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My Wide Blue Seas

Its All About The Journey


Name~ Hokule'a Kealoha

Short Bio~Hokule'a Kealoha is the Nom De Plume of a writer that formerly lived in Hawaii and is now living a life of adventure on the highways and byways of the American South . I am a Born Again follower of Jesus, as well as a wife, mother of cats and dogs,jeweler, entreprenuer, photographer and pilgrim...

Age~ Old enough to know better

Status~ Newly Single after 13 years of marriage,fur mom to the loving and devoted mini ShihTzu doggie Annabelle, born 6-11-2007 RIP 2-25-09, and the beautiful Abigail born 2-14-09

Hair Color~ natural brown/grey

Mood~ I ALWAYS have a mood, try me...

Loving~ Jesus, Hawaii, my furry friend, Abigail, my Pen Pals, Jewelry ,Blogging ,Writing anything,my Ipod,and being outdoors surrounded by my wonderful natural surroundings

Hating~ Boom Box Cars, Earspray, Abuse of Power,

  • Bible

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  • Underwired! Louisville's magazine for Women

  • In Store~The Magazine for the American Jeweler

  • Books in Progress...

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  • Just Finished Reading

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  • Jesus, Divine Mercy ~
    Learn About The Divine Mercy
    I Trust In You~

    My Favorite Past Posts~Relive The Journey!~
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  • 2008~
  • Be Thankful

  • Colateral Damage

  • Make Lemonade

  • Home Is Where The Heart Is

  • The Poor With Us

  • Because Its The Hardest Thing I Can Do

  • We Have All Become Victims

  • Lest I Forget

  • The Most Important Words

  • Family Values

  • Familiar Places

  • May Perpetual Light Shine On Them

  • A City In Motion

  • 2007~
  • The Quiet Storm

  • Fellowship of the Cane

  • Like Dead Unremembered: A 9-11 Tribute

  • The Medicine Machine

  • One Giant Leap

  • In The Steps of St. Francis

  • Too Much Information

  • The Un Choice

  • 2006~
  • The Holly and the Ivy

  • The First 9-11, Dec 7,1941

  • Small Moments of Silence

  • Peaches to Winnipeg

  • Dreaming of Hawaii

  • Memorial Day

  • Scattered Values

  • The White Line is the Lifeline for the Nation

  • Warnings of a New Civil War

  • I Will Be True To The Promise I Have Made

  • The Snowy Bloody Day

  • Cats in the Cradle

  • 2005~
  • The Journey

  • Rebirth of a City

  • For Posterity's Sake

  • The New Civil War

  • Every Mother's Son

  • And There You Stayed, Temporarily Lost at Sea

  • The Lone Rider

  • The Bible Is Not the Fourth Member of the Trinity

  • Rome Wasn't Built With Union Labor

  • Happy Birthday Mom ~revised~

  • A Beautiful Noise

  • Even Now

  • The Wearing of the Red

  • Night Ranger

  • The Joyful Traveler

  • Hoiliili "To Gather Up"

  • Ke Makakilo (My Observations)

  • He Giveth Sleep

  • Save The Children

  • 2004~
  • Lux Aeterna

  • December 2004

  • You're Joking, Right?

  • Ground Zero

  • I Am Not A Failure

  • O,To Grace, How Great A Debtor

  • Lost In Translation

  • One Small Step for Man

  • The Rainbow's End

  • Profanity

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  • The Journey

  • Makoa's Song

  • No Aloha For The Weakest

  • The Paradoxical Comandments

  • The Time Is Now

  • 2003~
  • When No Fruit Is On The Vine

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    St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
    St. Edith Stein~Pray for Us

    Religion Link List~

  • My Secret is Mine

  • Ignatius Insight-Online Magazine

  • Fr John Corapi SOLT

  • Dr. Scott Hahn St Paul Center

  • Fr. Mitch Pacwa~ Ignatius Productions

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  • Political Link List~
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  • Arkansas Link List~
  • Little Portion Hermitage

  • John Michael Talbot website

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  • 1st United Methodist Church Bella Vista

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  • River Grille

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  • Interactive Links~

    Live WebCam Feed from the Mauna Lani Resort, Kohalla, Big Island of Hawaii

    Click here for Aloha Joe!Live Hawaiian Music 24/7

    St Damein of Molokai'i,Patron Saint of Hawaii, Pray for us

    St. Damien of Molokai'i, Patron of Hawaii and the Outcasts among us, pray for us....

