November 30, 2008

Mark 13~ Keep Watch for His Return

Thunderhead over Pea Ridge Taken at Metfield Bella Vista Ar


Mark 13

Jesus Foretells the Future

As Jesus was leaving the Temple that day, one of his disciples said, "Teacher, look at these tremendous buildings! Look at the massive stones in the walls!"
Jesus replied, "These magnificent buildings will be so completely demolished that not one stone will be left on top of another."
Later, Jesus sat on the slopes of the Mount of Olives across the valley from the Temple. Peter, James, John, and Andrew came to him privately and asked him, "When will all this take place? And will there be any sign ahead of time to show us when all this will be fulfilled?"
Jesus replied, "Don't let anyone mislead you, because many will come in my name, claiming to be the Messiah. They will lead many astray. And wars will break out near and far, but don't panic. Yes, these things must come, but the end won't follow immediately. Nations and kingdoms will proclaim war against each other, and there will be earthquakes in many parts of the world, and famines. But all this will be only the beginning of the horrors to come. But when these things begin to happen, watch out! You will be handed over to the courts and beaten in the synagogues. You will be accused before governors and kings of being my followers. This will be your opportunity to tell them about me. And the Good News must first be preached to every nation. But when you are arrested and stand trial, don't worry about what to say in your defense. Just say what God tells you to. Then it is not you who will be speaking, but the Holy Spirit.
"Brother will betray brother to death, fathers will betray their own children, and children will rise against their parents and cause them to be killed. And everyone will hate you because of your allegiance to me. But those who endure to the end will be saved.
"The time will come when you will see the sacrilegious object that causes desecration standing where it should not be (reader, pay attention! )Then those in Judea must flee to the hills. A person outside the house must not go back into the house to pack. A person in the field must not return even to get a coat. How terrible it will be for pregnant women and for mothers nursing their babies in those days. And pray that your flight will not be in winter. For those will be days of greater horror than at any time since God created the world. And it will never happen again. In fact, unless the Lord shortens that time of calamity, the entire human race will be destroyed. But for the sake of his chosen ones he has shortened those days.
"And then if anyone tells you, `Look, here is the Messiah,' or, `There he is,' don't pay any attention. For false messiahs and false prophets will rise up and perform miraculous signs and wonders so as to deceive, if possible, even God's chosen ones. Watch out! I have warned you!

"At that time, after those horrible days end,
the sun will be darkened,
the moon will not give light,
the stars will fall from the sky,
and the powers of heaven will be shaken.


Then everyone will see the Son of Man arrive on the clouds with great power and glory. And he will send forth his angels to gather together his chosen ones from all over the world-from the farthest ends of the earth and heaven.
"Now, learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its buds become tender and its leaves begin to sprout, you know without being told that summer is near. Just so, when you see the events I've described beginning to happen, you can be sure that his return is very near, right at the door. I assure you, this generation will not pass from the scene until all these events have taken place. Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will remain forever.
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows. And since you don't know when they will happen, stay alert and keep watch.
"The coming of the Son of Man can be compared with that of a man who left home to go on a trip. He gave each of his employees instructions about the work they were to do, and he told the gatekeeper to watch for his return. So keep a sharp lookout! For you do not know when the homeowner will return-at evening, midnight, early dawn, or late daybreak. Don't let him find you sleeping when he arrives without warning. What I say to you I say to everyone: Watch for his return!"

Labels: Bella Vista, Scenic Arkansas, scripture

November 27, 2008

Being Thankful

"The Knob Creek Place" Believed to be the cabin where Abraham Lincoln spent his early boyhood years. Abraham Lincoln Birthplace National Historic Site Hodgkinsville KY

Thanksgiving as a national holiday was established by President Lincoln...He knew he had a lot to be thankful for, he never forgot where he came from. I hope I never do as welll...

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.
And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the Father.

Colossians 3:15-17

I find that I am having a hard time feeling much of anything, but certainly in my head I know that I have been blessed... Oftentimes I feel like everything that I wanted in my life...marriage home family business is all going by the wayside. I dont know what God has in store for me in the comming year, but I am glad for it.

I thought that I would list a few things that come to mind that I should just thank God for publically

First, God chose to bless me with a relationship with Him. Not every one that has that opportunity can freely choose it. The 20 years of faith and reliance on God's provision has been an adventure and seems to be continuing in that vein...

