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My Wide Blue Seas

Its All About The Journey


Name~ Hokule'a Kealoha

Short Bio~Hokule'a Kealoha is the Nom De Plume of a writer that formerly lived in Hawaii and is now living a life of adventure on the highways and byways of the American South . I am a Born Again follower of Jesus, as well as a wife, mother of cats and dogs,jeweler, entreprenuer, photographer and pilgrim...

Age~ Old enough to know better

Status~ Newly Single after 13 years of marriage,fur mom to the loving and devoted mini ShihTzu doggie Annabelle, born 6-11-2007 RIP 2-25-09, and the beautiful Abigail born 2-14-09

Hair Color~ natural brown/grey

Mood~ I ALWAYS have a mood, try me...

Loving~ Jesus, Hawaii, my furry friend, Abigail, my Pen Pals, Jewelry ,Blogging ,Writing anything,my Ipod,and being outdoors surrounded by my wonderful natural surroundings

Hating~ Boom Box Cars, Earspray, Abuse of Power,

  • Bible

  • Magnificat

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  • Underwired! Louisville's magazine for Women

  • In Store~The Magazine for the American Jeweler

  • Books in Progress...

  • "Link"

  • "Link"

  • Just Finished Reading

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  • Jesus, Divine Mercy ~
    Learn About The Divine Mercy
    I Trust In You~

    My Favorite Past Posts~Relive The Journey!~
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  • 2008~
  • Be Thankful

  • Colateral Damage

  • Make Lemonade

  • Home Is Where The Heart Is

  • The Poor With Us

  • Because Its The Hardest Thing I Can Do

  • We Have All Become Victims

  • Lest I Forget

  • The Most Important Words

  • Family Values

  • Familiar Places

  • May Perpetual Light Shine On Them

  • A City In Motion

  • 2007~
  • The Quiet Storm

  • Fellowship of the Cane

  • Like Dead Unremembered: A 9-11 Tribute

  • The Medicine Machine

  • One Giant Leap

  • In The Steps of St. Francis

  • Too Much Information

  • The Un Choice

  • 2006~
  • The Holly and the Ivy

  • The First 9-11, Dec 7,1941

  • Small Moments of Silence

  • Peaches to Winnipeg

  • Dreaming of Hawaii

  • Memorial Day

  • Scattered Values

  • The White Line is the Lifeline for the Nation

  • Warnings of a New Civil War

  • I Will Be True To The Promise I Have Made

  • The Snowy Bloody Day

  • Cats in the Cradle

  • 2005~
  • The Journey

  • Rebirth of a City

  • For Posterity's Sake

  • The New Civil War

  • Every Mother's Son

  • And There You Stayed, Temporarily Lost at Sea

  • The Lone Rider

  • The Bible Is Not the Fourth Member of the Trinity

  • Rome Wasn't Built With Union Labor

  • Happy Birthday Mom ~revised~

  • A Beautiful Noise

  • Even Now

  • The Wearing of the Red

  • Night Ranger

  • The Joyful Traveler

  • Hoiliili "To Gather Up"

  • Ke Makakilo (My Observations)

  • He Giveth Sleep

  • Save The Children

  • 2004~
  • Lux Aeterna

  • December 2004

  • You're Joking, Right?

  • Ground Zero

  • I Am Not A Failure

  • O,To Grace, How Great A Debtor

  • Lost In Translation

  • One Small Step for Man

  • The Rainbow's End

  • Profanity

  • Taps

  • The Journey

  • Makoa's Song

  • No Aloha For The Weakest

  • The Paradoxical Comandments

  • The Time Is Now

  • 2003~
  • When No Fruit Is On The Vine

  • Photobucket
    St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross
    St. Edith Stein~Pray for Us

    Religion Link List~

  • My Secret is Mine

  • Ignatius Insight-Online Magazine

  • Fr John Corapi SOLT

  • Dr. Scott Hahn St Paul Center

  • Fr. Mitch Pacwa~ Ignatius Productions

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  • Political Link List~
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  • Arkansas Link List~
  • Little Portion Hermitage

  • John Michael Talbot website

  • John Michael Talbot Myspace page

  • 1st United Methodist Church Bella Vista

  • Northwest Arkansas Guide

  • Mimi's Cafe

  • Metro Woman Business Directory of NW Arkansas

  • River Grille

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  • Interactive Links~

    Live WebCam Feed from the Mauna Lani Resort, Kohalla, Big Island of Hawaii

    Click here for Aloha Joe!Live Hawaiian Music 24/7

    St Damein of Molokai'i,Patron Saint of Hawaii, Pray for us

    St. Damien of Molokai'i, Patron of Hawaii and the Outcasts among us, pray for us....

