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My Wide Blue Seas

Its All About The Journey


Name~ Hokule'a Kealoha

Short Bio~Hokule'a Kealoha is the Nom De Plume of a writer that formerly lived in Hawaii and is now living a life of adventure on the highways and byways of the American South . I am a Born Again follower of Jesus, as well as a wife, mother of cats and dogs,jeweler, entreprenuer, photographer and pilgrim...

Age~ Old enough to know better

Status~ Newly Single after 13 years of marriage,fur mom to the loving and devoted mini ShihTzu doggie Annabelle, born 6-11-2007 RIP 2-25-09, and the beautiful Abigail born 2-14-09

Hair Color~ natural brown/grey

Mood~ I ALWAYS have a mood, try me...

Loving~ Jesus, Hawaii, my furry friend, Abigail, my Pen Pals, Jewelry ,Blogging ,Writing anything,my Ipod,and being outdoors surrounded by my wonderful natural surroundings

Hating~ Boom Box Cars, Earspray, Abuse of Power,

  • Bible

  • Magnificat

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  • Underwired! Louisville's magazine for Women

  • In Store~The Magazine for the American Jeweler

  • Books in Progress...

  • "Link"

  • "Link"

  • Just Finished Reading

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  • Jesus, Divine Mercy ~
    Learn About The Divine Mercy
    I Trust In You~

    My Favorite Past Posts~Relive The Journey!~
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  • 2008~
  • Be Thankful

  • Colateral Damage

  • Make Lemonade

  • Home Is Where The Heart Is

  • The Poor With Us

  • Because Its The Hardest Thing I Can Do

  • We Have All Become Victims

  • Lest I Forget

  • The Most Important Words

  • Family Values

  • Familiar Places

  • May Perpetual Light Shine On Them

  • A City In Motion

  • 2007~
  • The Quiet Storm

  • Fellowship of the Cane

  • Like Dead Unremembered: A 9-11 Tribute

  • The Medicine Machine

  • One Giant Leap

  • In The Steps of St. Francis

  • Too Much Information

  • The Un Choice

  • 2006~
  • The Holly and the Ivy

  • The First 9-11, Dec 7,1941

  • Small Moments of Silence

  • Peaches to Winnipeg

  • Dreaming of Hawaii

  • Memorial Day

  • Scattered Values

  • The White Line is the Lifeline for the Nation

  • Warnings of a New Civil War

  • I Will Be True To The Promise I Have Made

  • The Snowy Bloody Day

  • Cats in the Cradle

  • 2005~
  • The Journey

  • Rebirth of a City

  • For Posterity's Sake

  • The New Civil War

  • Every Mother's Son

  • And There You Stayed, Temporarily Lost at Sea

  • The Lone Rider

  • The Bible Is Not the Fourth Member of the Trinity

  • Rome Wasn't Built With Union Labor

  • Happy Birthday Mom ~revised~

  • A Beautiful Noise

  • Even Now

  • The Wearing of the Red

  • Night Ranger

  • The Joyful Traveler

  • Hoiliili "To Gather Up"

  • Ke Makakilo (My Observations)

  • He Giveth Sleep

  • Save The Children

  • 2004~
  • Lux Aeterna

  • December 2004

  • You're Joking, Right?

  • Ground Zero

  • I Am Not A Failure

  • O,To Grace, How Great A Debtor

  • Lost In Translation

  • One Small Step for Man

  • The Rainbow's End

  • Profanity

  • Taps

  • The Journey

  • Makoa's Song

  • No Aloha For The Weakest

  • The Paradoxical Comandments

  • The Time Is Now

  • 2003~
  • When No Fruit Is On The Vine

  • Photobucket
    St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
    St. Edith Stein~Pray for Us

    Religion Link List~

  • My Secret is Mine

  • Ignatius Insight-Online Magazine

  • Fr John Corapi SOLT

  • Dr. Scott Hahn St Paul Center

  • Fr. Mitch Pacwa~ Ignatius Productions

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  • Political Link List~
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  • Arkansas Link List~
  • Little Portion Hermitage

  • John Michael Talbot website

  • John Michael Talbot Myspace page

  • 1st United Methodist Church Bella Vista

  • Northwest Arkansas Guide

  • Mimi's Cafe

  • Metro Woman Business Directory of NW Arkansas

  • River Grille

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  • Interactive Links~

    Live WebCam Feed from the Mauna Lani Resort, Kohalla, Big Island of Hawaii

    Click here for Aloha Joe!Live Hawaiian Music 24/7

    St Damein of Molokai'i,Patron Saint of Hawaii, Pray for us

    St. Damien of Molokai'i, Patron of Hawaii and the Outcasts among us, pray for us....

    Hawaii Links~ ~
  • For more Hawaii links Click Here

  • Volcano Updates (Pele's Mood Meter)Hawaii Volcano Observatory

  • Hawaii Volcanoes National Park

  • Volcano Watch Archives

  • Mauna Kea Observatory

  • Pacific Tsunami Museum

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  • Technorotica for Blogging~

    Blogarama - The Blog Directory

    Listed on BlogShares

    Christianity Blog Directory

  • Who Links Here...Click here to see who's linking to this site. Powered by WhoLinksToMe.com

  • Globe of Blogs~Blog search engine

  • The Blog Search Engine

  • stock xchng

  • Photobucket

  • BlogSkins

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  • Wikipedia

  • Nuzio's Place on the Web

  • Commutefaster.com

  • PING ME!

  • MWBS Wordpress Edition

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  • Technorotica for Jewelers, and the Jewelry Trade~

  • Gemological Institute of America

  • The Drouhard National Jewelers School

  • The Conner School

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  • February 28, 2006

    Run and Not Be Weary

    Island in the Bay, Coconut Island in Hilo Bay, known throughout the Hawaiian Islands as a place of healing.

    Another great peice by Dr. Robert Rohm,of "Personality Insights" (this is the firm that helped to develope a system of personality typing that is used in business) on a subject that I know I need to give some thought to

    Recently, I was talking to a good friend of mine who is much older and wiser than I am. I told him that I was exhausted from all of the activity I had been involved in lately. A big smile came over his face as if he knew something that I did not know. When I questioned him, he looked at me and said, "Actually, I think you are just tired but I do not think you are exhausted." I asked what he meant by that. He told me that he had discovered that being tired is actually a good thing. When you know how to do something and you work hard at it for a long period of time, you are going to get tired. That is a very natural experience. Anyone who works hard doing something that they are gifted to do or have been trained for will get tired working in their daily routine.

