February 23, 2009
The Long Winter
Snowy Pear Trees Peartree Cottage Bella vista AR
I am singularly unmotivated to write these days ... as I speak my little Annabelle is fighting for her life. 48 hours ago she was fine, then yesterday she began to have serious vomiting and diarrhea...She is up on her shots and doesnt spend a lot of time outside... the vet has tested her for Parvo virus and other issues and nothing. We dont know why we just can see the blood pouring from her rectum every half hour. I will be having her hydrated tonight and Dr. Eric will be coming in to pill her for me, as she cant keep it down just now.
If she dies...
My life is at a low point. I am so down right now. I have no prospect for work , and 90 days of cash after that I will be on the street. Woody lost his job friday along with hundreds more Walmart folks, and others. One of my friends went to an interview for a part time job...2000 people applied for it....little wonder I am getting no action on the job front.
Woody is going to get a foreclosure notice on our house on Ashton Circle, or rather I will get it...the loan is in my name only. What Woody and our cats will do I dont know...I cant think about it. Its not his fault he lost his job... The meltdown here is incredible. Worse, Seniors who have paid off homes are bringing their grown children here to live with them, from other places "worse off". That will only increase the pool of unemployed people. On the other hand a lot of people that came here to work for Walmart and its vendors are selling out and going back to where they came from, as that is where the family is.
I am going to keep trying but I am also thinking about if living with someone is the answer...if someone will have me. I have encouraged Woody to clear out the house and rent all but the master bedroom and bath to a family or two singles, he could do that I wouldnt care, if fact that is a good thing, a positive thing. I went on Craigslist to look for housing for myself, and I saw all of these poor people that are desprately looking for a place to live. He could live with some other guys or even a small family. There are two extra bedrooms and a bath. anyway he is thinking about it.
All last week, the readings and message on the Daily Mass and in my devotional were on faith and trusting God. I take time out a few times a day to pray and meditate on the positive...usually I do well untill about 8 pm from then on its difficult for me to focus on the good things and to have hope. I try not to think of the life we have lived and the way the safety net of our lives was erroded by selfishness and foolishness. I try not to dwell on the past and the huge painful hole all of that has left. I try to not be angry...
One lady at church yesterday said she didnt know how I was still standing up...she said shed have given up and just died... a part of me wants to...so much of me already has in this long winter. If I lose Annabelle I dont know what will become of me...
2-24-09 Annabelle was nearly gone from me when we got to Dr. Eric's. After some hydration, warming her up with a heating pad we got her temperature up ... I have her on a pad now and will check on her in the night Woody is coming to stay with her while I go into town in the morning we have to keep praying she is not out of the woods yet
Pray for me...
Labels: Annabelle, Faith, Marriage, Personal Growth, Woody, working