    Hawaii Links~ ~
  • For more Hawaii links Click Here

  • Volcano Updates (Pele's Mood Meter)Hawaii Volcano Observatory

  • Hawaii Volcanoes National Park

  • Volcano Watch Archives

  • Mauna Kea Observatory

  • Pacific Tsunami Museum

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  • Technorotica for Blogging~

    Blogarama - The Blog Directory

    Listed on BlogShares

    Christianity Blog Directory

  • Who Links Here...Click here to see who's linking to this site. Powered by WhoLinksToMe.com

  • Globe of Blogs~Blog search engine

  • The Blog Search Engine

  • stock xchng

  • Photobucket

  • BlogSkins

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  • Wikipedia

  • Nuzio's Place on the Web

  • Commutefaster.com

  • PING ME!

  • MWBS Wordpress Edition

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  • Technorotica for Jewelers, and the Jewelry Trade~

  • Gemological Institute of America

  • The Drouhard National Jewelers School

  • The Conner School

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  • September 29, 2008

    The Journey Continues~A Spiritual Birthday Conversation

    Reflection of Glory...Twilight clouds reflecting off of a volcanic tide pool near Pohiki Puna Distric Big Island of Hawaii

    Father: You know what today is?

    daughter: Yes of course its my birthday. It was 20 years ago that we really met and started to get to know each other.

    Father: How do you feel about that?

    daughter: Its been a wild strange trip for sure. I dont understand a lot of the reasons we have gone the way we have or why we are on the road we are on now, but I am ok with it...and that wouldnt matter anyway because we are going no matter what...

    Father: Hmmm well yes that is true but how you accept the journey makes a huge difference in how you will feel about it as we go along. If you struggle against what I know to be the right thing for you its going to seem very laborious. Also if you try to get ahead of me, you might miss a turn that we need to make. I will always go where you want to go, its up to you, but you might miss something that you wouldnt want to miss along the way...For example, had you known that the portion of our journey that took us to Hawaii would be so very hard you might have said "lets not go there..." but you trusted Me...Remember the day you took this photo, when you and Woody drove the Puna road and saw the Hawaii of peoples dreams...

    daughter: Yes, I remember the smell of the sea and its roaring accross the lava flows to the shore the whooshing sound as it gathered in the pools full of fish and other living things...Your earth is so alive it literally breathes with its own breath... Hamakua... God's Breath. I knew that you were with me then, and it was ok... all of the rough places...

    Father:Is the journey now OK?

    daughter: I dont know how I feel about it. Yesterday as I sang with the worship team at church I remembered that while at Hosanna,I once told you that to do that one time would be honor enough, let alone seven years of it. I enjoyed it that much...and will miss what I am doing now just as well, I think. Well, I am going to lay this thing down that I love so much to go back to an uncertain future that will not have such times for me...

    Father: I am glad that you are doing the right thing. Its better to face the things that beset us and move on rather than avoid confrontation. Remember that I love you and that I will be with you. While the way seems uncertain, I know where we are going. This path has been set for you before the world was formed. I will provide and make a way for you in this new wilderness that you are entering. Remember that while the wilderness is a challenging enviroment it is also a place where I can be seen and recognized more clearly. I can manifest my power to save and can shape your life so it conforms more and more to the Image of My Son. Are you willing to let me do that?

    daughter: I said yes to that very question 20 years ago on the beach in California, and I affirm that promise again now...

    Father: I am very pleased that you trust me. Hold on to me and My Word. I promise that the adventure is just beginning

    The difficult way...a pathway of stones crossing a tidal drainage stream in Lillioukalani Park Hilo Hawaii

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    September 28, 2008

    Isaiah 35 ~The Ransomed Shall Return

    Abbey Road the path up to the Abbey church St Meinrad Archabbey and Seminary St. Meinrad Indiana

    Isaiah 35

    The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;
    the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;
    it shall blossom abundantly
    and rejoice with joy and singing.
    The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,
    the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.
    They shall see the glory of the Lord,
    the majesty of our God.