God also say fit to bless my with citizenship here in the greatest country on earth. A place where I enjoy freedoms unknown to much of the world. Here I dont have to hide myself under layers of cloth to make myself invisible just because I am a woman. I can go to any house of worship I chose and pray in the open daylight and not be concerned that some government spy is watching my every move. I am free to pursue any occupation I choose or not work as I chose. Truly, only those that are ill or difficent in capacity to work have to exisit at the poverty level in my county. There is no permanant underclass divided by race or creed.Yes and I am free to give out of my abundance to assist those in need through the many organizations that are available.

I have been blessed with a shelter at an afordable price that is a mansion by much of the worlds standards in a good area, where I will be safe even though I am living alone. Then God has blessed me with new stuff maybe too much new stuff to fill it with. I have laughed out loud at this abundance more than once. I am thankful that even with borrowing against the home that Woody is keeping, the loan and the payment are manageable and the bank is working to refinance Woody into an even less expensive loan. For so many this is not an option and they are losing their homes. I am very thankful for this blessing.

I not only have enough to eat, my greatest fear is having too much to eat. In a world where half of its people live on two dollars a day or less this is astonishing. Not only do I have food, but I have three months of nutrisystem food left that will sustain me should I not find work soon... We as a people are blessed beyond measure at the sheer quantity of food available to us. The government/media would have us think there is some kind of famine in the land and people are "food challenged". Most people are in my boat, overweight because we have too much food on the table.

Then there is work. There is all of this ballyho about unemployment. Yes we have a lot of people losing their jobs, but truthfully much of the world has had double digit unemployment for decades, We are so fortunate to have the number of jobs that we do here. I have applied for over 50 jobs in the past two weeks. I will get something.I am amazed at the number of posisitons available on line and if anyone needs work all they need to do is get out there and really look and take what ever you can. I feel blessed by the opportunities alone. God will provide something.

When we were living in Hawaii, while it was lovely there it was a lot more difficult financially. We had a little sign that we put up that said "Be Grateful". I am taking that today to my new home to put in a prominant place to remind me to do just that. I know that there will be hard times ahead...maybe not financially but certainly emotionally. I will do my best to remember all that God has done and be glad for every little thing. A thankful heart is open to all of the things God has for it and I am thankful for the provision that has and will continue to sustain me...

Labels: Faith, scripture, Thanksgiving

November 21, 2008

Colateral Damage

Trees Aflame Bella Vista First United Methodist Church Bella Vista AR

No no noone is angry...we are just taking separate bedrooms to the next level...

Woody on our separation

No one is angry...One of the things that I have noticed is that my anger level is way down. I did snap at Woody last night, but only because I was startled. I was tired and depressed as well...lots of things on my mind and well, few people to share them with.

I sit out on my lanai looking at the view of the forest. The view is not as nice at the new place. My lot sits on what was an old fire road, then just beyond that the ground drops off into a ravine. Few trees are left around me. The home next to me has a cleared back yard, and on the other side are vacant building lots. The subdivision is very desirable so those lots may yet be sold. I cant do anything about how things will turn out if that happens. I feel rather naked and exposed without the trees around me.

I am packing up my things... I feel naked with out my "stuff" as well, but I am fighting the urge to fill my new house with junk and to that end I am touching everything I pack up and hopefully all that I take will have substance and meaning and not just clutter up my life. I have also been shopping for furnishings, with the idea that less is more and to not succumb to the "best deal" if I am not totally in love with the stuff. Spend a bit more to get a better quality and think twice before pulling the trigger. Having Woody with me on these forays has been both strange and helpful. Strange because of the situation, helpful because he loves shopping and like that girlfriend that loves to shop with you and get the best deal he is right on that, and with negotiate just for the sake of barganing I think...

what woman wouldnt want to be in this position? new house new stuff ... But I feel like I am dragging myself along and it feels really awful at times. I want to cry but nothing comes out anymore...

I and my life are colateral damage. My loss of my dream is part and parcel of the economic debacle, and my own lack of well realistic planning. I surrendered the much loved space I was going to put the business in to the landlord. The money and planning down the drain with this is horrendous, but the loss to my heart is even more difficult.

Its about as hard a thing as I have ever done. Part of this dismal feeling is the fact that I am not opening the business, and I am worried that I wont be able to get a job that will support me during this time of recession both personal and national. I am applying for transportation jobs...there seems to be quite a few openings on line. I also got a lead on a trade shop that is opening in Rogers...this is like what I was planning to do...I will be contacting this man right away and sending out resumes for jewelry work once I am settled.