    He went on to explain that for him, being exhausted came from trying to accomplish something that he did not know how to do. That immediately got my attention. As we talked about it, both of us came to the conclusion that trying to do something you do not know how to do, will indeed, exhaust you. It may even kill you. One of the greatest challenges in all of life comes when you try to accomplish something that you have no idea how to do or, have no business doing.

    How many of us have ever tried to "fix" another person? Perhaps you have been in a marriage or family relationship where you tried to force another person do what you wanted them to do. Were you successful at it or did you get exhausted in the process?

    Work is not a dirty, four-letter word. It is something that all of us should love to do. It causes us to understand success and fills our lives with many wonderful opportunities. So, the issue is not work. But, if you are trying to do something that you were not called to do, gifted to do, trained to do, or have no experience in doing, I can assure you that you will become exhausted very quickly.

    Perhaps you are in a new job, or a new relationship, or some kind of new situation that is tiring you completely. You may be exhausted because you do not know what you are doing. If, on the other hand, you are learning and growing and the process is becoming more understandable, more tolerable and, perhaps even a little easier, then you can expect to get tired in the process but you should not be exhausted.

    That little distinction made a big difference in my mind. The next time I feel as though I am flat "worn-out", I am going to ask, "Am I tired, or am I exhausted?" If I am tired, that may be a good thing because I am simply fulfilling and accomplishing what I was made to do. If, however, I am totally exhausted, I may need to check my agenda to see if I am trying to do the impossible. After all, I am not Superman and a few years ago I gave up trying to help God resolve all the issues in His universe. He was very relieved to receive my resignation!

    Robert Kiyosaki, author of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", says the difference in being successful financially and being broke, is in understanding financial terms. Perhaps understanding the difference between being tired and being exhausted will help re-energize you in the days to come. I hope so.

    Perhaps the prophet Isaiah put it best

    But those who wait on the Lord
    Shall renew their strength;
    They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
    They shall run and not be weary,
    They shall walk and not faint.

    Isaiah 40:31

    February 27, 2006

    A New Vision

    Sea Foam Panama City Beach Florida

    This will be short. I cannot see the words that I am typing on the monitor, but am assured that this will improve in a few days. My distance vision is much much better than it ever was without my glassees... I am truly amazed. but over all my vision reminds me of my days as a lounge lizard. Smokey and hazy and not very clear. All of the things that I love to do, reading writing and hacking on a computer is not possible, and I truly miss it. I can gather just minutly what losing your sight must be like. It would be awful. Just on more thing that I need to thank God for more regularly.

    There is a lot to wroite about but I cannot just now. Things with the store hae taken a turn for the worse... We are losing more to theft than we are selling so we are doing a different type of thing and perhaps things will go better now. We shall see. Running out of vision, (it fluctuates moment to moment so I need to stop more later.

    February 26, 2006

    Ecclesiastes 2 Nothing We Have Fully Satisfies Us

    Salt Grass Dunes Cape San Blas Fl

    Ecclesiastes CHAPTER 2

    The Futility of Pleasure and Possessions

    I said to myself, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure. So enjoy yourself." And behold, it too was futility.
    I said of laughter, "It is madness," and of pleasure, "What does it accomplish?"
    I explored with my mind how to stimulate my body with wine while my mind was guiding me wisely, and how to take hold of folly, until I could see what good there is for the sons of men to do under heaven the few yearsof their lives.
    I enlarged my works: I built houses for myself, I planted vineyards for myself;
    I made gardens and parks for myself and I planted in them all kinds of fruit trees;
    I made ponds of water for myself from which to irrigate a forest of growing trees.
    I bought male and female slaves and I had homeborn slaves. Also I possessed flocks and herds larger than all who preceded me in Jerusalem.
    Also, I collected for myself silver and gold and the treasure of kings and provinces. I provided for myself male and female singers and the pleasures of men—many concubines.

    Then I became great and increased more than all who preceded me in Jerusalem. My wisdom also stood by me.
    All that my eyes desired I did not refuse them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart was pleased because of all my labor and this was my reward for all my labor.
    Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun.

    Wisdom Excels Folly

    So I turned to consider wisdom, madness and folly; for what will the man do who will come after the king except what has already been done?
    And I saw that wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness.
    The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. And yet I know that one fate befalls them both.
    Then I said to myself, "As is the fate of the fool, it will also befall me. Why then have I been extremely wise?" So I said to myself, "This too is vanity."
    For there is no lasting remembrance of the wise man as with the fool, inasmuch as in the coming days all will be forgotten. And how the wise man and the fool alike die!
    So I hated life, for the work which had been done under the sun was grievous to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind.

    The Futility of Labor

    Thus I hated all the fruit of my labor for which I had labored under the sun, for I must leave it to the man who will come after me.
    And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the fruit of my labor for which I have labored by acting wisely under the sun. This too is vanity.
    Therefore I completely despaired of all the fruit of my labor for which I had labored under the sun.
    When there is a man who has labored with wisdom, knowledge and skill, then he gives his legacy to one who has not labored with them. This too is vanity and a great evil.
    For what does a man get in all his labor and in his striving with which he labors under the sun?
    Because all his days his task is painful and grievous; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is vanity.

    There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.
    For who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him?
    For to a person who is good in His sight He has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, while to the sinner He has given the task of gathering and collecting so that he may give to one who is good in God's sight. This too is vanity and striving after wind.

    February 24, 2006

    Hawaiian Rules to Live By

    Verdent Valley The Road to Hana Maui

    I love the wisdom of these little rules, I know I have posted them before but in honor of Aloha Friday I will again!...

    Never judge a day by the weather

    The best things in life arent things

    Tell the truth- there is less to remember

    Speak softly and wear a loud shirt

    Goals are deceptive, the unaimed arrow never missses

    He who dies with the most toys...still dies

    Age is reletive-when you are of the hill, you pickup speed

    There are two ways to be rich, Earn more or desire less

    Beauty is internal, looks mean nothing

    No rain- No rainbows

    February 23, 2006

    Light Blogging Today

    summer campsite at Beaver Lake AR

    Having surgery today. Hopefully my vison will be a lot better in a few days

    I covet your prayers for myself, and for Woody too, who is looking after me...