    Strengthen the weak hands,
    and make firm the feeble knees.
    Say to those who have an anxious heart,
    “Be strong; fear not!
    Behold, your God
    will come with vengeance,
    with the recompense of God.
    He will come and save you.”

    Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
    and the ears of the deaf unstopped;
    then shall the lame man leap like a deer,
    and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.
    For waters break forth in the wilderness,
    and streams in the desert;
    the burning sand shall become a pool,
    and the thirsty ground springs of water;
    in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down,
    the grass shall become reeds and rushes.

    And a highway shall be there,
    and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;
    the unclean shall not pass over it.
    It shall belong to those who walk on the way;
    even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.
    No lion shall be there,
    nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it;
    they shall not be found there,
    but the redeemed shall walk there.
    And the ransomed of the Lord shall return
    and come to Zion with singing;
    everlasting joy shall be upon their heads;
    they shall obtain gladness and joy,
    and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

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    September 27, 2008

    The Serene City

    City Fountains Riverfront Park Downtown Louisville Kentucky

    Its been nearly two weeks since the massive wind storm rattled this city with hurricane force winds that toppled trees that were standing here when Daniel Boone crossed into the territory. You can still hear chain saws and air hammers driving roofing nails but the sound of generators is a thing of the past.

    The Ryder Cup was an astounding success according to the locals who feard that the storm had damaged things and ruined ths chance for the city to make some revenue. With the economic downturn and the demise of the Ford Explorer (Ford id the biggest employer in town and the one closest to my home) a lot of people took temporary jobs doing grounds keeping and hospitality type jobs. There are fund rasing events that begin for the Derby Festivities that take place 6 months from now.

    This is a city that surprises me daily. From the national write up this week( sorry the article has disapered off the net) on the flourishing Indie music scene, to the incredible number of churches that have over 1500 people a sunday through their doors (one personal souce seemed to think more per capita than any city in America,based on their information gathering and Louisville's population, which is the 16th largest in the US) to the 24 hour horse racing channel on the basic cable. (I was in a resturant and they had horse racing on in the bar area when I usually sit as I am alone on a saturday night. Curlin won again to the delight of patrons in the bar. )If you like the ponies, there is a race going on somewhere and this four legged ESPNis covering it. I suppose you can wager as well but I have not explored that aspect of it.

    Like my last weeks in Hawaii I have found that these last two weeks have been very sweet as I do things that I want to do before I leave...sort of take a farewell tour. More photos comming! But I also realized just how much leg work I can do while I am here so I have been hard at work on my business as well.

    I bought a new computer this week. A Dell Vostro, before I start getting email groaning about Dell I bought it from a dealer here and not online. I have already had two house calls and they have done some work online to tweek the thing so it is perfect for me. Some of the complaints are not valid for me. I use a external keyboard for serious typing and a tracball mouse. I love the slot drive the speakers are a upgrade from the tin box ones on my Inspiron 700 that I have been blogging one for almost four years.(It has been a wonderful little machine not given me a lick of trouble)

    I bought the Vostro here because I wanted to get the bugs out and have onsite tech support as I load and tweek my accounting and inventory software that is being sent to me by David Geller of Jewelerprofit.com. This man is an industry icon that revolutionized the trade by writing a template overlay for Quickbooks for the management of a jewelry business. He tweeks everything customer for each package, and supports the product. The best part is that the price is very reasonable so that even a newbe like me can afford it.

    I had a over the phone consult with David and found him very personable and concerned about my situation...the situation at Conners...and the situation that I have been avoiding... I know that I am not very good at what I want to do yet and what will I do when I open my doors and people come streaming in with repair work that I dont know how to do or if Im lucky, have more than I can do of what I know I can do... That is a likely senario. If I dont take it in and do it right and fast, I will ruin my reputation before I am out the starting gate.

    His answer is for me to sub some of that work out. He is right and he had the name of a firm near here that does this for jewers on a national basis with a fine reputation. I am meeting with the CEO this week. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my sholders, because this big question has been answered. I will learn from the finished work I get back from this firm and I can focus on getting my business off of the ground, doing the creative work that earns more money, and learning more things. I feel like I can really do this and the only thing I need to fear is my fears and self doubts...

