<body leftmargin="0" rightmargin="0" topmargin="0"><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d5869675\x26blogName\x3dMy+Wide+Blue+Seas\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://mywideblueseas.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://mywideblueseas.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-2607250635812513413', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
My Wide Blue Seas

Its All About The Journey



Photobucket

Name~ Hokule'a Kealoha

Short Bio~Hokule'a Kealoha is the Nom De Plume of a writer that formerly lived in Hawaii and is now living a life of adventure on the highways and byways of the American South . I am a Born Again follower of Jesus, as well as a wife, mother of cats and dogs,jeweler, entreprenuer, photographer and pilgrim...

Age~ Old enough to know better

Status~ Newly Single after 13 years of marriage,fur mom to the loving and devoted mini ShihTzu doggie Annabelle, born 6-11-2007 RIP 2-25-09, and the beautiful Abigail born 2-14-09

Hair Color~ natural brown/grey

Mood~ I ALWAYS have a mood, try me...

Loving~ Jesus, Hawaii, my furry friend, Abigail, my Pen Pals, Jewelry ,Blogging ,Writing anything,my Ipod,and being outdoors surrounded by my wonderful natural surroundings

Hating~ Boom Box Cars, Earspray, Abuse of Power,

Reading~
  • Bible


  • Magnificat


  • Link


  • Link


  • Underwired! Louisville's magazine for Women


  • In Store~The Magazine for the American Jeweler



  • Books in Progress...
  • CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH


  • "Link"


  • "Link"





  • Just Finished Reading

  • "Link"


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link




  • Jesus, Divine Mercy ~
    Learn About The Divine Mercy
    I Trust In You~

    My Favorite Past Posts~Relive The Journey!~
    2009~
  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • 2008~
  • Be Thankful


  • Colateral Damage


  • Make Lemonade


  • Home Is Where The Heart Is


  • The Poor With Us


  • Because Its The Hardest Thing I Can Do


  • We Have All Become Victims


  • Lest I Forget


  • The Most Important Words


  • Family Values


  • Familiar Places


  • May Perpetual Light Shine On Them


  • A City In Motion


  • 2007~
  • The Quiet Storm


  • Fellowship of the Cane


  • Like Dead Unremembered: A 9-11 Tribute


  • The Medicine Machine


  • One Giant Leap


  • In The Steps of St. Francis


  • Too Much Information


  • The Un Choice


  • 2006~
  • The Holly and the Ivy


  • The First 9-11, Dec 7,1941


  • Small Moments of Silence


  • Peaches to Winnipeg


  • Dreaming of Hawaii


  • Memorial Day


  • Scattered Values


  • The White Line is the Lifeline for the Nation


  • Warnings of a New Civil War


  • I Will Be True To The Promise I Have Made


  • The Snowy Bloody Day


  • Cats in the Cradle


  • 2005~
  • The Journey


  • Rebirth of a City


  • For Posterity's Sake


  • The New Civil War


  • Every Mother's Son


  • And There You Stayed, Temporarily Lost at Sea


  • The Lone Rider


  • The Bible Is Not the Fourth Member of the Trinity


  • Rome Wasn't Built With Union Labor


  • Happy Birthday Mom ~revised~


  • A Beautiful Noise


  • Even Now


  • The Wearing of the Red


  • Night Ranger


  • The Joyful Traveler


  • Hoiliili "To Gather Up"


  • Ke Makakilo (My Observations)


  • He Giveth Sleep


  • Save The Children


  • 2004~
  • Lux Aeterna


  • December 2004


  • You're Joking, Right?


  • Ground Zero


  • I Am Not A Failure


  • O,To Grace, How Great A Debtor


  • Lost In Translation


  • One Small Step for Man


  • The Rainbow's End


  • Profanity


  • Taps


  • The Journey


  • Makoa's Song


  • No Aloha For The Weakest


  • The Paradoxical Comandments


  • The Time Is Now


  • 2003~
  • When No Fruit Is On The Vine



  • Photobucket
    St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
    St. Edith Stein~Pray for Us

    Religion Link List~

  • My Secret is Mine


  • Ignatius Insight-Online Magazine


  • Fr John Corapi SOLT


  • Dr. Scott Hahn St Paul Center


  • Fr. Mitch Pacwa~ Ignatius Productions


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link



  • Political Link List~
  • Link


  • Link


  • Link


  • link



  • Arkansas Link List~
  • Little Portion Hermitage


  • John Michael Talbot website


  • John Michael Talbot Myspace page


  • 1st United Methodist Church Bella Vista


  • Northwest Arkansas Guide



  • Mimi's Cafe


  • Metro Woman Business Directory of NW Arkansas


  • River Grille


  • Link


  • Link


  • Link



  • Interactive Links~

    Live WebCam Feed from the Mauna Lani Resort, Kohalla, Big Island of Hawaii


    Click here for Aloha Joe!Live Hawaiian Music 24/7

    St Damein of Molokai'i,Patron Saint of Hawaii, Pray for us

    St. Damien of Molokai'i, Patron of Hawaii and the Outcasts among us, pray for us....