    February 22, 2006

    Reflections On Perfection

    Reflected Perfection- Palms at Wailoa State Park Hilo Hawaii

    I read once that nature glorifies God by being just what it was created to be...The animals, the weather, the inanimate things, all were created good and perfect, as was mankind. Its sin and the resulting problems that rebellion against God creates that disfigures the earth, humanity and our relationships...

    But that inner nature that was perfect and now is not and strives for that impossible perfection can drive you crazy. I am a perfectionist only in my public persona, especially my work. I have the perfectly clean desk and in basket. I want my notes and stuff left alone when I am not here and the least misstep makes my ears burn... I am much much better about this fear of being found to be less than perfect ie human. This place that I am working at (hey a great pseudonym for my job "thisplace") does so much desk sharing that everyone has everyone's password and code numbers ect. That keeps me less controlling and more sharing, and is a GOOD thing. I just now messed up a situation and when I asked a co workers help to fix it, he said for me to not "fix" it, he'd just re do it, adding another task to his day. These are people worth working with, and this time here has been good.

    Working at home might not be the best thing for me as that environment is not controllable as there are three other individuals that mess up borrow things...(the cats will take every pen and pencil off of my desk, every loose thing that will make a good scooty toy. Makoa will pull the desk drawers open, and Nani will jump on the computer to get attention...Lest I leave Woody out he wants to sit and drink coffee and sugary soda around the precious computer and worse my printer. I can see the impending disaster in my mind's eye... I had one like that once.... I screwed up a $15,000.00 encoding machine at the credit union that I worked at with a cup of hot joe, so I know that coffee and machines don't agree... Let me tell you that incident blew my "Miss Perfect" bit all to heck. My Mom had to be moved out of her home the next week which allowed me the excuse to be gone from work for a week so I could regain my composure... The CEO of the Credit Union, a delightful Christian man who would have made a great pastor, had me in for coffee and a chat when I came back to say that my accident had forced them to do something that they had put off way too long replacing the decrepit machine that gave us so much trouble... Turning my embarrassment into a Divine Appointment was Mr. Holbrook's way to gently lift the feeling of humiliation that I truly felt and gave me permission to be human.

    I needed that and I needed it last night.

    I called Sunday evening for the final one on one sessions with HSN and I did ok but the guy on the other end felt that I could use a few more days of practice and resecduled me to call last night. Well I thought that I was in, and that this was training time. I was to learn other wise and when I was on the phone with this new agent I was told that this was also a test and that I was being graded. I really struggled with this and frankly what I was told to work on was only part of what we covered. You have to remember to use a new script that doesn't appear on the screen and the screens on the program are very complicated. I do believe that this was the hardest "system" I have ever tried to learn... By the time we were done I was in a hyperventalating sweat, and there were a lot of errors mostly due to "My impatience with the system". This was supposed to be a real time exercise, but I guess I thought that I was in error when the screen didn't do what I thought it should as fast as it should. Sadly they feel that I should be conversant with this even though none of the exercises that I had practiced on ever were full transactions. HSN doesn't allow that info to get out until test day. I failed miserably and like American Idol, no second chance.... Perfection or nothing.

    I got the bums rush email, and was numb. I figure that I spent 250 hours of study three full days off work, spent the money to put a phone line in, and risked my job at Thisplace, it was a huge letdown.

    But Woody, (who thinks they rigged it slow so Id fail as they have too many people that passed the tests... He reads too many mystery novels and looks for a conspiracy under every trouble) said he was so impressed with how I had strived for this and that they wanted "too much perfect". It would make me crazy... To not worry about it and lets think twice about this work at home thing. Home is a place to escape from work, maybe we do too much work at home now with the shop and all...maybe he has a point...

    He's likely right... I think that things will be very different at "thisplace"when I return from my eye surgery intwo weeks. Likely I will have no job. So I am starting to look for a part time job. A new job. I hate job hunting, but I do it with the same energy as I do everything else... and in the mean time I feel like I have recovered from last nights painfilled ordeal. Woody thinks that I handled the disappointment better than I have handled other things of this nature. Maybe I am learning to let things go, and that these sorts of things are Divine appointments afterall, just like Mr. Holbrook said, they move you into directions that you would not go to unless pushed....

    February 21, 2006

    Keep Your Priorities Straight

    Rockaway Beach Maui

    I received this little news letter this morning via intranet and said "Hey, he sounds like me..." and maybe like a few of us, so thanks Fred, of IT for sharing this and I will pass it along

    Keep your Priorities Straight
    By Dr. Fred Rohm
    Personality Insights, Inc

    When I was growing up, I had a very difficult time staying focused. I have always said I have the attention span of a gnat! Sadly, it is still true to this day. The good news is that I am aware of it and am trying to work on it. Sometimes I have five or six ideas going on in my head at the same time. Rather than taking medication for my problem, I have simply tried to develop self-discipline and have learned to focus. Besides, having a very active mind has helped me in my speaking career. I am able to keep the interest of an audience while talking about several important ideas at the same time. I have always tried to do it in a way that makes sense and hopefully I am making some progress in that area.

    One day when I was growing up, my mother had a fairly strong talk with me. She looked at me and said, “Your biggest problem is that you have your priorities mixed up.” I asked what she meant by that. She said, “You spend all of your time on things that do not matter and you do not spend any time on the things that do matter!” Even though it was painful at the time, her observation was insightful and, I have to admit, she was right. I was interested in whatever was going on that related to fun, sports, girls and cars. At the time I had very little interest in things like academics, education or spiritual issues.

    I have come to see that one of the most important things a person can do is to straighten out his or her priorities. I have a 3 x 5 card on my desk that says, “Is what I am doing right now going to make any difference in my life or in the life of another person today or in eternity?” That has helped me to develop a more sobering, focused, eternal perspective on what I do with my time and life each day. I realize that there are some urgent, temporal issues that we all face that must be dealt with. After all, personal hygiene, paying bills, cutting the grass, washing the dishes and preparing meals, all take time. But, being able to focus on things that are eternal, like relationships, caring about other people, and showing concern and compassion in love towards those who are hurting are all just as important. I find that many times the things that scream loudest for my attention are the things that matter least. Those issues that are quiet and wait patiently for me are often the most important ones in my life.

    I remember running the one hundred yard dash in high school. I enjoyed it because I was fast and because it was finished in a hurry. When I began to run longer distances, I had to learn to pace myself better. As I did that, I discovered what it meant to have a more long-term and eternal perspective rather than a quick, temporal one. The older I get, the more I see that life is not a sprint. It is a marathon and we all need to pace ourselves.