    All I need to do is get started, which I am doing. one foot in front of the other...

    In my personal life, I am doing a lot of hard work in counseling...really hard. Its amazing what God will use to speak to a person about things He wants to deal with. I saw a re-run of an episode of "Without A Trace" where one of the agents had a brother go missing. Turns out there were huge substance abuse issues and how the family dynamic was playing out over and over again. I have been confronted with the idea that my 20 years of sobriety or clean Christian Living what ever you want to call it may have been by Gods grace and my own powerful will, but the cost has been losing myself, who I am, moulding myself into something that I am not and perhaps most profoundly being unable to move out of and past painful events and situations. I am stuck in events that happened 13 years ago. Being married is one of them. My anger and rage is the result. I dont know what to do. My "griever" and "forgiver" is broken...I cant seem to do it anymore...truly I dont want to do it anymore Im sort of sick of it but dont know what to do next. I want to leave the worse of it behind...and we know who that is... because I can no longer forgive someone that is hurting me and many times isnt even aware seemingly of the damage he is doing...

    So I take drives around the city and the countryside and think. I look out at the golfers and envy them their easy comraderie...knowing that I have never had such a relationship, such a friendship in my life... I reherse for sunday worship and felt a pulling at my pantleg...there was 13 month old Emma the daughter of one of the young men in the worship band pulling up on my leg standing for the first time then letting go when she realized I wasnt her mummy. She took two steps on her own and fell flat on her face. We applauded her "one giant leap" to independence....and I felt a knife twist in my heart and an unholy envy that never seems to end... I could have grandbabies by now and there will be nothing and no one and I cant get past it...

    I cant get past lovers dysplaying affection, or couples planning their futures together. There will be no "together" for me. Because there has been no affection...
    I had made a gift to give Woody when he comes to get me next month and as I put it in the closet all wrapped the enemy of my soul wispered "there will be nothing for you...not now not ever... he never thinks of you, and doesnt care about you..." and I know that it is true. But I keep trying and that is why I need to end things because in that trying is more disapointments, more bitterness, more anger, and more dispair.

    How I long for this to end. For me it has never been as simple as those who say..."just give it over to Jesus"

    But in this city and this place I have been able to give it over more. Because I dont have to confront it. But this time is going to end and I will have to confront it. Please God let me remember this serene city and the times that I have been able to be quiet just for a little while.

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    September 26, 2008

    From Sea to Shining Sea~A Blogaversary post

    Shining Seas North Shore Oahu Hawaii
    Posted by Picasa

    I have seen my wide blue sea in many moods and in many places in this world. The vastness and everchanging nature of the ocean never ceases to facinate and amaze me. The vast ocean of human experience is like this too and I am constantly amazed at how wonderful and varied humans and the human condition is

    .Sea of Dreams near San Destin Florida

    I discovered the Internet and bloging in 2003 and found a whole new vista a whole different world and dived right in.Blogging became my passion. I loved sharing my Hawaii and my life with others and making friends along the way. It gives me joy to see a response to a post or to get an email for a more personal message. You have followed my Journey and shared my life and your kind words touch my heart

    California Dreaming Surfs up at Seal Beach Orange County CAlifornia

    And so I begin my sixth year of blogging with a hearty thanks to all who take the time to read these humble scriblings. It is my hope that they give you as much pleasure to read as I get from writing them

    God Bless you!

    The burning sea Sunset over the Gulf of Mexico Port St. Joe Florida

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    September 21, 2008

    Philippians 3~ Rejoice In The Lord

    The altar of the St Francis of Rome Catholic Church Clifton township Louisville KY

    Philippians 3

    Righteousness Through Faith in Christ

    Finally, my brothers, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you is no trouble to me and is safe for you.

    Look out for the dogs, look out for the evildoers, look out for those who mutilate the flesh.For we are the real circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more:circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee;as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness, under the law blameless.But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christand be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

    Straining Toward the Goal
    Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

    Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ.Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

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    September 15, 2008

    The Dirty Side Of The Storm

    Sunrise over East Louisville notice the trees are already bending with the wind blowing. As the day heated up the wind would blow harder

    The "dirty" side of a hurricane is the eastern side of the storm. Here, winds from the south, full of moisture, wrap into the storm causing heavy rain, storm surge, and tornadoes. As the storm moves inland it interacts with other weather systems. The area between the eastern side of the hurricane and the other weather front can be subject to hurricane force winds even though the hurricane itself has subsiding wind speeds.

