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My Wide Blue Seas

Its All About The Journey



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Name~ Hokule'a Kealoha

Short Bio~Hokule'a Kealoha is the Nom De Plume of a writer that formerly lived in Hawaii and is now living a life of adventure on the highways and byways of the American South . I am a Born Again follower of Jesus, as well as a wife, mother of cats and dogs,jeweler, entreprenuer, photographer and pilgrim...

Age~ Old enough to know better

Status~ Newly Single after 13 years of marriage,fur mom to the loving and devoted mini ShihTzu doggie Annabelle, born 6-11-2007 RIP 2-25-09, and the beautiful Abigail born 2-14-09

Hair Color~ natural brown/grey

Mood~ I ALWAYS have a mood, try me...

Loving~ Jesus, Hawaii, my furry friend, Abigail, my Pen Pals, Jewelry ,Blogging ,Writing anything,my Ipod,and being outdoors surrounded by my wonderful natural surroundings

Hating~ Boom Box Cars, Earspray, Abuse of Power,

Reading~
  • Bible


  • Magnificat


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  • Underwired! Louisville's magazine for Women


  • In Store~The Magazine for the American Jeweler



  • Books in Progress...
  • CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH


  • "Link"


  • "Link"





  • Just Finished Reading

  • "Link"


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  • Jesus, Divine Mercy ~
    Learn About The Divine Mercy
    I Trust In You~

    My Favorite Past Posts~Relive The Journey!~
    2009~
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  • 2008~
  • Be Thankful


  • Colateral Damage


  • Make Lemonade


  • Home Is Where The Heart Is


  • The Poor With Us


  • Because Its The Hardest Thing I Can Do


  • We Have All Become Victims


  • Lest I Forget


  • The Most Important Words


  • Family Values


  • Familiar Places


  • May Perpetual Light Shine On Them


  • A City In Motion


  • 2007~
  • The Quiet Storm


  • Fellowship of the Cane


  • Like Dead Unremembered: A 9-11 Tribute


  • The Medicine Machine


  • One Giant Leap


  • In The Steps of St. Francis


  • Too Much Information


  • The Un Choice


  • 2006~
  • The Holly and the Ivy


  • The First 9-11, Dec 7,1941


  • Small Moments of Silence


  • Peaches to Winnipeg


  • Dreaming of Hawaii


  • Memorial Day


  • Scattered Values


  • The White Line is the Lifeline for the Nation


  • Warnings of a New Civil War


  • I Will Be True To The Promise I Have Made


  • The Snowy Bloody Day


  • Cats in the Cradle


  • 2005~
  • The Journey


  • Rebirth of a City


  • For Posterity's Sake


  • The New Civil War


  • Every Mother's Son


  • And There You Stayed, Temporarily Lost at Sea


  • The Lone Rider


  • The Bible Is Not the Fourth Member of the Trinity


  • Rome Wasn't Built With Union Labor


  • Happy Birthday Mom ~revised~


  • A Beautiful Noise


  • Even Now


  • The Wearing of the Red


  • Night Ranger


  • The Joyful Traveler


  • Hoiliili "To Gather Up"


  • Ke Makakilo (My Observations)


  • He Giveth Sleep


  • Save The Children


  • 2004~
  • Lux Aeterna


  • December 2004


  • You're Joking, Right?


  • Ground Zero


  • I Am Not A Failure


  • O,To Grace, How Great A Debtor


  • Lost In Translation


  • One Small Step for Man


  • The Rainbow's End


  • Profanity


  • Taps


  • The Journey


  • Makoa's Song


  • No Aloha For The Weakest


  • The Paradoxical Comandments


  • The Time Is Now


  • 2003~
  • When No Fruit Is On The Vine



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    St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
    St. Edith Stein~Pray for Us