    Take a look at your life and see what is occupying the majority of your time. You may need to make some adjustments in your priorities. I am grateful for a mother who helped me do that at a young age. It is still paying rich dividends to this very day. It will for you, too!

    that is what I want to do...learn to have a eternal perspective....

    February 20, 2006

    Waiting For a Warmer Day

    Brilliant Day Beaver Lake Arkansas...We are daydreaming about this just now

    Its been really cold (single digits at times) the past three days and I am learning why people from the north want to leave and move to California Florida and Hawaii. Ice is a killer. The 8 inches of snow is lovely as long as you don't have to go out in it. My drive this morning was treacherous on unplowed roads slick with black ice from the slight warming and the sleet on top of it. But my faithful van chugged along and I got to work safely.

    Skeleton crew here at work. There are a lot of folks that have very steep drives or are out on the back of beyond, not to mention that the schools are closed for the holiday today. Nearly all of the parents are home. The ice is overwelming.

    But I put all of this stay at home time to good use. I took all ten of the written tests and passed and last night took four simulated calls for HSN...didnt do so hot on those I think... maybe it was the slow simulation, made me think that I wasnt doing it right... I started to hyperventalate, but the agent training me said that I did very well and he only wanted me to work on one area, canceling orders, and retest tomorrow night. Nothing was said about not getting the job, so I think we are cool and I am in the door. I wont count on it until I get my first call and say "my name is Hoku, may I have your item number?" Then I will know that I am official.

    The agent said that people actually give up at the final simulation. I cant imagine that. Studying, passing all 10 of the training modules only to give up in the home streach. Woody and I cant imagine that. You practically have it, then give up... not this girl no way, like I told the agent I want this really badly and will do anything I can to get this job.

    Nothing more was said at work about any changes. There is still little to do even with so few people here. Scary it is...

    The cats find all of this cold a bit difficult. They sleep up on chairs and on our bed. We let them go out onto the screened porch last night and they ran out delighted with the fresh air and good smells to smell, but what is this white stuff piled up on the ground. Makoa saw his catnip mousie half burried in snow and pounced on it only to find himself ankle deep in white powder. Bewildered he shook himself, showering us with ice crystals. He gleamed as though sprinked with diamonds in the afternoon sun as he sat in the cold uncomprehending... puzzled... I said "wha da matta bruddah? Too da kine cold yah?" My hawaiian jungle kitty jumped up out of the snow pile and made a bee line for the door back into the warm house where Ka Nani had already gone...Yah too cold for us Kama aina, Mebbe we wait fo'dah warma kine day, yah?

    that day is comming all too soon

    February 19, 2006

    Ecclesiastes 1: Man Is Never Satisfied With His Own Efforts

    Temporary Vanity, Jewel like frosting of snow on this bush

    Ecclesiastes 1

    The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
    "Vanity of vanities," says the Preacher, "Vanity of vanities! All is vanity."
    What advantage does man have in all his work Which he does under the sun?
    A generation goes and a generation comes, But the earth remains forever.
    Also, the sun rises and the sun sets; And hastening to its place it rises there again.
    Blowing toward the south, Then turning toward the north, The wind continues swirling along; And on its circular courses the wind returns.
    All the rivers flow into the sea, Yet the sea is not full. To the place where the rivers flow, There they flow again.
    All things are wearisome; Man is not able to tell {it.} The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor is the ear filled with hearing.
    That which has been is that which will be, And that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun.
    Is there anything of which one might say, "See this, it is new"? Already it has existed for ages Which were before us.
    There is no remembrance of earlier things; And also of the later things which will occur, There will be for them no remembrance Among those who will come later still.
    I, the Preacher, have been king over Israel in Jerusalem.
    And I set my mind to seek and explore by wisdom concerning all that has been done under heaven. {It} is a grievous task {which} God has given to the sons of men to be afflicted with.
    I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind.
    What is crooked cannot be straightened and what is lacking cannot be counted.
    I said to myself, "Behold, I have magnified and increased wisdom more than all who were over Jerusalem before me; and my mind has observed a wealth of wisdom and knowledge."
    And I set my mind to know wisdom and to know madness and folly; I realized that this also is striving after wind.
    Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.

    February 18, 2006

    The Blizzard Of 2006

    Swathed in White... Hale Pau'ana Huakai

    We are digging out of a fairly deep snowfall for this area. I was studying last night, Woody sleeping was started to have gone to bed with a bare landscape to wake at 2 am to a blanket of white. When I got up at 7, I scooted into my sneekers and trudged out and snapped some pics thinking that it would all melt away.

    Most of the churches in the area canceled services for sunday, because parking around most of the public buildings is often up or downhill from the edifice and there is ramping and stairs, not the easiest for navigation on a sunny day let alone a icy one. None of us especially older folks need to fall and break something.

    I have managed to survive the gauntlet of testing and have one last trial, a live one on one with a trainer agent acting as a customer of HSN. I must do four different simulations and do well enough to do it independently. Should I suceed I can start taking calls right away. The test is tomorrow at 3pm cst. I feel like things are on a roll and God willing this will go smoothly

    Enjoying the time here in the house no matter what. Home is where you want to be as the cold creeps in and the snow begins to fall again.

    February 15, 2006

    Alive and Well

    Waterfall one of over 100 on the road to Hana Maui

    I am alive and well and in the land of the living. There is a lot of stuff going on right now and I may go under the radar for a bit.

    First, the surgery has been put off for a week. I need my eyes this weekend to study for an exam for the people that provide the call agents for Home Shopping Network. If I can pass the 10 training courses and the final exam, I have a guaranteed place in the call center pool. For now it will be evenings nights, and weekends but eventually I can get as many hours as I want, and it pays pretty well. The best part is you do it from home.

    So its study study study. I passed the first four modules, by the skin of my teeth and have until the 21st to get the rest done. Miss this deadline or fail any of the 10 training modules or the final test and I lose the opportunity. Its a distinct possibility, this is not easy in the least. I thought that the system at my job was complex, but this is the MOST complex computer matrix I have ever worked with. You just call and order stuff when you see it on the tv show. The agents get data as you provide it so that they have all of the answers for you fully intuitive and interactive. Fantastic...However its like mental Marine Corps boot camp to get where I need to be. This is how they weed out candidates. Out of 100,000 apllicants garnered by the MSN story last week they are down to around 1000, and everyday as people bomb out of the classes, more are weeded out. But its a great opportunity and I want to grab at it and see how things go.