    Hawaii Links~ ~
  • For more Hawaii links Click Here

  • Volcano Updates (Pele's Mood Meter)Hawaii Volcano Observatory

  • Hawaii Volcanoes National Park

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  • Technorotica for Blogging~

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  • MWBS Wordpress Edition

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  • Technorotica for Jewelers, and the Jewelry Trade~

  • Gemological Institute of America

  • The Drouhard National Jewelers School

  • The Conner School

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  • January 29, 2009

    The Five Things I Learned From My Dog

    Dreamy Eyed Annabelle jan 2009 She is very happy now and is my dearest friend

    As I have said many times... Annabelle may go down as having saved my life while in Louisville and I have learned a lot from her about loving and living... Well today on MSN was this great post on how dogs teach us about the best ways to handle relationships... because these post disappere into inernet lala land I am posting the entire article below

    Love Lessons from Dogs?

    Believe it or not, your pet knows the secrets to achieving a successful relationship. Here are five love lessons that man's best friend can share with you.

    By Chelsea Kaplan

    Though dogs have been labeled man's best friend, when it comes down to it, Fido is probably more the type of buddy you'd seek out for a game of catch, not love advice. According to Harrison Forbes, professional dog trainer and author of Heart of a Dog: What Challenging Dogs Have Taught Me About Love, Trust and Second Chances, however, you might want to reconsider the notion that your canine knows nothing about matters of the heart. "Dogs do the types of things we should do more often, and the things they don't get involved in — well, we should really skip them, too, if we're looking for love," he asserts. Puzzled by the notion that you may actually be able to get some romance pointers from your Pointer? Read on for five love lessons you can learn from dogs.

    1. The reassurance of forgiveness
    In order to have a successful partnership, letting bygones be bygones is crucial. An inability to get over issues and move ahead is a key roadblock to happiness. Dogs, Forbes notes, are always in the moment and therefore don't hold grudges or hang onto resentment. "Dogs wipe the slate clean many times a day," he explains. "If you are grumpy and yell at your dog, but then wait a minute and act like you never did, he will forgive you — many times over. If humans could let the little things go as easily as dogs do, their relationships would be better for it."

    2. The security of unconditional love
    Forbes says that as a rule, when a dog loves his owner, that bond is lasting and real. "It's interesting to note that celebrities are over-the-top pet lovers," he says. "This is because their dogs really love them for who they are, not their A-list status; a dog will always treat you the same. Dogs offer truly substantive relationships in a way most people don't," he notes. When it comes to romantic relationships, humans should strive to emulate a dog's focus on what a person really offers in terms of love, kindness and warmth, he advises.

    3. The comfort of consistency
    In a romantic relationship, consistency can be quite comforting. What's not to love about a partner who is never moody or capricious? "We as humans understand there are different types of behavior, yet we crave consistency," Forbes says. "With dogs, regardless of your animal's personality, you pretty much get the same behavior unless he's ill. A lot of people take comfort in that aspect of pet ownership, so you can only imagine how much similar behavior could add to a romantic relationship."

    4. The need to be playful
    Forbes notes that most dogs want to have a good time, keeping things light and not so serious all of the time. "The easiest way to burn out a working dog is to work him all the time — that pretty much goes for relationships as well," he says. In police-dog training, Forbes explains, training is balanced with play and fun. "The harder you go at it in a training phase, the more you have to counterbalance it," he says. "It's the same with a relationship — you have to relieve the pressure through play and good times."

    5. The importance of effective communication
    While communicating with your partner is important in a relationship, it's not merely the act of communicating that will ensure your relationship's success, but finding the way to do so that best matches your partner's needs. This is a skill that you can easily learn from working with dogs, Forbes says. "The different ways in which I communicate with my three dogs are suited to what works best for them … and for me with them," he explains. You have to be willing to experiment and find the best way to communicate with dogs, and the same goes for your romantic interests, he says: "Just as a hot-tempered dog won't respond to yelling and lots of commands, neither will a hot-tempered person. At the same time, some more sensitive types may need a gentler approach. Essentially, no one person or dog communicates the same way — each individual has a unique style, and taking the time to learn about your partner's needs is the key to a strong bond."