    Photobucket
    Hawaii Links~ ~
  • For more Hawaii links Click Here


  • Volcano Updates (Pele's Mood Meter)Hawaii Volcano Observatory

  • Hawaii Volcanoes National Park

  • Volcano Watch Archives

  • Mauna Kea Observatory

  • Pacific Tsunami Museum

  • Link

  • Link

  • Link


  • Link


  • Technorotica for Blogging~





    Blogarama - The Blog Directory

    Listed on BlogShares


    Christianity Blog Directory


  • Who Links Here...Click here to see who's linking to this site. Powered by WhoLinksToMe.com

  • Globe of Blogs~Blog search engine

  • The Blog Search Engine

  • stock xchng

  • Photobucket

  • BlogSkins

  • Link


  • Wikipedia



  • Nuzio's Place on the Web


  • Commutefaster.com


  • PING ME!


  • MWBS Wordpress Edition


  • Link


  • Technorotica for Jewelers, and the Jewelry Trade~

  • Gemological Institute of America


  • The Drouhard National Jewelers School


  • The Conner School



  • Link


  • Link




  • July 19, 2008

    The Summer Haze

    Quiet reflection. A silvery haze hangs over the Greens at Indian Springs, the pond behind the 11th green, Indian Springs township Louisville KY

    Remember that no matter how far you go, how much work you do here in therapy, you will perhaps be light years away from the place you were in, yet standing just around the corner from the person that you were. God calls us back to the first things all of the time, its up to us to see them for what they are and go to Him for the grace we will need time and time again...

    Janice Alarcon to the author 1988


    Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
    In Your sea of forgetfulness
    The chains of yesterday surround me
    I yearn for peace and rest
    I don't want to end up where You found me
    And it echoes in my mind
    Keeps me awake tonight

    I know You've cast my sin as far
    As the East is from the West
    And I stand before You now
    As though I've never sinned
    But today I feel like
    I'm just one mistake away
    From You leaving me this way

    Jesus, can You show me just how far
    the East is from the West?
    Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
    Come rising up in me again
    In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
    Cause You know just how far
    the East is from the West
    From one scarred hand to the other

    I start the day, the war begins
    Endless reminding of my sin
    Time and time again
    Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
    Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
    From You leaving me this way

    Jesus, can You show me just how far
    the East is from the West?
    Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
    Come rising up in me again
    In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
    Cause You know just how far
    the East is from the West
    From one scarred hand to the other

    I know You've washed me white
    Turned my darkness into light
    I need Your peace to get me through
    To get me through this night
    I can't live by what I feel
    But by the truth Your word reveals
    And I'm not holding onto You
    But You're holding onto me
    You're holding onto me

    Jesus, You know just how far
    the East is from the West
    I don't have to see the man I've been
    Come rising up in me again
    In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
    (mercy I find rest)
    Cause You know just how far
    the East is from the West
    From one scarred hand to the other

    (Just how far,
    the East is from the West,
    Just how far)
    From one scarred hand to the other
    (You know just how far,
    the East is from the West,
    Just how far)
    From one scarred hand to the other

    Mark Hall, Bernie Herms
    from the album:
    Casting Crowns:"The Altar and the Door"
    due to be released August 28,2008


    Im lingering in a haze not unlike the one that is hanging over the Ohio Valley right now choking us all with the foul air as bad as any in LA. Its been in the 90's for days and with little rain for the last 10 days, there is nothing to clear out this inversion of air pollution. The heat index has hovered at 105, very dangerous to be out in this. Annabelle and I go out and walk in early morning, and I cant take her out even for a few minutes in the evening she starts to have athsmatic like coughs and frankly its pretty nasty anyway to be out

    Thunderstorms would be welcome to clear out the foul air. In my life I wonder what will clear out the haze in my heart. I feel at odds with life and wonder what I need to do next.

    I went in monday and told Charlie that I was going to leave. He said that due to the unforseen situations that I had faced and that I still wasnt really ready to take the JA test as planned I was welcome to stay as long as I liked free of charge to prepare for the exam. While his offer was gracious and I accepted I felt like I was... well...sort of pulled back into the vortex and I dont feel very good about it. I want to make my own choices and not be manipulated...

    Truth is I want Charles approval. I feel like a fool when I take him my work that I know is not even up to standard, but I also want to do as he asks. Seeing more demos on the basics wont be helpful. I just need to do it over and over again.