    We are up and running at the store and having sales. Soooo nice and I feel really good about that. We hope to bring in more lines and have a bigger selection of items as time goes on. The 100percent Kona coffee is a big hit. I can see the need comming for a bit of expansion of the lines as people are asking for different things

    I interviewed for a new position here at my job, with so many people gunning for it I doubt that I will get it. My team has become a looney bin of high strung nervous individuals looking for ways to fill up time and look occupied. I am one of the few that sees this as dangerous, as I have been in situations like this before and layoffs are the result. Life is tough and the bottom line is the final arbiter of ones destiny.

    But HSN will be a fine consolation prize and I am ok with that. Woody dithered around but finally admitted that he wants a "place to go" so I encouraged him to get on with looking and see what he comes up with. Its sort of like he wants direction. I am wondering if he is developing a mental disease. like alzheimers or something. He is so slow on the basis I find it so hard to forgive him and be paitent with him. I can see myself slapping him he makes me so crazy, and that scares me. And yet, Like he and I discussed, the stress I have been under distorts reality. Woody feels that I dont understand the true position of my life that I have all that I need and shouldnt be thrashing about mentally. I cant help the way I am and I find it all exasperating

    But yesterday he came home jubulent. The local big shot car dealer has built a tiny three dealership at Stateline MO, two miles from my house. This area , just inside Missouri stateline is a local mecca as Benton County, on the Arkansas side, is a dry county so there are a lot of full line liquior dealers and WalMart built a huge store right there that is the only full line grocery and dry goods store within 25 miles. We do most of our shopping there.

    To celebrate the job and Valentines day, the cut flowers went by the by and Woody came home the his present of choice, jewelry. Very cute braclet with flowers made of gemstones. Will try to take a photo of it and put it on the blog. These flowers will never wilt.

    But no fancy dinner. I was so caught up in Home Shopping Training and all, that I didnt care so it was IHOP and breakfast... my favorite and it was all very good...Its good to be alive and well...

    February 14, 2006

    Hawaii Ke Aloha

    Wild Surf Maui Coast 2005

    A Valentine to my Beloved

    Sonnet 24

    Mine eye hath play'd the painter and hath stell'd
    Thy beauty's form in table of my heart;
    My body is the frame wherein 'tis held,
    And perspective it is best painter's art.
    For through the painter must you see his skill,
    To find where your true image pictur'd lies,
    Which in my bosom's shop is hanging still,
    That hath his windows glazed with thine eyes.
    Now see what good turns eyes for eyes have
    Mine eyes have drawn thy shape, and thine for
    Are windows to my breast, where-through the
    Delights to peep, to gaze therein on thee;
    Yet eyes this cunning want to grace their art,
    They draw but what they see, know not the

    The Gleaming Shores Hilo Bay Big Island


    Full many a glorious morning have I seen
    Flatter the mountain-tops with sovereign eye,
    Kissing with golden face the meadows green,
    Gilding pale streams with heavenly alchymy;
    Anon permit the basest clouds to ride
    With ugly rack on his celestial face,
    And from the forlorn world his visage hide,
    Stealing unseen to west with this disgrace:
    Even so my sun one early morn did shine,
    With all-triumphant splendour on my brow;
    But, out! alack! he was but one hour mine,
    The region cloud hath mask'd him from me
    Yet him for this my love no whit disdaineth;
    Suns of the world may stain when heaven's
    sun staineth.

    Waikoloa Sunset Kawaihae Big Island

    Sonnet 50

    How heavy do I journey on the way,
    When what I seek, my weary travel's end,
    Doth teach that ease and that repose to say,
    'Thus far the miles are measur'd from thy
    The beast that bears me, tired with my woe,
    Plods dully on, to bear that weight in me,
    As if by some instinct the wretch did know
    His rider lov'd not speed, being made from thee:
    The bloody spur cannot provoke him on
    That sometimes anger thrusts into his hide,
    Which heavily he answers with a groan
    More sharp to me than spurring to his side;
    For that same groan doth put this in my mind:
    My grief lies onward, and my joy behind.

    Wm Shakespere

    The Hamakua Coast Big Island of Hawaii

    February 13, 2006

    Letter To My Kitty Kids

    mak and Nani watching the snow

    Im sure you know by now that my popoki (Hawaiian for cats) are my hearts delight, but sometimes its exasperating. It seems like others have the same issues. I found this lovely cat blog Cat AddictionEternity's Writing is charming and her cats adorable. This is a take off of her post Letters to my Beloved Pets

    Dear Beloved Popoki:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the kitchen is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    Remember my sweet furry creatures, caring is sharing, just because one of you jumps in my lap desnt mean that the other has the right to jump up and push the first kitty off. If Mom is praying, you must not fight or bother her... and attacking her rosary beads and chewing on the crucifix is sacriligious and expressly forbidden

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think we will continue sleeping in the recliners to ensure your comfort.

    And speaking of my recliner, you must end this practice of jumping into the recliner just as my rear is nearing the seat cushion. I weigh 20 times more than you and you will meet your untimely end if I sit on you.

    Cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

    Also, I have been using the bathroom for years by myself -- feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The cabinets and closets are closed for a reason, to keep our unsightly mess out of sight and to keep you out of things that might hurt you...You do not have to investigate to see if everything is still there where it was two minutes ago when I let you go in there to see.

    Makoa, I get hurt when you pull out a bathroom drawer or kitchen drawer and I fall over it in the dark. If its closed dont open it. KaNani you have a bed and do not require my underwear drawer as a bed, quit trying to get in there.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell (or worse things lick) the other cats's butt. I cannot stress this enough! Also, your father would appreciate you not sitting on his face when he is trying to sleep.

    To return the kindness of your obedience, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door so visitors to our home know what the rules are here:

    Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

    1. They live here. You don't.

    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

    4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy and walk on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially my cats.

    5. Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car Only your mind crazy that is, don't hang out with-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!