    Chelsea Kaplan's blog, "The Momtourage" can be found at www.themomtourage.com.

    I really really really want to be this kind of person in every relationship not just a romantic one...but yes should there be another husband in the future I want to have developed a lifestyle that embraces these habits... Perhaps its a dogs life afterall

    My sweet doggy Annabelle

    I think I will go kiss my little muffin one more time

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    January 27, 2009

    Ice in the Wind

    Twilight view from my front window into the front garden Pear Tree Cottage Bella Vista Ar

    Once Upon A Winter Day

    Once upon a winter day
    Gray clouds passed swiftly across the sky
    As shapely snowflakes fell steadily down,
    Covering the land in a dazzling white
    Leaving a winter calling card on the ground.

    Once upon a winter day
    The snow-edged creek silently wept
    Near the shadows of the tall pine trees
    Trimmed in a glittering white lace,
    Creating an impressive display in the breeze.

    Once upon a winter day
    Branches drooped to the impassable road
    Due to the weight of the snow.
    Icicles hung from the dormant trees
    In view of the shattered daylight glow.

    Once upon a winter day
    Nothing is heard but rubbing tree limbs
    And a stray dog faintly barking,
    The vibrant sound of a frightened deer,
    A broken tree branch suddenly falling.

    Once upon a winter day
    The distant snow-covered hills
    Loomed in the path of the gloomy sky,
    Where the northerly wind briskly growled
    As chickadees and juncos fluttered by.

    Joseph T. Renaldi

    I have candles at the ready as the lights flicker and the wind outside is picking up. The Ice Storm of 2009 has left a swath of destruction all around me. I am continually amazed at the weather so different from what I have experienced in my life prior to coming to Arkansas. My town has scattered power outages but the worst is south of here where much of southern Benton and all of Washington Counties were slammed by the freezing rain and ice. I wandered out in my sweatshirt nightshirt and trainers, my new neighbors my have thought I was nuts as I walked around the house looking at the trees and snapping pictures of the ice and sleet covered ground.

    I have been trying to get up earlier and earlier to try to train myself in preparation for going back to work. Im having mixed success. I am rising, but really am not worth much of anything all day. If I sit too long I drop off, in a semi sleep that is actually painful. I get a headache from it, I believe from lack of oxygen. Im probably not breathing properly. I perk up about 3pm. This is not going to work. So please pray for me, I really need to get re adjusted into a day shift pattern.

    Iced Pot in my front garden Pear Tree Cottage Bella Vista AR

    I have been singularly unsuccessful in finding work. There are hiring freezes at the transportation companies that I thought would be avenues of employment. I have worked the job boards, want ads and gone to temporary services and nothing. I have only one opportunity and I have decided to embrace it and go forward. An insurance company has approached me to go to work for them. I have a class to take and a test to pass to be licensed. The firm provides online training. I am having some difficulty with the courses... lots of facts and figures to remember. The Firm provides products specifically for the over 65 market, and with the large numbers of retirees here in this area this is an ideal market. I have been promised support and help all the way in this if I work hard. I will, and I know that it will be hard. I have to succeed, there are not other options right now.

    I am going to continue to look for work. I need four weeks of temporary work to qualify for unemployment which would be wonderful. I have some reserve left and if I am careful perhaps I can make it. Again, I do believe that this place in my lifes adventure is about trusting God and not my own abilities. Still I am scared as is a lot of the country right now. I am grateful for all of the riches in my posession. For the warm dry house with lights and hot water... and the box of candles. I have a new friend that lives three blocks away that has a gas heating system... (I will be replacing this system with a system like hers one day. The heat pump switches to a gas furnace when that is needed. The people accross the street just put one in and it gives them a lot of peace of mind...)They have invited Annabelle and I to their home to stay if the power goes out and the cold is too much.

    I am grateful to be on my own. My mind is clearer and my heart is lighter than it ever was before. Our Divorce is proceeding apace and should be final in a month or so. Just today I was reminded of why this was needed. Woody was home today from the car lot. The poor man hasnt had a day off in all of the time he has been there. His power went off and he hadnt started the gas log... He didnt think about it. Id have had a fit or done it myself. He admitted that a lot of things are not done there as there is no one to do them... the maid is out I suppose...