    Its as though the air is being squeezed in between two powerful wheels spinning in opposing directions. The wind heats and creates tornado like conditions. Add a deep broad valley like the Ohio River Valley and that cyclonic wind ripped though here like the Hurricane driving it

    I woke to the winds, the whistling sound reminded me of the Pacific Tradewinds that blow across the Hawaiian Islands. Getting up at 5 am to make it to Beargrass by 7:30 is hard but has its rewards. This sunrise was beautiful. It did so remind me of Kauaii when Woody and I visited there.

    Roofing ripped off of the buildings here at Indian Springs.

    Finished the service at Beargrass and headed over to Watkins at 10 am. Wind blowing harder and harder. As we started the service at 11 am the power went out and it was all acoustic from there on in. Looking out the windows you could see branches whipping around and pine cones flying off at dizzying speeds pelting windows and cars in the parking lot. Then there was a huge crash and the building shook. People were starting to get up when the pastor stood up and said "Nobody leaves this building, if that is a tornado out there, we are safer in here. The children are safe in their building..." I saw ushers go to the doors. He was right and people calmed down instantly. I was really glad when we did go out in an hour or so and saw the devastation in and around the building, including a giant pine tree that had crashed against the side of the fellowship hall

    Like our Church, the complex had a lot of damage from falling and flying trees and their branches. This apartment has a hole in the living room ceiling and the people are moving out today into a temporary unit

    I got home at 1 pm and there were shingles flying off the roof and a chimney from an adjacent unit in the drive that had been torn off. I pulled my van into a more sheltered area in between the buildings and tried to get out. The wind was pushing against the door so hard I couldn't for the life of me get the door open. In between gusts I got out and up the stairs... Just as I got in I looked out the window and saw trees being ripped out of the ground and laid out on the first green...I backed away from the windows facing the trees and had my lunch in the back bedroom. Annabelle and I then took a long nap. We did lose power briefly but here in northeast Louisville we have had power pretty much continuously

    Many of the homes in the subdivision where Annabelle and I walk had siding and shingles ripped off and many many trees are down.

    11:00 pm

    I didnt see much in the national news but I did see this report according to the tv news 215,000 people are still without power. Because this storm was a freak, people were not prepared. Gas lines were long and fights broke out when gas was rationed out. Our Governor declaired a state of emergency last week over the price of fuel. Kentucky has had an investigation over the way the fuel has gone up in price and gauoging is being reported and people have been arrested over it . Because of the heat and spoilage people are looking for food at resturants. Markets are closed, as are schools and many businesses.

    One big concern is the condition of the course at Valhalla about 5 miles from here. The Ryder Cup is being played here starting tomorrow. Louisville was all geared up for the world looking in on the city and the clean up was done today in hopes that all will go well with this long planned event. There is nothing Louisville loves more than a grand sports event and I doubt this will slow things down too much

    a favorite resting spot for me and Annabelle

    I am still really amazed at how much damage and disruption this has caused. But thankfully we didnt have flooding rain nor did the winds last beyond the few hours. Things are ragged but at least we can clean up and arent suffering like those on the Gulf coast. I have been saying prayers of thanksgiving for that.

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    September 14, 2008

    Psalm 91~My Refuge and My Fortress

    photo NGS 2008 A Dream in ruins... Beach front home on Galveston Island destroyed by hurricane Ike. The Baymont Hotel in the background is on the "high ground" and suffered significant damage. In 2005 Woody and I looked at home in this area and thankfully we didnt buy there and kept searching. This was my worst nightmare... and I thank God for guiding us away from what looked good at the time

    My Refuge and My Fortress

    He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
    I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

    For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
    and from the deadly pestilence.
    He will cover you with his pinions,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
    You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
    nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

    A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
    You will only look with your eyes
    and see the recompense of the wicked.

    Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
    the Most High, who is my refuge
    no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
    no plague come near your tent.