    Thanks dear we all had a good laugh

    February 12, 2006

    Romans 1:17-32 The Depravity of Man

    sacrificial platform area. Even today people leave offerings at this temple site to the War God Ku. It is estimated that 10,000 people were sacrificed here by Kamehameha I to garner the gods favor in his conquest of the Hawaiian Islands. Puukohola Heaiu North Kohalla Big Island of Hawaii

    Romans 1:17-32

    For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, "BUT THE RIGHTEOUS SHALL LIVE BY FAITH."
    For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
    because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.
    For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
    For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
    Professing to be wise, they became fools,
    and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
    Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
    For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
    For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,
    and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
    And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,
    being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; {they are} gossips,
    slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,
    without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;
    and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them

    February 10, 2006

    Snowy Aloha Friday

    winter trees lowell ar

    Its snowing here in my little corner of the world... just enough to make things pretty, and blustery. People have retreated and even the freeway, which I can see from my office, is less congested.

    The situation here is difficult. Our team is over populated by 4 workers now that the big account isnt comming on. People are restless, bored and figgity. Thank goodness I have something to do. The CEO was in yesterday and popped around the corner right in front of my desk. I was working on a spread sheet for the store and looked very occupied. Im just glad that he wasnt too interested in numbers going on a cash flow chart, and that he came when he did. A few minutes earlier I had a live phone interview with a firm that supplies home based call center workers, and I had to read a script cold. I got applause from my desk mate, the guy that trained me when I started here a few months ago.

    Yes, work from home. As most of you know these sorts of jobs are few and far between. I thought that they were impossible to find. I have only met one person that actually had such a job, and that was the horrid woman that gave me a sight unseen offer on my house in Hawaii and then strung us along. I saw her work in my house as a translator on the day we had the inspection. You can read the post here I still have nightmares about it.

    I have passed the intial requirements and am now training. Soon if all goes well I will be one of the people that answers the phone when you have the urge to shop HSN at 3 am. They have dozens of firms that use them so eventually I will get to the place where I can work 40 hours and if this "day job" falls through I can just do that. I actually have two firms looking at me but one of them has pretty much said yes if I can pass the training.

    "So, Hoku," you are thinking, "How many jobs can you do?"... as many as needed. One of my friends has already commented that Woody is going to be shamed into looking for work. Maybe or maybe not, I just know that one day he will have to look at himself and ask if he has done the right thing. I just want to be prepared to look after myself, for I dont know what tomorrow will bring. I do believe that God takes care of us, but the field has to be plowed for the crop to come up. It wont grow by itsself.

    To that end, I saw job postings on the company intranet, for jobs that would be considered lower down on the totem pole. I notified the HR lady that I was interested and that I knew that I was demoting myself but with the current surplus of workers I will take what ever is offered to me and if it means a slight pay cut then so be it. Something is better than nothing. And I fear that there will be layoffs soon as there are about 40 excess workers here now. Managers are getting shuffeled around but us worker bees are expendable, especially the newest of us.

    If something happens while I am off for my surgery then Im ok with that, and that is very likely.

    We will be finishing up with the store setting it up and getting the product in. I have some decorating to do and I am puitting in a few collectible peices that I want to sell, better flea market stuff, since we dont have enough product to fill all of our shelves up with Hawaii stuff. Who knows we might do really well with that. I have art work, paintings and drawings that I cant hang in the new house and just other things. Some of it is family stuff, but since I have no heirs why not? Im just lugging it around.

    So we shall see... Ideas are floating around like the snow flakes, I just keep after them trying to figure out what is best. I know one thing for sure, God is watching out for me. His mercy is new every morning, Great is His faithfulness.

    February 09, 2006

    The New Office Speak for 2006

    Where we all dream of being on any sort of workday....Kawaihae Sunset Big Island of Hawaii

    Quite a while back I published this post with jargon that shaped the corporate communication of the time. Well, here are some new ones, some of them are in questionable taste but this is life in the office Cube Farm

    NEW WORDS FOR 2006:

    Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)

    1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a Deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

    2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops on all ideas from the rank and file,and on everything else, and then leaves.

    3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

    4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

    5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles

    6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

    7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

    8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

    9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

    10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

    11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

    12. IRRITAINMENT : Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another.

    13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

    14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

    15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

    16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

    17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)

    18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.

    19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

    Im off to a corporate care and share meeting where I will strain my ears to hear a few of these choice ones...

    February 08, 2006

    Reclaimed Joy Of Life

    Pacific Seas Hana Maui

    I have come to the conclusion that with the way I seem to be made, the moment that any journey seems to be nearing an end the dearer, sweeter and more desired it becomes. Perhaps that is true of all human endevour. I need reminders that I need to take joy in life, and find things that I can be thankful for.

    Today that hit me with the arrival of the news that the major account that my firm had spent a pile setting up the operating systems, starting to hire the nearly 100 people that it would take to run operations, had decided not to sign the final contracts and will be ending the relationship with the experation of the interim contracts that will expire shortly. It is a crushing blow to this 6 year old firm who made a huge investment in this relationship. It all came down to money, the client desided our services would cost too much and in the spirit of WalMart, wanted to slash the bottom line 20 percent as the ink was starting to flow to the end of the contractual pen. Often companies with a lot to lose if the contracts dont sign submit to this coporate blackmail and sign, losing their shirts in the end. I worked for a transportation company that did just that with my first major account. It was a nightmare, an a running sore that resulting in this newbee working a impossible number of hours for not enough money and eventually fired because the account moved on to its next victim.

    Well, I think they were wise to not sign. But...there will be lay offs, I dont see how this can be avoided. I was told yesterday that I wasnt permanatly assigned to my account, and that "I shouldnt worry with all that was comming down the pike..." I read that email this morning with a sinking in my stomach. "This is going to end, before I am ready..." Never mind my whining of the past few weeks, all I could think of was change beyond my control...

    I found myself looking at my desk with new eyes...

    I got a call later. My dematologist got the result back from the biopsies. Squamous cell carcinomas, not the worst diagnosis, but not good either. Suddenly the bitching I have been doing just doesnt seem to be worthwile. I could have more of these and the 6 centemeter gash in my arm reminds me with every twinge the value of my life. I have always felt that pain reminds me that I am alive...

    I type this with my face six inches from the screen. I went throught the pre op this afternoon, and my dialated eyes now are blurry and no longer respond to the gentle correction of glasses, distance or anything else that I do. This is how it will be for an indetermanant amount of time. One of the risks of PRK is that this blurriness will never go away. Its a very very very slight risk but a risk nevertheless. The rewards of the surgery are waking to clear distance vision, the ability to drive and swim in the ocean. My dependence on glasses will only apply to reading, which is how it will be anyway as I age. Right now even with glasses I have fuzzy print. But that fuzzy print is pretty precious right now, when I can hardly see a thing.