    I shouldnt be too cheeky. i feel badly for him and know that I am the winner here by a longshot. Not by stuff or money...I will pay for this for years with damaged credit and the like. But that peace and contentment are worth any price. And to be alone by my own choice is so very different than being alone because you have been abandoned. I no longer feel as though I have been left out to freeze in the icy wind by an indifferent husband. I have come out of the cold into this warm place and come what may I will deal with any reprocussions with the help of the God Who Shelters Me with His Righteous Right Hand

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    January 25, 2009

    Psalm 25~Teach Me Your Paths

    Country Barn near Gateway MO

    A Psalm Of David.

    To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
    O my God, in you I trust;
    let me not be put to shame;
    let not my enemies exult over me.
    Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
    they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

    Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
    teach me your paths.
    Lead me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God of my salvation;
    for you I wait all the day long.

    Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
    for they have been from of old.
    Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
    according to your steadfast love remember me,
    for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

    Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
    He leads the humble in what is right,
    and teaches the humble his way.
    All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
    for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

    For your name's sake, O Lord,
    pardon my guilt, for it is great.
    Who is the man who fears the Lord?
    Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
    His soul shall abide in well-being,
    and his offspring shall inherit the land.
    The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
    and he makes known to them his covenant.
    My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
    for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

    Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
    The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
    bring me out of my distresses.
    Consider my affliction and my trouble,
    and forgive all my sins.

    Consider how many are my foes,
    and with what violent hatred they hate me.
    Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
    Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
    May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
    for I wait for you.

    Redeem Israel, O God,
    out of all his troubles.

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    January 23, 2009

    What Storms May Come...

    Winter Storm, the Ice Storm of 2009, Bella Vista AR

    Post Started 1-23-09

    America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

    Barak Obama inaugural address 2009

    The common outcry,which is justly made on behalf of human rights- for example, the right to health, to home, to work, to family,to culture- is false and illusory if the right to life, the most basic and fundimental right and condition for all other personal rights, is not defended with maximum determination

    Pope John Paul II

    It was amazing, the crowds the party... I kept wondering if John MC Cain would have had such a party in the face of impending economic disaster. Not that President Obama has a lot of say in that.

    Neither does he control the emotions of the masses. Not since the Death of Princess Diana or Pope John-Paul II has the world just stopped and watched the TV the spectacle unfold. a peaceful transfer of the worlds greatest seat of power. This election had huge repercussions for the entire world. The transfer is over and the business is beginning.

    The storms our new president brought up in his address are here and more are coming. I fear that the economic storm is digging in for a long stay. The storms of Preservation of Life are breaking with the repeal of the ban on Federal funding for embryonic stem cell reaserch... for the appointment of rabidly pro choice (pro death) people to his administration, lavish appropreations to entities like Planned Parenthood included in the Stimulus package... with the abominable "Freedom of Choice" Act, that will effectively override Right to Life legislation through out the 50 States. This is moving through Committe right now.

    Then there is the storm of Jihad. Frankly I fear that we will see the signs of this storm too late. Because after all under September skies as blue as anyone has ever seen four airliners were turned into flying bombs and changed this nation for ever. Im sorry sir...I dont believe that its wrong or against our values to defend this nation. I believe if there were extremes in methodology it was because we are playing the war game by rules we hardly knew and even less understood. I can only hope that Mr. Obama is right that we can somehow deal with the people that hate us and want us dead or converted to Islam ratonally. I have seen no sign that the radical Islamist care what we think or about what we have to say. The world doesnt care what we think, all we have to do is look at the situation in Gaza. Its like they self destruct. They have this deranged hatred of Israel, was sending rockets in killing people and when they go in to put a stop to it they are castigated as the evil ones.

    Was Guantanimo wrong? I dont know enough about each case to say anything about holding the men there but I do know from soilders that were stationed there that they had good food and every comfort that could be provided under the circumstances I dont feel the situation amounted to cruelty. However I dont want those men housed in a prison near me, Im sure a lot of people feel this way as well. It will be interesting to see what they deside to do with the detainees.