    Religion Link List~

  • My Secret is Mine


  • Ignatius Insight-Online Magazine


  • Fr John Corapi SOLT


  • Dr. Scott Hahn St Paul Center


  • Fr. Mitch Pacwa~ Ignatius Productions


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  • Political Link List~
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  • Arkansas Link List~
  • Little Portion Hermitage


  • John Michael Talbot website


  • John Michael Talbot Myspace page


  • 1st United Methodist Church Bella Vista


  • Northwest Arkansas Guide



  • Mimi's Cafe


  • Metro Woman Business Directory of NW Arkansas


  • River Grille


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  • Interactive Links~

    Live WebCam Feed from the Mauna Lani Resort, Kohalla, Big Island of Hawaii


    Click here for Aloha Joe!Live Hawaiian Music 24/7

    St Damein of Molokai'i,Patron Saint of Hawaii, Pray for us

    St. Damien of Molokai'i, Patron of Hawaii and the Outcasts among us, pray for us....

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    Hawaii Links~ ~
  • For more Hawaii links Click Here


  • Volcano Updates (Pele's Mood Meter)Hawaii Volcano Observatory

  • Hawaii Volcanoes National Park

  • Volcano Watch Archives

  • Mauna Kea Observatory

  • Pacific Tsunami Museum

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  • Technorotica for Blogging~





    Blogarama - The Blog Directory

    Listed on BlogShares


    Christianity Blog Directory


  • Who Links Here...Click here to see who's linking to this site. Powered by WhoLinksToMe.com

  • Globe of Blogs~Blog search engine

  • The Blog Search Engine

  • stock xchng

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  • BlogSkins

  • Link


  • Wikipedia



  • Nuzio's Place on the Web


  • Commutefaster.com


  • PING ME!


  • MWBS Wordpress Edition


  • Link


  • Technorotica for Jewelers, and the Jewelry Trade~

  • Gemological Institute of America


  • The Drouhard National Jewelers School


  • The Conner School



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  • December 21, 2007

    Looking At The Options

     
    Winter Oaks Near Lowell AR
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    Started 12-14-07

    I miss the walks that I used to take in the mornings at "thisplace". It was a way to clear my head and to sort out my thoughts. I havent had such walks in months with my broken foot and now the weather. Today was a day like the one in this photo. Sullen grey with a storm front coming in.

    Sullen is my mental state too. I am far from the joyous person that I thought that I would be, decisions made and future assured. Yesterday I was confronted with an alternate future.

    12-21-2007

    That Future was one where I would have moved into a position with "thisplace" and from there assended into management. For nearly 2 years I have waited for this position in The International group to open up. I saw the posting on our teams web page and my heart sank....Here it was and I am going to leave. So I boldly asked to have the chance to audition for it....and while surprised the managers here said yes and that they really wanted me to stay on...

    the last few weeks at "thisplace" have been a marvel. Once I told them I would be moving on in March... the red carpet has been rolled out. I got a superlative review and a raise that is, as far as I know the tops of what they give people...all since I said I wouldnt be seeking a new position once my account pulls out in March. i am told that everything that is comming to me has been earned, but my gut tells me to be wary and suspicious

    I interviewed for the position this week. I know the Vice President of the International Division, from my days working freight in Los Angeles, at a firm that was eventually bought out by Walmart to become their Logistics arm with offices in 127 countries. The General Mgr is a local boy and a Beliver... I was so excited by the prospect of this... doing something that I loved once, not having to leave home for 6-8 months, making a lot more money as I would get a promotion with getting this desk. Staying with the Familiar... getting to be involved at Church, leading worship again....

    Well the interview went well but there are issues. This desk has had four people in it already and they FIRE the rejects. This is not the way the company normally does business and that bothered me. I was told that while things in the freight biz have changed in the 12 years since I last did this, things hadnt changed much here and the processes are still manual and that there is a lot of data entry, a lot of, well, everything. And that I had to be up to the work get it dont no one would be able to help and I, well, just had to do it, and if I didnt I would get fired...

