little miss doggy. She is a fly weight at 4.25 lbs with Kanani at 14 and Makoa at 21 lbs...the big boy particularly has a bone to pick as Annabelle likes to steal his toys and actually snuck up on him and bit him on the back foot once. Cats have very long memories...

Our nights have been cold enough that we have broken out the space heaters and bought two new ones. We now have people and creatures sleeping in three rooms rather than one, so a heater is needed for both of our bedrooms and the large bathroom when Annabelle's crate is located. Her fur is long and still the fluffy "puppy" fur, so that helps to keep her warm. I have succumbed to thwarted motherhood-ness and bought 2 tiny sweaters and a pink quilted coat with a pink fur trimmed hood. She looks adorable in them.

With the turning leaves comes the end of the busy freight season. We have seen a huge slowdown on our account. This is somewhat normals and no reflection on the situation that the account is leaving. But it makes for a long day and an even longer night shift. We that work on this shift are doing out best to not get into any bad habits and to give 100 percent to the employer. There has been some goofing off at the expense of the things on my desk. I threw a fit and got a manager involved. I wanted not to get someone fired but to stop the horseplay, and messing with my chair. The goofball guys had been lowering my chair and loosening the back which I keep locked and stiff. I sat down a touch stiff and the chair nearly scooted out from under me. That was what prompted me to put a sign on my chair telling those clowns to lay off. It blew into a full on meeting with scoldings for all.

On our shift there is so little to do that I have been working on my business plan and the others do what ever. We all get out work done and that is cool with the bosses but I think I will be out of there sooner than the end of March... I wish they would lay me off then I would have more time to get the business set up before I go to Louisville. But the money will come in handy so I need to stay as long as I can.

I havent followed the elections that closely,not because I dont care...I do, but because I work at night I havent seen much of the debating. I dont trust any of the spin doctoring news outlets, conservative or liberal, as I dont feel they have my interests at heart. I am a conservative that feels that we need some type of intervention on the healthcare issue. I am a religious righter that believes that if civil unions will bring equality to our society which has used marriage as a means of delivering social benefits, then lets have them. I am a flat taxing, ship out criminal illegals, dont mess with my right to bear arms, but cant we spend some to fix out roads bridges schools and for heaven sake do something about the lax security at our ports...you get it, I dont fit the mold...

So I found this:
the Candidate Selector I plugged in all of my choices and was very surprised at what came out. Maybe you will be too.

The cooler weather didnt bring down the price of gas, in fact fuel is going up and up. Its 305 here. Last year I wrote a peice called "The White Line is the Lifeline for the Nation"where I tried to raise a bit of consciousness about what 5 dollar a gallon gas will mean to our consumer driven way of life. It will be chaos and no one is talking about it. But it needs to be addressed and soon.

My Catechetical studies are way behind. My Catechest and his wife who is also my sponsor, have been in and out of the country for the past two months. Add my travels to this and we have a failure to connect that might mean an end to my hope to be confirmed in the spring. With the trip to Louisville next year it may be well 2009 before Im officially a Catholic. I have continued my studies and have selected my Patron Saint. Theresia Benidicta a Cruse, or in English, Teresa Blessed by the Cross. She is better known as Dr. Edith Stein, whom I wrote about in this post two years ago as I was beginning to explore the concept of making the Catholic Church a part of my life. I loved her story and now as I am reading more about her and hopefully more of her work, I am truly amazed at her life an how God used this Jewish woman of extraordinary gifts in His Kingdom. She may have been the most important German Woman writer in the 20th century, she is by all accounts the most controversial of all of the late Great John Paul II cannonizations. I wonder what the reaction will be at my choice... I like the name Teresa, and like so many converts do may chose to use it as a part of my daily routine. My current given name is difficult for many to pronunce... I have "runners up" in the Patron Saint selection. Teresa of Avila, Elizabeth of the Trinity, John of the Cross...(as much as I lean towards Benedictine spirituality intellectually, and yet hang out with Francisicans ie John Michael Talbot and company, I seem to be attracted to Carmelites...hummmm) Still I am glad the process is continuing and that my reading has proven to be so enjoyable, and stimulating. It is my hope that Ed and I will be able to continue our studies soon

Woody and I leave for Panama City Beach Nov 10, our Anniversary week. Looking forward to this trip. We have a lot of things we want to do this time that we didnt do before By the time we get back it will be nearly Thanksgiving, the bright Autumn leaves will all be off the trees and the elegent spareness of the Ozark winter will be settling in. God Bless you and see you in a few weeks...

Labels: Bella Vista, Scenic Arkansas, Traveling

October 05, 2007

Following Bread Crumbs

The Clubertson Mansion, in Historic Downtown New Albany Indiana

There is that old story about
the children that scattered
breadcrumbs behind them
so they could find
their way back home
from adventures in
the dark and scary forest...

Of course
The forest creatures
came up from behind them
and ate the crumbs
So the children were lost
And a wicked witch ate them

When Gods children pray
then follow The Spirit
they leave a trail of
spiritual bread crumbs
Signs if the Spirit's Passing
that will lead you safely home...

"Pray Pray Pray!, then Do Do Do!...Then look back a year or two from now, then you can see for certain that you are truly in the Will of the Father... and if not, you will still have accomplished more than if you sat on your hands and did nothing..." Mother Angelica, on the establishment of EWTN as told to Raymond Arroyo

Post Started 10-5-2007 in New Albany, Indiana


We are following bread crumbs so to speak, left for us by, we believe, the Holy Spirit in the wake of a breakthrough of sorts that is going on. Things seem to be moving rather rapidly in a new direction. Like riding a rollercoaster a bit faster than you'd like, my tummy lurches yet it is exciting and fun too as we go along on this new adventure.

