June 21, 2009

1 Peter 5:1-11 Departing Thoughts To A Faithful Shepard

The Outdoor Chapel Mt Sequoyah United Mehodist Conference Center Fayetteville AR

Shepherd the Flock of God

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Labels: Emmaus, Faith, Friends, Scenic Arkansas, scripture, UMC

June 05, 2009

Living in Fourth Day

Spring Rainbow Centerton AR

The message of the First Day on The Walk to Emmaus was the Grace of God, each Talk, while focusing on different themes, helped you understand how God's Grace works and how you could be a more fruitful person by opening yourself up to God's grace.

The Second Day is is often called the Jesus Day. Jesus is presented as a model for your life and living, through the various talks and acts of Agape. You are invited at that point to make a deeper commitment to Him.

The Third Day or the Sending Forth Day You are challenged to adopt the the vocation as a Christian, to be Christ in the World, through the adoption of various practices disciplines and commitments to a life of piety and devotion, persevering in that life until we are united with Him eternally.

Until then, we live in Fourth Day... It is the journey of faith that continues the rest of one's life. It is the living out of what it means to be a disciple and follower of Jesus. It is about being real, being accountable and being willing to trust Him in all things...

Drawn from the book "Day Four... The Pilgrim's Continued Journey", by Robert Wood Chapter four "The Message of Emmaus"...

Pastor David..."So Hoku, where are you living now?"
Hokulea... "I'm living in Fourthday..."
Pastor David..."Thats a great answer..." he gave me a weak, weary smile, turned and walked away to his vacated office...

I am being called brave, courageous, a living saint even... I kid you not, but really all I am is a very frightened woman, who has been in some very bad spots at times in her life, but the one she is in now is pretty darn bad. But the truth is, I cant stay long faced for too long, it causes me to get wrinkles that are un needed and unwanted.... Staying down leads to a negative energy that will ruin any chance that I have to turn my life around. Even though things are as bad as I have ever had in my life... I need to smile and be glad for what I do have.

I have my health. People say I never looked better. I have my sobriety. I dont talk much about it because I was never a true alchoholic or addict, but rather I made a chioce that these things were not for me and I choose daily to live, feel and experience pain rather than numb it with addiction... I have a great home that I really want to hang onto. I have my Abigail... the cutest little mutt-let a gal could ever want. I have a good vehicle, skills in demand. I have opportunities I can at least apply for. I had lady call me to help her and is paying me by the hour, another gal got wind of a part time job that while doesnt pay much, exposes me to the sorts of people that may have a need for a person on their staff. Agencies are aware of the need to get me something and resumes are out there... I have a huge number... hundreds of people praying for me, and dozens of people who have committed to being there for me. I am obligated to call anyone of them if I feel too overwhelmed...and yes it it pretty overwhelming at times...

I know that if I dont get work soon I must make some very hard choices, some that might be pretty disagreeable, but I need to do it. I am holding out hope that I will get some work and that I will get to stay on here. In the mean time I am cleaning out, throwing out and selling items Im not using....Im getting ready for a move...and if I dont need to move, my load is lighter and my purse is fuller.

Should I get work it will postpone moving, but not take it off of the table until I feel secure in that position. This could be a while considering how things are in this world. I may need to move into a cheaper abode no matter what.

But until I know anything I will try my best to stay in Fourth day. That means not being overly concerned about the future... Plan yes but dont obsess...cry yes but get up and do something. Tell people what your needs are so they can gain the blessing of helping you, but tell Jesus as well... Prayer, the Word and worship... I sing all of the time, pray all of the time, and want to put God in charge of everything that I do...

When its all said and done... Wither I look back on this while living in NW Arkansas Texas or wherever, I will praise God for bringing me through... In my house, or living in a new place, living with friends or my family... I know that God is with me and has not left me. I write this to remind myself of this true thing. Yes there will be down days, days that feel hopeless, depressing days... But there are also ecstatic days, days full of promise and days filled with hope... I laugh a lot, hug the puppy and hope that the next phone call will be the one I have been waiting for...

Keep praying people... something is about to happen I just feel it...

De Colores!