    I appreciate Mr. Obama's call to service and his call to ending our time "of childish things". I have felt for a long time that the financial debacle of my marriage...consuming Woody's retirement and Woody choosing not to work when he could have given it a better shot, was "childish". We certainly have put that lifestyle away and even though I am still not employed I feel much more satisfied with my life now that I am standing on my own.

    One of the things that I have thought about regarding the change of leadership and the change of really the way of life for most people in the country in recent months is tha this is a wake up call to perhaps look beyond the materiel, and think about the relational and spiritual areas of life. For those that see the ascendancy of Mr. Obama as the rise of the Anti-Christ...(I have actually heard this) the situation is a call to prayer and conservative activisim. The financial difficulties encourage people to focus on relationship. I am already seeing this among my friends and I think this is a really great thing. Hard times in the past set the stage for the Greatest Generation, and the legacy of service and action that they brought to the world.

    The coming storms are likely to be more difficult than we can imagine. I just know that He Who Calmed the Storm, will be with us too and we can trust him to see us through to the Storm's Clearing

    Let it be said of us
    While we walked among the living
    Let it be said of us
    By the ones we leave behind
    Let it be said of us
    That we lived to be a blessing for life

    Let it be said of us
    That we gave to reach the dying
    Let it be said of us
    By the fruit we leave behind
    Let it be said of us
    That our legacy is blessing for life

    This day
    You set life, you set death right before us,
    This day
    Every blessing and curse
    is a choice now
    And we will choose
    to be a blessing for life

    Let it be said of us
    That our hearts belonged to Jesus
    Let it be said of us
    That we spoke the words of life
    Let it be said of us
    That our heritage is blessing
    for life

    For your Kingdom,
    for our Children
    For the sake of every nation

    Let it be said of us
    While we walked among the living
    Let it be said of us
    By the ones we leave behind
    Let it be said of us
    That we lived to be a
    blessing for life

    The Blessing
    John Waller 2008

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    January 18, 2009

    Psalm 4~ You Make Me Dwell In Safety

    Snow frosted sanctuary, Peartree Cottage Bella Vista AR

    Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
    You have given me relief when I was in distress.
    Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!

    O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame?
    How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? Selah
    But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;
    the Lord hears when I call to him.

    Be angry, and do not sin;
    ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah
    Offer right sacrifices,
    and put your trust in the Lord.

    There are many who say, “Who will show us some good?
    Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!”
    You have put more joy in my heart
    than they have when their grain and wine abound.

    In peace I will both lie down and sleep;
    for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

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    January 16, 2009

    Suddenly Snowfall

    Suddenly Snowfall, the TV room "popout" that looks over the ravine (shown below) taken in the midst of the snowfall Peartree Cottage Bella Vista AR

    Beyond all abandonment, I trust...and in spite of my own feeling...I trust. God is completely transforming me into trust...often in spite of what I feel.

    Above all things I trust in you, Jesus, for You are unchangeable. My moods change, but You are always the same,...full of mercy.

    From the Diary of St Faustina (Diary,1489)

    Like many places this week, Northwest Arkansas was hit with a blast of cold air that was surprising for not only its sudden arrival... it had been a balmy 60 degrees just a few days before...but its intensity.Its got down below zero here, and the tiny bit of moisture that passed through turned to a dusting of snow just in time for the morning commute. Imagine the delight of parents arriving at school only to be informed that school was canceled... for a microscopic amount of snow.... sheeesh! Woody didn't go into work either. The temperature was below the limit that the dealership allows for the guys to work the floor. Annabelle and I bundled up in the "TV" room, and I worked the Internet job boards lining up appointments for today. I am interviewing every chance that I get, no matter the weather. Annabelle napped and dreamed of warmer days when she could romp in the Kentucky sun. I didnt tell her that the weather was worse there and I am glad to be here.