But I want to remind myself that I am truly blessed. I remember the frightened young woman I was 20 years ago at this time when I was frantically looking for an apartment to rent and no one would hardly talk to me because I had so little money,and my job was marginal. I was poorly dressed and all of my hair had been broken off, fallen out or burnt off as a result of a bad perm 8 weeks prior. I was a beautiful mess, unable to hardly plan how I was going to go about things. It wasnt until after Christmas in 1988, after the Engineer flipped out and beat me senseless, than black-eyed and on the run, I found a place that turned out to be owned by people from my church who couldnt get me moved in fast enough...2008 is so different and I thank God fasting for that...

Yet I still feel odd, awkward and a touch strange about it all. I suppose I will feel better once I have moved out and my life is totally my own. But I cant shake the feeling that I screwed myself and Woody financially. We are struggling along and like so many we are seeing our dreams evaporate like fog before the sun. Thankfully you can see more clearly once the fog has lifted

Labels: Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Business start up, Scenic Arkansas

November 17, 2008

Make Lemonade

Dawn over the Ozarks, The Greens at Tanyard Creek, Bella Vista Arkansas...

post started nov 15 2008 3 am

While the deteriorating economy was the biggest problem for the market, two other issues seemed to weight on markets.

One was skepticism Friday that the Group of 20 conference this weekend in Washington, D.C., would produce major results.

The other was whether Congress could get economic stimulus legislation passed in the lame-duck session opening next week. The biggest concern seemed to be whether a rescue package for the domestically headquartered auto industry could be enacted before a major crisis erupted.

The issue is already wrapped up in post-election politics. President Bush called on Congress to give U.S. auto makers quick access to a $25 billion federal loan program by dropping a requirement that the money be spent on converting to fuel-efficient vehicles. Democrats want to tap into the $700 financial rescue pool.

Market volatility will probably continue next week. Reports on wholesale and consumer inflation are due Tuesday and Wednesday.

Plus, investors will have to digest a new round of gloomy earnings reports from retailers Target (TGT,) and Lowe's (LOW, ) on Monday and Home Depot (HD, news, msgs) and Pacific Sunwear (PSUN, ) on Tuesday.

Retailers including Nordstrom (JWN,), Kohl's (KSS,), Best Buy (BBY, ) and Abercrombie & Fitch (ANF,) issued dour outlooks this week, and the government's report on retail sales was taken as confirmation that consumers are simply not spending like they used to.

It suggests, as Lakshman Achuthan, managing director at the Economic Cycle Research Institute in New York put it, "Not only is no economic recovery on the horizon, but the economy is falling off a cliff at its fastest pace in at least six decades."

At the same time, a big question for many traders is whether the market's huge rally on Thursday is the signal that a bottom for the stock market is forming.

The Dow was down 266 points on Thursday morning, with the S&P 500 and Nasdaq Composite breaking well below their lows of October, when a powerful buying surge hit the market. The finish pulled all major indexes well above their closing lows on Oct. 27.

Bottoms take time to form, usually months. The market hit a low in October 2002, for example, and tested it many times before finally breaking sharply higher six months later.

Stocks briefly pulled off opening lows after the University of Michigan consumer sentiment index came in higher than expected. The survey showed a reading of 57.9 in November, slightly higher than the reading of 57.6 in late October. Economists expected a reading of 56.5.

Crude oil closed at $57.04 a barrel, down $1.20 from Thursday and 6.6% on the week. Crude had been as low as $55.69 early in the day. Worries about demand have steadily pushed oil down from its record closing high of $145.08 on July 12.

Meanwhile, gasoline prices continue to fall. The average price of a gallon of unleaded regular gas was down 3 cents to $2.15, according to the AAA Daily Fuel Gauge Report.

Last month, gas averaged $3.13 a gallon.

November is turning into a lousy month

taken from the Market Dispatches report of 11-14-2008
By Charley Blaine and Elizabeth Strott
reporting for MSN

Well, things are not looking too good for anyone, between investment income falling to nothing...and the principal itself shrinking, to the young people around here losing their jobs. Hoku, I think you are making the right decision. You are being a shrewd business woman and not a coward. People arent spending money on extras just now... You dont think you have enough money to do what you need to do...things have gone to hell in a handbasket in your home and you have people interested in possibly giving you a good paying job. Id say go for it. You took a risk quitting and going on to pursue your dream, now just put it on hold for a bit and see how things go...get things in order here (at the new house) and take care of yourself first...

my new lease/mortgage holder "Chuck" a former oil man now retired early and having to dump his rental property to keep food on his table...Yikes!

You know the quality of the tea only when you soak it in hot water and give it a squeeze... Corrie Ten Boom

When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade... my Mother and most of the other ladies in her family use this one...