    Poor vision is better than no vision... but I am a risk taker and next week I will be submitting to the laser. I think the odds are good and I am looking forward to sharing with you the results.

    The things that are seemingly fleeting and slipping away do become more precious. We need to remember that life is fleeting and enjoy every moment and every breath we take, everything... these moments on the journey will not come our way again

    February 07, 2006

    Rising From Ruin

    This post from the blog Rising From Ruin tells a tale that Woody and I are following, the rebuilding of the community of Waveland MS. We became familiar with the town in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina through our church and its asssociation with the historic Gulfside Assembly From the United Methodist Church district offices I received this short history of the facility. It is thought that the grounds of Gulfside were "Ground Zero" for the landfall of the hurricane. The historic as well as brand new structures were scoured away by wind and water... even the paved roads were ripped away...

    Gulfside, along with the rest of the community is rebuilding. It is the intention of our church to send a group of people to assist those that are working on various projects by running the kitchens and a few of the stonger men (the average age of the parishioners of our church is 76) may do some hammer swinging but there are a lot of light tasks to do as well.

    But I digress. We are hungry for news of the area. Woody and I drove throught the ruins in November and the images of devestation will be ethched in my memory forever...So when I saw this article on MSN I had to repost it for my readers that are also a part of Project Gulfside.

    This was Jeff Watts' home before Katrina

    This was what was left after the storm...

    A Beacon of Hope in Waveland a post by Mike Brunker

    For the Residents of the bombed out southern half of Waveland, the rapidly rising home of Rose and Jeff Watts is a beacon of hope and a promise of better times ahead.

    read the rest of the post here

    February 06, 2006

    Half Time Show

    Tropical Seas Gulf of Mexico Florida

    Im watching the Super Bowl with Woody and the most impressive thing I have seen so far is Mick Jaggers stomach. And his moves. How old is this dude??? He still cant sing but I am amazed at the energy level and conditioning that it takes to maintain this. Way to go Mick, I salute you... It looks like you are "gonna nevah stop"...

    I wonder what he'll look like at 80, scary thought but he seems to have the stamina of the Energizer Bunny.

    I have enough trouble just getting out of bed, but my voice is a lot clearer, at least I think so...heh heh heh...

    I had a consult with the Eye Doctor and will be having refractive surgery later this month. Not Lasik, but a different technique that requires no incisions, but uses a laser to remove surface tissue from the corniea, creating a smoother surface and reducing the mis allignment on the retina. I will be going in on a thursday and back to work no sooner than the next weds. That is one of the drawbacks to this method, but there are nearly no side effects and none of the ones you have with Lasik. It sounds too good to be true. I have been dependent on glasses and been nearly blind most of my life. To wake up and to be able to see clearly is amazing

    We shall see how things go

    February 05, 2006

    Jeremiah 10:1-16 Misdirected Worship

    The founding of the Hawaiian kingdom can be directly associated with one structure in the Hawaiian Islands: Pu'ukohola Heiau. The temple was constructed to incur the favor of the war god Kuka'ilimoku. Built between 1790-91 by Kamehameha I (also known as Kamehameha the Great), together with chiefs, commoners, men, women and children. As British sailor John Young looked on, the temple was built and dedicated, a chief rival was sacrificed, and the war god Ku was pleased. Kamehameha I waged several subsequent battles using Western military strategy and weapons to extend his control over all Hawaiian Islands. The monarchy he established lasted 83 years, from 1810-1893. Authorized by Congress on August 17, 1972 (86 Stat.562.)Acreage - 85.30; federal 60.93, non-federal 24.37. Pu'ukohola Heiau and property of John Young who fought for Kamehameha during the period of his ascendancy to power. Found in the North Kohalla district near Kawaihae Big Island

    Jeremiah 10:1-16

    Hear the word which the Lord speaks to you, O house of Israel.

    Thus says the Lord:

    "Do not learn the way of the Gentiles;
    Do not be dismayed at the signs of heaven,
    For the Gentiles are dismayed at them.
    For the customs of the peoples are futile;
    For one cuts a tree from the forest,
    The work of the hands of the workman, with the ax.
    They decorate it with silver and gold;
    They fasten it with nails and hammers
    So that it will not topple.
    They are upright, like a palm tree,
    And they cannot speak;
    They must be carried,
    Because they cannot go by themselves.
    Do not be afraid of them,
    For they cannot do evil,
    Nor can they do any good."

    Inasmuch as there is none like You, O Lord
    You are great, and Your name is great in might,
    Who would not fear You, O King of the nations?
    For this is Your rightful due.
    For among all the wise men of the nations,
    And in all their kingdoms,
    There is none like You.
    But they are altogether dull-hearted and foolish;
    A wooden idol is a worthless doctrine.
    Silver is beaten into plates;
    It is brought from Tarshish,
    And gold from Uphaz,
    The work of the craftsman
    And of the hands of the metalsmith;
    Blue and purple are their clothing;
    They are all the work of skillful men.

    But the Lord is the true God;
    He is the living God and the everlasting King.
    At His wrath the earth will tremble,
    And the nations will not be able to endure His indignation.

    Thus you shall say to them: "The gods that have not made the heavens and the earth shall perish from the earth and from under these heavens."

    He has made the earth by His power,
    He has established the world by His wisdom,
    And has stretched out the heavens at His discretion.
    When He utters His voice,
    There is a multitude of waters in the heavens:
    "And He causes the vapors to ascend from the ends of the earth.
    He makes lightning for the rain,
    He brings the wind out of His treasuries."

    Everyone is dull-hearted, without knowledge;
    Every metalsmith is put to shame by an image;
    For his molded image is falsehood,
    And there is no breath in them.
    They are futile, a work of errors;
    In the time of their punishment they shall perish.
    The Portion of Jacob is not like them,
    For He is the Maker of all things,
    And Israel is the tribe of His inheritance;
    The Lord of hosts is His name.