    My new home is not very well insulated, something I will be checking out before I purchase it later on this year. It could be that this is not the best investment, as there are more and more issues that I am discovering. I good inspection is in order for sure...but we shall see. All of the windows are marginal with regards to temperature transference...with means its going to be hot in here during the summer months as well. I bought some of that plastic sheeting that you use a blow dryer to seal on to your windows interior side to help seal off drafts, and socket sealers, little insulating pads that you put into the switch plate covers to seal them off. I am going to work on that My heat pump is set on 60 with emergency heat on so the air will be warm. I close off the bed rooms when we are not in there and use space heat when we are in bed. With her heater, Annabelle's room was nice and warm. The little bedroom is not much bigger than a closet really, but has its own bath nice really if you had one child this would be a perfect home for a small family. Her crate is on the floor but its wrapped in fleece blankies and out of the draft so she is snugly warm at night. My room on the other hand is an ice box. I hadnt turned the space heat on in there and it was 40 degrees in there as I was getting ready for bed. A veritable meat freezer. I always have a heating pad hooked up and ready. I get horrible leg cramps sometimes and that heat always helps, I turned it on and put it in bed with me. I woke a few hours later and the room was sufficiently warm to not need the pad... I wonder what the poor do that do not have heat. This lady has been in the news here because her story spotlights the problems people are having all over the country keeping the power on and keeping warm. I keep praying and hopeing for a job soon so I dont join those ranks. Im some ways I am already there as I am trying to live as frugally as I can, as though I dont have options...I might not if I dont get something soon...

    Im sure you can hear the faint thread of desparation in my voice as I write. One thing I want to do is to get back to really expressing how I REALLY FEEL on this blog. I candy coated a lot of stuff for the sake of my job, Woody, and others around me that arent comfortable with me describing my life via the internet. Truth is I am scared, really scared that for all of my efforts I wont get anything at all and end up... I dont know... I dont have anything to fall back on...

    I am a fan of Super Nanny. I know that a lot of the show is scripted, there cant always be happilly ever after, but I do like a lot of her methods, in how she deals with grief and loss especially. Tonights show was a family that had disintigrated over job loss, death and forclosure. I understood why the Mom just gave up and figurativly "rolled up into a ball" I feel that way too. I feel badly that I mishandled a lot of things and that my situation is so rocky. But some of this was inevitable, and if not now when? Woody reassured me tonight to not worry about it and that he is ok with whatever happens, that our marriage was a cancer, and we waited so long to remove it that the paitent our lives are taking a huge beating over it...But we will recover eventually. You have to get beyond the past...which was the point of tonights show and really the point of my time in Louisville. Move into the next frame of the movie of your life...

    I so want to do that. But in God's time not mine and I know that could mean a nail biter of a wait. This year my spiritual goal is to learn to totally trust on God's provision and do not twist the arm of God, nor rush ahead and grab what I can in hopes that it is the right thing. I need to learn to live in the moment. Tomorrow will take care of itsself. All I can do is the best I can do today, look hard for anything that will pay something and keep moving. This too shall pass, and just as suddenly as the brown world turned to white overnight. God will make a way for me. I have to believe that, and grow my faith

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    January 12, 2009

    The Petition

    my morning window

    post started 1-08-2009

    This might hurt, it's not safe
    But I know that I've gotta make a change
    I don't care if I break,
    At least I'll be feeling something
    'Cause just okay is not enough
    Help me fight through the nothingness of life

    I don't wanna go through the motions
    I don't wanna go one more day
    without Your all consuming passion inside of me
    I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
    "What if I had given everything,
    instead of going through the motions?"

    No regrets, not this time
    I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
    Let Your love make me whole
    I think I'm finally feeling something
    'Cause just okay is not enough
    Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

    'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
    I don't wanna go one more day
    without Your all consuming passion inside of me
    I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
    "What if I had given everything,
    instead of going through the motions?"

    take me all the way (take me all the way)
    take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
    take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
    take me all the way

    I don't wanna go through the motions
    I don't wanna go one more day
    without Your all consuming passion inside of me
    I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
    "What if I had given everything,
    instead of going through the motions?"