The past two weeks have been very difficult... heck that is an understatement. I am not always sleeping through the night, waking at 3 or 4 am with thoughts racing a mile a minute..."what am I going to do? What is the right decision? should I do this? Or wait?..." It has been really difficult for me to get through the day...

I took posession of the house on Witherby Drive on the 15th. As I unloaded the cartons on the van from the trek from Louisville I began to absorb the anormity of the situation and what it means to me. I am a home owner...yes at the expense of being a business owner. I had come to realize over the night before that while I have enough cash to build out and buy tools, that was it. I didnt have any extra left to keep things going both at the new house and at the business...In fact I had no reserves left at all. I checked my figures again and again and its true. I never planned for the extended stay in Louisville to cost as much as it did and for things to deteriorate on the home front to this extent. Woody is flat out not in a position to support himself let alone the two of us and the Business plan was based on the idea that I would live with him, he was going to get a job while I was gone ect... didnt happen isnt going to happen and I need to accept that.

So I am praying and thinking about what to do. I went and filed for unemployment benefits. I was astounded at what the amount was per week and hope and pray that I get them.I am applying for work back in the freight biz as there are no jewelry jobs available; even with the holiday times just around the corner.

The setting up at the new house takes money too, from turning the power on the buying appilances. Used would work if it was available but folks keep their stuff here till it rusts so I am buying new and I got a good deal. I am also taking time to replace things like my broken baking pans and 28 year old stainless steel pans that are just ugly. I have gotten the use out of them for sure. I have picked out a set of Rachel Ray in a sunny yellow color.. That is making lemonade visually.

As far as using the new skills I learned at Jewelers school I am thinking about going ahead and setting up a bench in the garage and practicing there. The pop out space is plenty big and can be partitioned off into a nice sized room. I can also put my sewing machines out there and do my sewing...something I have wanted to get back to for a very long time. The time is now. I wont have money for cable, so do something productive with the hours I have been spending in front of the tube. I can take in repair work from friends and pehaps develope a reputation. Who knows...

And the retail space. I am going to see about sub leasing it. Even for a year it would be worth it to not have that payment and to give myself a chance to get settled and get some money in the bank...

This is as hard a thing as I have ever done and it kills me...but I seem to getting used to the pain these days...one painful deal after another... Its hard to see how I will ever rise up again. I know that I will. God is in this I feel it and I know that I need to really try to be paitent and wait and see how things turn out... in the mean time stop and have a glass of lemonade... it was made with all of the love I had for my dream. Take a deep breath and see what happens next...

Labels: Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Breaking News, Business start up, Dreams, Family History, Marriage, Woody, working

November 16, 2008

Jeremiah 33:1-18~The Lord Promises Peace

pipe organ installed 1897 St Francis of Rome Catholic Church Clifton township Louisville KY


Jeremiah 33:1-18~

The Lord Promises Peace

The word of the Lord came to Jeremiah a second time, while he was still shut up in the court of the guard:"Thus says the Lord who made the earth, the Lord who formed it to establish it,the Lord is his name:Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.For thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, concerning the houses of this city and the houses of the kings of Judah that were torn down to make a defense against the siege mounds and against the sword:They are coming in to fight against the Chaldeans and to fill them with the dead bodies of men whom I shall strike down in my anger and my wrath, for I have hidden my face from this city because of all their evil.Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security.I will restore the fortunes of Judah and the fortunes of Israel, and rebuild them as they were at first.I will cleanse them from all the guilt of their sin against me, and I will forgive all the guilt of their sin and rebellion against me.And this city shall be to me a name of joy, a praise and a glory before all the nations of the earth who shall hear of all the good that I do for them. They shall fear and tremble because of all the good and all the prosperity I provide for it.

"Thus says the Lord: In this place of which you say, 'It is a waste without man or beast,' in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are desolate, without man or inhabitant or beast, there shall be heard again the voice of mirth and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voices of those who sing, as they bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord:

"'Give thanks to the Lord of hosts,
for the Lord is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!'

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as at first, says the Lord.

Thus says the Lord of hosts: In this place that is waste, without man or beast, and in all of its cities, there shall again be habitations of shepherds resting their flocks.In the cities of the hill country, in the cities of the Shephelah, and in the cities of the Negeb, in the land of Benjamin, the places about Jerusalem, and in the cities of Judah, flocks shall again pass under the hands of the one who counts them, says the Lord.


"Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will fulfill the promise I made to the house of Israel and the house of Judah.In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch to spring up for David, and he shall execute justice and righteousness in the land.In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will dwell securely. And this is the name by which it will be called: 'The Lord is our righteousness.'