    For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways.
    On their hands they will bear you up,
    lest you strike your foot against a stone.
    You will tread on the lion and the adder;
    the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

    “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
    I will protect him, because he knows my name.
    When he calls to me, I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble;
    I will rescue him and honor him.
    With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

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    September 12, 2008

    Walking in First Things

    Kentucky Sunrise over Indian Springs Louisville Kentucky

    Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.

    Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before.

    When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.

    Joseph Campbell

    "Things are going really well here, we connect well as a quartet and I really need a strong presence at Beargrass to sort of strengthen the group, and expose them to a presence like yourself... What do you think?"
    The young worship leader at Watkins is a very sincere and intense young man, and not a vague flatterer. I thought about opportunity for a moment, the fact that it would mean a very long time for Annabelle to be in her crate and the long morning on my feet and ...

    "Sure", I said, "Where and when?"

    I have been convinced over and over that the deeper meaning of this time in Louisville was not just to learn the finer points of soldering precious metals together, but finding myself and finding the truth within, going to the source of my inner self and trying to be honest with myself...figure out when and where I went wrong...where my life got so out of order that I look in the mirror and cannot believe what I see there. Not me but someone that is not herself.

    While I like Dr Campbell (his position of faith not withstanding) and these quotes are better known, it was Pastor Garry Ansdell of Hosanna Chapel who said over and over that "If you find yourself off track with God, go back to the last time you were truly in line with God's will and seek out where you went wrong...often that was the last time you were truly happy..."

    Well, I know he was right. I have known the exact date I went off track for a long time. Being alone here has confirmed it, and for the last six months I have pursued enlightenment from the Scriptures and from other sources to sort out the troubles in my marriage and my life. I am convinced that the day Woody and I married was the beginning of the downturn in my life. This doesnt mean that being married was the only thing that caused my pain. I am always responsible for my response to every situation. However, human I am and the chronic rejection and lack of communication has left me feeling isolated, unwanted and in pain. The resulting anger at a situation that I felt I couldnt control or get out of was more and more out of control and dangerous to me as I repressed my feelings more and more.

    One of the things that has made this worse is that I feel so alone. Today in my counseling session, my therapist told me something that he hadnt said before...that he heard the pain... the thirteen years of pain and loss. Losses that cannot be restored or compensated for in this life. The constant flow of rejection of myself and of the basic ideal of marriage/relationship... its worn me down...

    years ago while I was struggling with my autoimmune problems I developed issues with chronic pain. My serotonin levels were so depleted that I was cranky and in pain all of the time. I was worn down, and depressed ... a low dose SSRI and a once daily OTC pain med did the trick. It was a little fix that change my whole out look on life

    I wish that I had as easy a solution for this pain I am in now in, but there isn't one. A few weeks ago I realized this and really truly gave up. I know that I made vows to God and to Woody, but I dont have the strength anymore to hold up my end of the bargain. I have failed in community living with my husband, and in forgiveness... and I am not ready to ask God for forgiveness even yet...

    But God is merciful and He heard my hearts cry. I felt lifted up like a weight had been lifted off and free to explore the next phase of my life

    Within a week I was raised up and lead worship for the first time in 12 years. Imagine loving something that you know you were born to do but had no venue or way to do it. This isnt something you can just do. Someone at a church needs to have the conviction that God wants you to do this then asks/appoints you to do it. A lot of things need to just fall into place. It hadnt at FUMCBV and not for want of trying. A lot of people wanted me to be more deeply involved and I wanted to as well. It was mostly my job that kept me from rehearsal and devoting myself to it. But my own reticence to put myself out there for fear of being "found out" was mainly to blame ... a hypocrite is always found out. Once I was honest with myself,ie" I cant hold on to this relationship anymore and fake it by living with Woody..." I feel like I had returned to the point of being at peace and of being within the will of God... I know that its strange and likely doesnt make a bit of sense, but its how I feel thing are.

    Then last week, being asked to sing at Beargrass Church and the wonderful reception I received there. The feeling of peace about landing where even I am going to land with regards to my future housing situation... and today the sense that perhaps I am on to a means of releasing the pain and anxiety of years of suffering and grief... I am amazed.

    This opportunity to serve in God's house and feeling free of burdens too big to carry is indicative to me that I am walking in "first things". There is a joy in this journey that has suddenly come forth, like the sun coming out from behind a cloud.