The trail started when I broke my foot 9-9. I have had a lot of time to sit and ponder about my life. Woody is not working again, his and my decision as we know that the carlot thing needed to just stop. Its not a real job, and certainly not a job for a gentleman, which he is. So he cant sell cars to people that are so upside down financially that this car they want will ruin them. We bought the Accord from his former desk mate who flat out said that Woody was the best guy he'd ever seen with a customer, when he had a customer, which wasnt often as he wouldnt go out and get the "ups" needed to get a sale or two. He is unmotivated and not aggressive enough to compete. He needs a situation that will allow him be a caring sales person that people trust, that is his strength.

Then there is my job. My boss says that the account and my position will be around untill at least march...but then who knows. No layoffs are promised but I will likely have to go back on days again which is a bit of an issue for me. I find myself resenting and yet thanking God for my job...I keep wondering if I shouldnt strike out on my own...

I have been looking at Jewelry Repair Schools on the Internet. I found Druhards, the school that we went to in 2004 through the National Jeweler publication that I no longer receive... I would go back to Tim Druhard, he is a great guy, but his method of teaching doesnt allow for a period of practice of what you are learning. He pushes you out of the nest in two weeks with a tool list...that is fine for some, but I need more help

I went out on the Internet and found a number of schools, but some were diploma mills, out for the kids SallieMae money and you'd no more know how to set up a bench than fly to the moon once you paid your money. I only spoke to one instructor that seemed to know what hes doing. His name is Charles Conner, Charlie to his friends. He is known in his community and I have yet to turn up someone that didnt like him or his work...All of the students that I found via Google loved him and said that the time spent was well worth the effort and expense.

Expense...ugh...that is the kicker. I have no money and SallieMae will not loan me enough to subsidise my time here... So I figured Id stay on at thisplace as long as I could and save up the needed funds. I also looked at space to rent. With the coming of Annabelle, we use the area I was going to use for my bench more like living room space. And we know that it is better to have your work out of your home. But the spaces around our little city are costly for what they are.. But I want to stay in town as there is no jeweler here and Id be the closest person that the Senior residents would have to take their pieces.

We have had a lot of conformation that we should do this. Woody met a retired South African diamond cutter a few weeks ago who shook my hand vigorously when we met and declared that I would be highly successful if I worked in town. He even had a box of stuff that needed fixing...And we have run into at least a dozen people with jewelry problems... "Please, cant you fix...size...mend this for me?" I know that it would mean a lot for these people to have their jewelry wearable again...
I know I would love to fix it for them..and make it right again...

But where? I was driving home from an appointment and saw a tiny "for lease" sign in front of a small red brick building. The manager quickly came down to show it to me. It is a duplex and one half of it is 500 square feet, The perfect size. Most commercial spaces are too large for my needs and too costly. They offered me a very simple month to month with a small deposit, and agreed that I could have a month to explore the possibilities of getting into a school and getting the financing to pursue my dream. This space is the closest space to my house, not even a mile. I could walk to work if I chose to.

A few days later came the chance to buy the car. We realized that this was the optimum time due to lower int rest rates to expand the HELOC on the house and forgo a Salliemae student loan, so we were able to do that.

But did I want to spent the nearly 12,000.00 on six months of training? Where would I live? A look at Craigs list showed me a bunch of furnished places in the Louisville Ky area. But photos are deceiving you need to see the situations.

We had a new car. We had money. We both have time. We had a place to stash the cats, and Annabelle's vet, concerned that she may be ready for her first heat...there are some concerns about her birth date. She seems younger and older than she should be...so just as well Dr. Eric is watching her...anyway he agreed to board her.

So we took off on a driving trip and here we are, in this quaint little city on the Ohio River. Trees are turning and its very interesting.

We had a uneventful drive out. It is nearly 600 miles so it was a long day, but we have used the time well. I met with Charlie Conner, and while I have a few reservations, I have no doubt that I can learn a lot under his tutelage. I believe that he can get me ready to work on my own. He also agreed to help me with tool selections and set up of my shop. I can do the build out either before I come back here or Woody can supervise it while I am gone. Its a lot of money but if I can lean a trade that is in demand and work for the rest of my life at something that I love.. its worth it... (funny teens spend thousands of dollars for college without a thought...saddled with loans for the rest of their lives...I cant do it!)

Woody and I have looked at interim housing for myself. Most rentals in New Albany are not fit for a decent person to live in. So I need to look in Lousiville tomorrow. I was offered a charming artists apartment in a restored 1912 building for 1500.00 a month suitcase ready. But its in the city and when I saw it yesterday, I felt fearful and uncomfortable. Woody had thought to join me bringing the pets and that makes interim corporate housing the only alternative. Now he is thinking that I may only be here three months instead of 6-9 so he would stay in Arkansas with the babies or perhaps I would bring Annabelle with me, as I could have her in the corporate apartments. We shall see... the bread crumbs are a tad thin on this part

There are still many many questions. I will have at least 5 months to pray them through. But I feel a sea change. Once you start down the Entrepreneurial path you are drawn inexorably to its fruition

Labels: Bella Vista, Breaking News, Business start up, Dreams, Little Portion, Traveling, Woody, working