"For thus says the Lord: David shall never lack a man to sit on the throne of the house of Israel,and the Levitical priests shall never lack a man in my presence to offer burnt offerings, to burn grain offerings, and to make sacrifices forever."

Labels: Kentucky, Louisville, Prayers, scripture

November 14, 2008

The Gift

my new digs in the Metfield subdivision Bella Vista AR

"When you come to a fork in the road...take it"

Yogi Bera

"Its a very nice house , yes it a bit close to the road and there is some traffic but you are a bit secluded and its been completely redone. It is a few miles from your shop but you will have a nice lender/landlord and that is worth something"

Yes a great landlord is worth something . We have that in the man that manages the property our shop is in...The real estate agent was a great sales lady. A resident of the Village for 30 years she has seen it all. Woody and I walked into her office with our request "do you have properties that are lease to purchase or have owner financing. The answer was a resounding "Yes". she took us to see this charming little house in the Metfield/Witherby subdivision of Bella Vista.

It had been "yes" from a lot of agents. We were amazed at the number of people willing to do an owner finance on properties that they owned because the market is so bad and the stock market crashed leaving many on a fixed income needing a cash stream rather than a lump sum payment that a straight sale would bring.

I looked at big homes and too small homes. Houses in the older areas that were a touch rundown and ones that had been bought to flip and had been totally redone. What has stunned us is that no one wants a credit application or even a drivers licence or SSA number. I could be anyone out to use their property for a drug house or something...

I didn't start this project with the idea that I could buy something outright. I am so over extended on paper right now that a number of my lines of credit that are unused at this time are being closed. My credit score is in decline as a result, and isn't going to get better as I wont use credit just because I want a better score...Usually that doesn't help anyway. I figured that I would rent and maybe I could find something that would be a lease option with part of the payment going towards the down. I had one lined up like this but couldn't get the owner to tell me his terms. I really liked this home too...but it just seemed like pulling teeth to get anything done.

The field kept narrowing. I was able to call the agent on the home owned by our neighbors friend. I loved the this place and it became a spoiler for all that came after it. the man has had it on the market 2 years and owns it outright. Unfortunately for me hes not interested in owner finance,so I gave up on that one. Another agent sent me to see what could have been the house of my dreams...one worth fighting for, but the owner decided he'd take his chances with the market for a straight sale...he'll get his price too on that one...

While these gentlemen werent willing to carry me, a lot of folks are, and one of those is a man who has four properties here that he is selling. He has the deep pockets to finance this himself. He actually lived in this one for a time and has redone it with new carpet and paint inside and out in colors that are good for me. The yard has a few trees and is all gravel no maintenance with a view overlooking a rugged ravine. One neighbor next to me that may be a single man and a dog ( I see a tie out in his grassy yard and we have see him drive up and put his car into a empty 2 car garage...) there is a wooded set of building lots on the other side. The chances of them selling and being built on is highly unlikely for the time being with the economy as it is and the huge inventory of homes in the area for sale cheap.

I also looked at a huge split level town home near the Methodist church I attend. This home was older in a development that is in transition, most of the units are owned by seniors that are selling to move into new situations, like living with children or assisted living. These are big enough to raise kids in so I needed to think about that. I loved the vibe of the place with its view of the tops of the trees and the city... I felt like it was like my apartment in Louisville and was comfortable with the set up.

The deal breaker was the down payment. the Owner would finance but he wanted a large down. and I also figured out that the place was over priced. So I turned it down in favor of the single family house even though it is smaller, and further away to drive to work. The owner of the house, on his own, asked if I would be more comfortable doing a lease purchase that allowed me to move in with no down, just a 500.00 Ernest money check and the first months payment. He would then handle the taxes and insurance and association fees this year while I get my business off the ground...after a night of sleeping on it... not too much sleeping... I signed the contracts the next day. I will get the keys on the 15th...

I am now a home owner in my own right again. This is a gift that I didn't think would come my way so soon and I know that even though this house wasn't my first choice, I should and need to thank God fasting for this incredible deal. It is the right size, with a real garage (not found in most homes here at this price they usually have just a carport, there is even a "black jack" a pop out space for parking a golf cart and your golf gear in the garage that I can use as a exercise area or a workspace ) There are two bedrooms two baths and a bonus room off the living room (commonly known as a Bella Vista room here. Here in Bella Vista due to the poor drainage, the septics cant be big enough for three bedrooms so they build them anyway and don't put a closet in one of them and that room is used as a den or guest room. In the home Woody and I own,we have a "two-bedroom septic" as well. We put a closet into our extra room by placing a door into a walk in closet in the adjacent bedroom so it is now a "jack and jill" closet) this room isn't set up this way. I will likely us that space as a sitting area or TV area. It has a lovely view of the ravine behind the house. Off of this room is a french door to a screened in deck about 15x15. Plenty big for me and I can expand it to have a open deck as there is another 15 feet of wall behind the garage that would support it. I can also enclose it as we have done with our screened room at the old house. I spend most of my time out in this space....in fact I am there now looking out over the forest as I blog.