    We talked about the good old days...and as I sold myself as the perfect account rep, I remembered back...the scary old building in the worst part of LA... the paperwork sometimes stacks of it three and four feet high on tissue thin rice paper, thousands of pages. The hundreds of Customs documents that I had a support clerk type. Some of this sort of drugery is being done by brokers, but there was still the massive amounts of data entry that they expected me to do now in 2007, where is EDI when you need it? They arent at the point where they are using yet...Turth is that they cant afford the computer systems that it takes to run this operation the way it could run... "Well," I thought, "Everything needs a chance to grow.."

    I had a dream over last weekend, that I was still living in my little house in the industrial section of Downey california...500 yards from a railroad crossing where some evenings, from the chair I loved to sit in every chance I got on the little front porch, I could see accorss the way, on the trains moving past me, the rail containers that I had loaded that day, now loaded rail cars bound for points east... At night, the sound of empty rail containers rumbling would wake me. They rattled as they were pulled over those same tracks and made the sharp turn around the corner to yet another transloading firm, one I was to work for eventually. I saw myself getting up and driving into downtown LA where I would watch my freight being unloaded...touching it,caring about it like one would care about a child... supervising the fragile computers from Japan, the sweaters and High end clothing from Hong Kong and Leather Jackets from Korea, and shoes from China being unloaded and reloaded back into aircraft,rail or over the road containers, bound for the East, to places I never thought that I would see in this life, but have now. Chicago, New York, Charlotte,even Bentonville, Arkansas...who would have thought that I live there now...

    I was happy then. I had a "trade" I was proud of. I was fufilled in my ministry at my church, and I was a dutiful daughter to my parents, spending time with them, with no one in my life that thought that was "excessive". My life was very full and I was satisfied with that. Or so I thought...

    I have realized in recent weeks that much of my pain and difficulty in life right now is due to an innate desire to turn back the clock, to November 18, 1995. I have called that the last happy and innocent day of my life. It was the day I married Woody. Nothing was the same after that. Our marriage was stillborn upon delivery that night... When I returned from the wedding trip, my accounts had failed and left the firm I was working for, my church had split and I was the target of rumor and gossip as I was asked to leave the ministry.My health failed and within six weeks I was so ill that I couldnt function. I was dying of a broken heart. I know this now.

    Everyday brought new agonies...the gossip got very ugly,friends stopped calling. my one friend that really stuck by me dropped dead of heart failure at age 49. I was devestated. I was not able to find a place where I could worship in peace. Years later in Hawaii a friend, also a Calvary Chapel pastor knew of the incident...It followed me to other denominations in the area. I couldnt work, and my body was covered with hives the size of dinner plates that reoccured every 8 hours. And Woody dispised me. Sometimes there would be days were all we could talk about together was the hurts inflicted by others that only made my life worse... like picking at sores until the fester and scar...I have come to realize that my life is one huge scar.

    One of the things I was taught early in my Christian walk is that when things are going badly...when you cease hering the Voice of God... you should go back to the last time you did think you were doing God's will and start from there. I realized that I have been trying to do that. But its wrong as I know that God has been guiding and I have been following all of the time. Its me that is flailing about in the dwelling in the past and not looking forward

    Three weeks ago they played a film version of Mitch Alboms "For One More Day" the Lead character, Chick, is filled with pain and regreat and yet when giving a chance to recover a vestage of his former glory as a baseball player, he tells the father that had demanded so much yet abandoned him as a child, and had pushed him to fufill his own dreams of being a baseball player...."Dad stop it...Im done with that, you want me to go back to a place where I have already been...." The whole thing riveted me as I realized that was what I have been trying to do and need to try to stop.