Labels: Abigail, Dreams, Emmaus, Faith, working

April 28, 2009

A Pilgrim's Walk

Dos Colores Double Rainbow near Centerton AR

I am exhausted but feeling like life has changed again. For the past few days, I have been on a long awaited spiritual journey called "Walk To Emmaus" This is a four day intensive... I dont want to call it a retreat because it more closely reminds me of the team building weekends that I have been on. I found much of it fascinating, and at times baffling, and I was glad that I was able to go and participate. I had long heard of it, but didnt know how one went about going. Only this year did they post in the church paper that you could talk to someone about going. You need a sponsor to put your name forward and I knew that each chapter held a walk just a few times a year, so it is a sort of honor I guess to be asked, but truly it is a call to service within the church, and the Walk is a way to equip you for that service.


I have included the link above that has information on the background of The Walk and will not go into the background of the Emmaus movement here. That would be a long winded post that would not be fruitful. There seems to be a lot of controversy on the net about if this community is a cult, a secret society or something that is divisive in the church. If it is any of these things in the church you belong to then someone has been remiss about how they have acted or spoken with regards to it. This is not a club for Christian Over Achievers, or a way to get around being a part of a regular community of faith. Just because you go on a Walk doesn't mean you are any more a Believer than everyone else, or that there is something wrong with you if you don't want to go on a Walk. This is not for everyone. The intensity of the experience can be hard for some people. The closeness of the community and lack of "alone" time was hard for me. However, that being said, I was glad to have had the company of three ladies from my church that I have been wanting to get to know better, and our Pastor, the only man in attendance in this group.( Imagine for a moment guys, being alone with and involved with about 36 women, (he was the only one leaving the site at night to go home and sleep) for four full days) As I was to see, this sort of thing is something he loves to do, having been a participant in his walk in the early days with one of the founders of this movement here in the US.

Walk 64 gathering on the porch of Parker House, Mt Sequoiya Fayetteville AR

My concerns were the lack of privacy, the fact that the body mechanics that give me my great voice also lends itself to the worst snoring you can possibly imagine. I have been asked to sleep in my car on one retreat and to just up and leave at another. The retreats I have been on up at Little Portion, I have been asked to request a single room and if this is not available to not force someone to endure this affliction with me, out of Christian charity, and to withdraw from the retreat. It looked like I was going to have to share a room, but at the last minute there was a cancellation and I was accommodated.
My Luxurious Nest, my solo room I was so grateful to have this bit of privacy to process all that was hitting me at once... and the bed was comfortable too. There was a communal bath just across the way which was nice too


There are some things they do that are hard to understand at first. First they want you to allow you sponsor to drive you to and from the site. This is so you dont have to be concerned with transportation, they even carry your luggage, get you settled into your room at the site etc. The sponsor has taken care of the financial arrangements as well. Everything is provided to you. You are told that if you have a need or a desire they will do her best too accomodate. It was warm this weekend and the A/C wasnt up to the task, so that need was presented and fans appered. Another lady said that she wished she had brought a six pack of her brand of soda. Bottles of it appered on the snack tables for all to enjoy.

You are asked to leave your personal concerns behind at home, to facilitate this you are asked to not use your cel phone and to leave it and all electronics at home. This was very hard for many people most especially for a young mother who left her fifteen month old alone with her daddy for the first time. They were fine. I was given another dispensation as I was driving myself(I was supposed to be in FT Smith at an interview that day but it was canceled. I didnt change my plans, and used the time to run a lot of errands and get a lot of things done.) I also was allowed to keep my cel but to not have it on during the weekend. The purpose is so you can focus on the things we were learning and not be concerned about time or the pressures of daily living. I find at night that the clock is a comfort. I was told it was ok if I needed to look at the time but keep the thing off and hidden.

The content of the course work is a series of fifteen talks given over the three day period. They are given by Ordained Clergy, or a non ordained lay speaker and vary as to how much theological content they contain... They dovetail into each other, as they are somewhat scripted... A personal story that ties into the theme, a introduction and a statement if you are a clergy person or a Lay speaker, and then you give the talk. After the talk there is group discussion around a table that you have been assigned to, with a leader and assistant to help and focus things. A secretary writes a summary that is a synopsis of the discussion. This position changes with every talk as the participants rotate positions arond the , with only the leader staying in her place. Then there is a time where you create a "Artistic Impression" of the subject. This can be singing a well known song, or making one up. Some choose a literal artistic approach and create posters, collages and other crafts. Skits are written, poems are crafted and read. On the second and third evenings, each group presents its summaries and art in turn. With four tables and five presentations for each it makes for a full evenings entertainment, while reinforcing the lessons of the day.