Annabelle will be happier in her own space. Makoa beat on her last night and while she wasnt hurt something might happen. I need to get out of the warehouse and into a more comfortable space. I have stopped unpacking the louisville cartons and will be taking them over to Metfield...I am going home to the house that God has given me

Labels: Annabelle, Bella Vista, Breaking News, Marriage, Woody

November 11, 2008

Home Ts Where The Heart Is

Locust Grove, built in the early 1800 by the sister of George Rogers Clark, founder of Louisville, and liberator of the Northwest Territories, Locust Grove park, Louisville Kentucky

Post started nov 8, 2008

I think its one of the most basic feelings that we have as human beings...the need to belong and have a place that is ours to say "this is my home". It doesn't always mean a roof over our heads as some tribes in the Amazon live in semi sheltered environments but they have a sense of place...from the Bedouin and his tent to the Roma woman and her wagon to the now nearly extinct Gypsy Trucker living out of his cab, the nomad has a sense of place. For most of us this means a roof and walls, heat and light, and something to rest our weary bodies upon after a long hard day. For those of us in the west we are the most blessed in this area with the poorest of us having luxurious shelters compared to most people in the world.

my little white shack reborn 6 years after I sold her. New paint roof and porch railing took what I had done a long way


I have been blessed to have lived in nicer homes than most...only once in what would be called "substandard" housing but that little wood framed house on Midway st. didn't stay "substandard" for long as I renovated it into a little doll house. "Midway 'round the Bend" I called it. Giving that name from the directions given to me to find it "Go down Flower to where it becomes Flora Vista then when you get to Chicago go left to Midway, as you go round the bend you will see it right away..."and so on It was also "midway" because I never had the money or the ability to finish the renovation and sold it as is before we moved to Hawaii in 2001. I made a killing on it as far as profit goes but it was mine...not Woody's and my place and since then I have felt or been made to feel as though I have been living in someone Else's home...

My castle in paradise Hale Puu Honua Pahoa Puna Big Island of Hawaii


We bought a lovely ranch house in Hawaiian Shores subdivision about 25 miles southeast of Hilo on the Big Island. I named that home "Hale Pu'u Hounua",(home a place of refuge). We arrived just after the 9-11 attacks and thought that we had perhaps come to a place of peace and safety. A place where we could start over and have a new life together...Aloha outside aloha inside...Unfortunatly home is always where you are at and the struggle that Woody and I had on the mainland didnt go away just because we changed zip codes. I struggled to make that home mine as I struggled to adapt and deal with life on the island. I never did quite get that house to feel like home, no matter what I did. I worked long hours at the store and didn't have the help I needed from Woody or anyone else to keep up with the kind of maintenance that is required in that wet hostile environment.It was all we could do to keep food on the table and the creditors at bay...The neighbors were hostile, the churches we tried unwelcomming... From mold to foot long venomous centipedes to the flying cockroaches it was a constant battle. I felt the house resisted my efforts at every level just as Hawaii resisted our becoming truly a part of her fabric of life there. I let go of that home and that life with few regrets other than the pain of losing the intimate touch one has with the spirit of Hawaii when you actually live there...if you are open to it. I joined the Hawaiian Diaspora and like so many others long for a day when I can return even to visit...

my dream house in the trees Hale Pau'Hana Huakai Bella Vista NW Arkansas


Coming to Arkansas was a prayer to God of "let me come home and settle, be a wife, join a church become a part of the fabric of life here and live happily everafter..."I thought that I had a commitment from Woody for that exact thing...that I could be a wife and homemaker. As we renovated the house I was ablle to incorporate details that I love ... It reflects a lot of my personality and my desire to make this house cosy, warm and hospitable. I had big dreams but they didnt last long. I have never completely unpacked from the voyage accross the seas. I took a job that I thought would inspire a similar effort from my husband, and as my readers know that has not been the case. The house I named Hale Pau'ana Huakai (home after the long journey)but the journey has not ended. I have struggled with my husband over expectations that while resonable, he can never meet. Because I am always working and have had little free time, I havent been able to really settle in and make this place my own. My home has not ceased to look like a moving and storage facility even though we have gone through nearly every box. When we chose to take separate bedrooms I moved all of my home office and library into the master bedroom creating a crowded cluttered space that screams "failure" everytime I walk into it. The bed is new and very comfortable but I get no rest. I feel like I am sleeping in the stacks of a library. Since returning home from Louisville I have developed an allergy to the cats that is severe and requires that they stay out of my space. I am effectively cut off from the rest of the house and live in my half for now.