    I don't wanna go through the motions
    I don't wanna go one more day
    without Your all consuming passion inside of me
    I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
    "What if I had given everything,
    instead of going through the motions?"

    take me all the way (take me all the way)
    take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
    take me all the way (through the motions)
    take me all the way

    I don't wanna go through the motions

    Matthew West

    I heard this song this morning and it really sunk in. I think that the desire to stop "going through the motions" is the main reason why I find myself sitting in my lawyers office preparing a counter petition for my divorce. Woody's lawyer set up the petition in the most general way charging me with cruel indignities ect... Sorry I dont want that to go on the record.. Let the truth be told once and for all. I am living in a unconsumated marriage with a man that has spent ever last cent of his retirement with the feckless abandonment of a boy with his allowence. While we have had many many many great times and perhaps still will in the future, I dont want to live as thought this is "happily ever after". I hope that perhaps if I am found worthy I might yet find love again with someone else, and in the mean time I want to be free to serve God as He will and I cant while being bound to Woody.

    It doesnt make it easy. There is a lot of unrest in my heart still. I feel badly that I have left him with the house and the mortgage. I go over there and the empty book cases and the general desolation has got to be depressing. I feel like I have not handled this situation as best as I could...but then, I look at the half empty house and realize that this is how the house of my soul has seemed to feel for years and now as the healing has started, I understand that I must look forward and not spend too much time dwelling on this. God has moved me forward and much of the time I feel simply happy for the first time in a long time.

    Woody asked me for money this week. I have enough cash in savings for 90 days or so. Not much really in this economy. My prayer is that I will get a job and I am trying looking every day on the Internet. ( I have submitted my resume over 500 times since I returned to Arkansas in November.) I have done some interviewing as well and feel that now that the holidays are over something will come along. I am not picky, and will do what ever to get started again. I dont feel good about giving him money. He has friends that will help him, he can stay in the house many months if he defaults, and there is the painful past...I have no on to help me. I dont have a mortgage right now but a lease. I can be booted out pretty quickly, not that I think Mr. Herring would do that, but I need to be wise about this

    It still twisted my heart. I wondered if I did wrong. Why was I so driven about leaving? I have to say that while I was in Louisville I didnt write on my blog the depth of anger, rage fear and disgust I felt about my relationship. Being removed allowed me to vent a lot of that. Its now burnt itsself out and what is left is a bit of an empty shell. Today...the most painful thing is that Woody, who knew I was feeling at time suicidal and filled with grief over it all never said anything like " I love you why dont you come home and we will work it out..." or "I need you home you are done with Charlie's, " or "Please stay in the house and help me while we both get on our feet..." Frankly I felt like he wanted me out in so many words and that makes this harder for me. Being unwanted is the lifetime grief of my soul. No matter how much stuff I received from Woody, what I wanted was his love and acceptance, and I dont feel that I ever received that. It really hurts and now by filing the petition, perhaps I will find peace in this area of my life...

    Every morning, when its a clear day, the sun rises in my bedroom window. It signals a truth that I really processed in Louisville, that God gives us a new day to literally "start over". We get a new chance to renew our life journey. Each day is a precious gift. I try to respect the day, and utilize it as best I can. That doesnt mean I have to accomplish a bunch of things...today I put away a few books, did a few online resumes and made a few calls. I also went out and got my hair cut... a much needed excursion. And there is the daily walk with my Annabelle. I rise early and go to bed at the same time. The ruetine is a comfort and I believe will help me regain my health to what it was before I married Woody... My hair dresser already thinks my hair is growing thicker... I have hair so thin you can see my scalp and I am not a old woman. I just need to not sit around and cry about the past. I did a lot of that in Louisville and now I am done with this grieving.

    I have stopped wearing my wedding rings and the beautiful Commitment ring that I had made when I first became a Christian. I cannot bear looking at them even though I love the peices very much. I have been wearing a band that Woody gave me nearly 10 years ago that I thought was too delicate for everyday wear. I learned that the under gallery is very supportive and I can wear the sparkling confection daily as long as I dont do home improvement projects in it. Woody noticed that I was wearing it and it made him smile. I didnt take my ring off to piss him off, just to move forward and he got it.

    My home is shaping up the way I hoped it would and its making the feeling of being up to my eyeballs in debt worthwhile. As I unload the boxed of books, hang the drapes and enjoy a very new, contemporary styled "chick pad" I feel like I am making a home. I have decorated my bedroom and bathroom with textiles I bought in Hilo before we left (drapes bedding and shower curtain courtesy of JC Penney "Local Style" section) above the bed I hung the print of Hilo Bay,that I had framed in Louisville. There is a lot of a aloha in there and it feels really good. I also have created flower arragements with a tropical feel that gives the whole place a Kapalua look. It reminds me of a upscale condo on Ka'anapalli Beach. Then you go outside and its Ozark leaves and trees. Its so the way my life is now. The aloha is still here but I am here in the southern plains, and living large at that.

