August 01, 2007

The Fullness of Summer

Summer Pasture Centerton Arkansas

The heat has finally come after weeks of mild summer temperatures. Its been very humid with some thunderstrms but not a lot of rain, which we could use. Still the grass is full and tall. The hay making is in full swing with the round bales very plentifull in this area. I saw a pair of whitetail bucks cross my path at noon last week, velvet hanging in a tattered fringe about their heads. The cats are throwing their summercoats already. I combed a huge furball of dead hair off Makkie this week.

Woody and I worked around the house this weekend, it will be the last time we have this chance as Woody is going back to the car lot this time in Fayetteville, to the Honda dealership. I wish him well but have my doubts. How many times has he gone out full of hope only to be crushed and left out...I couldnt find it in my heart to be glad for him... I see this as a expensive way to hang out. Im giving it three months. I hope he proves me dead wrong...but its hard to hold to a dead hope

So we did something we had been talking about, which was what to do with the number of large peices of furniture that we have that we dont use. I located a consignment shop that was delighted to take them for a small commission, if I rented a booth. I have boxes of stuff to take down there, so I loaded stuff up and we took it down. There wasnt any time to price it so I will be doing that this week. If it works out I may be able to do what I wanted to at the Grapevine which was to sell some of this Hawaiian stuff that was left over...perhaps we can

Its amazing to to be so full up with things that you find yourself overwelmed. My house is clutterd with things that I will never use again. I realised that I need to dump a large portion of my library as I am not reading those books and they take up space that I need to live in. I am in a position to move into a larger dwelling in fact we talk about downsizing even more as we get older... so I am really pushing to get rid of a lot of stuff . I walk around with a carton in my hand sticking things into it to sell or give away. There is enough to stock the booth for six months of steady buyers...

The cash will be flowing back into the general fund, to help offset the costs of setting up a home for Annabelle. The corral, crate with bedding and toys and all of her gear is now at about 300.00. Add her price at 450.00 (all shots and papers included) thats a lot of money, but she'll be worth it. The neighbors are looking forward to seeing her. I hope she is a good dog and doesnt bark a lot.

My passport arrived this past week... I am now officially back to the name I was born with. I didnt realize that my divoce papers didnt specifically say that my maiden name was restored, but this makes it more or less official...I can go anyplace I want to go now but am putting my international plans on hold for a bit...

I have had a lot of challenges regarding money, in recent days. Woody was encouraging me to make the trip to Ireland with John Michael Talbot. It is a once in a lifetime trip. But, by the time I pay the fees, add in the spending money and the airfare to JFK Im looking at between 5000.00 to 6000.00 for one person. Woody and I can do a lot of traveling together for that. So I have chosen not to make that trip. I am disapointed but there are many good reasons to NOT leave here right now for two weeks. Annabelle, is one, but also things are going ok at work but not swimmingly on this account I am on. They really need me there and while I am due a weeks vacation I was getting the gift of an extra week off (time but no pay). So I will just take my week and we are going to Panama City Beach again to the time share that Woody bought me for my birthday in 2006!

My other challenge this past week was a car. I like a nice car. I had a wonderful car that I drove for years and left on the Big Island when we relocated... I miss it terribly. My van is nice, drives ok... I like the way you sit up and have a nice view of everything... but its a VAN and I feel like a old lady. A lot of things in my life make me feel that way right now.

So Woody takes the Avalon back to the dealership to have the repairs done that were a part of the sale agreement, and gets a loaner a 2008 Chevy Impala. This is a nice car...a really nice car. Roomy enough even for me the space freak. I am sooo claustrophobic. It drove really nice too. We took it out to Oaklahoma to look at Annabelle It made that long drive seem effortless. The cost of this mechanical magic carpet $28,000.00. My van is worth about what I paid for it and I could sell it right away to someone here at "thisplace" Lots of young parents looking for a family ride at a good price. It got great mileage for a full size car which made it really attractive...

We looked hard at this...and I wrestled with it. I actually felt anxious about it and the trip to Ireland too.All I could think about was the financial aspects. It was crazy...I lost sleep over it and it consumed my thoughts. Should I do it shouldnt I do it... Finally, when the passport came and I had to make a firm decision about the trip, I was able to say no to the car too. It boiled down to vanity. My vanity and a feeling that somehow in light of Woody buying his car I should too. This is totally wrong, a terrible misuse of money and would have put me into bondage to a big car payment for years...Im glad I didnt do that...

I have a good life, and dont need anything else to make me happy...well maybe a puppy, but pets are another thing. I didnt buy the 1500.00 dog,I shopped and took a hard look at a lot of breeders, interviewing them over the phone. Annabelle is not a show dog, but she has been raised with love and careful hands...The amount she costs is fair and reasonable. I can look forward to years of happy companionship with her. that is priceless.

But my point is that I am striving to learn to be content and grateful. I am grateful for my job and am trying to be content...but the dream of having my own business is not dead yet... I am still on my buying fast sort of, and resisting mindless shopping. The fullness of my current life should be enough to satisfy me. I need to strive to be content, even in the face of change and what seems to be unfairness or favoring of Woody. God will give me what ever I need, I need to place my trust in Him, not worry and look at the fullness of this beautiful summer. I will have all that I ever need, and peace besides if I do just that...

Labels: Annabelle, Bella Vista, Breaking News, Faith, John Michael Talbot, Scenic Arkansas, Woody, working