    None of this means that anything is resolved, quite the opposite. I have a load of work to do before I leave here and go back to NWA. But I am taking the time this week to focus on the losses and make a list for Mark and I to work on, and doing some tourist stuff. Fun stuff. Its going to be wet and rainy this weekend I can do my business plan then. I have been informed by the state of Arkansas that my permits are approved, so as soon as Woody can get the documents to me I can start to get bids on the tools and set up for my bench so I can start WORKING once I go home... I am so looking forward to that

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    September 11, 2008

    We Will Never Forget~A 9-11 Tribute

    On this the seventh anniversary of the attack on the United States by Islamic Terrorists I wanted to rerun the tribute to Thomas Mingione a fallen FDNY hero

    To the girl who is seven years old this week that is Thomas's daughter, we have not forgotten your daddy and we thank YOU and your mother for your sacrifice day in and day out

    Firefighter Thomas Mingione 132 Ladder 38th Brooklyn Battallion.

    Hymn: "Christ in the Rubble"

    O Christ, beneath the fallen stones,
    Nailed fast to twisted bars of steel
    And slain in flesh and blood and bones,
    Peirced by the fear all mortals feel.
    Arise, from ashes dust and death,
    And breathe into crushed hearts new Breath!

    O Christ, among the wreckage shorn,
    Of hope for those that lie there dead
    Yet bathed in sweat of labors borne
    To free the greiving from their dread.
    Arise from our dispair's long night
    And pour upon us Living Light!

    O Christ, within a world at war,
    Where love and hate fight for the soul,
    And all sights trained on death see far
    But only Love can see the whole:
    Arise from unforgiving pain,
    And teach us how to love again!

    words by Geneveive Glen OSB c 2001
    sung to the tune of
    "Eternal Father, Strong To Save"

    What makes a hero? There are many definitions of this noble title, and we tend to use it haphazzardly. But on September 11, 2001 the name hero gained a face that will be forever remembered by Americans. The face of the First Responder. The Fireman, the Policeman, the Priest...

    The Bible says..."Greater love does not exisit in the heart of any person, than that of one who will lay down their life for another..."
    Battallion Patch of the 132 Ladder FDNY

    Thomas Mingione was a man in the prime of his life. Serving his quiet community in Long Island for a number of years as a firefighter, he found that this duty was not what he was truly called to do. Rather than sit comfortably with occasional calls,in his quiet hometown Long Island neighborhood, he chose to transfer to the 132 Ladder battalion in a underserved part of Brooklyn in the year 2000.

    This change was not without risk. Thomas was newly married, and soon a child was on the way. He was away from home more, and in harms way much more. But as a professional seasoned firefighter, risk was just another part of the job discription. He was up to the challenge, "at the top of his game" a family member quotes in a short obituary tribute.

    When the call came, that mettle that was tried,as Thomas and his comrades from the 132nd Ladder sped toward the burning Towers. When the Towers fell many of these men were still inside the building trying to get as many people out as they could. Thomas died in the line of duty along with fellow firefighters from his unit.

    Andrew Jordan
    Michael Kiefer
    John Vigiano II
    Sergio Villanueva
    Honor Guard at the dedication to the Babylon Town Memorial 9-11-2005

    Thomas was survived by his wife and, according to tribute found on a website a infant daughter born a few weeks after the attack..."she is an angel and looks just like you, Tommy...how we miss you...." I have been unable to learn their names, and perhaps this fufills their desire to remain out of the public light. I have found no mention of a public memorial service, and perhaps the home filled with memories was sold and mother and daughter moved to a new community to start a new life where they would not be the subject of staring. The little girl will be starting kindergarten this week, and yet another milestone will pass without the presence of a father. Yet another reminder of the losses suffered on that terrible day
    Babylon Town 9-11 Memorial

    Beneath bright blue skies that were reminiscent of the morning of September 11, 2001, approximately 500 people gathered at Overlook Beach for the unveiling of the Babylon Town 9/11 Memorial dedicated to the lives of 48 people from Babylon who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks including Peter O'Neil and Louise Lynch.
    The event was attended by many officials including Congressman Steve Israel, S.C. Exec. Steve Levy, Assemblyman Robert Sweeney, Sen. Owen Johnson, S.C. Leg. David Bishop. The name of each individual was read by Babylon Town Supervisor Steve Bellone, together with the inscription etched into an amber piece of marble. The reading of each name was followed by the ring of a single bell that broke the silence and interrupted the sound of the wind and the water nearby.
    Those residents who lost their lives and who are memorialized are: , Thomas Mingione, and many others

    taken from the Babylon Beacon News 9-15-2005

    The lord is my shepherd

    The lord is my shepherd:

    therefore can I lack nothing.