    February 04, 2006

    The Breaking of the Dawn

    Breaking Dawn near Lowell AR

    There' a slow train
    pulling throught the desert
    Colored cars pass quietly from sight
    Between the highway and the long horizion
    Precious dreams wind away with the light

    My brother's and sister's faces linger
    The hours of our childhood grave and gold
    Driving through these solitary places
    Memories of the gentle kinship
    touch my soul

    The hawks wheel away as we pass by here
    The clouds billow up and fly on
    Down the road some hard turns are going to shake us
    Ride with us
    through the breaking of the dawn

    Fernando Ortega

    I saw very few sunrises in Hawaii... that astonishing factoid was true as much of the time it was raining at that hour in Puna. Here is NW Arkansas, as I drive to work, I see the sky change from black to brilliant sapphire blue to pink. the colder it is the prettier it seems to be. Its a consolation as I drag myself out of the car and come in to work.

    I am not in anyway at peace about the current situation. I wonder what its going to take to make a change at home. Woody has spent the entire week putting up 6 shelves at the store. Its maddening. But as I told a friend today, I had stopped all work on the store, waiting to see if he would do something. He whined today about nothing getting done.That being said I am fed up. I look at the boxes of product and I can hear the whine I used to get in Hawaii about how his money is invested in the business and nothing comes of it... We had a fight about it then I went bought 600 bucks of high end bakers racks and assembled them myself in front of Woody...

    I know, I know, I should have waited. He is the most unmotivated person I have ever met. I dont know how to help, and I do know that either you are growing or decaying. Decay is the way of things for him.

    Decay seems to be a big part of my life too. Teeth are Gods way of reminding us that we are dust. Mine are a mess and I have a number of appointments to work on that... Then, three weeks ago a spot developed on my left arm that got bigger by the day and was really different from other things that I have had so it was off to the Dematologist, where I was burned and scraped and freeze blasted.

    I feel like things are dacaying on the job, I had so little work, that I wonder how long they can keep on paying me to do nothing. The account is slowly pulling work away from my company and it shows. I either need to move to a new account or hope others get moved, and that is happening... Today I told Woody that he must look for work as I have a really bad feeling about the stuation.

    I am using my insurance and hope to get as much benefit as I can as soon as I can. I have the time to go and take care of things, beats sitting there blogging...

    Speaking of blogging, I have revived my photo blog "Hawaii Calls". I loaded a bunch of photos that have not been published on My Wide Blue Seas before on there. I enjoyed reliving our trip around the islands last spring, it helped to take the chill off a bit.

    February 02, 2006

    Ke Mele, "Molokai', Sweet Home" (A Song)

    molokai shore

    Off in the Distance

    Moloka`i Sweet Home

    Evening sky Molokai in distance

    I feel your evening breeze tonight,
    Moloka`i I¹m longing for your laughter

    Molokai cliffs

    I gaze upon your silent shores
    Reminisce that sweet embrace of ginger
    D G
    As New York City walls closed in
    D A7
    I longed for the touch of an island, Moloka`i

    Slient Shores

    G D A7
    Moloka`i sweet home

    Molokaii Surf,the islands of Lanai, and Maui in the distance

    So tutu (Grandma) rest your weary eyes
    I`ve missed your smiles and lullabies in the evening time

    Country Church Molokai

    It`s been so long since I`ve been home
    I`ve missed the morning sunrise of the countryside
    D G
    I`ve gone so far to find my way
    D A7
    This time I think I`ll stay with an island, Moloka`i

    deserted beach Molokai

    G D A7
    Moloka`i sweet home

    kauapaupau leper colony

    Composed by Malani Bilyeu

    February 01, 2006

    Nothing Is Lost

    Punahele...Surf on the Rocks at Punanlu'u state beach Big Island of Hawaii

    Nothing is Lost

    Deep in our sub-conscious,
    we are told
    Lie all our memories,
    lie all the notes
    Of all the music
    we have ever heard
    And all the phrases
    those we loved have spoken,
    Sorrows and losses
    time has since consoled,

    Family jokes,
    out-moded anecdotes
    Each sentimental
    souvenir and token
    Everything seen,
    experienced, each word
    Addressed to us
    in infancy, before
    Before we could even know
    or understand
    The implications
    of our wonderland.

    There they all are,
    the legendary lies
    The birthday treats,
    the sights,
    the sounds,
    the tears
    Forgotten debris
    of forgotten years
    Waiting to be recalled,
    waiting to rise
    Before our world dissolves
    before our eyes

    Waiting for some small,
    intimate reminder,
    A word,
    a tune,
    a known familiar scent
    An echo from the past
    when, innocent
    We looked upon the present
    with delight
    And doubted not
    the future would be kinder
    And never knew
    the loneliness of night.

    Noel Coward

    No, nothing is wasted. I am in the process of selecting and posting "My Favorite Posts" on my sidebar. This has necessitated my reading my entire blog over the past few days. (this has got to tell you how NOT busy I am at work...) As I did this I was reminded of a long ago conversation with my therepist Jan about my keeping a journal...

    ..."You have kept a journal for the past ten years? Keep on keeping it.Be brutally honest, document your life truthfully. Use it as a tool to monitor your progress in recovery. Take the time to read back and see how far you have come... and how really little has changed, for we are always light years away yet just around the corner from where we have come from..."

    My blog performs a similar function these days. While in Hawaii it helped me to stay focused and not lose sight of the truth. It gave me a place to vent all that I felt about The Journey, let me grieve publically and privately at the same time. I might have had to have a stiff upper lip in public, but I could bleed all over the place here on my blog...

    Now it is a living document that shows me in words and photos where we have been and where we are going. It also convicts me when I have the nerve to think we are bad off here, or when I am filed with resentment. Yes, Woody is maddening and perhaps we are heading for the end of the road, but Hawaii was a dead end, and I know it.

    But like the peom says, nothing is wasted...there are moments when in the inner corridors of my mind, I can still hear the roar of the on comming storm front as the Puna Rain came thundering in off the ocean, the crash of the down pour then the deafening silence as it passed... the sweetness of plumeria and ginger sented air and the trill of the green house frogs...

    Like the singers on Aloha Joe that live in LA or NYC but sing songs like "Molokai'i, Sweet Home" or "Take Me Home to Waimanallo" I can now count myself as a part of the Hawaiian Diaspora. I sing along, sometimes in two languages and my coworkers ask me if the music doesnt make me sadder. It does but it comforts me to. It lets me know that other kama'aina leave the islands and survive the loss, I will too, as long as I have my memories, photos and my thoughts it will be well...

    Nothing is lost... and perhaps more is gained...

    Hokule'a at mywideblueseas@gmail.com

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