    Its that need for approval that bugs me. I thought that I was through with that, but I guess I am not...I am back where I started from when I was first in recovery. Twenty years hasnt made too much of a difference or has it. Only God knows

    7-20-2008 10pm

    Thunderstorms are ripping through Kentuckiana as I type this. Hopfully this will cool things down some. Its been reported that there have been deaths among the elderly here from the heat. I notice that a lot of my neighbors have their windows open and use fans rather than the A/C. Truth is that there are a lot of folks having hard times and cant afford the power bill. I am lucky as my apartment rent is all inclusive and I dont have to worry about it.

    Woody called tonght and I am worried. Worried again that he says he has done nothing all week but read sleep and eat and watch golf on tv. I dont know what to say. I have asked for mail for a month now and have a list of things that I have asked him to do for me that have gone undone. His depression is very bad, I understand this perhaps better than most having watched my mother struggle to care for my dad for 30 years. My father spent what should have been the best years of his life in a drug and alcohol induced haze sitting on the sofa in our living room. Oh he did the dishes and kept the house vacumed and did a lot of little chores that Woody should and doesnt do...but insted of using his fine mind he let his time go to waste and I think Woody is headed in the same direction. In some ways he may be in worse shape because my father had us to think about, to talk to and to love and Woody doesnt have anything other than the cats and perhaps me... I am not sure how he feels about me really.

    I dont want to "take care of" Woody. Work my butt off come home and start over doing all of the house work making all of the decisions... Its just wrong and its very bad for both of us. Woody has to decide to look after himself, to make a plan and follow through. If he cant do this that means he needs a more intensive treatment program and he will need to pursue that. If he chooses to not do that. I will have to make a decision that will be painful for both of us, because living in a relationship that is more co-dependent than the one we have now is not acceptable to me. I have a life too and I dont want to squander it sitting on a couch in a depressed haze waiting for change that will never come. It will be hard but I can do it and I feel more and more that this change is coming and will come.

    Perhaps if I were to leave I could learn to forgive again. I love the words to the song I posted, because I want to embrace that forgiveness again but cant seem to anymore in the face of the constant rejection and rage that floods over me constantly in his presence. Its not fair to him or to me, and I know that I need the time to heal from the awful damage and try to reframe the relationship in such a way that is pleasing to God and therefore workable. If I can only see through the haze of past pain and move through it, it could be done. Please God may it be so...

    Labels: , , , , , ,




    Photobucket
    Hokule'a at mywideblueseas@gmail.com

    Blogroll Me!

  • PING ME!



  • NW Arkansas



    Get your own free Blogoversary button!






    Photobucket
    My other Blogs~

  • Its All About The Journey~Reshaping My Life,One Pound At A Time

  • My Wide Green Fields~~ The Ohio Journey

  • Hokule'a~~Star of Gladness- A Poetry Blog

  • Lux Aeterna-A Memorial Blog dedicated to those affected by the events of 9-11-2001

  • Hawaii Calls! News Views and Links from the Big Island of Hawaii

  • Remembering Annabelle


  • Join the Project.... I am Blogger 768~







    Blogs I am reading~

    Pretty Nearly Daily Reads ~

  • 922 Cats

  • Collecting My Thoughts


  • Texas Trifles

  • Shiloh Musings

  • Smoothstone...

  • Attitude of Gratitude


  • LaShawn Barber's Corner

  • Journal Of A Writing Man


  • Regeneration


  • Wheelie Catholic


  • Insightscoop


  • Bloggers over 50


  • Koinonikon-Margi


  • Christ Is In Our Midst

  • Daily Weaving


  • Glory To God For All Things


  • The Eleventh~ a blog


  • link


  • link

  • link


  • link


  • link


  • link


    Blogs of the Ozarks, and the Tri State Region~

  • Live! From Paradise!

  • Steph's Gonna Win!

  • The More Excellent Way

  • ...just another day in paradise...

  • Deo Volente

  • When Kate Blogs

  • link

  • link

  • link

  • link


  • link






    Focus on Israel ~~~

  • Smoothstone...

  • Jack's Random Thoughts

  • Me-Ander



  • Solomonia

  • Shiloh Musings

  • Jewish in a Gentile World





    Photobucket

    Abigail Valentine, my little darling ~



    Fave Dog Blogs ~


  • Chihuahua Craziness

  • Miss Sadie Shih-Tzu

  • Raina Roo's and Kitty's too puppy blog

  • Bailey's Buddy

  • link

  • link

    Annabelle my Beloved ~

    Photobucket
    May She Rest In Peace 2-25-2009 ~

  • Light A Virtual Candle as a Tribute

  • Post a Tribute for Your Departed Pet



    Blogrolls Powered by BlogRolling~


    <"HOMESPUN BLOGGERS">





    My Alphabetized Blogroll and Link List via blog Rolling....(* indicates a recent update!)~



    Photobucket









  • Powered by Blogger based on design by mela
    Photos on this page are the property of Wide Blue Seas, LLc all rights reserved