There was a bit of free time. I took one break as a time to walk around the grounds of the Conference Center. Its a beautiful location that was given to the Methodist Church early in the last century. Located on the summit of Mount Sequoya, it overlooks the city of Fayetteville. From the front porch of our dorm the night lights were beautiful. Many of the buildings are 75 plus years old, adding character and charm to the facility. The spaces were cozy and rustic, and for life long Methodist from the region this is a place full of happy memories, of summer camps and conferences, even family vacations! Our Pastor uses the available rooms here for occasional working retreats since it is only thirty miles from our city. The kitchen is working 7 days a week so you can call ahead and they will prepare you a meal. He brings a stack of books and turns his phone off and relaxes for a few quiet days. I am sure he is not alone in this escape. Other denominations in the area use the dorms and kitchens as well. There was even a group from the local Embroiderers Guild of America holding a stitching retreat there, and a local man walking about that had come up to rest and work on his comedy routine before a fund raising comedy competition linked to the local Race for the Cure that was also held this weekend in Fayetteville.

There is a chapel service morning and evening, rather than give away any more about what goes on there,Im going to leave it at that. I have had many such experiences gone to a lot of retreat sorts of things but this was a most unique experience. Im withholding information not because its a BIG secret but the organization asks that you keep the secret because it allows the next "pilgrim" to have a fresh experience. I understand that and respect that.

Some of the "surprise" elements were very touching and amazing. From the constant flow of food (more eating opportunities than a cruise boat, I kid you not...) to hand made gifts from strangers. From the care of the supporting staff to learning that literally 100s of people have been and were praying for you, serving you and caring for you, some for months prior to you arrival. Of the 36 to 40 people in closest contact with each other in the conference itself, only 17 of us were "pilgrims" on our first "Walk". It was astounding to me and yes it does overwhelm.

There is a point in the process that is very dramatic and for many if not most people quite emotional. I found myself quite detached and more observant. I was praying for the others there that were having deep moments...even what I call "burning bush" experiences where you come face to face with God as you understand Him. Was it that I find such emotionalism excessive, not really... I think I am just so drained out right now. I know that there might have been some hesitancy to even allow me on the Walk, because my life is so chaotic right now. I found some of the images created by light and darkness disturbing, it the same way that a burning cross has a beauty and a horror about it for what it connotates... The burning light shining in the daarkness or the evils of the KKK and Hitler's spectacals of light and darkness... very dramatic...

For I am not a new pilgrim on this journey...as are so many who have not had burning bush experiences. I am not groping for a candle lit path to a new and greater truth... I have already found that Truth on a deserted beach 21 years ago, and while I have had other watershed moments with God this past event so long ago was the biggie for me... Not that I cant stand a fresh touch from God now and again...

I had inner messages that I interpreted in one way, my Pastor another. My new therapist, who is wonderful at this, turned the ideas upside down in a radical interpratation that was very insightful, and caused me to look at this weekends events quite differently. That while I thought that maybe I am currently too broken for God to use, that the "usefullness" quotent is actually at its highest now. That the losses of my life to me signaled failure, lack of community, and of a lack of Agape love towards others, she said those "others" I am so concerned about, used and hurt me and that while it hurts, God is sweeping all of that away just as sure as a wildfire burns off the brush so new trees can grow tall.That what I thought was a heart turned to stone that needs to be broken and removed is actually a bedrock of faith worthy of building skyscrapers on...That in suffering and adversity, the faithful witness shines out of the broken places, like light throught the Luminarias or the rainbow sunlight through the broken glass of a stained glass window.

I have most importantly gained a Community of friends that I can turn to. The next step is "Fourth Day", and "Group Reunions" Where you meet in small groups of 3 to 8 for mutual encouragement and accountability. I am fairly sure that we will have to start a group like this for ourselves, because so many of the groups around here meet during the day. It is a beginning of a new phase in my life, that no matter what happens I will always have this time to treasure

De Colores (the colors)
De Colores ( the colors)
The diamond will sparkle
when brought to the light
De colores, and so must all love
be of every bright color
To make my heart cry

Radiant Light over the valley the view from the outdoor chapel Fayetteville AR

Labels: Catholic, Emmaus, Faith