The pile of apartments on the ninth green Legends of Indian Springs Louisville KY


I realized while I was in Louisville that by living in solitary less cluttered conditions I was more at peace and content. I knew that this would mean moving out on my own and leaving behind a large portion of my "things" I know this is the right thing to do for many reasons. first I lived quite happily without this stuff for seven months. That tells me a lot. Two I am ready to make a big change in style. I fell in love with a very modern sofa this week and realized that this is my chance to redecorate and do something new that fits my new outlook on life. On top of that Woody paid for 90 percent of our furniture and stuff so he should get to keep it.

I am looking at a lot of homes right now it is amazing to me how many are available with terms that are astounding to say the least. I started with a leasing company tha we first used when we arrived here. I contacted them on line and they ran my credit while in Louisville. I hope to find something in the next few weeks that will suit and I can get settled in soon. Woody is very supportive and has even gone out with me to look at properties and made sugestions. I find it strange that he would asist his runaway wife in finding a new nest but then I dont understand a lot of things about him and perhaps need to step back and think about this whole adventure of a life together. No blame attached. Just understanding.

Mark my counselor in Louisville asked me to look for small things that tell me about Woody and how he feels. I see them, from his brilliant attempt to clean up to his heroic drive to get me home from Louisville and trying this past week to be sweet and good as I try to find my bearings here in Bella Vista. I am constantly reminded that home is where the heart is... I need to find my heart...somewhere I lost it in all of this moving around

Labels: Bella Vista, Family History, Hawaii, Kentucky, Louisville, Marriage

November 09, 2008

Psalm 118~Give Thanks to Our God

Quiet Clearing The Greens at the Highlands Bella Vista


His Steadfast Love Endures Forever

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!

Let Israel say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Let the house of Aaron say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Let those who fear the Lord say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”

Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
the Lord answered me and set me free.
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in princes.

All nations surrounded me;
in the name of the Lord I cut them off!
They surrounded me, surrounded me on every side;
in the name of the Lord I cut them off!
They surrounded me like bees;
they went out like a fire among thorns;
in the name of the Lord I cut them off!
I was pushed hard, so that I was falling,
but the Lord helped me.

The Lord is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
Glad songs of salvation
are in the tents of the righteous:
“The right hand of the Lord does valiantly,
the right hand of the Lord exalts,
the right hand of the Lord does valiantly!”

I shall not die, but I shall live,
and recount the deeds of the Lord.
The Lord has disciplined me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.

Open to me the gates of righteousness,
that I may enter through them
and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord;
the righteous shall enter through it.
I thank you that you have answered me
and have become my salvation.
The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone.
This is the Lord's doing;
it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Save us, we pray, O Lord!
O Lord, we pray, give us success!

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!
We bless you from the house of the Lord.
The Lord is God,
and he has made his light to shine upon us.
Bind the festal sacrifice with cords,
up to the horns of the altar!

You are my God, and I will give thanks to you;
you are my God; I will extol you.
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
for his steadfast love endures forever!

Labels: Bella Vista, Scenic Arkansas, scripture, Thanksgiving

November 06, 2008

Landfall

Brilliant Country near Louisville KY


my final week in Louisville was really good. Woody came in on a mid-day flight and we spent a few days together in the apartment. We also drove out to the Overlook Resturant, near Levenworth Indiana for an early dinner one afternoon, and a long drive to and from the resturant through the countryside where the leaves were shining in the brightest colors of the Fall. It was pretty romantic, a thought not lost on me...Perhaps it was my way to say good bye to a place that I have fallen totally in love with.

The final two days were hectic and at times down right crazy. I dont know if I was procrastinating because I find the whole packing and moving thing crazy making or rather that I just feared what I would find when I got home. There was this increasing sense of dread....

Then there was my stuff... I am a professional loader of stuff. I used to be able to look at a pile of stuff and say "that is x amount of cubic feet and will fit in x size trailer". Not so anymore. We were loading up my boxes of stuff into my van and realized that it wasnt going to work. So off to UPS and we pack and shipped 10 cartons off to Bella Vista. OK right on...But that wasnt the end of it.