    You cant go back to a place that you already have been

    I was upstairs at the Night Dispatch Christmas party, which is just across the hall from International. I slipped out and went into the office. I looked at the desks and saw the desk of the woman that would be leaving on maternity leave and not comming back. My future desk...I saw the piles of vessel files each with mutiple shipments in them. All of the handwriting...listing the different processes, just as I used to write on my files years ago. Our roots are the same. The people that trained her were trained by the same people that trained me. I closed my eyes and saw the files of documents in my hands those many years ago. I could hear the sounds of voices yelling at me that I needed to redo something or that I had an hour to get a document back from customs...or that shipments were late and ads were running for the goods in a week. I remembered a horrible afternoon when I had made a mistake and allowed a shipment to be loaded on an eastbound truck that didnt have customs clearence on it and how I crept down the stiars to the ladies room and how I knelt down on the filthy floor and prayed that God would do a miracle and he did by sending that customs document back to me signed off later that afternoon. I have worked many double and triple shifts and felt threatened with the lose of my livelihood if I didnt perform perfectly...

    I dont want to go back to that, there is no need to go back to that. I am at a much better place and I really need to embrace it. I let the International group know that I am withdrawing my name from consideration. This news led to a conference in HR where I told them that I felt threatened and over burdened even before I have the job, even before they know what I can do they are bossing me. That is horrible

    I realized that I had cold feet about starting my new venture and I realized that my cold feet about leaving thisplace and starting my own business has more to do with money than nerve. I am at a tough place in the business plan, crunching numbers and seeing how it will all work. I have figured out that I need about 25,000 more, so I am looking for a Salie Mea loan to fill some of that gap. It will pay for my training and my expenses while in Louisville, and leave me more money for startup

    Everyone fears the unknown. I am very normal in this experience. And I have the experience to know that the start up of a new business is never easy. Im glad that I weighed all of my options and that I am staying the course. I have also closed the door on this chapter in my life and will from now on try to look forward and live in the now.

    This pondering and planning has crimped all of my activities this Season. If you want to check out some of my best writing ever check out the month of december 2004 in the archives. I wrote some great Christmas posts there. Its ok to wax nostalgic, just dont dwell in it. It is my hope to begin to write more in 2008, and to experience a burst of creative energy...

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    Hokule'a at mywideblueseas@gmail.com

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    My other Blogs~

  • Its All About The Journey~Reshaping My Life,One Pound At A Time

  • My Wide Green Fields~~ The Ohio Journey

  • Hokule'a~~Star of Gladness- A Poetry Blog

  • Lux Aeterna-A Memorial Blog dedicated to those affected by the events of 9-11-2001

  • Hawaii Calls! News Views and Links from the Big Island of Hawaii

  • Remembering Annabelle


  • Join the Project.... I am Blogger 768~







    Blogs I am reading~

    Pretty Nearly Daily Reads ~

  • 922 Cats

  • Collecting My Thoughts


  • Texas Trifles

  • Shiloh Musings

  • Smoothstone...

  • Attitude of Gratitude


  • LaShawn Barber's Corner

  • Journal Of A Writing Man


  • Regeneration


  • Wheelie Catholic


  • Insightscoop


  • Bloggers over 50


  • Koinonikon-Margi


  • Christ Is In Our Midst

  • Daily Weaving


  • Glory To God For All Things


  • The Eleventh~ a blog


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    Blogs of the Ozarks, and the Tri State Region~

  • Live! From Paradise!

  • Steph's Gonna Win!

  • The More Excellent Way

  • ...just another day in paradise...

  • Deo Volente

  • When Kate Blogs

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    Focus on Israel ~~~

  • Smoothstone...

  • Jack's Random Thoughts

  • Me-Ander



  • Solomonia

  • Shiloh Musings

  • Jewish in a Gentile World





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    Abigail Valentine, my little darling ~



    Fave Dog Blogs ~


  • Chihuahua Craziness

  • Miss Sadie Shih-Tzu

  • Raina Roo's and Kitty's too puppy blog

  • Bailey's Buddy

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    Annabelle my Beloved ~

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    May She Rest In Peace 2-25-2009 ~

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