    He shall feed me in a green pasture:

    and lead me forth beside the waters of comfort.

    He shall convert my soul:

    and bring me forth in the paths of righteousness,

    for his Name's sake.

    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

    I will fear no evil:

    for thou art with me;

    thy rod and thy staff comfort me.

    Thou shalt prepare a table before me against them

    that trouble me:

    thou hast anointed my head with oil,

    and my cup shall be full.

    But thy loving-kindness and mercy shall follow me

    all the days of my life:

    and I will dwell in the house of the

    Lord for ever.

    Psalm 23, paraphrased by John Rutter

    Lux aeterna

    I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me.

    Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord,

    for they rest from their labours:

    even so saith the Sprit.

    Lux aeterna luceat eis Domine:

    Let eternal light shine upon them, O Lord:

    Cum sanctis tuis in aeternum, quia pius es.

    with Thy saints for ever, for art merciful.

    Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine,

    Grant them eternal rest, O Lord,

    et lux perpetua luceat eis.

    and may light perpetual shine on them,

    From "Requiem" by John Rutter

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    September 07, 2008

    1 Chronicles 16:8-36- Praise in God's House

    The Sanctuary of Beargrass Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in St Matthews township Louisville. One of Louisville's oldest continuous fellowshipping congregations, it was a singular honor to be invited to sing with their Worship Community this morning

    1 Chronicles 16:8-36- Praise in God's House

    David's Song of Thanks

    Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
    make known his deeds among the peoples!
    Sing to him; sing praises to him;
    tell of all his wondrous works!
    Glory in his holy name;
    let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!
    Seek the Lord and his strength;
    seek his presence continually!
    Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
    his miracles and the judgments he uttered,
    O offspring of Israel his servant,
    sons of Jacob, his chosen ones!

    He is the Lord our God;
    his judgments are in all the earth.
    Remember his covenant forever,
    the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations,
    the covenant that he made with Abraham,
    his sworn promise to Isaac,
    which he confirmed as a statute to Jacob,
    as an everlasting covenant to Israel,
    saying, “To you I will give the land of Canaan,
    as your portion for an inheritance.”

    When you were few in number,
    and of little account, and sojourners in it,
    wandering from nation to nation,
    from one kingdom to another people,
    he allowed no one to oppress them;
    he rebuked kings on their account,
    saying, “Touch not my anointed ones,
    do my prophets no harm!”

    Sing to the Lord, all the earth!
    Tell of his salvation from day to day.
    Declare his glory among the nations,
    his marvelous works among all the peoples!
    For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,
    and he is to be held in awe above all gods.
    For all the gods of the peoples are idols,
    but the Lord made the heavens.
    Splendor and majesty are before him;
    strength and joy are in his place.

    Ascribe to the Lord, O clans of the peoples,
    ascribe to the Lord glory and strength!
    Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
    bring an offering and come before him!
    Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness;
    tremble before him, all the earth;
    yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved.
    Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice,
    and let them say among the nations, “The Lord reigns!”
    Let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
    let the field exult, and everything in it!
    Then shall the trees of the forest sing for joy
    before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.
    Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    for his steadfast love endures forever!

    Say also:

    “Save us, O God of our salvation,
    and gather and deliver us from among the nations,
    that we may give thanks to your holy name,
    and glory in your praise.
    Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,
    from everlasting to everlasting!”

    Then all the people said, “Amen!” and praised the Lord.

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    September 01, 2008

    The Accidental Shopper

    Posted by Picasa
    The Walking Plaza on Bellflower Blvd Bellflower California

    I got this in an email and laughed out loud. Living in a retirement community gives me the opportunity to know guys who would do a few of these stunts just for a bit of good clean fun...

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........

    After Mr. and Mrs. Muehlmann retired, Mrs. Muehlmann insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Muehlmann was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Muehlmann was like most women-she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Muehlmann received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

    Dear Mrs. Muehlmann,
    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Muehlmann are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
    2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
    6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'



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