I cant believe my stuff. We packed carton after carton and it kept mounding up. I also had a wrought iron patio set that we strapped up on top of my van's roof. I realized that I hadnt set aside room for Annabelle's crate. Off to UPS again and this time eight more boxes were shipped. I put the crate into the van and stuffed it with more cartons. I barely had the room for the remainder and shut the doors on the van ...it was like Mcgee's Closet you didnt dare reopen the door. I had this sinking feeling that I left something important behind, but I didnt dare check... I just had to trust that all was in order

We had planned to pull out by noon it was four pm when we pulled out. Woody drove, so I could watch as Louisville, gleaming in the afternoon sun passed by and on over the emerald Ohio and into Indiana...I cried, I didnt think it would hurt like this but it does.

Because Annabelle has grown so much, she didnt fit in her travel crate very well, so she rode on my lap. She was as enthralled with the beautiful countryside as I was...mile after mile we watched as fields and farms passed by...farmers getting into barns the last of their crop before darkness fell and the weather turned. Tractors pulling loads down the highway seemed to surprise her... all of the lights wizzing by... then the muted darkness. The rocking motion of the car soothed us both I think. She has never been a lap doggie, but she rode on my lap until we arrived in St Louis, where due to the traffic I thought it best and safer that she get into her travel crate and sleep untill we arrived home.

It grew cold and I had her favorite blanket with me and wrapped us up into it. After Bella settled into her crate I kept it around me and slept on and off it had been a rough week for me. I had a cold and hadnt slept well...Woody continued to drive and we did some talking in between. Serious talking. I found to my surprise that I may have misjudged him. I dont understand why he does what he does and why he feels what he feels but there seems to be no malace. He seems to be at a place where he wants to be alone as well. We agreed to keep trying, as we had all week, to be civil and not get into each other's face too much. We had come to an agreement on subdividing the house, my living with Annabelle in the mastersuite and the lanai...where I spend most of my time anyway. and Woody and the cats in the rest of the house. They had been in this space all while I was gone and it seems to work for them.We, Bella and I feel a touch cramped as we are used to having the run of a whole apartment but that may be changing in the near future so we shall see how things go.

Woody was a hero and drove 10 hours straight through stopping for gas twice and a quick bite. We rolled in and made Landfall at 2 am Nov 1.I was home or rather I arrived at a place that I have lived before

I dont feel like I am home. There are many reasons for this, most of my own making. But this is my house and I slept in my own bed that night. Annabelle marched into the Master Bath where her crate is housed and wanted in for the night she slept like a stone and seems to have fallen into her old routine like a trooper.

The messy house that I left was clean as though 100 cleaning faries came and did a lot of hard work. Woody again had given it his best shot and did a very credible job. He feels he can maintain it. I hope so. Since we have been home I have seen a great deal of domestic activity on his part, from trying to clear the monumental amount of leaves to changing a shower head on his own with no help from me. I am trying not to instruct or direct on this but am standing back and letting him do things failing if need be and asking for help if he needs it from the other men in the neighborhood... To me this is how it should be. I have tried to hurry and deal with the 18 cartons from Louisville as well as all of the stuff in the van. Its nearly all put away and while I had to unpack some stuff I have chosen to leave a bunch packed up for the future as I am looking at homes to move into in the next few months, allowing us to have our separate residences again.

I have had moments where I have felt like a disembodied spirit, and other times like my time in Louisville was just a dream. Truthfully there were times that were better than I could write about here and many others that were worse. Now the time has come for me to bring it on and show the world what I learned from Charlie Conner and others. The Contractor has been called in and I should be building out soon. I cant wait to get going on my business

As I said I hit the ground running looking for places to move to and I now have three so far that look very promising, one a lease option house, one a town house near the Methodist church that the owner will finance and has offered terms, and the third is a stone's throw from the shop and is a perfect house for me. We are waiting to see if the owner will finance with no down or low down, as his price is above market but its been vacant for two years and he wants to be done with it...Everything is negotiable. I have a half dozen realators looking for me so we shall see.

I have made Landfall. The landing was hard and a touch painful, but I have felt more and more at home. From the warm welcome back from my neighbors to the heartfelt hugs at my church where I went to vote this week in the election, I feel like the sailor home from the sea...the soilder home from the war and for me the prodigal returned from the Far Country of the Bluegrass...home to face the challenges of a new life in the making. No regrets only challenges to face...and why do we do it? because its the hardest thing we can do...

Labels: Annabelle, Artisans Fine Jewelry Repair, Bella Vista, Business start up, Conner School, IN, Louisville, Marriage, Scenic Arkansas, Woody