    Should this not work out and I am not able to get a job I am not sure what I will do. perhaps look at going back to Louisville. I have contacts there that might be able to help me get started, but that isnt what I want to do just now. things are pretty good here economiclly and I am sure I can get a position doing something. Pray for me if you would that I will find work soon. That will go a long way to help me feel settled. Until that happens I need to trust that God will continue to provide. That is my lesson I am learning right now and my petition to On High.

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    January 11, 2009

    Mark 1:1-11~ The Baptism of Jesus

    The Shining Stream The Ohio River Levenworth IN.

    John the Baptist Prepares the Way

    The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

    As it is written in Isaiah the prophet,

    “Behold, I send my messenger before your face,
    who will prepare your way,
    the voice of one crying in the wilderness:
    ‘Prepare the way of the Lord,
    make his paths straight,’”

    John appeared, baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.And all the country of Judea and all Jerusalem were going out to him and were being baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins.Now John was clothed with camel's hair and wore a leather belt around his waist and ate locusts and wild honey.And he preached, saying, “After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie.I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

    The Baptism of Jesus
    In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.And when he came up out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens opening and the Spirit descending on him like a dove.And a voice came from heaven, “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”

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    January 06, 2009

    Star of Wonder

    Giant spiral galaxy, viewed via the Hubble telescope, courtesy of NASA

    I know that I have written before about my love of the portion of the Christmas tale describing the journey of the Magi to find and worship the Divine Child Jesus. They followed the miraculous star from...Iraq, Iran...we aren't quite sure.I have my theory that the Magi and certainly there were more than three, were the descendants of the Babylonian astrologers that were spared the horrible death before them because they could not discover or interpret the incredible dream of the King of Babylon, we now know as the vision of Epochs (Daniel chapter 9)

    This year I saw a wonderful film on the subject, called The Bethlehem StarAny of you that are science buffs particularly if you are involved with the creation/evolution discussion will find this utterly fascinating. Using modern technology, the stars can be mapped at the time of the Nativity. We can see what the night sky looked like to the Magi and from there figure out what it was they were looking at . Its amazing and like I said this is a do not miss film

    I also share in interest in the Star because it was around the time of the birth of Jesus that the Tahitian navigators set out from Polynesia looking for the land "where fresh water falls from the heavens" or Ha-Wai-I. The Kahuna or religious priests told the navigators that after the voyagers crossed where they could no longer see the stars of the southern skies, then an object would rise out of the eastern sky that would lead them to the new land

    The theory in Bethlehem Star is that this phenomenon in the sky was a conjunction of Venus and the planet Jupiter. This would have been an incredibly bright light. The wise men of Herodian court as well as those of the East would have see this. There would have been discussions regarding this. I think with the Magi showed up it confirmed the worst suppositions. The Magi may have been descended of Jews of the Babylonian Diaspora, and knew the scriptures, so they were looking for their longed for Messiah

    The Tahitians, Magi and others aside....we too are looking for a star to led us. We need to look for the Star of the Morning, Jesus. This star was too bright for those Jews in authority at the time. They had hearts too dark and cold for the Light of the Star to penetrate. So the Magi knowing through a dream that there would be reprisals left by another way...

    As we leave the Christmas season on this Twelfth Night, my the Light of Christ go out from each of us to all of those around us...

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    January 04, 2009

    Isaiah 24:14-16~Give Glory to God

    Stormfront over the greens at Indian Springs Louisville KY

    Isaiah 24:14-16

    They lift up their voices, they sing for joy;
    over the majesty of the Lord they shout from the west.
    Therefore in the east give glory to the Lord;
    in the coastlands of the sea, give glory to the name of the Lord, the God of Israel.
    From the ends of the earth we hear songs of praise,
    of glory to the Righteous One.
    But I say, “I waste away,
    I waste away. Woe is me!
    For the traitors have betrayed,
    with betrayal the traitors have betrayed.”

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